The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 11 · 10 months ago

Ep. 11 - Professions, Poop Holes and Practical Jokes

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Congratulation, you made it past our dumb DnD episode, and found your way to a very normal 11th episode of The 33% Majority.

In this week’s show, your 3 non-fantasy hosts (Alex, Tom and Ash), will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing how to make everyday jobs easier (with absolutely no real knowledge on any actual lines of work), a very booty-centric segment of 'Am I The Asshole' (apt, we know, this is a podcast, we plan stuff), and the best dang practical jokes we ever done did or saw (respectively).

...have extent, you're going to make psychopath children, very smart ones, very wealthy. Hello, and welcome to the day. Three percent majority. This is a talk show where you'll find three friends fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame, and I am still the host this time. Tom Hutchinson, actually, I think you're fined. I'm the host and I'm just so impressed with how how eloquent Tom just put an in. Traider was incredible. Who Are you? Well, I think I'm the host this time. Okay, are we not saying our names? I forgot to say my name. Guys, they know we are now tip it. Listeners, this is the eleventh episode. If you haven't listened to any of their episodes, you won't know who I am and I'm not going to tell you. Okay, cool, hi, listeners, it's me, everyone's favorite, Alex Springthorpe, and I'm a host. Good Guies, right, okay, this is a pot. This is a podcast, at least we hope it is. This is a podcast. We're doing it and welcome to it. Hello, hi, welcome to some words, some people, just some things. You know, a concept, but thirty three percent majority a concept. This is high. Are also my name is Ashley Hall, that I'm actually I am a host, but I don't think I'm the host. In the interest of the interest of clarity, should we just just round robin that and just just say names again, just so everybody has definitely heard them and could associate. Can a tribute voices to names? Sure, yeah, it's your boy Tom Hutchinson. It's Chub boy, Ashall as whole. It's it's me high, ladies and gentle it's me Ashall. Listen. Oh No, Alex is going to say bad things and then I'm gonna get in trouble. Okay, actually, guys, list guys, guys, guys, off a cuff. I know that we haven't a hand for any of this. We know the order, the order of play today, but how about I be Alex, ash you, you, you be, you be me and Alex, you bet. I got so I actually got lost in my own sort of train of thought. They're shall we instead start with hello, my dearest friends. How are you? Have you had good weeks? Well, thank you. How was yours? Yeah, pretty good, cool, wow, you guys. My Week was chaotic. Guys, and I know neither of you ask, because I'm just I'm a mystery boy just out here. Alex literally asked You. I did. Well, now I feel like I feel like I've been rude. Oh my fucking guys, vibes a chaotic, aren't they know when I was getting there? Have we forgotten how to podcast? Alex? Let's let's just quickly before you last you. Last week we rolled for initiative and that that gave us the order of events. This week we don't have the yeah, and on that note, welcome to not dungeons and dragons. Ladies and ants, I know not all of you are fans. I know some of you were very big fans. How do we solve that? I don't know. Those are issues for someone smart o than me to solve. How do you cater to a percentage of an audience? I think you just offer them the thing. You know that when you feed a horse, you can't like Ram it at lot. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force feed it. You can lead a listener to a dungeons and dragons extravaganza. You can't force them to listen to your high quality waves. Absolutely you can't force those sound waves in. You have to use some sonic lue. By tricking them into thinking it was a normal podcast and then boom, near Boom Nurde, I mean one of them, one of our listeners who who likes to refer to himself as our one percent consultant and Resident Place Center FRONC, and he suggested that resident PLA Center. I want to stop. Yeah, because, yeah, we were having a discussion's favorite one plus center. I love that exactly. so He's our one percent consultant and he he thought that it might be a good idea that we actually just separate the two entirely. So...

...the people that enjoy the dungeons and dragons. If we want to continue doing that, we can drop that on a weekly or bi weekly or I don't know what the time frame would be, but we can certainly drop that on a separate feed. If you want more information on that podcast, that you're going to need to roll an investigation check so you can find all those Duc d's. But also, if you do want to listen to a DD podcast, please let us know. Drop us an email at right, us a letter, yeah, send us a facts right sound? Does a Po box we accept? Telling around your Western Union representative to send send over. Yeah, email, good, left. Fuck, why are you sneering email? I'm hip and cool, are you? You're the oldest of the three of us. Both of you think I'm not cool, but I'll have you now. I've been called cool at least twice in my life. Actually, so old he calls chalk acoustic pencils. That's the one off the call we were we were taking the the piss out of Ashley for over using the joke about a weird phrase being his alt rock punk band, but also I've noticed that he also likes to say actually calling things his alt rock punk band is the name of my alt rock punk back exactly. That's such a hard thing to sell. That's matter as fuck. That is so wonderful, wonderful. Sorry, tell me. I cut you off her. You know what train of thought it is. Left this station. Okay, I II hang onto it because I had something to build off of it. You were saying that Ashley says the word listen a lot when he has sentences, and what I've started compiling is a compilation of all the type says listen. Is that legitimate thing that you've done? It's a minute long already. Okay, cool, I really hate I'm keep building, keep building, keep acquiring. HMM, listen, I'm eloquent and well spoken. How could you use my my catch phrase, a single word, against me? This is like this is the worst. This is the worst Christmas I've ever had. In other news, visare these my week. Today I had a motorcycle test to upgrade my motorbike license, which passed. So I did it. Good work, of course, never in question, you speedy boy. So you know, I'm just glancing around the PODCAST recording studio here. I'm not seeing the balloons or streamers or snow the fan fair hangratulatory sweet treats and time time. You've got to edit this one, because we need we need you to editing. Ila said right in like this was fan fiction. Ashley, do not volunteer me for editing, for you doing that. You can. You can fucking edit it to Tom's editing. This one needs he's to check in all the sound effects. Old, old, know, a clown with horns for feet. He's walking towards me. I can't believe how close to the microphone he is. Oh No, now there's a velocer rapp this is the first. Is Terrify you. Guys are just making one. He's riding around in general Lee with that Horn playing. That's a problematic flag you've got in your car. Generally, you should stop it. Okay, I didn't know the loss of Raptors had lips and, in turn, were able to play voovoose. Alas, I didn't didn't know that they do play the vovose Ella. Good, good puns, guys. I'm not fucking editing this. Alex, take away the hosting duties please. Yes, my segment. So I started a new job like six weeks ago and, you know, settling in, meeting the team and everything, and what's happened it? There's like three of us that all started at very similar times and we were just kind of idol chatting around. Yield, water cooler, not yield. This is the dragons and dungeons on the fast the water cooler. And one of them was a teacher before he came...

...into this cush you little office job that we do, and he got me thinking because he left teaching because it was very, very difficult. So how do you make certain jobs easier? Like what could what advice can we give to teachers or lawyers, you know, these high stress, apparently, professions. How can we make that easier for them. Okay, teachings relatively easier, so, isn't it? Because all you've got to do is just make the kids more obedient. So like a shock collar or what do you think? Negative reinforcement? Yeah, I was going down the Roote of putting one of those Elon musk chips in into kids brains and just essentially having like Google in their heads. But yeah, you went down the line of a child abuse mines. Cheaper, yeah, cheaper, and child abuse. The public school system, as chronically underfunded as it is, they can't afford the Trillo bucks required for an Elon chip. Okay, father, anyone thing to do, isn't there? And there's get that's get a shot color and just get it done, really, okay? Okay. So what's so Alex? Sorry run run down the list again. What jobs were you thinking? You said teachers. So I thought of you know, sat down plan the segment for ages. I thought of teachers. I thought of lawyers. HMM, cool, okay, cool, and those will those were the ones. I said. Well, lawyers is easy. You just make just everyone's guilty. You're orgies guilty until proven innocent. All done. The cry now you'll all do the time. Yeah, I tell you what I think I'll what you'll find is a lot of you know, the innocent until proven guilty gives people the opportunity to kind of kick back, because it's like, well, I don't need to worry about this because, until they can prove that I'm guilty, I'm just a good guy. I'm just, you know, hanging out, chilling, whereas if you were guilty until proven innocent, that would get people on high alert. They'd be working very hard to exonerate themselves from crimes. Oh, I really don't want to be found guilty of this crime that I've done. I won't do it. HMM. We all, you know, looking at it from another perspective. If the government's going to give more support to lawyers, cameras everywhere, just cameras, just just cameras. You know, listen to brother, is what? No, right, as you're on a listen ban. No, it's not. I like my complation. It's fun tonight. It's fun to listen. This is it's is the worst kind of fascism. I love experience. I'm trying to alter my friend Ashley. He's perfect. The way it is. I won't change for you. Tom, it hurts my it's now hurt in my ears, my brain. Listen, Tom, listen. No, I've had enough of it. Fuck say. We all do things, we all say things and do things with speech. I know better than anybody having to listen to all three of us for hours on end. Tom, you make this noise whenever you start a sentence and it's just the sound of your lips opening and it's just a sharp sound. Well, and, yeah, yeah, you a lot. Yeah, I can make a compilation if you want a tutty compilation. Okay, I apologize. Sorry, I snapped there. It's been a long week. How do we make the job of thirty three percent majority podcast editor easier? We stop using remove all of the hosts. Yeah, give me, the house will just have removed all the noise about individual in fact, our sorry, our together studio. Just get a speech to text synthesizer. Will all type out our own parts the podcast and then mash that together. Yeah, let's give that a go. Let's give it start, starting now. My name is Tom and I am the host of the thirty three percent majority. Although there was a break in the conversation and you may think that this is a different voice. This is actually still tom talking and I'm a dumb piece of Shit, stupid boy, dumb here. So that ants know that was Alex. that was Alex doing that. Zero One, one, zero, one, one, zero, zero one. Yeah, why is that other robot over there in the corner malfunctioning? Help me, Daddy. Who? WHOO?...

Okay, so I mean silicon jail other other jobs. I mean a lot of them. You could probably just replace the people with a robot. I'll be super easy because the person wouldn't need to do the joke. You would need the robots to be really good and you'd need people to make those robots. But no, no, no, that's the thing. Actually, could you program a robot to be a programmer? If you could, then we can all retire. That's a horrific idea. Don't go putting that into people's heads. Why? Because that's how every every fucking horror film involving robots. I like the Terminator Movies, Action Movie, I should say, it's still pretty horrific. I don't want Mark Zuckerberg's face controlling the universe, but if I haven't seen any of the movies, then it can only be a good idea. It's a homely far's negative in only good can come from this, only great things can happen here, right, okay, well, yeah, fair play. I mean it's like blissful ignorance would be the way to describe it. Well, what? Let's get some inspiration here. What jobs have already been made easier? So Straight Street sweepers. They've now got giant mechanical street sweepers. Just replace teachers and lawyers with giant robots, but just give them like weapons, because you're not going to lie to a lawyer that's got like a Samurai sword instead of my face. I think with stuff like teacher and lawyer where, okay, maybe the AI has come a long way and artificial intelligence is wonderful and great, I feel like there is a very you need a human element to teach and to lawyer and maybe some of those more complex roles we keepers run by the humanoids. For now, things like lollipop person to help you cross the road as a child. That's a road, but I thought, White, no, it's a fence. Just get a fence, guys. Surely I thought that we figured the the lollipop person issue out years ago when those you got, probably heard of them? Traffic Lights? Yeah, I'm you're a genius. This is why you're everyone's favorite. Yeah, the BULB robot. Yes, the bull, the Bulb Person. There's nothing sexy as a robot that I find then, like being on a stick. Everything's better on a stick in it really. Yeah, apples, lollies, people, Lollipop ladies. Yeah, Babel's bagel stick, stick on a stick. It's a tree. Everyone loves them. So my mind that you know, the entire time you've been unning through the examples, my imagination has been following along. So I've got a stick and then it's got a Bagel on it, and you know all of that. And then I had a stick in my hand and then it just turned into a tree and I was just holding hands with my tree friend. That was a magical journey, I and I thank you for it. I feel warm now and good work. I did it for you. It's all. It's all for you, Babe. Good work. Sweet prints, very rational thinking. See the I want to go back to teaching again. So obviously, yeah, you can't really probably repair replace it a person that is a teacher. But what can you like? Could you? Could you sort of emulate the office environment and have every single student in a cubicle that they're not allowed to leave, then that might be prison actually. So maybe not that. You're onto something there in terms of the office environment. Get rid of a teacher. Kids these days are they're smart enough to Google stuff. You just got right, child children, class of thirty. What we've done is we've taken your teachers. You've taken your teacher and we've executed them. That teachers salary we will divvy up between the thirty of you. You've just got to learn Algebra now, anyway, see you all later. Learn Algebra. Goodbye. See You at three o'clock, at which point you will know Algebra and they'll google it and then they'll learn themselves a couple of trillow bucks ready to spend on fizzy pop. But it's like, you know what, like the pot. Obviously you're bantering and like I thought it was funny, but then I thought to myself, if you gave me an interesting enough conundrum, I'll youtube and Google...

...the shit out of that and I'll probably get to the resolution. So I suppose really you just need the teacher to be non present and just creating on problems for kids to solve for you Google and Youtube. They'll get there, they'll do it. So we've done it. Then you say like an incentive more than like that. So you could do it like if you don't learn Algebra in the end of this six hour stretch, the lion at the end of the room in the cage, the cage door and open and he'll devalue all. Okay, so very threatening. Okay, you need motivations. And you know what's cheaper than giving him attual money? We're back to fear and terror and the threat of death to encourage these these youths. Listen, I grew up and a constant theory being eaten by lions and I turned that just fire. Actually, we actually it was just frost. He's Tony The tiger and can get you. So okay, Alex, that was a great joke. Well then, how great cheap les. He's a fairy icon. He's my fairy icon. Who Wo Tony Tiger Daddy. The other day at work I actually had to learn trigonometry and obviously was taught at school. It immediately evacuated my head and then my boss at me down the other day and was like, hello, we're going to do a thing. Welcome to the work environment. We need to design a thing. His trigonometry. Do you know it? And I said no, Christopher, I do not. He said, let's go and within ten minutes he taught me trigonometry. Good. Well, know why? Because if I didn't know trigonometry, I wouldn't be able to pay for the things I like. Yeah, yeah, kids need money. No, they don't need what? That's terrible. Don't teach them to associate their own value with money. Oh Lord, Hey, kids to be in school. What? Hello, children, welcome to school. This is how the world is. You want a thing, you must do it, and then you earn money for it and then you can do it and have things. And you've just got very, very intelligent children, so good at Algebra. Be Psychopaths. Alex, know all about Volcanos, aren't they? Could tell you all about of mice and men, and they pull up to school and they're in a Lamborghini hurricam will know why straight as have extent, you're going to make psychopath children, very smart ones, very wealthy. What's that? Who was the German fellow? That was he did like America. Now he's dad was German or maybe a Lithuanian. It's an American genius who died at forty six from a brain hemorrhage. But he was a genius. His parents raised him with this whole like set of logics. They were like, Oh yeah, there'll be no playing, every moment, you know, not spent eating, sleeping, will be spent learning. And he was like writing box by the time he was like seven. But I think he killed himself or he died of blood him a brain Henry. Okay, that that is a pretty extreme example, but surely that's that's just the human experience. Anyway. Like every day you're out to learn something. If I don't learn something, that's a day wasted. Yeah, but like you could learn something really in like like what's what you could learn? Some the emotionally good for you, like our today, I learned that I really like the Color Green. Yeah, all, like I like being around flowers. Greens the worst color, though, right. Can we reinge my favorite color? What the fuck, Alex, we're getting a divorce. You don't know me. It's so hard to do a podcast with you. Sometimes I think we just want different things. Jesus fuck, that sounds so familiar. I might I might actually have like a I might come up set on myself just now. Just say, it's not you, it's me, and I'll actually you never made me calm. I've never heard that, buddy, and that doesn't stress me at all. Have you seen our good it's my wife is compared to how I'm yeah, very much punching. Yes, she's not here for the comedy Brown, let's face it. HMM. Yeah, I think really, Alex and I aren't here for the comedy that. We just needed three for the...

...title. We thought the title first, actually, and then you just won't fight. You were outside mopping the floors of the communal areas of the polar and we you heard through the door. You heard. You had me in top chatted away over the board room taple care. We need it, we need a title for this podcast. What can we name this podcast? And you popped your head in the door and you said, what can we name this podcast? That was the name of my old rope. I pop my head and went listen. Very, very good, pastor. I feel like we've reset the energy. Now, boys, I'm feeling better and feeling podcast. I've got my my monolithic dildo of a microphone in front front of me and I'm feeling good, feeling ready to go tom what's your favorite color? Just before I handover, I think blue. Maybe blue is a good one. Dark or like a light blue? Not Right, like a like a royal blue, like a Royal Ye, like a midnight blue, a school uniform blue. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I've been conditioned. That sounds real. Non Sie. HMM. That's a new word for this show and I love it. Not See, just in case anybody was interested, I like the fiery happiness of the Nice Orange. Good work, buddy. I actually think I knew that orange suits you. That's very thankful. You're a very warm man. Anyway, I resigned from my segment. I'd like to pick up where you left off. Nope, it's actually the the frictionate is going to start overheat and if we don't, if we don't create that puppy. Now there's a background which is little. Yeah, keep cheaper uses. Anyway. Welcome everybody to our regular segment of urban the frechnary. I put some real stank on that one, by the way. You really well. I loved it. I put some heat. I was some heat there anyway, the one we've got today. The first one we've got today is a Hershey's Rainbow Kiss. That's her. She's the chocolate rainbow kiss her. She's are the ones that look like bumbles. And I think I've heard what a rainbow kisses and I'm not going to make a gain. You make it. Do make a guess. I'm not going to get a gain. I'm not going to go first because it's revolting and I feel bad. I feel bad knowing this. I think it's whatever ash says next, after I've cut out the next two minutes of us just rambling back and forth before Ash de size. So a rainbow kisses. Cool, listen is you're never going to hear this. Right now, I'm going to say some real offensive shit. This is if you hadn't realized yet, as the purpose of this segment is disgusting, Gross Shit. So go for it. Cool, I'm about to drop some bigger tree, the likes of which you've never seen. Drop that, Dude. That that big a tree. Do key load. Go for it right. So I think a rainbow kiss is when you go down on your lady when she's on her period. Uh Huh. And then I think you come in her mouth and I think you swap spit. Okay, right, so there's got some good. Her she's Rainbow Kiss because her she's look like bumbles. I've got I don't know to they do. We have her she's kisses. I've I just have. I just absorbed that from the television. Yeah, her she's. It's an American chocolate, I think. Her she's kisses, yes, but just her she's in general is just a chalky bar. So that makes me think. Yeah, but her she's rainbow kisses. Her she's kisses. Okay, right, right, thing, hrst, just put rainbow in it. Here she's kisses. His has kisses are a chocolate e treat. I was it's what Ashley said, with the in the mouth and then but with a Pooh. Yeah, that's I think that's what I'm thinking as well. Should we find out? I'm scared. Yes, please, Tom. Can we find out if it's a jeers and Pooh smoothie much okake type deal? Okay, so opening what you had for breakfast urban did and served over ice. Everything comes down to blending, really,...

...doesn't it? Does it? And a Hershe's, but oh, okay, a Hershey's rainboat kiss. It's like a Rainbow Kiss, but a hers she's Rainbow. She is a blue hyperlink. They're yeah, there is her, she's ready in the color blue. Over, that takes Moose. Fuck me. A hers she's Rainbow Kiss. What that is? Just one more time. What do you think? It is just one last time, Ash, I don't want to okay, for right. A Hershey's Rainbow Kiss. Sorry, Tom I acolutely just played the into music. For what the friction and leant on the button to introd one more time. Silence in the studio please. I've got my hands in the air. I'm wheeled away from a desk. There's nothing that could possibly I don't Tom on, Tom On, mute my Mike as we speak. A Hershey's rainbow kiss involves a man and a woman participating in the sixty nine position, whilst the woman is on her period, after gathering the sperm into the woman's mouth, of and the period juice, I don't like that, into the man's mouth. This differs in that one or both parties collect the partners feces into their mouths before swapping. So it's both the the one. It's the one you said, but both person gets poopy and then that gets blended together and serve over ice. Yeah, hi, welcome to starbucks. I don't like that. I knew that. Yeah, the knowledge of what a Rainbow Kiss was in my head. That's not great. Not, no, not, not, not stellar. People do this thing and then just kind of get right. We've done that and it needs a name and he people need to know that this is a thing. Yes, we're going to delineate that with instruction. Why did it have instructions? Because if they just put rainbow kiss, it be over for interpretation. We'd all be frightened. It didn't need to be a tutorial, though. No, it really didn't, did it? And easy how to guide. Hi, guys, welcome to my how to channel. I'd like to talk to you today about how to perform a rainbow kiss, or a Hurst's Rainbow Kiss, depending on what you have a breakfast you. Hi, everyone, this is how I shit on my husband, but it's out of love. Anyway. I'm the host now and I'm a I'm a just do some am I the Asshole, which is quite pertinent to what we just spoke about. Anyway, you can, guys, you can have a random one, or we can go through some titles and you guys can pick. Now, fuck this noise. randomize me, I'll just go randomndomize random. Put It on shuffle please, Tommy. Am I the asshole for talking about my aunt's watermelon ass already? Yes, what do all of those words mean? What? MAMMON'S ARE FRUIT? Oh, quite a juicy, succulent fruit. Yeah, but I got Ah, I think I'm following along now, go ahead tell me. Hey, okay, there's don't truck as pickle whe's Nane asks. My son and his friend put up a tire swing in the yard for my grandchild. I posted a picture of me swinging on it on facebook. My Aunt Dad's sister commented on it, saying I hate skinny people. Now I'm not one for facebook drama, so instead of commenting back, I just called her. I basically said that I don't talk about her watermelon ass, so she shouldn't be talking about my weight now all my aunt's, of which there are five, and mad at me because apparently skinny people can't be body shamed and that I should have told her first that I don't like those comments. Instead of straight out calling her out on her watermelon ass, like I did. Okay, OPE is not the Asshole, because you could. What do you mean? You can't body shame skinny people? The fuck is that agreed, man? Fuck you agreed? Well, he who does your fucking aren't you think she is? Let's just wrap this one up, put a nice little neat bow on it of where we actually stand, and then we can do goofs on it. Everybody's beautiful, everybody's perfect. You own you.

You don't need anybody's acceptance, yes or opinions. You're great the way. You absolutely and we love you. We love you for sure. HMM. And now, after being lovely, nice and accepting, what I will say is so anyway, about these don't truck. I s about her, her royal dummy thicknesses. If you don't on somebody because of the way that they look, you should automatically expect that you're going to get dunked on back. So the aren't who commented on the posters, wait or like they're off, should have it. Should have assumed immediately there every single one of her flaws could be up for being dunked on, and specifically, the one that it was was her horrid fat ass. Yes, tell me and asked for an ass. Yes, yes, turn the other cheek and get ready for that. Fuck, yes, good work. Listen, as I like that one. I've been saving that up, where you are somebody to mention ass for weeks now. Hang on, I'll just thought something. Maybe. So the aren't hopped onto www dot good website dot org dot UK and was scrolling through all of the good posts about faces. And what this post does not include, salient information that is not included in this post, is the aren't is actually the seller of very high quality our teasal tire swings, and it's a posh job, you guys. It's if you imagine lying the tire down on the ground and attaching rope and each the like four corners of the circle, if you could imagine that equidistance apart from one another in a square like arrangement and suspending that from the tree so that the the intention is that your your butt does stick out of the bottom of the tire and then you swing with like your legs out like a traditional swing. What if they aren't logged onto it marks good website, dot org dot UK, and saw her piece of Shit, dumb idiot, Skinny Bitch Nice. Just stood up in the tire, just stood up in it, feet on the ground. That's not how you use it, Jennifer. These are my good swings, made of tires and love, and you are ruining it for everybody. I would say that, honestly, that's probably the ants faults still for not sort of tailoring different products for different, you know, body sizes. So again, yeah, then should have probably used the one three five by fifty fourteen or something. Yeah, Alex is knowledge of time, but I bet it was a two five hundred and fifty eighteen, something like that to to forty five seventeen some off of three. Sometimes I just call Alex in the night. I have like a like a waking nightmare where I can't figure out what tire I need and I call Alexon every night three am. Listeners, does that make you not like except feel so secure, like I just feel loved. Whenever he tells me a tire sighs, a little part of me feels better about being skinny. Hi, my name is Alex and I spent some time working with tires and I know little bits. By the way, don't google any of those tires if you've got a car that I mentioned and I gave a tire those for. Don't go put one of them on. I don't know. They's just fairly close. It's gonna be close enough, but probably not like the safest because I did no scope it. ANYW're are going to get rubber band tires and pimpower rides. God, I'm at a breath now. Yeah, good work on that. Really long bigs to two speeches. Actually, should we do another? Ye, also, I just did a Soliloquy. I'm going to I'm going to set the next one out. Guys, I've used my words up. Okay, as will take this one. Am I the Asshole for moving my living room TV into my bedroom and flash two thousand five hundred and fifty three asks? My roommate and I had a fight and she told me that I can stay in my half of our apartment and she'll stay in hers. She's been she's been petty to me and not respecting our boundaries that I've set with other friends, trash talking me and my friends,...

...changing my profiles in our shared streaming services to my ex's names, body shaming me and more. Most of the time I will vent about it to my other friend and then just get over it and not retaliate. However, she's made it very clear that she doesn't respect me or wants to be friends with me anymore. She's been bringing over a fret and ex friend of mine for movie nights at our apartment because I have a seventy two inch TV that I bought for my apartment. She's constantly being petty and I think I've hit my breaking point. I own all of the furniture and entertainment in the apartment and essentially everything else that's not in her room, and I the asshole for wanting to take my television into my bedroom. First of all. Yeah, the asshole for putting yourself in the like. If you're enough, if you have the opportunity to move, just fucking move like drop, drop all this stress. You don't need it. Yeah, not needed. They you people take on stress because they're afraid of the like the ultimate confrontation. Let me tell you, the ultimate confrontation is not the problem here. Get the confrontation done. Hey, listen, I don't like living with you anymore. You don't like the mere anymore. What we're doing, what's happening. But let's just say they are for some reason, you know, locked into their tendancy. Then at that point, I feel as though you should put all of your furniture that you own, put it into storage right and literally use those communal areas for what they are, which would be that place that you cook your food and that place that you walk into the apartment. Aside from that, have all of your Nice Shit in a locked room that you also happened to sleep in. I don't think that that is criminal or even assholeworthy behavior, especially by the sounds of what your friend has been like. The only problem with moving all of your furniture into your bedroom does pose a problem as to where you will put sofa probably double bed tables, chairs, might be, you know, coffee table in there somewhere. You're going to have to do some extreme, massive, like renovation in your bedroom to be able to like, you know, figure this one out, but I don't think it makes you an asshole for for doing so. Alex, you can come back now. Okay. What about if they put in a false floor and gave their bedroom two levels with a small staircase and they just have to crouch and duck everywhere, but then they can stack everything. Yeah, okay, okay. What if they just took the plugs off of everything and, instead of having like the normal plugs, have special like if you live somewhere the where you don't have like UK star plugs, get some of those three pin plugs and just have the adapters in your pocket all the time. So you want to plug like the TV and you just plug your adapter into the wall and then you put your, you know, your American style to pump plug in there. Okay, that's you take the fuse out of the plug. If it's like a thirteen. Yeah, just kind of use out. Now, just put five amp fuse in, so it works for a bit until like it gets a little bit loud and then it will cut out. How about you just take the fuse out and put bolt there? Fire? Let's just don't do that. Listeners. Don't do that. Fire. How about child blocks on absolutely everything? Just where we assuming her listening. Her roommate is a toddler Roor. Have you ever tried to open anything that's child locked before? Apart from like, I don't know, like it. I just take the hinges off. Okay, yes, so, maybe not that fast. It's good driver. Off You go. Sometimes when we're driving, Beth puts the child blocks on so I don't get out good. That's probably that's she got very cross at me once because I open the door on the M one, which is a motorway. Is there a statute of limitation on being an idiot? And that specific scenario the door wasn't shut properly, so I just opened it shut at seventy mile an hour. There's no problem there. So you don't even need to worry about opening your door, because what do you need doors for anyway? UPS FANS to outdoors. That's very true. How much protection does the door off you in a car crash? Some not not zero, but better than zero. Well, I would. I'd rather have the door there not have it, but at the same time, think how steasy you'd look without a door. Actually, I've just put the entire day riding motorcycles and let me count no doors. They haven't even got a roof.

Now mine has got a roof. I put a roof on one. I saw your motor bike yesterday. I don't think there was a roof on it. Okay, exactly exactly, which means I've had at least twelve hours to implement some modifications a roof. Have you seen the BMW? MOPE, a little BMW mopeed, seeing the roof. I have their weird it's beautiful. I really like it, really I like all weird shit, though. Should we have one more before the close of my yeah, show me one more, asshole. MMM, sure, give me one more booty hole, and this one is am I the asshole for getting upset that my girlfriend's sister keeps inviting herself into our home? Use a ZAM Zamma. Rs Asks, Hi Guys, I've been struggling with this issue recently and I've been looking to see if I'm being an asshole about it. I've been in a relationship with my amazing girlfriend for over five years. We've only recently moved into our first home together and have both been loving the experience and the freedom. The issue I've been having recently is that since we've moved into our new home, it feels like my girlfriend's sister is constantly inviting herself over. For a bit of reference, myself and my girlfriend are in our mid twent s and her sister is mid S, so we're all adults here there. There was a point earlier this year where her sister would come round roughly three times a week for a few hours at a time, whilst we were both working from home. She would also bring her six year old son at times, which has been difficult. If a son has a Tantrum, kids will be kids, but preferably not when we're working right. My girlfriend is aware that it does get on my nerves how often it happens. We've never argued about it. However, she has seen my mood drop and change when she does come around unannounced. I've told her it can feel like being suffocated. However, she is close to her sister and I'm afraid to touch the subject at times. Am I the asshole? It all depends on how you approach it, because if you come at it like an Asshole, like listen, your sister's kids pissing me off all the time, bucking told to stop, that's that's being an asshole. But if you say, Hey, I'm really struggling to deal with kind of all the stress of having a child around, I can't focus on what I need to be doing, can minute it to like one day a week, you know, or can you go there ify? It all depends on how you approach it. That's why people have hobbies, is because when you're in a relationship, your two lives kind of crossover and become very, very, very similar in you you walk along very similar paths together. Occasionally, though, you reach situations like this where your you don't agree and you don't have to agree, and that's why golf exists. That's why. Yeah, and a lot Mons, a long it sound. Yeah, a lot months workshops. Yeah, that's very fair. You know, coffee shops, you can just go sita and chill and do stuff with yourself. Because, yeah, girlfriend in this situation, if she likes having sister over with six year old, cool, that's their thing. You Question Asker. Am I the Assholeer Red Itmn MMM. You need to pick up a good hobby. Start some would work. Do some metal jewelry. So this is the thing I really actually end. They are got a friend Hang, sorry, time. Okay, yeah, it's fine. Just put a pin in it. Don't forget. Don't forget me think I'm not doing railing. Go for it, because's just you can do it. I've just thought of a quick question. I've got her. I've got a friend. He's just started making like metal jewelry I was just wondering what's the best way to shout him out, like how would I get his name out there and kind of spread the deets? Jet? I think, I think I know him as well. Actually, yeah, friend of the show. Yeah, as I'm you've got the instagram details and everything. You want to just reel that off, that that lovely jewelry page on instagram and et see. I'd love just so these. Yeah, Holland Ivy Jewelry. They make like twisted jewelry. I of adden keys. They do stuff like a brass that's old, twisty and whatnot. MMM, it's beautiful, uh pendance. They look amazing. I'm ordering one, I think, on the sixteen, and I am fucking buzzed about it.

So, yeah, guys, get on that. Some of the designs look like an air called BMW motorcycle engine, beautiful with the black, and some are school so, so beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, I want to touch them with my face. Guys, do you think? Do you think the listeners bought it? Do you think they know it's I think they might know it's ash it's Ashley, guys, it's me. Listeners, you've been fucking calmed. It's a slow game. Anyway, Tommy, I hope you wrote down the first three words of that substance because I'm ready to continue with it now. Okay. So, anyway, I empathize with the girlfriend of this am I the assholes scenario, because I've always had a big family and at one point in time, Alex, you'll be very familiar, my Auntie, uncle and cousin actually lived in a purpose built house that was basically in our back garden. Wonderful. I loved being around my family and I would fully expect my family to come round my house once I own one that isn't in the big smokesack London. I would expect them to just come round unannounced and I would love it because I do the same to my family members. Having said that, though, somebody that doesn't come from a big family or doesn't like unannounced visits, I can also empathize with why they wouldn't like that. So that's why you need to get a Nintendo switch. You need to get a nice, good pair of noise canceling headphones. They will have to be wired because the nintendo switch doesn't allow Bluetooth headphones for some unless you get some kind of third party adapter at Jack or yeah, adapt to something like that so that take the three and a half milk output sound and transmit it wirelessly via Bluetooth, I think. Or keep makes something like that. They wire they do. Yes, go and sit in either a bathroom, a bedroom or even just in your car and just play some Zelda. You know, you can even get sky Rim on the switch. Listen, I'm here to agree with you on that one. That Zel the breath of the wild game. Yeah, credible. Just just go play some breath of the wild. It is situation such as this that is the catalyst for the invention of the garden shed. Yeah, just something to go and do. Just go do something and leave them to Gen reason. My should get any uses because I go and sit in it. I also use my van. No, so dropping the you've got a van. Pretty Cool Guy, ash all, he's a pretty cool guy. Jos Van? Pretty, Nay, he's he's got a van. He's got van. Not Driving License, but he's got van. It's pretty cool. You know what, do you need a driving license for? Anyway? Legality's lesson. Who Cares about the gay countability identification to be able to demonstrate very quickly and easily that you've been able to show you the core competencies, abilities, knowledge and understanding to operate this right and mustiple eyeway where you potentially could endanger, you know, other road users or innocent bystanders. PERSTRY, since that, yeah, a couple of different reasons. Really Ashwhy it might be port pretty much just spent you over a barrel there, Ash, really, haven't we? So I'm really getting it today. Huh. Any as whole dy proverbial, Schnar Chap, chap joy's Yap. Do you hear that? Chi? Can hear it? Change Challes? You hear the frictionator? This one today, today, as though we haven't done one yet. The second one today, this one is tallahassee gas mask. That's Tallahassee, as in the place in the United States, and then gas mask when we think that is I think it's Aha see. Is Florida, isn't? It's a Florida. That is a good fucking hold on Tallahassee. There's a MNEMONIC device for that. Isn't there? We're watching the office currently and I'm pretty sure Tallahassee is in Florida. I think it might even be the capital of for it Florida, with two states have capitals. I don't think there is a capital of a state. Right. Yeah, so you get the yeah, the state capitals. I'm certainly you get state...

...cap well, the fuck? Is this the capital of like state, Denver, Denver in Canada, isn't it? Well, not that one than. No, wait, is it Denver in Colorado? I've no geographic knowledge. I think Denver. Oh, if we just stumbled on something, care that states have capitals, because Denver maybe the capital of its America, fake, can actually just act. I do think America's Real America. I'm an America denier. Tom I may have forgotten the question. It's not a question, it's an urban. What the frictionary for me, I may have forgotten the urban. What the friction there? Okay, so it's Tallahassee gas mask and yeah, I just think it's I think it's fart related. Again. I also think it's far related. But well, I think maybe it's gonna be like putting, like a putting a used, used fishing net. No, that's not going to work to hold a Fart. Maybe just put a pillowcase over your girlfriend's face. Far in a hat, hat over the face that's it? That's surely got to be it, right. A Tallahassee gas mask is when in in the summer, because they get lots of bugs in Florida when you're driving in in the early evening or mid evening, late evening, and you hold the heck your head out of the window of your car like a dog and you get covered in bugs. And that's a tallahassee gas mask. I love it, I'm here for it, I believe it. Let's go, let's find out. Okay. So a Tallahassee gas mask? Well, it's to shit inside of a shower cap and then sneak up behind someone. You then hold them back and put the shitty cap on their face like a gas mask. I don't like it, though. No mean either. Would you guys like to hear the it just just before as you take over the example for this one, as dictionaries I want to do? It says, oh, but yeah, it says I'm tired of my roommate giving me Tallahassee gas masks. I'm just never going to buy a shower cap again. You are under react, under reacting, sir. That yeah, that act warrants more of a reaction than that be much crosser. It's the Pooh you should be worried about. Yeah, the POO and the person, not the the overabundance of shower caps. Buddy ash, take it away, buds. After that I don't think I can. I feel I feel nauseous. It's a good segue into your segment, ash, what shitty shower caps. That's you're actually that's very fair. I'd like to talk today about the ideal pranks, the things we have done or would like to do just to fuck with people. I think the best prank I ever did, oh no, was to Ashley. Do you remember? Do you remember the One? I don't want to talk yet. No, you can tell that one, but because I still find little flavor sashes in my house sometimes, so I should just moved into a new house. I spent the weekend moving him, getting furniture in boxes and or all sorts of that, and it was it would will buttoning up. So just find a little task, move the Sofa where it needs to be, get that box in the right room and then cook. That's a job for the next week. and Ash was just going to nip out because he'd found a wardrobe on facebook market place and he was nipping out to go and grab it very quickly and I could help get it up the stairs and he handed me a debit card on the way out and was like, I've just moved house, I've got barely any money, but I need to do a food shop make. Can you do me a favor? Can you walk down to the Aldi down the road and spend like thirty quid on a week's worth of food for me? I was like, my buddy, you know, of course I can't, of course I could. have no problems at all, I'll see see you when you get back. So I try to try it. Down the road. Walked into the ALDI and I was eyeing up all of the meals and, bearing in mind I just moved house for you, I was very tired and I was trying to meal plan and think about getting you the the necessary of Vittenman's for a growing boy, getting vegetables. And then I found a selection of instant noodles, super noodles as you may know them by Hmmm, and there, I think they were...

...about nineteen pence put a packet and I spent thirty British pounds. It's yeah, no, it sounds bad. Now time it gets better. So I took them back to his house. I had to, okay, I had to alleviate the supermarket of and trolley to help with the logistics to transport and I got them home. And what I did was build a dividing wall running down the center of his living room of noodles, left myself a little escape whole and then left, and that in its own right was fantastic. It's a double whammy prank, though. There's a secret, a second element, and they were like this for or secondary pranks here. You've not mentioned what my you know what, I'll let you go all the way and I'll see if you remember the bit that most wound me up. I remember the bit immediately. You had a fish tank, had a fish time. When I say like a fish tank and every match, I don't mean like fish in it. They're right. It wasn't a small fish tank that it was like three fools by tea was you know, it was six foot. It was massive. It huge thing. I could have laid down in it. You Prod you've laid down it. Yeah, I could probably laid down in it. It was like a five foot, six foot fish tank. It was fucking ridiculous got. Yeah, okay, I filled it with noodles, I made noodles in it. Okay, cool, good, cool, big snack, a big pranky snack. Yeah, and then when ash moved into into hours for a brief spell, he bought his noodles with him because he hadn't consumed that. You actually got through a shitload off them. I lived on those, like I can't. I was very poor and it was like such a blessing because, like, sometimes I just be so hungry. Cool, super noodles. When you moved out, when you got your place now, you left them in our loft and when we moved out, like a year later, I found this box, this mystery secret box of instant noodles, and in the dead of night drove to your house and left them on your doorstep, just up ended the Bos, like it's like a haunted box of super noodles. What a wonderful prank. It's like that. That's the noodles half life. Yeah, the damage a noodle can inflict years. I still find like because I put them in boxes and I've moved house so much. Sometimes I opened like a box. You'll be like and I'll would share and a pack of superlodles. Just have a little laughter myself. My grandkids are going to go through my shit when I've died, but open a toll box. That before the chicken super doodles. Well, I've got a prank for you guys, if you want to hear it more than anything in the world. Yes, please, I think as this one particularly you. It will upset you. So this is actually a story that my mom and my dad have told me multiple times. The First House that they moved into after my parents that had gotten married lovely place. They were very happy with it and dad spent, you know, a lot of money in time, I believe, fixing up the garden, making it both presentable and livable. My Mom and dad then went on their honeymoon to Florida. I think they went to Disneyland and everything apparently was very nice as a place in Florid Tallahassee, don't know if you knew. Yeah, I think it's the capital. And on my Dad's return he came into the living room and they had big patio doors and he glanced out at his lovely garden and it turns out that the prank that my dad's friends had played on my dad was that they thought it would be hilarious to just tear up all of the patio in the garden, when you consider that the garden was probably seventy five percent patio. My father was understandably cross when there was just no garden left and just mud. But how can anybody play a prank on sweet dear timmy, sweet old man Timmy? But I just I can't actually wrap my head around his friends thought process.

What would be a funny prank to play on my newly married friend that'll ruin his fucking garden. We stole. We stole a guy called Connor's motorcycle from outside the pub once. He yeah, I used to leave his botorcycle unlocked all the time outside the pub in Sleeford and at one point we were just like fuck, it is not going to learn. So we just walked it down the road to the CAP and the school that we usually do all the times. People they yeah, we have class. Used to do actual that was proper theft, though, wasn't it? Maybe we don't admit that one. I don't think he knows about it. To Alex for you there and we told I took we told like this kid at market there was a mopair. I think it might have been some kid called limbs. He was like, I'm and Nick's part as I I won't start. You need to bump start it now. Mopeds don't have well, they do have a clutch, but it's not it's not controlled by a piercing it's a secret clutch, centrifugals, so secret they only happens to work or release when it's spinning. So you can't bump start him. But watching this guy run up and down with this past jump trying to start maybe twenty five minutes, it's gorgeous that. That is the perfect little brother Prank. That is I could get my little brother with that, and either of your two little brothers with that is the ideal little brother Prank. That's a hey, you want to, you want to have a test ride on this pad, just bumpstart it. But I feel really bad for the bloke because my first car, which was a really ugly black courser that had a hole in the actual like footwell of the the cars. Those. Yeah, I just had to run it everywhere and know that the the battery was severely, severely broken, to the point where if you played the stereo whilst the car was idol for more than about a minute, the battery died good. So it was a regular occurrence for me to have to bump start my car in the school car park or at a friend's house at like one in the morning. So I feel like kid, though, for goodness Sake, a battery for that type of course it would have been about fifteen pounds and that was what I used to earn a week. So relative to relative to my earnings. You know, it's weird, isn't it? What you choose over spending any amount of money. Like you choose inconvenience over M I choose to put fuel inside of my car instead of having the ability to start my car. Yeah, I'd actually yeah, I choose to have a go along this. It's like my backdoors been fucked forever, but I can still lock it. I've probably spent hours wrestling with that door every single like over the last two years. I've spent hours ruining your back door ash every time you come giving it one more time. Done noise and like, as in like to do sex to it, but like by sorts. Sure is your bottom, please fucking my back door? This has been. This has been a bum hole related episode. Really hasn't a thunk to a thing to show all the bit based. We just an interesting observation, also off topic on pranks, but can we talk about how earlier on the only thing in our group chat listeners was about fourteen messages of US misspelling or mispronouncing Bill Gates his name. If you're going to raise it, we just probably fire it. We might as well re run about everybody. Get the group chat up scroll. Okay, we'll do our own messages. So, okay, for context on me. You sent. You sent some images. You start off with some descriptors there of what the catalyst of this was. Okay, so the catalyst was was that my works computer was being very, very slow and sad, so I clicked the Ye old restart button. I then sent a picture of my computer restarting and I then wrote to the boys that after about ten minutes of the computer just saying restarting, that a big blue screen came up and a sad face, sad emoji came up, blue screen of death, and it said your PC ran into a problem and needs to restart with just collecting some error Info and then we'll restart for you,...

...to which I said to the boys, fucking thanks, Billy and gates. Why do you think I clicked restart windows in the first place? After some you know, just general Chitchat, actually trying to fix my work based problem, Alex said no, thank you. William, hinge fence, which we all thought was a very, very good banter. That's a good basis for a joke. That because because it's like Bill Gates's hinge fen. It's not. It's hinge fence in it very good, very good, very nice. So I then said, billy and pick it, gap, bills a bad wall, William Entrance, Bill Fence, hoole. I then spent William Backwards, which is unpronounceable, Matt Mali Egress, and then I said, William, sliding patio door, Waldo wallwalk place Gary. It's for PM on a Friday'll finish this wooden structure deign to restrict the movement of people and animals on Monday. Billy, big hinge structure on a wall, Microsoft Man, sweater, Daddy, the father of the Trillo books, uncle fenceman, Bill Gates. There we go. We fucking Rast it, Bill Gates, the perfect end to everybody's favorite. I did try and finish off with US William Fancy Pants, but I put fancy space pants, so now it just looks like I just put that. Yeah, you just said that. So what we just spent some time doing their chaps is turning a you had to be their moment into radio. So hopefully that goes yeah, listen, you UN grateful Fox. Listening better of laughter that you had to be there. Whether or not you were there, you're listening. It be polite to laugh, wouldn't it? It was in the thirty three percent majority group chat. You were all there, all one million of you. Much in the same way that that entire segment was the the end of of comedy, I think we also have actually reached the end of the program to. Quite aptly, thank God for that, because I had no more Bill Gates jokes to make. Look at that for timing. Time of we just hit a million listeners. Time has it been a million? I feel like we just hit a we hit a big Mars. It was a million billion, something like that. Billion listeners. It was one of those numbers. A million, a billion. It was either of those two very big numbers. It what it was just a thousand, but I think may terms of a thousand million. That's like a billion. That that sounds like it's almost a billion. That's that's does sound like it might be close to a bit. So to all all, one thousand billion of you. Thank you so much for listening. We're sorry that some of you didn't like the Dungeon episode. We're also elated that some of you loved the Dungeon episode. Mixed emotions here the day. Yeah, to those of you who did enjoy the dungeon episode, please do through our instagram or through our email. Please let us know. We are considering having a sort of a separate podcast to potentially just drop some some dungeons and dragons episodes here and there. So if that is of interest to you and you would like to hear it weekly by weekly, please send us a message. As he manages our instagram. He'd love to hear from you. He doesn't really talk to many people other than the two of us in his partner. It's very true. Very loadly. Please, I'm so lonely. Please instagram me pictures of your pets. Yeah, yeah, one more thing to address before we sign off the show. Just one last thing to kind of kind of mention, because we record. Guys were recording on a Friday and this will come out on the Tuesday. So fucking get in there, England. Well, blood run England. Yeah, it came home, didn't it? Far More pace coming out and us. Well done. Wait, and guys, guys also. Yeah, we just have to do the yeah, the others. Yeah, cut fucking shame about such a shame. We are the really like that player, but his behavior off the pitch really puts me off, just really puts me off. I'm not not the biggest fan. Yeah, so we did try. It was nice to so many week yeah, there's always got far. We got far. It's always no, always do it next time, next year or the whatever. Yeah, or every four yeah, well done. Welcome to the team. Note. You know,...

I'm proud. I'm proud of our England team. I'm proud of our boys. All right, think they tried really fucking and now and now we'll just will just sing the national anthem which we all know. Okay, God's Greyste bar with the Bard, the Bang, the Bang, Diggi Diggi Diggs. So the Booky said up jump the boggy. There's something like that. This has been a podcast. I've been your host Tom Hutchinson. I've been your host Alex Spring thought. I've also been your host Ashley whole. Thanks for listening. See you next week by guys, bye, bye, bye.

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