The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 12 · 9 months ago

Ep. 12 - Floods, Farewells, Fails, Filling In and Fucking Up (or, The 50% Flood-Jority)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

You might have been hoping for another normal episode of The 33% Majority. Well this isn't that, it's episode 12, and it's The 50% Majority.

Tom had to take the week off, so its just your other two hosts this week: Alex and Ash.

To both the listeners, and Tom:

This is a bad one.

Don't listen to it.

Really don't feel like you have to.

It's not good.

We did a bad job.

We miss Tommy.

And this rain just marches its way eastward towards Wembley. Later on in the evening. More than two hundred and fifty flood warnings are in place. To my torrential rain and high winds sweep the country. The country finding a second weekend of prolonged heavy rain has brought flooding in areas across the country. Blood flood, floodlood, floodlood. We've got some very heavy rain. So Tom's fucked it asn't a ice goofed it proper. goofed that. It's rough. It's a rough one. You know, Tommy, wet boy. Welcome to the thirty three percent majority. This is a talk show where you'll find two friends, just the two of US baby sharing amicably. There some minutes of fame because one of the hosts is underwater. He does not live a yellow submarine, but it would be nice if he did. Some of you may see in the news that London did a bad job of making water be not in people's houses, and Tommy's house was the victim of a water in it. Suddenly it was wetter than it should have been in more than an atmospheric way. It was. It was wet. Unfortunately, one of the secret ingredients in the water that was in Tommy's house was Pooh. So all of his things have got poop in them as well. And before any of you say it wasn't me, I yeah, I can voucher ash I was with Ashley at the time and he was not pooing inside. Thomas is place nation for any big poohs in that front room, kitchen. Whole way, I thought it was just Tom's place. I thought it was like a water thing that had just gone. What actually was? Yeah, he made it. He made it sound like it was a water mains just outside of his flat and he was the only one that was a fact. Yeah, I was like that's bad design. Surely so for listeners, we can give away some some Tommy Personal Info now that he doesn't live there anymore because the properties uninhabitable because of all of the Pooh that's inside of it. Tommy lives in made of ail, or he did in London, and his flat started on the ground floor and there were stairs down down underground to his kitchen and living room and things like that. And what I think happened was lots of rain happened in not enough time for that rain to have somewhere to go. The rain per hour too high, too fast. The rain rains per hour, which is is a metric. The weather boys they will tell you this. There the rains per hour were too much and they sought refuge inside of the downstairs portion of Tommy's abode. If you're cold, they're cold. Let them in. You know it's probably too soon. He's kind of jokes. No, no, you've you've had loads of jokes about this. If you got you got any prepared listeners. We're sorry about this week. Tom's house is cosplaying...

...with titanic would go, I said, like the day after it happened, and immediately privately message Tom was like hey, man, I really fucking and my cool to make a joke. Guys. I've muted ash now on the what's up course, so he can't hear me now. But Tom Actually rang me after that crying because he lost a lot of sentimental things in that in that flat when it flooded. So when actually said the horrible thing about the titanic, it made him cry and then when the tears came out, the flashbacks of the of the flood from when it from when when the pool water, came inside of the House and got inside of his playstation, for in his television. Tom's going to swiftly become like you know when it's fireworks and there's like a a labrador and they're like, Oh shit, it's fucking it's explosions and death. It'll be Tom, but every time it rains will have to like put a blanket over him. It is now. You've just got to you've got to give him a good cuddle, given lots of support, but to kind of put any worries to rest, dearest listeners, it was just Tom and the two dogs in the flat when everything happened. He they all got out fine. Every all of the people, all of the living things, are fine. It's just some some stuff that he's lost, unfortunately irreplaceable, but everybody and every you know, everybody is fine. So really all we need from you, guys, is, firstly to forgive us for this episode. That's going to be bad, because this is a format that works so well with three people, because one person says a joke, the other person lines up the next sentence to say and the third person laughs. Now it's just two people and it's going to be bad. That's what we need you to forgive us for that, and we also need any donations, money preferred. Tommy is in die in need of some Trillo Bucks. I would like a sports bike of some variety. Now, Ashley, you've got it. Actually, you've got a flood your house first before you can start making the quest I love on a hell, this is awful. This is literally the worst thing that's ever happened to me. If we can all pull resources and buy Tommy to sports bikes, just to rub it in. So, Ashley, that's now I'm the problem and the flood is that's why I intent the whole time. It's actually a really wholesome nut to get. Tell me to sports bikes so the next time there's a flood he can evade. Yeah, we need to get in ones with side cars. There he's got dogs. You'll need to side cars either side and I think if you're making it that wide, you're probably going to want a roof and and doors so you can get in either side. And with it being that wide, you're going to have black balance issues, I think. So maybe some extra wheels? Well, that's a good idea. Maybe it could have like it could have four seats, because then he can take his dogs. Well, that's a good idea, and you could use it to like carry things around, carry can carry it along, Carro you. We could call it a car and he could just transport everything around. People would people would think you were a pirate car. In other news, I passed my drive in test after...

...seven years of trying and five failed attempts. How's that? That's good, I'm saying, isn't it? So proud, so prey, you put me up from work. It was magnificent. It liked. I'm very proud of myself. You look so good in that car. You it's that. That's a big GATTY Vayron. No, because then they'll question why I'm not being benevolent and philanthropic. Tommy, what's it to us? That car got to do with the flood Alex, like, you can't, you can't get there to help. It's flooded. But what is more than an inch deep? Yeah, true. Also, driving through London is expensive. So yeah, it is actually take you that. Oh, Tom's not here. We can talk about motorbikes and cars the entire episode. We can just talk about the things that we like to talk about. Oh, this is brilliant. So here's a thing actually that'll interest you. I always thought motorcycles were very economical. You know, just one person on one vehicle that is only as wide as that person. Is it just logically? It made sense to me. Of course. Turns out my motorcycle pollutes more, drinks more fuel, is more expensive to tax, more expensive to ensure than my car, which is made of lots more metal, has many more tires touching the floor, has more master lug around. Why is the car like, substantially cheaper? Is this a paperwork thing or is this legitimate? Because I've always thought bikes are greener than cars. That's always been my thought. Yeah, you'd think so, because it's like my bike. It's got a six hundred and fifty CCN you know, a point six five liter, and it's only got to carry around itself and me, which is not a great deal compared to wear like a whole steel chassis. Yeah, compared to the Vauxel core so that it's up against. Think about how heavy just a cars gear boxes compared to a bike gear box. Think about the difference in way and then think about how that's got a fuck up efficiency like but obviously doesn't. It's weird. It's blown my mind that, like my bike gets thirty five miles per gallon and the car gets forty five. That's substantial. That adds up. That's a fair difference. HMM, much slower. But then you go into let you go into low, low power motorcycles once who fives are incred to be efficient. Now that is true. Like a little six single cylinder, hundred and twenty five CEC, eight pounds of fuel. That'll do you six thousand miles. Honestly, I don't. I've topped up. I can cut the Times I've topped up one two fives. I'm probably like my hands and toes and I've done thousands of miles on them. I used to schedule filling up with petrol with my oil changes. If you did that with a car, that's swiftly become a real pain in the air. Now I think my issues with one two fives is that I never paid any attention to the amount of oil that was in them. You've blown up more mopeds and bikes than I know then anyone else I know. Yeah, how many have I done? So? I had that I bought a moped because it was very, very cheap...

...and on its maiden voyage, swiftly found out that the previous owner had taken all of the oil out of it and hadn't told me. And don't get me wrong, I didn't check, but I wasn't informed. So that one exploded about ten miles into the journey, which I was surprised it lasted that long. Phenomenal. I blew up a Yamaha Y B r one to five, which is impressive in the of itself. All of the oil came out of it and went onto my shoe and I found out that it wasn't working right because of the burning. So that was good. Yeah, blew that up and company. That one up twice actually, and then I bought a brand spanking new from show room Honda Cebr One, two five, are famed for the vicious reliability, and I blew that one up four times. They were that's a gorgeous bike, though, for a one to five. That's one of the best looking one to fives. It's not bad. It's not bad that and like home built calf races, here's a question far away. Are we alienating our listeners yet, or can we go further? Listeners how do you feel about talking about like timings in engines and how cool that is? Okay, actually, how do you feel about that? Just explain that in gory detail for everybody please. I am not going to do that, Huh, because that no, baby, I thought that might be the case. Act Lee. I'm trying where how we could go further. Hot. What do you know about fuel to air efficiency? Running rich, runningly, because I know that. I know that because carbs, carbs is all Tooi Ki at Stockyo, metric, Stuckio, metric vol know what is it? Stick, stickyo metric level. That's the ratio of at to fuel, is it? That's I'M A hot. Stoichiometric. Stoichiometric. Well, metric is obviously measure. What the fuck is a Stoikio when it's at home? That's notice amazing name. You wouldn't shout that to know you're coming down for dinner. You've got to break it down. So the first bit is st so it's Ford. No, Saint, actually saint or Saint Oak, Saint Oik but of a Yobow can't be trusted. EO. We all know what EO is. Ash takes away all MCS all McDonald old McDonald. There we go. So it's say, yeah, I saying of it's not even Yeoh, it's the eye, sat yo, bow, farmer, metric, and then a word that maybe vou value, balance, measure, Stickyo, metric something. Or is it spelt like? Is it spelt like STOIC? So, is it just like quiet and tough? Yeah, it is. Is I'm don't get me wrong, and maybe saying it wrong and morally I have an obligation to let you know about that. Is it morally or is it morally? You guys always call me out on that. It is morally, and then we say morally just to just formmind you. Yeah, this is like telling somebody there are no trains in Australia and then believing it for years and then going to Australia and they're being trains. Now you guys are going along with it. I'm going to start arguing for it when people call me out.

What was that reference? was that something from your own personal experience? What was that? No, somebody told me a story about how they're their dad had told their mom all their life they dad was Australian. It's like, Oh, there's no trains in Australia whatsoever like this just not trying to like the backbone of Australian logistics is on there. Yeah, but this guy's this guy's mom obviously didn't know that. My Dad used to tell me that there were little animals in Scotland called haggisses that had legs shorter on the right hand side than the left hand side and they just used to run around a very small circles at the top of mountains. I wonder if that's a real thing. Listen, people believe in the YEA. If I if we can just start a haggist movement, we just have to do a few sightings in Scotland, which, by the way, the train fare to Scotland three hundred pounds. I believe in the Yetty, the Blue Yetty. That's my micro this episode sponsored by Blue Microphones. No, it's not. Yours is the snowball minds the yetty I was the yet either tall boy tall the mighty. The YETI is the dilbow looking one. I don't own one of those. I on a deal. I don't own myself out there as like I don't wanted Tony, that guy's sexual health. Let's talk about it. That's not let's talk about do in dildos to yourself. Just me and you actually will. Just encourage all of our listeners to do dildos to themselves. Guys, if you can, you should now, joking, if you have, our office is now. I think. I think we need a yeah, let's make an advertising campaign. You have ourfaces. Fillam up of stuff. What's yeah, what's the but how how do we make Dildo's mainstream? Step one, give people a reason, and then, and now that, and now, look, they've already done it and they doing it now. No, stop the podcast first. Oh God, my next one. Note, he's kicked down the door. Hey, it's got a lad. He's got latex in his hand. Latex in his hand. I was trying to think of body safe silicon. Is What said there. Guys, you want body safe silicon, don't put anything inside yourself unless it's body safe or a person. Or a person. If you're choosing, you can put a person in there, can't you? Not? Like a hole, it's like a scuba suit. Deal tell that to pregnant people submarines. If I let it go something and she's pregnant, she's a submarine. If a pregnant woman went over to Tom's house. They would be a submarine. They would be a submarine. It's a tiny human being shipped about, being supplied. Are Please get out of there. There's so much pull in it. There's so much Tom's indoor swimming pool. Much know it's it's ninety percent feces. It's time for a throwback. Shit man returns. This is ship man's revenge on Tom. Oh my God, Wow, oh my God, I'm going to message Tom Right now. Really are here? Get Him on the phone. I'll call him. I'm going to call Tom. I can't. I'm using my phone to talk to you quick. Let's go over to the thirty three percent majority.

Yeah, can we do that? Is that a thing we can do? Is Tom Tom, can you take a call? Listeners? If he says no, I want you all to know it's because he hates you. He's just said in the chat that he's just viewed a flat that was four minutes ago. viewed. Is viewed his past. Tense, isn't it? I'm ready. Yes, I it did. It doesn't say I am actively viewing a flat, says I have done I have to ask you a question. I forgot why we're calling him. I'm to make a joke, can't I? I've said urgent, urgent, urgent, just to let him know that. You know, we're not messing around. We're trying to keep the brand alive here on Behart. This is this is usually three men's job, right, and now it is two inferior boys. Tommy needs to be available at our every back and call, and if we're floundering for a thing to say next, that is urgent. Tommy's not even replying, which means I probably need to cut this whole bit from the episode, because how anticlimactic. So, anybody got Tim's number? Well, now what you do is you now edit in the do, do, do, do, and then and then we do a voicemail that makes tom sound like a bad person. I can probably cut some together from all of the previous episodes. I've got lots of source material for Tom, Alex. if you do that, I will kiss your face. I will listen to every episode at work now, this weekend in fact, to find you the right sentences for us to make Tom say something. What's the best thing we can make him say? I am fucking me prostate. Oh, I've come you amazing. Hey, Helen. Well, now we just need to react to the hot, heinous things Tommy's just said. Tom That's vile. It's two thousand and twenty one. I can't believe you still have that views. This is not minus two thousand Ad Wow, tom it's two thousand and twenty one, and I'm I'm so proud of you for still having those views, those tyrannically racist views. I'm so proud of you and I support you. And wait, Alex Start. Tom's replied. Oh goodness, while we wait for Thomas, if you can all head over to www dot go fund mecom forward slash. Tommy's flat is full of Pooh. It got inside of his playstation and inside of all of his precious memories, comic books and stories, and now he needs Trillo Bucks in order to replace all of it. Home and donate anything you can. If you've just been paid, please donate. If if you've got rent you tomorrow, perfect. That means you have rent money now that you can give to Tom Instead. If you've got any organs that you don't particularly care about, just just cut those out, just and send them to Tom. He'll make do. He'll find something to do with them. He'll make them it, he'll turn them into an art and then sell the art. Tom Hey, how are you struggling in both the heat and the you know, the lack of...

...a house is difficult. We've already spoken at length about how your house is full of Pooh. Don't worry, yeah, poo water is abundant. Are You doing okay, Tommy? Physically yeah, fine. Mentally drained, tired, confused as to why I'm not more torn up about the loss of everything I own where? That will probably hit me quite soon. Yeah, and staying in a hotel with both my partner and two dogs. Can find to one room difficult. Yeah, we've already asked the listeners for, like all of the Trillo Bucks they can spare and eat like organs or, you know, rent money, all of that sort of stuff. So don't worry. Well, I'm sure the donations will start flooding in, very slowly, in flooding in hallecks woks. That was not that was not very point rock. I did a I did do a mistake with that one. I didn't mean to know. It's okay. The Puns are except acted. If anybody wants to set up a you know, go fund I've just dropped the links. I've just dropped the link for the Gofund me. Don't worry, wonderful that we've also started a petition to get you two sports bikes. Well, that's that. Thanks. I appreciate that. I guess Tom, Toms really for the two of you and it's insurance fraud. But yeah, Tom, I have a confession. Gone confess, child. We did a bad episode for you. Okay, what is just just no substance at all. It's happening now, it's happening, we're doing it and it's not. It's bad, the one that we're doing. It's yeah, it's not great. It's not my finest comedy, is it? The lack of the final thirty three percent of US is letting the team down. Yeah, pretty much laying the team down at all. Know you are, don't. Don't I actually be kind? Well, when Tom Listens to this, is going to hear all the horrible jokes I've made and then I'm going to feel bad. So now I'm far. I'm coming back in. Wonderful or interchangeable in this scenario, because I'm really not. Say you're a sweetheart, the sweetest heart the sweetest. Shall we round off the bad episode, all three of us together? Yeah, why not? Perfect and just say some say something nice and fun, funny. Do a fun one, Tom Because we've not been funny all episode. So a joke, quick time. Do a comedy. I have got the comedy monolith in lack of my microphone is really difficult and Allso is that. Is there anything there now that was really, really good, cool. Sorry that you've had to listen to this one, everybody. Thanks anyway. Head over to the instagram see images and videos of the destruction that has befallen.

Tommy, any good jokes? Just throw those in the comments or, you know, put them in a direct message director Tom Because that will that will hurt the most. We accept comedy in the form of sterny worth emails. Yeah, let us say though, although I'll appreciate the comedy, pounds sterling at this moment in time would be greatly appreciate it. True. Books, any any quantity of trillo box you folk can muster, just just put them Bitcoin, bitcoin preferred. Yeah, yeah, lovely. Just put it in an envelope, put it in a letter box and just just send it. You don't need the address. It'll it'll get here anyway. I've been your host, Tom Much love you lots. I've known. I also haven't been your host. Alex Spring, thought I've. I've barely been present Asley Hall. See you next week. Bye. Bye. I.

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