The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 18 · 11 months ago

Ep. 18 - Profound Proverbs, Passionate Puzzles and Petrifying Parables

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Hello precious audience members, this is another episode of our silly talk show called The 33% Majority. We’re really glad you made it.

In this week’s episode, your 3 voice actors (Ash, Alex and Tom) will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing some horrible and confusing (yet also, sort of profound) Facebook mantras, how well 66.66% of us know our better halves, and a newly named instalment of that segment where we do spooky story time, respectively.

For the few of you that read these descriptions, here’s a call to action: We’d really appreciate it if you could share this podcast with a friend (or enemy, we’ll do anything for those sweet streams), post about us on social media, or play this episode obnoxiously loud in a public area. We’d be eternally grateful, and you’ll be rewarded with our first born sons.

Jesus knows you masturbate and he sent drake in an arc with a shower repoon. Hey, and welcome to it. Thirty three percent majority, a talk show where you'll find three friends fighting for the fifteen minutes of fame. I'm your actual host, Ashley Hall, voiced by Troy mcclaure I govin slater, and I'm the official voice actor for the main host character of Alex Spring. Thought I'd guys. I am claigue Davidson and I'll be the host, Tom Hutchinson. So I'm just waiting at the moment, Chirps, on my contract to be renegotiated, waiting on some paperworks. I'm not I'm not doing like the silly voice or, you know, playing that, you know the fuck the character or anything aboulex spring. Thought I'll be here for the recording, but I'm not. My lawyers and advised me not to actually play the part until the final details I've been finalized. I don't miss mean to rub salt in the wound, but my contract got sordid about four or five hours ago. So I'm going to slip into my my stage, my stage persona now, if that's okay. I'm actually very method so I never left character. I've been living with their, this girl for three years playing the character. So I'll be committed. If that's a good fine gentle that's I'm not really is part of my issue with it is that, you know, actually he's a method actor, which just means he's better at playing Ashley Hall because He's Actually Hall, whereas I'm just a little more responsive when it comes to my acting. So I am demanding a higher salary. Hang on, you guys are getting paid. Oh Yeah, well, I was, but not anywhere near the amount I wanted to be. That makes perfect I feel for you. Hold on, I don't, I don't. I'd already sorry. I'd already set myself up in the roll. Hold on, let me just dip out of Tom for a minute. It's difficult to think. Is zipping out of Tom is a hobby of mine. MMM and yeah, no, to be fair, the screen actors guilt that they stay stipulate my pay and I've pretty agreed that with them. So it's all good. It's all good to ready, all, hang on, chap, Sally's coming. All right, Sally, Oh, if you got it, Oh, putty, let me haven't look. It's true. Yeah, yeah, we'll just sign sally, sign on the shore. Alex, make make sure you read page sex Mat. Well, is that the one about the green mm's? That's the one when green eminem's up the nose. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, cool, now I'm happy. Hi, guys, it's Alex Spring Thorpe. I'm back ready for another episode of the thirty three percent majority. Now I'm the host, Tom Hutchinson, and I'm ready for another the episode of the thirty three percent majority. Actually, I'll be the host Ashley Hall, who Never Left. Really in your hearts. Actually, are you ready for another episode of the thirty three percent majority? I can't say one more time. Thirty type some jury. Anyone that that was supposed to be comedy. Guys, that was supposed to be comedy. We hope. Just before we kick off, guys, I just wanted to tell you, guys and the listeners, that we are we actually have our sort of first partnership. I guess we're married. Yeah, we got married to each other. Everybody. I'm Tom and ash's husband. That's the one. I'm a loving, caring housewife to both of these fine men. I'm the gardener in the Tom's that Tom's. No, Tom's the bread winner, Ashley's the housewife and I'm just the Hoe. I'm okay, I'm just the typical house slut. You're the free use fantasy boy. You know what, man, I thought it was just okay.

So, smutty comedy aside, and we're actually partnered with stripe climate and what they do is they're currently using the money that we would get from any ad revenue once the the adverts start to appear on the show, which should be anytime soon, and they will be donating a portion of any of that money to basically fighting and trying to avert climate change. Who It's prudent? No, Tom you said it was. No, Tom you said they supported climate change. No, supported to fight against sea tales. Tom For God. So Tom I, Tom, I disposed of so many car batteries in the ocean this morning. AU. No, I've been buying plastic straws and just putting them in my sink. I can't get the ocean death. I live landlocked. So, Tom, I did say so many oil spills today. Okay, those are those are the those are the opposite. Oh, I've really, I really have got the wrong end of this stick. You really have? You really have. Anyway, I just wanted to speak about that and mention that quickly and basically just to tell you guys in the listeners that genuinely listening to the thirty three percent majority helps save the world. So you need to tell your friends, you to post about it on Instagram, that our podcast is going to save the plan and just by you know, if, by orders of reduction, not listening to this podcast ruins the planet and for every person doesn't listen to this podcast, a sea turtle dies and it's your fault. Exactly doing, but not listening is basically you're kicking a baby seal to death. Yes, lightening endangered animals, and for what I've seen, you sharpening your baseball bat, which is not something you do, but it's all I could think of Kay driving nails through it on the way to work. You Sick fucks, you're tipping tar on a metaphorical Pelican. Do you really want to kill that metaphorical Pelican? No, PLICA, so listen to the PODCAST. I would fucking I would handy, fit handicuff a Pelican. This Day of just a just a just a sort of side note parentheses. The thirty three percent majority is not an anti Pelican podcast. Speak for yourself. Well, last episode we touched on the fact that Ashley and I were going on a beach trip and an employees kind of vacation, sort of team building exercise, and the Thomas wasn't going to becoming you didn't fancy it. Now I'd actually got on a disciplinary from the from the guys instead, so that he said I wasn't allowed to go on any of the all the employee retreat yeah, exactly. And Ashley, you were going to tell us what you thought of the the micro. It's the most incredible vehicle I've ever been in. You actually like it? I love it like I'm actually desperately in love with it. It's a complete bag of shit and it's from it yet to be in anything above this. It is. It's got so much character, it's so lovable. Yeah, I've now outfitted it with a banging two thousand and four era sound system, to which you're yet to see, but that's exciting too. But my anecdote this week is is from the beach trip and because I wanted to go in the ocean and I forgot I did forget that I'm not a seven year old anymore. So stripping off at the beach to get my whanger out so I could hide it with like swimming trunks isn't allowed anymore. So I was just wearing like gray jogger shorts, just relaxing sofa where. I'll fuck it. These are basically that's basically all it is, isn't it? It's just short trousers that you don't mind getting where. So I went into the sea with these, aren't it was perilously cold, though, so I got I got into just above the knee,...

...probably halfway up my thigh and, bearing a mind, these are gray joggers, so you can sit clearly see to which level I've been up to in the ocean. HMM. And my body just had a just a natural reaction. It was well, you're in the sea. Guess what you can do in the in the sea is you could do a piss. No, so I stirred and I was facing, actually making eye contact with him, having a chat, and I just openly pissed myself in my shorts. But I hadn't, I hadn't been up to the peepers level yet. That was still bone dry. So I just pissed myself in front of my friend and it's just, Oh oh, you're really comfortable her. I just did a real big mistake. Dude. I'm stood like ten foot from this guy. I'm within PISS range. Yeah, so that's that's why. Anecdote of a piss mistake I did at the seaside. Grim and gross. Nasty. You Nasty for mistake. Like there wasn't eye contact. It was terrifying, you know, like when a dog pisses on a lampost. They watch you the whole time, like this is mine, I can't go in the ocean. Now it's Alex's. Yeah, it belongs to him. Is that my ocean? Do I own the Oh, yeah, you're Poseidon. Now I am father of the Ocean, Ocean Daddy. Who Will? Okay, well, good anecdote, Alex. I'm glad you told me about your pistaster fish. You welcome me any time. Who's WHO's hosting? I think it might be me. I think I'm I challenge you to a hostaff. Okay, now, I don't actually change your host stuff. I would like to talk to you both about so me and Ikes went on this drive and on the way they're, as me and Ike's often do. We had a little of a chat about life and I quoted some bullshit that I read somewhere where, and I said it's better to be a soldier in a garden than a gardener in a war. I mean that's like wow, that's so deep and profound, and it got me thing super profound much wow, stupid, did it? Did it get you thinking it's better to be a guard a soldier in a garden then a gardener in a soldier? I would love to be a gardener and a soldier. Me and that guy should have realized we were allowed to let the gardener in us. I'll be right on that. Okay, if I'd have known that, I was never would have bought the garden to begin with. I would have just gone to war and fucked us. Hang on a second, a little bit lost in this one got me thinking. What about? How, like, how much of our lives is just spent seeing stupid quotes on bathroom walls? Or let you go into a restaurant and it says like a tiger doesn't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. The idea of a selfconscious tiger gets me going and he does care, he's just not telling you. It does just scream that boomer quote, though, doesn't it? Yeah, I just feels as. It feels like something that a forty year old David would put in relation to an argument he had with another dad at a school. It is those only specific shits, you know what I mean? MMM, my husband is an American welder, born in February and I am his princess and he won't die for me on a Tsi and he will sacrifice a child every second Wednesday for me. HMM. So I got a collection of some that I found. I found quite nice and then like, the more you think about them, the weird they get. So in passive it's like, oh, this is sweet, but then in reading it's like, oh, that's weird. Actually like a man and it's worse. Yeah, I think you're like, hang on a second, so I'll give you an example. Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools. Napoleon said that Napoleon was wrong. He's wrong, he's wrong. It's in oxmand's diction dictionary. That's not true. That's in my good friend Miss Mary and Webster's Dictionary to HMM, Mary and Websters, listen. If you're not, how could you even bring Mary Webster into this? Also, I'm really sorry, but, like Napoleon, wasn't he like, historically speaking,...

...quite bad at what he did forever? We did a really good job of ice cream. Yeah, okay, you fuck say no, that's Neapolitan. You BELLN. Who Ever did that did a fucking good job too. All Right, okay, the second name was Bonaparte, so you had to be he had to be famous. You can't have the second name Bonaparte and not see you know, you know what. This is the thing, though. It's always the people with like the strangest names that get the furthest in life, and I actually think it's because like it sort of numbs them to like external like criticism, because I'm sure, like Napoleon, boner part got so much shit when he was in school, but he's like battle hardened to it to the point where, like, you know, he's trying to rise through the ranks or whatever in like the French fucking revolution, away at whatever he did that. All celebrities have got like interesting names once they made up will I am or the their real names. I don't know why. That was the first famous person to give it to my head. I'd be bangs just came out and they did a song and the lyrics of the song literally say let's get retarded. I don't think that's a good that's a good look in it context and at time they were saying let's get retarded in here. Yeah, it contact. It's less bad that, you know, it's localized to their room. It's location based. Yeah, this is it's still bad, but I think time context. Yeah, okay, yeah, that was a time where it's still a bad word, but, you know, kind of Edgy to say it, and now it's bad anyway. So, as I we've derailed, derail the same straight onto the black eyed peas being problematic. You leave my m alone. Go for it, buddy, carry on, you do you so. I'd like to offer you another one. God never ends anything on a negative. God always ends on a positive. I'd like to refer you to death. Goodbye dead baby, Goodbye said baby. What a positive thing that's happening now. Good Job, God, classic God maneuver. He's out here balling and everybody knows that. When he when he flooded your flat with Pooh, when God flooded your your flat with Pooh and sent Noah with the arc Tom it was God's plan, right. He knew what was coming. It was because of your sin. That's a drake song, God's plan. I like that one. Jesus knows you masturbate and he sent drake in an arc with a shower poon. That's what it is. You touch yourself at night and as a result, it's shitty drake music. Arc. Do you know what, Ash, it's always, it's it all, always terribly impresses me the fact that you managed to bang out the intro clip within, like, you know, ten fifteen minutes of US actually recording. So well fucking done on that, friend. I sit in the mirror and practice these punch lines. Yeah, you just you, you bang it out, soddy. Listen to the one where the intro clip was. Was You going, Alex? You're built like you look like you swallowed the tire. And I was at work and I've heard that line my eight times now, but it's still fucking destroyed me. It just catches you off guard, doesn't it did. It was a classic. It was the intro clip and it happened like twenty minutes later, I was like no, that's still fucking funny. Okay, this one's by Albert Einstein. You might know him from trolls. A ship is always safe as sure, but that is not what it's built for. Who that was pretty good. It's not, though, because a tornado has happened before ALB MMM. So this one is speaking to if you're in if you're in your comfort zone, you know you nothing's going to happen to you, but you you know that's not what you for. Go out see things, do the scary things and try some shit, and I think it's a beautiful sentiment. Is there. That logic works worse the...

...further back in time you go. So if you're a cave man and it's like, whow I got to I got to be uncomfortable to make progress. So what you do is you leave your cave and get eaten by a tiger that you knew was out there because you were frightened of it, and the tiger was really selfconscious about the sheep nearby and it was no, it's terrible. It's a it's a good analogy. It's just not thought out through properly all the way because if a metal shift is just left moored up in the in the harbor, over time it's going to rust the water and the air, little crowd and it'll rust, not fall apart. But I think that speaks magnificently to people left idol will begin, you know, the their brain functions will decay and they will become rubbish idiots, just rubbish, crappy to get put m O, come on now, sat right here, just sat watching ITV all day. I don't watch ITV. I'm not going to pay for a TV license. No, no, you don't. You don't need a TV license to watch catch up, but you do need it if you're going to watch the BBC live or on cars, only live television. Yeah, American listeners, we have to have a license for a TV. You're allowed to watch TV as long as you've got somebody that also does have a TV licenses and and has held it for longer than three years and they can supervise you while you watch TV. Can do that. You know what's really weird, though? What's really strange is that over the last few days we've had like a sharp uptick in listeners from from the US, and so I bet they are super fucking confused at the moment about what a TV license. Well, I've got my kitchen knife license, which I use for button I've got. I've got my TV license. Obviously I can't operate a TV because it's electrical. It my hurt me. I do have to call the police to come over and turn a laptop on because there is a small chance of belcuting me. HMMM MMM, and you would. There's lots of scary things on the Internet. So I've got PC inspector Dennis Walker with me here making sure I don't look at any criminal things and the Internet. Thanks, Danny. No Naughty fornies. Now you're allowed to look at porn. It's just super uncomfortable because Dennis is watching, just not naughty ones. Yes, we're talking softcore. I'm going to move past Dennis watching porn with Alex and offer both the best way out is always through. NOPE, nope. I've left a room by the door several times. I don't need to go through the wall, like I don't need tell mean I'm I'm in my okay, break the illusion slightly. I'm not in the PODCAST recording studio today. I am offsite. I am working. I'm recording from home today and I'm in my office. Well, just got one door, just got one door and it's got one window, and if I wanted to leave and go through the window, I'd break my ankles. HMM. Yeah, but you could, I could do it. It's not the best way, though, is it? I'd like to rephrase it. The best way out is the way you came in. The best way out is to complete your task and retreat. Yes, because then it keeps the sentiment as well. The best, the best way out is to ascend to Godhood and leave via the roof, and that's how I've been leaving my rooms for weeks now. Okay, it's a powerful stone work at the end of it, at the end of a job in the way, I just as send through the roof. Good work on Nishian Ash. Well done. And then, lastly, as two more after this, but the last one I don't think I can read because it makes want to throw up. Do Or do not? There is no try. So that's Yoda, who was a very wise man. Yeah, he did say that he was dyslex it was any he was the dyslexic g nome, dyslexic he was. He. Yes, I love how many jokes there are about Yoda, like I love all the Yoda jokes. See The wall do them all right, and I don't know any of them off my heart. I just think the voices just told me there were a lot. Yeah, there are loads of YODA jokes. Hang on a second, I'll pull some up. You fucking fuck yode. Do you know them, though? What? No, I don't, but my phone knows them. As far as I was aware, actually were the resident Yoda joke expert. So you're really letting the side down right. That's true. I have got that tattooed on my...

...face. Listen here, Ashley Yodeman. All these are all terrible, these are all gone awful. There's loads of YODA jokes, really shit ones, though, the jokes available. Why was Yoda hired at the Green House? Yeah, I don't know. Because he had green fingers. Right, right, right. How about is that? Because that could be about the grinch, it could be about anybody with green fingers. The whole few googled the hulk, the hunk gardening joke. It would bring that one up. It's just a recently the same joke. Green Bass jokes please Google. No, I actually have a Google in my house. He's listening. That was the oldest man thing I've ever heard you say. I have a Google in my house. Got One of them. She's always listening off. It's been a while since we've done this. Hey, Google, play the thirty three percent majority. Fuck you, guys. Say No now. That doesn't hang on. No Way and it now. That was supposed to be for our listeners, but they took for me to have said that command, for me to have said that, they would have had to already be playing. That was the worst hack anyone's ever done. They could be at somebody else's house. It's probably worse. You've probably just ruined this podcast for them, because they're now on four, episode one, which, yes, come back quickly. Don't listen to episode one. Whatever you do, it's the last ash. Do the do the worst one, do the last one. Oh, but they're all so fucking right. Okay, knock, knock, who's there? Yoda, Yoda, who? It just says Yoda, such a good kid, but it doesn't make any fucking sense. I was, I was, I really was expecting a really profound yeah, I thought you I have I have one last thing to read, I excited explained, and that I basically went looking for inspirational things and I found one. Yeah, I don't think it's meant to be inspirational, but it just says, Fellas, if your girl has highlights, where's Chunky jewelry and likes to roll a blade, that's not your girl, that shadow the hedgehog. I've no idea. I don't understand it either, but I'm sorry. Actually who who said that one? I think that was sun, say in the ear of the sun, sue in the heart of or it was knuckles. Knuckles said it. Knuckles, looks like you fucks. I'm just saying. Okay, well, anyway, to just a round off then I just want to say to all of our all of our lovely listeners, if you've got, if you need one mantra to live your life by, it's live, laugh and love, Oh true. O. Ye, just just finally, just to overhauling actually segment slightly. Do you, either of you, actually have anything that you do strongly believe in? Because I do. What one thing I always say is if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right, and I just trying to apply that to a lot of things. I yet it's why this podcast sounds the way it does, because it's not really worth it's I don't bother. Well, I I've had I've had a motto in my in my twitter bio, I think, since I had twitter, and I think it's still really important, you know, in my life, which is to say that there's three things that are important to me. That's skating, hating and respirating. And you really really mine. Is Something Tom said where it's be the adult you needed as a child, which I'm still I still think that's the nicest thing. Is Sweet. It's like that is a nice one. I got really nice for a minute there. How do we dirty it up again? Sorry, I piss, shitted and farted. It's about to get more pissy, shitty and fartycatockers flat as just just terrible. Welcome everybody to our regular segment...

...between segments. Burn the Freak Shannary, beautiful and stanky. The stink is forever. That goes on forever. I'm never gonna get that one out the curtains. Tom Tom Sat that to a hot whalk. For any new listeners, and this is a segment between segments where we take random urban dictionary entries and just try and figure out what the frick they mean. Right, right, right, yeah, yes, yes, Thomas, that's the one. Tom We all agree. Right, thanks, cool. I'm a couple podcasts my right. Just severely polite. Okay, first one of the day. Uh Huh, it's are you ready? Yep, beef walk, Beata. Let's beef like the the meat joint of beef. And what I do when I go to the when I go to the Sainsbury's, I do the bee for when I put you off to say no's you doing the beef walks, right, got, yea, when I put the steak down my trousers, we'll have to pay for it. Yes, Crime, okay, I'm gonna am I right? Am I in a safe space right now? Is it just me and my two friends right now? I feel like you are. Huh, only us. Will Mute this part of the podcast so the listeners can't hear. It's a guy ahead, but it is it likely to be labial in nature? Oh, again with a great vaginal descripting words, though, Lebial descripting. Yeah, fucking describe, encryptive. Descriptive is a word, not the one you said, but yesterday is. Yeah, yeah, deciding, descripting. Yeah, that's not great. Yes, that is a good describatory word. Alice. Thank you. Yeah, is it? Is it likely to be something you know of that genre? I hope not, because all the giants are beautiful. Yep, even yours. As with all people, they come in many varying I come in many varying alex comes. Oh No, no, no, okay, I think we just need to wrap this one up now. I think it's to do with maybe something being swollen in, you know, that region in which. which flavor of person are we discussing currently? Thomas, vaginae, female, that, yes, I yes, somebody who, somebody who has a vaginus, a labial person, if you will. Hmmm, yes, I think it's something to do with in large and enlarged Pangaea. Yes, isn't that where mankind came from? Panchetta? I think it's someone that's got a very big PANCHETTA. Okay, Ash I know what I want to say and be right and win, but I'm going to say is it when I'm shoplifting steaks and leave a walk funny because I'm hiding all those steaks. I've seen you do it. You look like an old gun slinger. Alex, just Alex, distracts a security guard by taking down his trousers and showing them his his beefk, yes, his public, indecent beefwalk. Okay, the definition of beefalk is going outside or away from a group of people in order to Fart with less consequence and more confidence. I hate that we can never find the happy medium. We're either way too wholesome or fucking disgusting. We can never get it in the middle anymore. Yeah, HMM. If you would like an example of how to use it in a in a sentence or in a conversation, person A. Hey, where did you just go? Person, be had to go on a beefalk and those flunch gave me the Perry Perry farts. Hu. Excellent, that's that's the sentence. I came here. Yeah, Yucky, nasty. I'm now the host and I'm going to do it. I'm doing...

...it now. I'm having a host time. He's going to do it. Oh my God, Oh fuck. For the first time, ladies and gentlemen, in seventeen episodes of thirty three percent majority podcasting, it's time for me to do a game. Oh my God, it's my favorite type of games. Just side basically type of get ok at, sorry, Jip, right, okay, just sorry. Sorry, just just just quickly, can we just nip into the meeting room quick of course, yeah, don't. Yeah, just gonna hang on. Just gotta come down off the energy. I'm sorry. I had my announcement voice on them. was very excited from a no, gone top. He was somebody. He was in his flow as sorry. Sorry, may will be back with you in a second. S. I'll just I'll be really quick, Alex, and you know Alex, like basically the only thing that I bring to this fucking podcast is fucking games. Like fuck you try to do to me. HMM. What I've done Tom is I've devised a game that is better than any game you've ever done, played or heard of. Now, Gat, get out, get out of my meeting room. Get Out, get out of my office. Is it meeting with an EA? Just out, curiously, yes, we've come in here to farm before ever room. Anyway, I'm doing a game now and it's the best type of game. It's the type of game with a layer and element of trickery and sneakery, for I have a shriked to know of sneaked boys, and I have approached your partners and I have quizzed them on themselves. And I'm going to ask you two questions about your partners and we're going to find out. How well do you know him? Then, and this game is called well, how well do you know and then, Alex, why have you done that? As a prank, as a good prank? Joe, I'm a terrible fucking partner. Jeez, Shit, a room, good game to play with everybody. Fun For all the Mollie, but probably not you too. So like so I've asked, I've asked, and Tom I've been asking Natalie questions and as I spoke to your partner and she didn't want her full actual name to be on the podcast, so she will be known henceforth as the Bee's knees. So I asked Natalie and the Bee's knees these questions and we'll see how many you can get right. This is terrible. Fine, we'll start off with easy mode, shall we? I'm in the zone. Let's go. I asked Nat and the Bee's knees what is your favorite place? What's their favorite place? Guys, your significant others who you love so much in the world. Where do they love to go? Chrry sharps, I'm going to just Amsterdam on a boat. I'm going to cut, cut, just get that. Cut It just quickly. It is a geographical location with an upper case first letter. It is a place, not a charity shop. No likes what you done. Okay, I think that. So this is this is really fucking difficult because like is is my answer is the one for my partner. Is that geographical as well? Or is it? I'll give you it's easy mode. Yes, both of these are geographical locations. Okay, is my partner's favorite place to go? Casper's dessert shop. That doesn't sound like a when I say geographical, look at I mean like town name, name of place. Find it on Matt Rights, but in okay, and like them, but one of those two places. And Thomas, what's Natalie's best place? Best Place, most favorite, wonderful place. Oh, it's like it's somewhere like the not not the Netherlands, but like it. It's like German in nature, like yeah, AH, go one both be dating German, liking girls. Oh my God, it begins with like a B or a DA. Go on, go on, yeah, can I give? Can I give my ideas? God, yeah, Flix together. Berlin, Denmark? Is it? No...

...fucking bees in d's The bee's knees do which Deutsch? Le's just Germany. A D that's that's Germany. Fucker Rue Bavaria in your own time, guys, whenever you're readying Dang Ding Dang Dar fuck you could. This is the easy round. This is the first question of the easy rare. Doesn't start getting real personal because, like the Bee's knees, know some things about me. I'll tell you. I've got some weaknesses. I'm just I'm just bad at geography. So if German and B and D can be enough, I'm fucking kicking myself because I know she basically she went there when she was a child a lot. So change your stories about horses. Your final answer is somewhere in Germany beginning with either B or D. Yes, a German place beginning the D or d yes, and your answer for the Bee's knees is a Berlin. Yeah, both cocked it. Fuck that really enjoys chromer, beautiful English seaside town on the east coast. Can the beast knees likes Dublin? Ah, ittery forgot that as well. Round two of easy mode. Fuck. What what are your partner's favorite foods? Are Chilicon, carnate donuts? Fuck, well, there we go, theil that. Now that that that one. You've both got a point each. Hey, who tom, we have to draw or we have to both lose, like miserably, like we can't. I don't want you when I don't want me to wear I agree. Yeah, the third and final round of easy mode. What are your partner's favorite colors? Orange, you're saying at the same time. Who said what I said? YEA, like Tom Hutchinson said Orange, and you both saw up to two points each. Weld. Now hesitation, because it's because be's knees like sunflowers. There are favorite hard mold. Engage, I'll fuck. I'm hard. What was the name of their first pet? Are We dated fishing? What was that mother's made in name? What is their social security number, tom what was Natalie's first pet? Called and Ashley? What was the bee's knees first pet? Called lucky the duck, or Bruno lucky the duck? I think. Okay, Tommy, Oh, it's a it's a dog and it's a girl and I can't. What was the what was the girl dog's name? Yeah, that I I sort of grasp. Tom If you could just say now the name of the girl dog that it was, I think, I think you could really clinch the answer here. Say That bitches name, Hey and ex. Can can you just tell me it? Can you just text me out? I'll take no, sir, real. Okay, wait, I'm messaging time. Give youself. You can't. You cannot be in Kot I know the answer. I'm going to tell him. Yes, say, this is gonna be Great. Hang on, okay, ashput ASS pug and I don't think that's the one know. How did he know? Are you submitting an answer, Tom or are you forfeitting this round? Ow? Can I get the first letter? No, fuck, just say it like, just like, as if, as if you know the person that you've been a relationship would like for ages, just like give the answer to the question like you know it. Jesse. So we went with a Jesse for NAT's first had a lucky the duck for the bee's knees, and both were wrong. That's first pet was called hop Scott and the bee's knees first pet was called jiggly puff. Oh, fucking jiggly puff. Oh what? What flavor of Annal is Jiggli puff? I feel like it was one of the land snails. Gross, still, chaps, still, just on two points that you got. Just remind you in there during easy mode. This one should be pretty easy. What is their go to...

...meal deal? Now there is a time limit on this one and it's quicker than whatever we did last time, because it will get boring to listen to. Okay, I've got mine done. Fire off the off the hip. Go on. What's now to go to meal deal? Hoisting duck rap. Yeah, he's gonna pick probably some form of Hula Hoop or fruit, and I think the drink is going to be some kind of like Berry smoothie. Are you are two out of three with that one, Tommy boy, we've got a hoisting dug rap, pringles under very smoothie. Okay, pringles, like yeah, she I would say pringles is like very variable. That that that's as often as a chicken sat a or a or a fruit bowl. So it's not the one you said, though, Ashley. What does the bee's knees acquire for a meal deal? Snack? Oh, bloody balls and it's what shops she's going through. Is this like the ideal, at the perfect one? What's the perfect one? I said, what's your perfect most favoritist meal deal? So it's one. Yeah, it's a BOT innocent smoothie or and crisps. Wise quavers. Okay, almost, almost as got one of the three. She enjoys a Mexican chicken wrap, a Brownie and lisent smoothie. Of course she does. Greg's God fucking Damn it. I'm so mad. Question number three, this one's really tricky. I do have to get help from this one. This was a multiman operation. I had Beth, her apprentice, I had obviously nap and the bee's knees helping. This is multilayered here. What brand of shampoo conditioner do they use? See every day, chaps, every single day in your little scrub boxes where you go to acquire cleanliness. Why is it? Why is one a second there? No, no, doesn't count. You can't, you won't get any points. You won't, it won't happen. Ashley's away from his microphone but we can still hear him and he's actively cheating, and Tom's been quiet for too long now. So I'm distrustful. Sums taking his mic with him like a sneaky cunt. I'm still here. I'm still here, and it's blue. DABADIDA's expensive. It's got a gold top to it and I know that the ingredients are like are gon o wheel or something, but I don't know what the brand is. I have no clue what the brand is. I don't know the brand either. No idea. So you've got no idea. Ash If you got no idea, not a fucking clue. So not uses ogx. Who knew that even existed? And the Bee's knees has several. I literally use anything. So we won't get that, but if I had to say any, it be treasome. Okay, cool, so that. Yeah, like, I'll fuck the bee's knees. Blur out, please, Blur. I'll blur that out on the podcast. Yeah, no, where is mail? Blur it. Yeah, visual effect that, guys. If you just crush your eyes when you hear that for the if you could just squint a bit as you hear that. Guys, we really need to speed run this now, because I've got like three minutes left go. Now we this is great. I love this. What are Newt and the Bee's knees is pet peeve gives them the IK oh. I know this one one that fucking so basically, when I'm doing a Poopos and I like leave the toilet roll off the toilet roll holder and she fucking hates it. I do so many things to wind the bee's knees up. There's so many things. Let's not specifically about you. It's just in general. Generic pet peeves x O, generic pet peeves, jooginess. Did did the Bee'sknee say? Huginess? So what Choogie? Nurse, I don't know what the fuck that word is. Jogie is kids slang or teen slang for stuff being like cringeworthy, but in like a really nondescript way. So like you'RE NAN calling the corner shop a...

...naughty thing. Okay, could be joogie. Or like you know when you're go into like a new build house and they've got like glitter fronted TV unit and glitter fronted kitchen units and you think, Jesus, that's tacky. Choogie, choogie. Okay, okay, right, I learned something, but you've evidence that you guys have an over your long and extensive relationships Natalie's pet peeve is, firstly tongue getting all of these wrong. Bad Grammar. I will of yeah, okay, that's probably the biggest one. And the BEE's knees simply doesn't like creepy man now, but she's been fucking dating one for nearly four years. How was I going to get that? I wasn't going to say me. Was I number five? What's there? Go to online clothes shop. What's The fucking one? Call where? It's second that deep up and Tom she in. Huh, all fast fashion. That's noty. She shut. She shut. Now I don't know it. It's got. Maybe it's got begins with an M or something. There is a sheer that you shop online for. No, she I don't think it is that one. It's not. Pray my primark isn't online. Is it a sauce? No, it's not a sauce. No, mass murderers onlinecom that's the one. Yet I'll go with that. No, it was misguided, Miss Guys. Yeah, fuck, go to a quick reprieve just to tally up the scores. Here was my well, was mine? Depart that? I get that right. You did, Ashley. You Won. You won that round. You fucking no baby. I'm so smart, sexy and handsome. Oh guys, it's for for full. I'll share time right around while now. I've still got loads of questions. I could do this for another hour. Number six, if applicable. Any food allergies from either of them? Now? Zero, zero allergies. You win this round. That was a quick one, boys. No food allergies for either of them. I've tried everything, but nothing kills a great number seven of hard mode. The final question for hard mode. Tom What's that's favorite thing about you? And ash what's the bee's nes favorite thing about you? It's either going to be is going to go on your tongue. Now, I was just gonna say this is going to make me cry when I hear it. Probably is it. The only thing I can remember her saying to like, to me of note would be that, like when we got together, she liked my teeth. Okay, so that's one. Maybe. Is that your final answer? Are you still thinking? Now? I'M gonna go teeth, teeth, okay, I respect that good teeth are important. Mine's probably going to be either my butt or the fact that I just know loads of stuff, but I'm going to go with my butt. Oh well, you fucked it the final hurdle there, Thomas, that's favorite thing about you is your taste in films and music, and also hefty todger, hefty targe and Ashley the Bee's knees. Favorite thing about you is your intelligence. Oh God damn it, but you went with. You went with, you juicy cheeks right at the end there. Well, that's she the actually only ever compliments my ass or my intelligence, and I was like, it's just going to tell. I like fie thinks I'm smart. Probably not. It's salad. Oh Fuck, how many facebook friends have they got? One, fifteen, hundred, fucking so much less than that, like fucking, oh Geez, like, oh, it's got to be like it can't be a lot. And didn't twenty. I'm giving it to that has got nine hundred and fifteen facebook friends. The BEA's knees has a hundred sixty eight. So as was as was definitely closest. You Win. You're the better boyfriend. It's well, that's that's the facts. Six to five second question of insanity mode, and there's only one more after this. Don't worry. I asked that your lady friends, not including insert boy name here. Who is your favorite host of the thirty three percent majority? Alex. Oh yeah, Alex. okay, that's a tie then good.

Was it going to be me, was it? Everybody loves me. So, that said, I like you will equally, not a lot, but still equally. I ONE MMM and the bee's knee said me. All right, Insert Bee's knees his name here. Thanks. How did I due to you? That's why, toime, she knows you don't know her name. I do not know her name. It's not for the victory or anything, but I have a final question here, just for fun. Boys, can you tell me Your partner's most recent bank transaction? Yep, fucking good to go boxes. It's good to go box. You go and get that local bakeries or whatever, when they have stock they don't sell, we buy them. So we go buy that and then that that goes into our food covers, so we don't waste food that much. That's a pretty wholesome thing. It's not that, though. Yeah, I need to know the time frame and he so when this was, because Friday lunch time. Well, Friday lunchtime far fucking sending money. It would have been sending money to me. Charity Shops, charity shops. On Friday Natalie sent money to Tom loll and the bee'snees paid for an expensive car apow. So at the end of that round, boys are that is the conclusion to my game. Well, well, do you know? And then, and Ashley knows them Pretty Ding Dang well, with seven of ten questions done correctly. Was it thirteen? It was some questions that he got seven of them correct. And Thomas, you got a piss paw six dudn't, don't, Dun Dune. Okay, I one. I hate myself now you should. Congratulations, actually, for being a better boyfriend. Yeah, and Pretty Croud of you. I just I just needed to say, though, the the friction e is gonna overheat real bad. Yeah, really on I went into overtime that that segment. I'm going to need to only out like a five minute segment next week. Don't know. You don't get to do a five minutes segment. That's almost a treat. That's a reward. Welcome back to our regular segment between segments urban, the Freak Shannary. God, he's going for it. Yep, put all the stank on that one. Welcome back the second word of the day is Dirk, and that's d you are okay. I went to school with Dirk. He wasn't very smart. Man. Just sound sounds like that kind of person, doesn't it? Is it what you when you when you really upset and you want to cause someone a Dick, but you're like about to sob and you know, when you're like you're really upset and you want to have the last word. You you've really did look. Yeah, okay, it's when you're trying to get your friend Derek's attention in a hurry. You showing it. Come on deck. It's a posh duck or it's a very posh dog. Oh, Yastani, let's go and feed the dirks. Cop Come Nelson, let us feed the dirks. MMM, you remember that segment you did Alex on new swear words? I wonder whether somebody cleaned it really soon after our episode because of our international fame. Maybe. Is it? Is it? What, because I think was that? Was that? What do we say? Something similar to that? I think so. Did we go with Dirk? Dirk does sound a bit scathing. Yeah, I know you want to steer clear of him. He's a proper dirk. He's a dirkhead. In fact, that does sound like that. It sounds like someone intellectually challenged. Sounds like a thick. Oh, I think that's what it sounds like to me. It sounds like like a noise that you would make to imitate somebody who's do and intelligent. Dirk. Yeah, I think it's a name for someone who's less than we are. Okay, right, that sounds super least. I love it. Yes, it does shere we find out. Yes, please, as your secrets. Daddy, Neanderthal Patriarch Responsible...

...for the Great Twenty thousand BC fire party, having discovered wine and fire in close proximity dirt through one halacious routing, tooting wild cave party and three quarters of the known world attended. It was a cave orgy of epic proportion. Willy Mammoth cookouts and rock and rolling. We're just a few. Would just a few of the festivities. Dirt would be immortalized in many cave paintings around Western and central Europe, many thought to be pornographic in nature. Can you imagine, though, if either one of us had just got that Fucking Bang on? Yeah, if we just fall on fucking nailed it yeah, it was impossible. We weren't far off though that we yeah, essentially it just sounds like the best idiot now the best idiots. Alex. yeah, yes, that's very true. Thanks. I didn't want to say that the Tom was the best idiot. Tomes the best, but he's not an idiot. I don't think either of the two things you just said. A true self hates the worst. Hey, that was Gandy, by the way. So self dedication is the route to self enlightenment. Thanks, but a YEP, I'm a host now. So I've sprinkled throughout the show that I've had a couple of meetings with with the fellows upstairs. God, yeah, know, the owners of the Big Business Corporation that is, the thirty three incorporated, the thirty three percent conglomerate. Yeah, they've not been best pleased with me recent lie. I wasn't allowed to go on the retreat. They have been problems about my performance and not meeting KPI's I've had to pick up some more responsibilities in terms of editing. So I feel as though, you know, there's some trust coming back. One thing that they did say to me, which was really Nice, Steve Actually said that you guys. Have Steve's been down to meet you guys? Right, no, not much, Steve. You to see the new guy in HR or? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fucking scary, all the Little Guy, little little bold guy that rides a scooter, that GIMP. He's not gaything, he's not scary. I could be him in a fight. Okay, I could beat him in a scoot off at no, sorry, I couldn't. I couldn't. I just remember everybody. By the way, HR is the business's friend, not your friend. In my meeting with them, where we discussed various aspects of my current performance, they said that they were actually quite happy with the Games I was bringing to the shows, which is why I'm sort of quite concerned at the fact that they for some reason authorized Alex to do one. The problem that they had was that most of my games have names, and one that they they haven't seen for a while and they wanted me to do again was the one where where we basically just take the piss out of horror stories. H's been a while. Yeah, they wanted us to have basically just a five minute mainstorming session trying to come up with a name for it, and then they don't. They didn't want me to waste too much time and actually still do some. So can we come up with a name for my horror time story camp fire segment? Yeah, it's the horror time scary campfire segment, obviously. No, no, it's got to be repeatable. Tommy's cuddly teddy bear time. I'm here for them, with a bit of misdirect in it, I Mister Act. Right, okay, Tom bathtime with Tommy. I'm here for bathtime with Tommy. I've already got back a nudes on Bab ash. We do that every week anyway, so I don't worry about that. God, I thought this would be encroaching on that time and I get really upset. No, no, we you'll still get your bathtime. It's on me, like rhyming, but I also like you know urban what the frictionary is like, to play on Wor tenpole. It's there. Yeah, why don't we call it something terrifying, like spooky showdown? Why, we could. Why don't you say that? It right, guys, it's time for a spook them up. Oh yeah, like a beat him up,...

...but with spooks. Okay, time for a spook them up. What do we think to that. Is that a contender or yeah, that's getting there. But also, you know, as with the the naming convention of the shows, that has a bit of Alliteration, I feel like there needs to be another s word in the title. So I like spoke them up, but there's got to be something else. Shit, spook them up. It's time for US spectrals spookem up. Scary spookem up that that's just somewhat redundant. By spook them up, I think a spooky, spooky spook them up. That's three spur. That's a literation. It's time to spook them up till the pook come out. SYLLABILISTIC alliteration. Is that something? MMM, I think not. That's not anything. Okay, why didn't we just call it David, which I think is a nice name. David's frightening WHOO S Spooky David. It's time for a spooky David, time for a Spooky David. We're going to have a spooky David, guys, Tom I'm ready for a spooky David now, please. Okay, you know, actually, I quite like it, Tom We've already decided. Spooky David's coming. Make Room it's time for everybody's favorite recurring segment, Spooky David, and then I have that sound effected perfect. Yes, okay, right, okay, we'll just call them spooky David's. Then I've got some spooky David's today. Do you guys want to hear my Spooky Dave? I've really liked here. You Spooky David's please, Tom Cool. I'm actually concerned now because I didn't listen back to the previous episode, so I hope I'm not repeating. Have we had this one before? Yeah, they expects so much for listening. Everybody will see me. Yeah, I've been your host, Tom and I've been your host Spooky David shook cock. There was a picture of me sleeping on my phone. I live alone. That self sticks really paying for itself. Yeah, I really forgot. I invested in ring indoor security system. This week's episode sponsored by ring. Maybe it's just a really intrusive sleeping at. Yeah, where you set it at? Said like check up on your sleep, walk in and sleep Sekinore, the ones that record you when you're talking the night, and then you've just got a recording of you on your phone saying no, no, I've got one of those built into my house. It's called my wife and any time I do any particularly bad story, she records it sends me it so I can review it in the morning and make it the necessary apologies for the crimes I committed in the night. It's wonderful, but I don't think you can have an APP called my wife because everyone would just pronounce it like Bar at My wife, which is the peak of two thousand and nine comedy. Then, how not even funny. I hate it. You know what's fucking horrible? That actually this episode is devolved so, so, so terribly, that we're actually using bore at humor. No, it means it's good, that's all. When it is what the thing about podcasting to remember is bad is good. If it feels like a Yucky episode, means it's a yummy episode. That's that's pretty much true. Give the listeners what they want, and all they want is another spooky David, because we debunk that one. There's another spooky David coming out at this this one I just don't understand. It's in Spanish, so you've got to read it in Spanish. Now you've got to put it in good which translated and swinish for David L David. Oh, they're coom stairs, spooky and David Soy dom there. So sorry, Spooky David. So I spooky David Anyway. Right, fuck it. This one. Yeah, I don't understand it, so you guys are probably going to need to explain it to me. said, I don't fucking get it. It says I finally found my wife the kidney she needed. I've lost Tom Again. His wife's Never gonna get that kidney. This is the spookiest of Spooky David that Tom just evaporated halfway...

...through. Seems Sas David is taken over Tom's podcast. He found he found his wife the kidney she needn't it was Tom's corporeal form. He's probably Kidney Tom. I'm back, great joke. Kidney, NA, no, no, tone. Can we have that Spooky David Again, please? From the top. Sure, I finally found my wife the kidney she needed. It took forever to track down everyone she donated organs to after the crash. Oh, oh, he's rebuilding his wife. He's he's reassembling his wife. Oh, I get it, I get it right. Okay, so he wants to do a Frankenstein. To her it's Frankenstein's monster. Frankenstein was the doctor. Maybe I'll Ram your frank insight. You know, when you've reassembled your wife after a horrific accident, you've still got a loads of nuts and bolts left over afterwards. What do you do with them? That's fucking scary. It's putting a hindem under something. We've got a draw for the spare nuts and bolts. More the times the bees knees has fallen off climbing walls. It's time for another spooky David God, you're to use evil laughs are great. My laugh sounds like someone's kicking a horse to death, so I can't really like a drunk Goblin. Yes, excuse me, boys, it is I'm just trying to keep to my quota so that Steve's happy. My sister says that mummy killed her, but mummy says I don't have a sister. There's a really horrible Joe to make there about somebody that went missing a long time ago. But I'm better than that and I will be absolutely mad a little to say Joe Right. I think it's probably more of a scenario of just like the mum being forgetful. Classic Mum. Classic MOMS don't it is for getting stuff. fucking do. It's Tiffany, right, yeah, Oh, yeah, Shit, Oh, now I left her at nursery. Gotta go. Yeah, exactly. It's precisely what I was going to say. Actually ruined my punchline, you bitch. Sorry, mean, sorry, Spooky David. Should we have I don't actually know how much time I've got left. Of six minutes, plenty of time for more spookerific David's. The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing one thousandwo hundred and seven, before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screens. I sat bolt at right, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read twelve o six, I had my closet door creak open. Well, if it's a twelve hundred six, I would make it lunch time. You've ever slept me? She's just waking you up to tell you late for work. All alarm clocks are like twenty four hours, surely? MMM. Alternatively, it's daylight savings time and the spooky boy is an hour late and he's just woken up to be disappointed. He's just like what the Fuck, man? MMM, professionals have standards. It's a home invasion, but it's a bear. It's just it's just Canada twice a week. Yeah, exactly, a burglar. Better Banglers that really well, day that want it. Chief, this one's like a this this this one is actually quite worrying, and it's part of the reason why I don't want to be buried when I die. It goes as follows. I can't move, breathe, speak or hear, and it's so dark all the time. If I knew it would be this lonely, I would have just been...

...cremated instead. Uh Huh, see, I'd be really shit. Married a light. I get distracted really easily, so I'd get distracted from the panic of that and just fall asleep by HMM, Ryan Reynolds did a movie where he was buried alive, so whoever struggling with that just go watch that film. They bury you with an IPAD, don't from the DVD player inside your box. Yeah, Blue Ray, you can be buried with whatever you want. So whatever you want. If you get like to be buried with my friends. You two hi guys, welcome back to another episode of the thirty three percent majority. I'm your host, Alex Springthorpe. I'm your host Tom Hutchinson. This week I want to talk about so good. Well, I'm dizzy for that. The doctors told okay, you're still going. Another little nugget of laughter, juice, just a little, a little sipping of that's right, my fucking Alle A. Comedy that is, you know, just the fucking quiet, just so, so many layers to that comedy. GM, Spooky. I like Suky Dad. Me Too. I got you. I'm quite enjoying spooky David as well. And we I think we've got time for one more, shall we always? Yeah, go on cool one. After struggling desperately to move any part of his paralytic body just to alert the doctors that he was conscious before they made the first incision, he was relieved to see that one of the nurses had noticed his pupils dilating from the bright light. She leaned in close and in a whisper that tickled his here she spoke these nuts. Now, sorry, she's spoke in whispers my paralytic body. Just before they made the first incision, he whispered these not, we don't know. You're awake. Economical. No, I think he's nuts. I think that's these nuts, Alex. actually, speaking of that, you know what, just a round off this wonderful episode of the thirty three percent majority, can you just walk the guys, the audience, through what happened in our in our text conversation the other day? Welcome back to the everybody's favorite episode of the thirty three percent majority. It's the bit where we talked you through some nonsense that happened in our group chat that you weren't there for. So Tom said. A while logo SCO scroll, score scroll, Tom Message and Tom, Tom said in the group Chat, how mad is it that we went straight from vinyl records to cassettes and Strimm on like spotify and Shit, and I said Yeah, Pretty Mad. Tom came back. Yet like that would be like if we went from VHS to Netflix with no DVD's and shit, and as just replied, really playing along with it. Not As mad that we went from Jesus to jet planes in two thousand years. And I brought half an hour later, picked up measure Tom's message. I was Oh, hang, I'm Tommy. You did forget CD's the laser disc, was a pretty dope for data conveyance for a while there, and Tom, within let me check the records here, zero point, zero one seconds, replied with this picture of a squirrel pointing to his testicles. That says CD's nuts. And what he done is he'd set set both of us up for a good punch line to a joke. Ashley thought it was an interesting topic to discuss. I had to well, actually, to Tom I had a had a well actually, to bust him with and yeah, it hurt. It was a betrayal. As, the next day message, and we've been chatting for a while, that more and need just message after a brief reprieve and said, guys, that's what I vent real quick. So, yeah, of course you can, mate. It's a picture of the little...

...among us. Man Them and said thanks, alexcited. It's another betrayal, another betrayal. And then Tom said, because we always like to kind of pre up a little bit for what we're what we're doing, make sure we're not both doing like reddit segments or whatever Tom said. Tonight, I'm one hundred percent discussing bof A, discussing both for that's my segment, don't steal it, and ash replied, Oh, how interesting. It's a tough sub jacked. I imagine they were in coats organizing another Alex Prank scam and I was watching. This happened Tom said now I think it will be good. I said, we have to both get a heat. No, we have to not get heated about Botha fuck. I hate it so much even just reading it. It's just both for these nuts. Fuck off. Yeah, that's the reminded me of the betrayal. I'm done to a podcast. Now. What's the end of it? Well, this has been a podcast. Guys, this has been the thirty three percent majority. We hope you liked our anecdotes. We hope you liked the dumb segments we did today. It would be really super appreciated if you could share this on your instagram, you know, share it. Not even that share its share it. It's every person shared it with one person. That would be so helpful. One friend, just so hey, give this a while. Not even just friends. Let me just go to your go to your grandma's house and set a timer on her yes, and make it play. It absolutely, but we really appreciate the listen, listenership, guys, and your support has been amazing and we really appreciate it. So, anyway, I've been your host Tom Mutchinson. I've been your host Alex Springfield. I've also been a host of some of some variety Ashley Hall. So you're all next week. Bye Bye, Bye Buggin.

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