The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 19 · 8 months ago

Ep. 19 - Facebook Factions, Fantastic Feelings and Fatherly Funnies

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Hail and well met, esteemed listener. This is almost the 20th episode of a podcast called The 33% Majority. It’s a pleasure to have you here with us.

In this week’s episode, your 3 gallant gents (Alex, Ash and Tom) will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing some utterly wonderful Facebook groups (and maybe a surprise visit from Steve, our HR manager), some of our favourite ’Magic Moments’ (y’know, those everyday events that keep you going), and a heaping of dad jokes (for good measure), respectively.

And also, if you're here reading this, please share this podcast with a friend, family member, colleague, or even a stranger on public transport. Word of mouth is a powerful thing, and we’d like to enlist your wonderful gaping maw.

I'm crying. Hello and welcome to the thirty three percent majority, a talk show where you'll find three friends fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame. And I'm your host man with backwoods Benjamin Button Syndrome, Tom Hutchinson. Actually, I think you're fine. I'm your host man with new hat, Ashley Hall. No, I think you'll find I'm your host youngest brother, thirty under thirty, media luminary, Alex Brook. Thought, nice to meet your it's nice to meet you. HMM, how are we all, chaps? Yeah, I'm income doing fine. So it's so British to say yeah, when people ask you how you are. How are you? How are you? Yeah, yes, correct, I am. I exist. I'm on this plane. Come on this plane. We're all going on holiday. I feeling pretty good. There you go with your lovely this time of year. Oh, with the kids. Great, thanks. Oh, fuck me, I think I will. We started on a weird energy. How do we normally do these? How do we how do we pot write? Where's the way actions for pocket? Did the air trow say some nonsense? Alex, Alex, over there, Alex and Ale you got them, just over and over in the corner by the window. That's where the manuals just over there, on top of on top of the filing cabinet. No, no, I put it under the filing cabinet. Oh, Ash, can you help me lift the filing cabinet? Yeah, yeah, of course. Just one, two. I'm of the knees. been with the knees, been of the knees. You got it. Step one, do an Intro, step to disagree about who the host is. Step three and neck dotes. Anecdotes are okay, I I I've got one, but you can go first time because you're you're I great. You're the oldest brother. I'm the middle for it's you. I graciously concede. You go first, mate. Well, mine's like my little anexote. Is actually going to be a mixture of things. I've been doing would work for two years now and I love it. I love it. I think it's probably the best hobby I've ever had. I love making things, and today I was made, I was made redundant. This is I've seen the wheel and I was a square. I've been emotionally made redundant. Now. I was a square and then I saw the wheel and I thought fucked it. Haven't I have done it. I got it wrung this whole time. You've lost me in analogies. What's happened? Basically, I was made to feel like a child's painting next to you, like a work of art. I saw on the on the old facebook, because I'm that's what I do with my day, like just some bits that someone had made and I thought that's amazing and I clicked on the guy's page and his work. He's deadwood designs. It's ded would designs. He does like skateboard stuff, but it's like stacked in the most miraculous ways, like I've never seen anything like it's incredible. But yeah, I'm going to go and spend a day learning from that guy. So I'm just super excited. And I also got a new hat, which was why I said that in the intro. Okay, welcome. Yeah, it happen a while since. We've thanked our sponsor, hall and Ivy, on it. See check them out. Also, there's an instagram. Yeah, ton blur, I do check hall and Ivy Out on Bibo. Anything to support the cause. Genuinely some pretty cool stuff that ash makes. It apparently it's going to get cooler because he's got a friend now that does it better than him. Actually, don't check out Hal and IV better friend. I will shout out people who are good at stuff. Honestly, I can't wait. I'm very excited. It's gonna be interesting, as she's the only good at podcasting. I haven't asked him if he's good at podcasting. What if I meet him, though, and he's just a mute, and I feel like mute people are fine, like aud but like Andy podcast. Actually, wouldn't it? We'd have to hire a language person to be as yes, I think, first to be an interpreter. Yeah, yeah, and they'd have to speak a lad and we'd have to get interpreted with a good voice or we feel guilty. Maybe that's all Ashley is now. Yeah, just a quick note. The thirty two percent majority is not a anti mute podcast. We are. We are pro mute, Prom you, and we'll do it by example. See, dude, I manage like three seconds. I'm a toddler. We told me. What's your story? Well, actually, Alex, my sweet sweet boy, my stories about you and stories about you this week already. Yeah, I'm sure you don't. And the craziest thing happened this week Alex, of his own volition, watched a movie, and a real movie. Had a really I was actually frightened. I was frightened, but actually it's okay. I did do it, guys, don't worry. It was me and I done a movie. I watched it and I'm so happy. The movie he watched was one thousand nine hundred and nine hundred seventeen. That's the very same.

Yes, I've seen that. I feel bad. Yeah, Oh, you just let in the side down now, because now to it. You know, sixty six percent of US have watched it and you're the shit thirty three perside. Is this what it feels like to be Alex? I feel bad. Is this what it feels like to be you? Guys? It feels good. I feel better than you. HMM, superiority, yes, please, Silva screen power. Yeah, but I just thought it was utterly, utterly wonderful that you actually went out of your way to watch a very good fucking film. And then, this is the craziest part, Ashley and Listeners, Oh my God, I suggested some films for Alex to watch that are much in the same vein as on thous nine hundred and seventeen. You know movies about war, and my suggestions were not only listened to but actually accepted, and Alex said he will actually watch a movie that I've told him to watch. This is a lazing this is groundbreaking freaking lists. Hey, list it's list as. I fucking listen, as I got him. I fucking got him with my good movie prank. It's I have no intentions whatsoever watching any of Tommy's rubbish movies. I've watched one about war. Now, what's going to be different? Oh, completed the genre, guys. Moving on, I need to watch and my little pony movie now, and that's basically the full spectrum, isn't it? That's that's the two S too, greatest achievements of mankind, my pony and one nine. Now. Actually, Tommy did recommend war horse, and that's a that that's ponies and war. Is that is that? Is there a my little pony in it? Sure is. That will get you to watch it. Well, there is a horse in it. I can only assume there's at least a horse in it. My anecdote this week? Yeah, my anecdote this week. I've got something to tell you, guys. I was going about shit. Sorry, guys. Yeah, come in. Oh, hi, Sally, you are right. Yeah, not bad. And Steve Wants to see you upstairs as shit. And give me two minutes, guys, I'll be right back. He's in trouble fucking stairs. Oh, I think Alex has left his fucking Mike Left. Is Mica? Right, here we go, I I is Steve. You are you wanted to see me. Alex, come in, take a seat. It's really good to finally meet my name is Steve. I WORK IN HR and I've been watching you from afar. See, we made a mistake of the clerical kind. It was not tom who blew my mind. His studs are good and his games good. Fun Twas you all along who made me Glum. I'm sorry, Steve, I don't understand. Tom's not the one you thought was bland. Yes, indeed, he's my favorite, in fact, and you are about to get the sack. Tom Should have gone on that beach trip, but it was you instead, and that makes me sick. My blood it boils and my fists do pound, for all you do is mess around. I've had enough and I bid you good day. Please, Alex, I beg go away. Put Steve. I'm sure you are mistaken, is it perhaps the Piss you are taking? My goofs are good and I love to podcast. Please let's not do anything crass, Alex. I've told you once and for all. Your time here is done. Into the depths you will fall. The ladder of fame that you have climbed is ruined and broken. This is the end of your time, Steve. The veining your temple begins to bulge. Your sweating profusely. I wish you'd divulge. Why do you hate me? What did I do? Tell me now, I bet it's not true. Enough is enough. You're making me mad. Just go now, or I'll make you sad. Steve stood up from his little desk, towering over the little pest. He threw back his head in a fit of rage and at the top of his lungs, he exclaimed the doctors wanted me all about this. People like you, they make me pissed. You really have caused a fuss, and now my not so going to buss. Guys. That was utterly disgusting, Alex. I'm crying. That was the best thing I've ever listened to. This steve just himself to death, and then Sally said I could stay on the podcast. So Hi, I'm back. You left your icon nuts. You got something your either, Buddy. You got your tissue. There was so much of it, honestly, so much. He's been getting his iron tablets.

WHO's it? What's the tablets you take for big commins, big commins, the big coming tablets. That's a that's the thing I made. It took me a while and know if I should be proud of it. Should you should? I'm proud of you. Well done. Dr seuss sounding ass. So somebody draw a doctor seus thing to go along with that, please. When we reach infinite podcast face, one of our listeners will animate that. I hope. I hope so. I live for it, I live it. I hope Steve Looks like the grinch, only he's like a really weird piss colored yellow. Yes, I'd love to see how they animate the come. I hope that they don't. Yeah, okay, so now that Steve is out of the way and dealt with, I don't need to worry now about playing games. I can play games to my heart's content. So I've thunked up a game for you guys. Oh, let's not. Why I mean it started life as a game and then developing it into a game became really tricky, so I thought I'd just be a fun thing. Anyway. What I intended to do is I have a list of facebook groups and I wanted us to kind of just figure out whether or not they were real, actual facebook groups, or ones that I'd made up. And as I was doing my research into various facebook groups, I realized that there's just so many good facebook groups that I couldn't make any up because they already existed. So I've got some facebook groups here and I just want to stood just kind of discuss. Okay, I'm so here for it. Sounds good. The first one is a facebook group called Friends of table tennis'll be realizing it. Oh, it's not a game. Actually, all of these are really yeah, that's not the game, that all of these are real. There is a facebook great group called the Friends of table tennis, and I've got no idea what they do in there. They wouldn't let me in to find out all because they know you don't love table tennis like they do. WHY WOULD I? I am not a friend of table tennis, you're an enemy. There's a different group for that. Well, know that. That's that's that. That's the intriguing part to me. I said that word weird, but our are there enemies of table tennis and the people that are to imply there are friends of table tennis implies the undid the sister friendship, which is the enemy of table tennis, which is what golf yeah, it's got yeah, well, there's no one on the other side of it. That's definitely golf, isn't it? Now it's it's squash. It's wonderful. Squash players are just trying to destroy the ancient dynasty of table tennis players, and this group is not happy about it's all squash players do is they get table tennis tables and line them up against the wall, and that is the shrine to table tennis and they are just beating the fuck out of them with squash boys. This is what I think of your holy grands just the fum boom, boom, boom boom. I'll give give your only grail a real good seeing to. You'll get your come up and table tennis players done. You. Table tennis players with them. They're stupid hollow balls. I'm sick of it. So, com facebook grew the lawn mower accident support and prevention. Crass. Be Bad at mowing grass. What happened? Well, he was mowing the garden. Oh, he's mugged and stubb no trip. Well, you see this. This is the thing. So immediately my brain thought America, only because, like in America, they have like those big lawn mowers and whereas we just have like the shitty little manual ones for our very small gardens. And just got the big pair of scissors that we keep in the garden shed. Yeah, the big shears. I've just got a goat. We have no requirement for the lawn mower accident support and prevention group in the UK. Oh, darn, and and movement, Damn foot off. Dang it, you have to have a license to have a lawn mower in the UK, to Mowa license. It's a dangerous weapon. You've got to make sure you can mow around some cones. You've got to be able to do a three point Mo you can't have a passenger until you've been mowing for at least a year. Yep, they I they id you be in q when you go to buy your mower. They actually do, though. That's not a joke that I bought lawn NOA blades for my I borrowed my next on neighbor's lawn more and I thought I can't give it back with that one. And Yeah, I had I got idea for the blade. Okay, wow, they're not sharp. Yeah, I know, it's just a piece of attle. Just been good. Yeah, I just thought that one was real fun because, like, what happened? Did you think the grass grew the other way?...

Why was the Lor mover that way? The idea of it being a support group is that it wasn't just an injury, it was traumatic. Yeah, and there's and it's happened to multiple people. It's a support group. It's not like a complaints group. It's a support the lawnmower accidents support and prevention group. Also, it's advised. Got To be advised. Tutorials, pamphlets, leaflets, signs. Of the other three he's saying, please, don't try and Mo this it's too big. You'll hurt your bones out. Don't mow your feet this grass, it's too thick. Call the experts. The third facebook group I've got, guys, is the Christian wives MOMS. God, sorry, how's MOM's spell? Is At moms. Oh, it's got our in there for Merca. I don't know if there's much we can discuss about this one really, but I just I liked knowing it existed. I mean it's good to know have it. What can I have it one more time, just for my ears? Christian wives, MOMS. Perfect, perfect. You want to talk about Christian wife stuff, don't Yah. It's good to know that they stick together and also that they exclude unmarried or childless Christian women. I unfortunately, chaps, I've done you a disservice with my not game. I neglected to read you the BIOS. Okay, Oh, the Friends of table tennis, world table tennis in all capitals. And then they linked to his youtube channel. Jesus Christ loves you very much, my friends. Thank you for watching my videos. Oh, good, group, we group. Okay, the lawnmower accident support and prevention groups, bio. HMM. Too many people seemed seemed to think there is nothing that can be done differently about preventing lawn mower type accidents. These accidents can happen to anyone. It is not anyone's fault. There can't happen to anyone because some people don't know their lawn like. Actually, they can happen to anyone and it's not their fault. I was walking down the road and this guy with a lawn mower. He didn't have his license and he just drove over the curb and he didn't check his blind spot, he didn't check his mirrors, he I don't even think he indicated really is unensured, untaxed and unlicensed to drive that lawn Mower, and he really did. He gave me quite the wound. Oh, I was murdered. What happened? While? There was a man, of course, and why did he kill you with Law Mower? But it was one of those spinny ones that your grandad uses, just a small one. I mean they're all spenny ones. Did need down? They're all spinny ones. Group number four. I just like this one because of how specific it was. Persian cat owners and lovers in Sri Lanka. Okay, brilliant. So there's like eight of them. Know, there was like thousands. Are they the disgusting hairless ones? No, Persians are like sleek, beautiful ones. They're very, very pretty. Okay, sorry, I really like cats. Actually, if you like a Persian cat boy have I got the group for you. It does require a small amount of emigration. Yeah, I'm just not sure how viable that is. Well, for group number five, I need you guys to kind of really get in the head space of this one. And they're okay, work at home, DAD's against. Summer vacation, spring break is bad enough, but three months with your kids at home while you're trying to work is the bio? is working quotations? No, it's not. It's like fully like whoever made this group and has got a following is really upset that he's got to spend time with his children. This is something that I's like a it's become normal and I don't understand it. And it's men that hate their wives and their children or the significant other. And they all know that a real man just hates everybody. Yes, exactly, there's no discrimination. That is a weird like. That is super like played out in media, though, isn't it? That is massively played out in media, like every single STAIR ROM com that you've watched has like a dad that's just like Shaf thing Margaret and he's just miserable about it. Hates life, hates wife, hates kids, I meant to say comedy and I said Rom calm like. There are just loads of the cut at Rom coms about Dad's that just hey, they're fucking wise. I just agreed. So everybody thought I knew what I was talking about. I feel even the foodless Alex doesn't watch movies, and course God of sound sensitive to that. Me Too. And my sixth and final facebook group. That again. I just I just liked recipes, crafts and crazy ideas. Oh, he's broad and I don't like it. Can I ask, is crazy and capitals, because if it's not, it's not. No, it's just just just, there's just the sea. I actually read it as recipes, crafts and crazy ideas and it's being said to me by a woman wearing a Beige Cardigan. My Nan is telling me about it. MMM, I crocheted this.

It's sadness. Here you go now. I like, I fucking like crocheting. There, that's the worst thing. Okay, it's just mine, Nan. It's just so out there knitting sorrow. Yeah, I mean, I just I wonder if the ideas are really that crazy, or are they crazy relative to the people in the group? How crazy can maybe, MMM, like your measurement of crazy here, guys, because they are they murdering people in the streets, or have they just hot glued? A crazy idea to these people is having a very, very, very very spicy and exotic chicken Corma. That's the one. Yeah, but it's made from a packet mix. Is a spicy to these people Greece. That was my last facebook group, though. So, like we've just got like about a minute and a half just to catch up, if you want. I'd like that. Well, even though it wasn't a game, I thought it was wonderful. Thank you. Did you like the bit where I made Steve Come himself to death? That the come part as well, integral to my enjoyment. Yeah, good, without the coming noise I wouldn't have known what was happening. So MMM, no, I'm up. Yeah, as far as sound design goes, it's my greatest achievement. I agree. But however, I did just want to ask. And what whilst was just on the topic. And three hours. Yeah, it took me three hours. Cool, wasn't that? Oh, not being bust and busting nuts seems to have become a recurring theme on the podcast now that do we do we get some tshirts printed? Do we get a hat printed? As you would like that? I'd like a hat. I would wear a t shirt that said bust your nuts to death. Yet yet I'd I'd wear a hat with that on it if it was like a black five paneled cap. Yeah, okay, yeah, I think with teachers and stuff, with it being like now, we both had some nonsense there and gave it on it because I decided mine wasn't funny. Did you do the same? Mine was going to be a joke and then halfway through I was like fuck, that's not a joke. There was a word. No, I did that to my mom. was going to be about NIM TO CHECK WITH HR, but Steve havingdused himself to death, it wasn't. He's not there anymore. Pretty in a good one. It wasn't going to be a good joke. He's but he's he's bust his final note, which is terrible because you ready get one of those, don't you? Do you want to what do you want it? Do you want to waste it on the cohost, the the main host, I should say, of a podcast? Welcome, everybody, to your regular segment between segments, but what the Frick Shinnery? That would spooked him. That was really good. Stuck the language. That stuck the landing there. That was incredible. You did not stuck the language. They're actually you really goof the language on that one. Words, words is hard. On that note, we will talk about some more words and the words are from urban dictionary and we're going to see if we can figure out what those words mean. And first one today liquid zoo. Oh, is that? Oh, aquarium, yeah, I'd like a query. Aquarium. Just aquarium, liquid zoo. I'd like it to be that. However, oh, usually there's there's the shit, Piss and come involved. Usually, so liquid zoo, liquid. Yeah, liquid zoo is it. I'm just thinking with aquarium. I'm not. I'm not being Yucky today. I've used up all my Yuco point. You did. Yeah, Steve Come himself to death. Oh, yeah, you did do that, though, Steve, he's probably going to have family. They're going to be contacting US soon. You should get ready for that. Come Tame and they're gonna have anyway. No, anyway, no, forget I said it. No, movie, cometact, Oh, for fuck's sake, and we're and if we had any credibility left. We just lost it. We just lost it all. But good work, guys, good work, and I think that it is a lot of animals and just being mulched up, being a chipper. It's what I have for breaknast what I have a breakfast. I got it. No, I'm gonna down the moat away, I pick up a badger, a Fox, and I just get home and have myself. You are not, you cannot enjoy a cattle smoothie. Will Not get it, not on my watch, everybody. It's okay, well and nutritious. I hope it's the wholesome one, Alex. I hope it's the water. Should we find out? Yes, please, liquid zoo. Oh Hmm, Alex, that was positive. That's my name, I'm sorry to...

...tell you. Unfortunately, Ashley and I, Oh didn't, oh, not, get the wrong answer. I'm gonna have to Google it myself so I could try and pass t t time. Did we win? I'll let Alex tell you. It's aquarium. Yeah, Dictionary says no point. I mean then, Geez, six points to me. See the number of letters in aquarium. I get a point for every letter in aquarium. My game. No, you don't you actually get half a point. Now. Well, there's eight layers an aquarium. I think a Ken, you, a yeah, actually gets a point for being the smartman. I can spell. This is now. This is now not a podcast. This is just spelling. Please, somebody do something. Tune into next episode of the thirty percent spelling be know. I can be the host again if you want. Oh Shit, might send to be the host. Not, I think I'm going to. I'm just going to do it again. Oh So, I'm going on face for Shure. I've got some facebook groups, the same groups, as is the audio clip of Steve All again from the top. Make it drop. That's a commy, Tommy, that's a cummy, tummy baby. Anyway. Anyway, I'd like to talk to you, the two of you and the listeners, about the best moments in life, and I think we can all agree that Alex's jokes involving long prep are one of them. MHMUM, the most part. HMM HMM. You really thrown me off with that fucking that's and I was proper. I was on it. I was ready to talk about the things that I enjoy, and now I'm lost in the sauce. This is a really long fit of silence. Hi, my name's Ash and stay for my segment. I would like to talk to you about life's magical moments, like the smell, the smell of a child's wish. You can't smell wishes you, if you tell people about them, don't come true, but you can definitely spell wishes. Were is shous hey, we're back to the spelling bee. It's the perfect spelling. Yeah, the best, the best things in life. The best example from today would be the absolute scream laugh that happened when I was not allowed to talk during the playing of the Steve Joke. That's my tame. It wasn't going to be that. It was going to be the fact that I put my hat on and thought I look good today. You know, there's moments where you can as you think to yourself, fuck okay, like some days I look in the Mirror on with yeah, you know what I'd do me. But then another days I look past the mirror and I have to resist the urge to make I said the sloth joke to yourself. Yeah, of course, every Jud's self depreciating. You got to walk past the mirror, let yourself know who's boss. You know m one day that one day that reflection could be somebody and you don't know m. So I'd like to ask you both what are your best moments of every day? You know, those little little victories? You pull up to a you walk up to a crossing and the light turns green for you. MMM Um. I like it when I'm when I'm at work and I find an os six hundred and three ten Nanea ferred fifty volt one percent tolerance resistor. Hmm, I think, I think I might bean capacity that I'm not good at my job and it's just the right price. I like that bit. It's just the right it's just the right price. What would one of those sets back Alex? You know it could. You could be spend it upwards of nor point. Not Not for seven pence on one of those puppies. Now, one of my favorite things when I was a mote, when I was a motorcycling then one of my favorite things was just the best down shift. Actually you'll know that and you just but you come at, you're slowing down met you're probably about Tenzero RPM and you just let off the throttle and you let the by wine down a bit and you clutching, give the throttle a whack, drop it down again. said to lunch out and you just one when. That was a good one. I used to like that. HMM, that's a sensation like that. That was a magical moment, Tom Hmm. What the fuck is this thing? I'm lost. HMM, Tom, Tom, you need to come back in the Tom come back into the recorded studio, the soundboard you gave me. I've time, I've run out of buttons on the Sound Board. I needed to come back in. Okay, sorry, and so we talking about sorry and magical. What moments, Tom Oh, yeah, okay, like pressed the digitation pressed my favorite. I really like it when it's when you go to the...

...hotel and there's a really long corridor and you can just run down it. Yeah, no, I like that too. That was fucking like. That's actually that's a good moment, but that's really that's beautiful. I like being places that should be busy but arm absolutely. You go into a fucking Nottingham City Center lockdown was brilliant. You'd go to places that are usually full to the brim of folk and traffic and it's just empty. That is a joy, like like when you used to go to like parents evening and it's been like six o'clock, and then your school it just be empty. So you could go just be hoodling around. Is it just me that just walks around? You guys are screaming and breaking things. I'm just like lost. It's and I will want to do that at school. Say. Yeah, I really like as well, summer's Day. Well, hat, let's say it has been a summer's day and it's now maybe sort of like eleven o'clock at night. It's only sort of like just about dark. You've got the windows all the way down, the the breeze is still somewhat warm and you're just pootling. You're not driving with any sort of just going somewhere. Just yeah, no where, but you're going. Yeah, I really like when it's super cold outside and you put the heating on full on the car and I've all the windows down. I really like that. That's why. I don't know. That's not that's really really cold. Genuinely, try it. It's just one of those. It's a nice sensation of hot and cold. Okay, all right, I quite like the sound. It's the equivalent of having one leg out of the dor okay, as well as like it's that it's that thin blanket on a hot day, you know, when you still want to be covered. You gets a good one, thin or a fuzzy blanket. I like when you knock something off but you catch it. I'm bad at that. When I go to catch it, typically I punch it towards a harder surface than it was initially destined for, the stairs, but I kick it down this drain. HMM. Yeah, this next one. There are no sexual undertones here and I will not permit you to make it Yucky. Okay, think of it in a totally platonic, just pleasant certence. Oh, I like having I like a breeze on my bits and pieces downstairs, like at a Nude Beach, or so I asked my friends to use bendy straws to strategically blow. Actually, no, I said, don't make it going on. That's you mustn't. That's just fresh. Just be nice. It's just got to be not like and again summer's Day, if you just chilling neked in bed and you've got windows at the front and the back of the house open and and there's just a Brittles is, there's just a breeze on the Scrut I like that blow blowing your cocks. Crap, blowing your cock. Yeah, just a couple of pals blowing each other's carps for yeah, exactly. Shoots the Brit it's totally Platon. I also like it when an animal trusts you. Yeah, that's fuck it. That's a really good one. Are With cats and dogs and horses and, like you know, your local squirrels. I also love squirrels. Yeah, we discussed that. I didn't we I you you had. Have you seen this girl on your garden recently? That's a really nice I haven't. No, I don't. Hang on. No, I think that was in one of the unreleased episodes that we did before episode one. was there? Oh, we have. We spoken about that? So, hey listeners, here's the thing. We recorded two episodes before we recorded episode one. We did so whatever practice attempts to we take like two or three. So there are there is bonus content available if you fucking earn it. It's bad. Those also included Tom and Tom and mine to we we did Indian, then we did podcast. Mine and Tom's first introduction was like a couple of months before that, and we're still so sweet. Together we are. And you know what, I'm forever grateful to Alex for a number of things, but one of them that's at the top of the the scale will helping keep your penis cool through a Bendy Straw by blowing yeah, and then you'll directly you him introducing you to me, is right below that one. Perfect. Yeah, I like when you you're cooking your dinner and you get it all finished, you sit down. You said that first Bart and it's good. Oh Yeah, okay, I actually have I have another one there. I love cooking something that I'm not really certain on how to cook, but I'm just I'm just doing stuff and I'm just fine now. I did one once, I think Beth want a bottle of Merlo in a competition at work. It's pretty, it's propound, it's pretty, it's pretty, it's it's pronounced m lot, the lot. She won a bottle of mult he's neither of us. Some a lot drinkers. We don't drink a lot of a lot and I was doing it was like I was doing like a roast beef dinner and I just freaking glugged it on them. was like, Hey, we're gonna out and it was...

...scrumptious. Gonna be some winey beef and they yum yummy cow snack. Yeah, and today's joyous moments was being hoisted by Tom and mind's own flag by saying pronounced my lot and then you're a lot blot and I just lost it. Being hoisted by my own flag. Love that. Well done. Well done you are. And you know, I really like as well the Cup of tea that you have after you've done like a day's worth of moving, like moving house. That's sit down where there are boxes everywhere, nothing's unpacked, but you're finally done, like you don't need to go back to the old house anymore. Everything's moved and you can just sit down and just chill. That's a that's a glorious feeling, I guess, having having a coffee on a quiet morning as well. That coffee or quiet morning, nobody else is around, it's just you. You have a coffee and you just stand there and you think this is all right. That magical moment of piece, as brief as it may be in the in the moment, you understand the finality of the moment and you understand that it began it will end, but currently you exist in it and it is magical and it is pure, where you enjoy a cup of coffee and a cigarette and there's just a few seconds where you don't need to shit yourself. Yeah, when the Shit hasn't yet come before. Pretty Shit, if you will. Pretty Shit, post cigarette, that precisely, but actually mid cigarette, which is that's my family that's my family motto. It's pretty shit, post cigarette is. That's in Latin. On Africa, bars appreciate post cigarette. I need to Google. That is in Latin. Give me a sec it it, Lauren Epson. I think is pretty sure. You must get it. You must get it to Tud on, my fucking will. Listeners, I'm sorry you're here for this. This is just a conversation, by the way. Yeah, hanging out, this is just a chill. I said that. Do percent majority just hanger just hanging out together, a couple of boys being man, just just three hosts being dudes. Who would have thought that the words post and Shit Aren't particularly Latin based? Who would have funked it? I can't do it in Latin right now because I can't get Google it for me because I'm computer literally watch and its climax as just say it with your mouth. What in Latin? Yeah, as I wrote a two minute long poem. You just say your sentence in Latin. Preus, Shit, US, posters, cigaretticus. Oh, I love that prettiest spell. Pri Us, like excellent, because that's also part of the coat of arms. Oh, I love you because I'm eating a lookomical Toyota. That's my family crest. is a Toyo Yaris with a with a cigarette hanging out of its little it's grill and some Shin drilling out the exhaust. Oh, horrible. Yeah, appreciate post cigarette. Immaculate. Somebody draw that. I'll get it tattooed on me. I've just thought of another magical moment. Oh, Oh, you're going on you're going on a trip somewhere, whether it's where we going and outing for the day, where you're going on holiday. But you've left the house at like a ridiculous hour in the morning. We're talking two, three, four o'clock in the morning. You're on the road, you've got maybe a thermus full of tea or coffee or whenever you've stopped or you've gotten your McDonald's, you're back in the car. You're on the way. You've just yummied it down and screwed up the bit of paper to put back in the Brown McDonald's bag, and we're back on the road. We're feeling fulfilled, with full, with finally awake, and we're looking forward to the journey that awaits. Yeah, I'm so. I'm so invested in this journey. I need to know where we're going. We're going. I was along time. I'm so, I'm so along for the ride. Tommy, what happens when we get to the airport? Keep going to Tomah. We are happy family the whole time. Tommy, is there a murderer? Brother, you're a express in this story. We're going to drake and manner our hell. Yeah, why the fuck are we setting off at two am? Because, basically, because because we want to avoid the death sons not paying for tickets. No, it's breaking his in. Yes, it's okay. That's the start of a really good, high sighted manner. Would take me less than an hour to get to Tom I don't need to set off. It to me here. Do you know what's really infuring? How quickly Alex googled that versus how I couldn't get fucking post shit preset. Yeah, post shit pre cigarette. No, I've lost it that. Well, that was going to be one of my magical moments. Is High Speed Internet. I just like it when the Internet goes quickly. Yeah, that's a nice one. I can't sleep to that one at all. I've never had passed Internet. Shane, sad fe, I think mine is being delivered by mail. MMM. I like it when...

...game stop goes good for my stunks. I don't know enough to know that going up is good, but I bought some of that the other day and now I'm going. I recruited these two Fuckos to it's a game stock, guys. It's only after the fact when it was cool to do so, but I still believe in it. It's a pyramid scheme, not fuck don't invest in game stop. Or do do we want? Hey, guys and research. Can I tell you about my biggest magical moment I ever done had in my life? Yeah, I won't name names because that would not be very powardlooth of me. Wouldn't be very cricket. I took I was going to take my landlord to court to give me all of my rent money back because he did illegal stuff whilst I was living there. He did he did house crime and it was like he murdered a flat. That's the one. We were a few weeks before the court proceedings were to take place and we were see seed into an email from the lawyers saying that they'd offered us settlement outside of court, which we hadn't been offered. So I contacted the lawyers. They offered to settle outside of court, which was wonderful because not only was it an admission of guilt and they're going to give you six million pound. Wasn't that much, but it was a good sum of money. That made me say thanks. And that's what fold for our annual trip to dreating manner. That's the one. Yep, I bought Drayton manner. Alex called this whole time, just whole time. Can we have the background noise of a car journey happening? It's going to be a holder coaster noise. Yes, just some screens and right now it's just click, click, click, click, click, click click. This is the buildup. HMM, okay, I like it when you're here on Australian say anything. That's true. That's a magical accent it's even better, and I hate to rub it in your face when you when you go there and on. It's just a really sick. It's really, really thick and like, as they would say, thinks Australians are thick. Bogan. Know, the accent is thick. The axe spogan is the best word I've ever heard in my life. Is Great, isn't it? Is He the podcast man? What? What? I don't know. Joe Bogan. Joe, yeah, good. Has he told you about the Meat Diet? Okay, well, anyway, speaking of the meat and weird words, welcome back to our segment. In between segments then, what the Frick, channary, what the Friggin Heck shouldery? What? What the Chuffing Hell? What the Frickety Dude are? What the PISS? What the fuck should I like? What the function I? That's a fuck. That's a hit with like nineteen episodes in. We can't change the name. Now who's going to stop us? Steve, don't you know? I come to him to death. I've absolved, I've absorbed his power my face and in my eyes and hair. This is renders. Yeah, key podcast, yeah, crime, the fight. That the second and final urban dictionary entry for today is Crimax. When you go to the cinema and you wear three dgog three glasses, and you use them to hide your tears and a date. No matter what, no matter what you think, on this day, she's not Sandra. MMM. It's like when I made Steve so angry that he was furious and tears are rolling down his face and then he did Jizz, and that that one was a crimax. Okay, no, Crimax, you'll say. You're thinking of it like CRI em. I was. It's spelt cry but good, good, that's run. thinking it more like Cli I am a ex like climax, like preying, and when it cut climax, climax mix with like crying cry man. But also it was a crime. It was like three levels of top tier comedy fuel. Alex's joke is not only the right answer, but it's the best joke I've ever heard. Are you sure we've explained it enough, though? Are you sure we've gone into absolute detail, Tim if you check the what's up? That's a diagram broken. It's like, see, are two three parts. We're just...

...back to fucking spelling again. It's Cli M. Yeah, I genuinely do think it shows crying, crying and cry, crying out of your eyes and your pongous doing doing a sex we and also being upset doing a sex we. Crimax, the ultimate show of vulnerability during sex. I what. That's not how you say that word? Is it? Sex? I've said it before. I've maybe done it too. Tom's seen it spelled seggs. Tom Using a sentence. Other people have. I've heard a lot about. Okay, are you very well? Actually you with us? Sorry, that was just really fucking good. You can get me, you do, man. I tell you. It's the act of bursting into tears at the point of Orcasm or climax. Can Be either tears of joy, shame or immediate regrets. Shame. Yeah, always show. Gosh, darn it, I done commed. God fucking cry. was that a magical moment? Actually, Tommy's crying. Step back, we're in the we're in the blast zone. That magical moment you've ever seen? Okay, well, cannot my I host. I mean just this one's yes, okay, my segment today is very lazy in the sense that it is multiple choice. Choose your own. I've got some options for you, boys, and you can pick which one you want? Uh Huh. So do you want to hear the options? Yeah, no, I do, absolutely. Okay. So the first one is the laziest of them all. I've got some, am I the asshole submissions that we could look at. Yeah, number two. Rather, they're not the number two, are that the number? The number to option is that? I in an effort to make you boys feel happy all the time, I've compiled some of the Shittest but best dad jokes you've ever heard. And the third option, for some reason I've forgotten it. Oh, that was it. While I'm talking about that, it's a game where we try and decipher what an American food establishment is, based solely off of the name of Said Establishment. Oh, I like the dad jokes under that one, though. We can do half and half if you want. My boy as a father in training. I like the idea of a dad joke and need to build my repertoire MMM and daddy to be Ashley. Yes, Sir Astley, where do you stand? What's your vote? I am easy like a Sunday morning, but I like that. I do doing dad jokes. Okay, so, well, okay, I'll tell you what we'll do. Some Dad Jokes and then we can move on to some American establishments if we so feel like it. Now about that cool love. That my first one. I spotted an Albino Dalmatian the other day. Uh Huh. Was the least I could do for it, because didn't know this. Ye, so I gotta. Don't need to explain it every time. I'M gonna. I'M gonna. But how much trouble would you be in there if it's you saw somebody with a just a play white dog and you just ran up with a markup pan. Depends if they saw you. I guess play White Dogs. They did. Hey, they're the light. I didn't. They play it playing what put? I'm having a stroke. No, okay. Second Dad joke of my segment, Alex Man, because of feedback on that. Second Dad joke, like he's holding a mic pretty close now. I can just do that for you. I have a microphone. Hot, I have a microphone. Hold on, let me Redo it. Had Fun wine. Second Dad Joker of my segment. That's going to be horrible. I had my tongue and lips right up against them. I forgot that I wasn't hearing you from the through through that Mike, I'm here, you know, so I fully expected to freak out hearing that. Ashley, it's Me and you. We're the only two people in the in the world, but that was audible for everybody else had to suffer. Everybody just had white noise. HMM, okay. The second one is and, which is Tom Street name, I guess. And do you guys know what it's called when someone dies and they come back as a hill billy? reintronation? God Damn it. It's like Dungeons and Daddy's.

I just took four psychic damage and that's the one. You know, when I look back at it, it was really stupid of me to get catch up in my eye. But Hey, listen, listen that. That's hindsight for you. That's Brittiant. Tome is that pregnant tells the truth. This is a fucking bad that Jake's main told I had to bring it to you. You're having twins. Fuck. So inagine you walk into a bar and there's this huge, long line of people just waiting to take a swing at you. That that's it. That's the punch line. You walk into a bar and there's a huge lot of people waiting to sing it. Yeah, and that's it. That's the that's the punch line, but a bad, bad jokes Alex, I think get that on a I imagine, imagine, imagine, Alex, that you've walked into a bar and there's a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line. MMM, there's a long line of people that want to to hit you. That's the punch line. A line of people to punch you, a punch line, the love for punch. Oh, I get it. I don't know about you guys. I don't know about you guys, but I definitely have very strong opinions on what the strongest days of the week are. Definitely one hundred percent Saturday and Sunday. HMM. The rest of them are just week days. I want to laugh, but that first one got me so ash with that one. Oh Yeah, the Monday to Friday. Once they're they're during the week. Where is the other ones? There at the weekend. So if you say those one as strong as the other ones are just the weak days, do you got it? But but like Wa k instead of U K, week d Tom Oh you anyway. Have you guys heard about the restaurant on the moon. If this doesn't have a punch line, that's the weirdest fucking conversation start you've ever dropped. No, no, to be fair, amazing food, no atmosphere. The worst thing was I saw that coming. It's still just just got me failed my deck save MMM, well, don't know, it's I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway. What has five toes and isn't your foot, my other foot? My foot I need to do if that could back at any point in my life. Alex, I'm not looking us to death. What do you guys called a dog that does magic? Good Dabord, good DAB door. The moment you said that was like the first you said magic was Abercodabor Dog. What? What about? What about? What about Dumbledoboman? All that was. Could you call betting over a very stressed dog a double dope? Get it, because it's nonsense. Hey, I'm crying. Congratulations. Okay, my last one. My last one's are my last one is a three barrel one. I don't know. You know, I thought these would take a little bit longer, but anyway, would you call a deer with no eyes, no idea, correct? What you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? I know, but I don't want to ruin it for you. Still no idea. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Hey, what do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug Oh. What do you guys call a guy without a spade on his head? H Douglas. Oh, for more psychic damage too, he I will. I will be here once per week for roughly a fifteen minutes of an hour.

So tune. I have the perfect dad joke for you. Go On, I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a Faux Pat. Get it our phone. Yeah, that's not nice. It's not you not. What do you mean? That doesn't it's pretty. It's like it's nasty in my ears, but like, yeah, it's for you dad. Well, anyway, we as far as I'm a I think just did a podcast, didn't I would say so. Yeah, I would say that that one there was a podcast. Yeah, I suppose there were sound waves. It was enough. It was some kind of format. It's Clean Wab files for you. They're coming for you hot, fresh straight out of the kitchen. Well, I suppose we can say good nut. Can you guys possible if you like? What other something going on that we should know about? No, I'm just it's I wanted to just say to the listeners. I'll stay like studio after we do, and we're always concerned us to why? HMM, if you guys like the podcast that we do, share it with a friend, maybe share it on your social media is one. Just all that. You share it with a friend and we will see. Essentially an entire new planet will be listening to the PODCAST, because it's currently listen to everybody on earth. So we'll have to even new planet. Or we could do it so that so that just one person tells like seven billion people. Yeah, the rest of you are have to do anything. Send a couple of letters out to severn Coleian people. Just yeah, hire a couple of paper boys and just get on with it, like what you messed around for the rest of us, well, won't have to say anything if you just do that. And also, if somebody tells you that they haven't listened to it, it's a it's like an inside joke. So you really have to like probe and make sure that they actually don't listen. It's just like a weird joke that we have. Anyway, you missed that episode. Listener. Yeah, that's it. That's because it's a it's a pay go back through and listening. Go It's on the Patriot. That's the one. I think. I've been your host, routiness too, in his cowboy, in the whole wide West, Tom Hutchinson, I've actually been your host, a boy, a man, just a person, a concept of a being, Ashley whole. I've been your murdering Steve to death. By come host, Alex Spring thought. Thanks for listening. By I'm wondering if the the whole me saying goodbye is getting like a bit old, like no, I'll do it instead then. By No, no, you didn't. You didn't leave it a long enough silence. Okay, well, I'm still going. Okay, hold on, hold on, yes, a words. I doubt my microphone got that. By Bye.

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