The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 23 · 7 months ago

Ep. 23 - Sibling Substitutions (or, The 50% Bro-jority)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

You might have been expecting a regular episode of The 33% Majority. Well this certainly isn't that, it's episode 23, and it's The 50% Bro-jority.

Alex's absence was cleared with HR weeks ago, despite his dealings with Steve in the past, but Ashley left us with very little notice (it's not his fault though - unless the storage place for tools isn't one's mouth), so we had to rope in OUR FIRST GUEST HOST!

To both the listeners, Ash and Alex:

We hope you don't miss the other 66% of the hosts too badly, and we hope you like this episode of The 50% Bro-jority.

We'll be back to our regular schedule next week.

Alex can create and a natural amount of spit. Hello and welcome to the fifty percent majority, a talk show where two brothers amicably share their fifteen minutes of fame. And I'm your host, older brother Tom Hutchinson. No, actually I'm your host younger brother, Josh Hutchinson, and this is a really weird one today. Guys, essentially sixty six percent of the hosts of this show regularly, they fucked it this week. They couldn't come, so my younger brother Josh graciously offered to help us out. So, Josh, heyding, Buddy. Yeah, I'm all good. To be fair, it's it's nice to be on. I've been wanting to kind of get get stuck in for quite a while really. So yeah, no, happy to be here. It's a pleasure to have you in the recording studio. What do you think of the place? To be fair, when I saw that you were on zoom or meets or whatever the other week on twitter, as a bit like I'm being led on here, but wow, a nice places. You guys have got all the kid as well. And what do you think of the Trophy Wall? It's getting there and it's filling up exactly, and the big wall of dildos that as brought in. To be fair, I think the rainbow you on a Unicorn swelling one. That's my favorite part. Good, good, good to hear, and so to feel. You guys, and you, Josh in, and your least favorite host, Alex. he wasn't able to cut, he's not able to record today because he's currently rebuilding a bungalow. And Dearest Darling, Ashley, wasn't able to record this evening because he was holding a spanner in his mouth and a robot at work scared him and he bit down real hard on the on the spanner and cracked a tooth and had to go and have it removed. Okay, so what you're saying is that now you actually just want me to be a host permanently. Yeah, if you can, just, if you can just take over the injury. Yeah, yeah, they're both entirely unreliable. So, yeah, we you may as well. You May as well take over like for the foreseeable why not? Fuck it, it'll just be the fifty percent. Yeah, why not? Anyway, tell me about your week. How's you week then? It's been a busy one, busy one, obviously work quite here and they're really at the moment. But FIFA came out this week, so I've been. I've been hitting that hard as a sweet teenager would do, although I am twenty one, so pretty out grew it a little bit now. Yeah, that's all right, good. How many times you had but at your controller, Josh, she so be fair. I think it was once last night and that was the first time in quite a while. Well then, yeah, I haven't played fee for an ages, but yeah, that's nice to kind of get back into it and do something, if you know what I mean. Good, good, my week, I've been commuting, Oh, to be telling my new office. I was going to ask how your week was, but didn't get around to it. Well, this is that, this is the thing, the sort of format that we do. I'm just going to fucking tell you anyway. So, yeah, I've been commuting to the new office, which is obviously introduced me to the weird and wonderful world of London commuters, which is fucking strange. I had a guy on the tube this morning. He got on after I'd found a spot to sit down on after a couple of stops, and he's about like late S, maybe early S, but he was in full tradey gear and I was reading my it's a it's an accounting textbook, because I work for a...

...company that does accounting, so I need to understand the shit. I was reading discounting book and sort of had my legs cross kind of thing, and he kept he kept rolling his eyes, he kept hutting, he kept shaking his head and then at one point he literally like tapped a woman on the shoulder and sort of gestured talk towards me, as if to say that, like, what the fuck is this guy do doing, like who is this guy? Why is he being such a cock? And and I really couldn't understand it because I didn't really know what I was doing wrong and the guy wasn't like old or, I suppose, like noticeably disabled or anything. So that was really fucking weird for me. And also I had to do a sweet tasty latti flow test this evening as well because I've been feeling like Shit, but lucky it came up negative. They're the at least enjoyable things known to man. The fucking gross on. Yeah, yeah, I can definitely Vatch for that. I remember live there was like a work, everyone kind of started kind of like getting symptoms. I think three people went off with covid and it's every single morning we were shoving these swabs up by nose, down a throat. Everyone gagging, everyone sneezing, everyone coughing. Yeah, just not my not my kind of thing. Really big, big Dutty, not nice at all. Not Nice. Yeah, right. So obviously this is an episode of the fifty percent majority and what we are supposed to do is amicably share our fifteen minutes just sort of really talk about whatever the fuck we want to Ash, and Alex do definitely. So now I'm all jokes, aside as. We hope your mouth gets better and, Alex, we hope you complete the bungalow. Why don't we? Why don't we immediately do an urban? What the frictionary? When do you think? I so hope you're going to say that. Go for it. Kill. Okay, so welcome to your regular well, it's usually a segment between segments, but now it's a segment before segments. Welcome to your favorite segment before the segments. Urburn. What the fractionary sank? The stank was real home stank. It's lovely to hear that coming out of somebody else's mouth, I wonder whether or not it's just Ashley and Alex just like sort of egging me on and it's actually really embrassed. And Anyway, to any new listeners, this is usually a segment between segments, but it's currently a segment before segments where we take random urban dictionary entries and just try and figure out what the frick they mean. So I have one for the two of us today. Joshua, are you ready? Hundred Percent Ready, readier than I've ever be. Okay, so our urban what the frictionary for today is Mr Hands. So hands like the thing you have at the end of your arms, and Mr like a salutation. Okay, WHAT'S SOO? Mr Or mist Mr Yes, Mike, Romeo, hotel, Alpha, November, Delta, see era. That's a hundred correct. fucking nailed it. fucking get me in the navy. Yeah, what what do you think? On as the as the guest host today, I will give you the opportunity to go first. What do you think, Mr Hands, for the first shot? Well, I mean hands straight away, just take me to just some sort of masturbation. Okay, yeah, but I think I'd literally just somewhat hands. I don't know why. You've heard you you've heard it. You've heard of and what the frictionary before. So you know that it's invariably something to do with sex, right. Yes, yeah, absolutely. So. I don't know, Miss Hans, could it be a technique that I'm not fully aware of? But Mr Hands maybe my guess. I'm just going to go out the flatower guests now.

...put it out there straight away, just where you, misss, or your partner or whatever, puts on a mustache and starts giving the angel. Oh, okay, I like that. So I'm more of an act, yeah, than like an action. Your partner becomes Mr Hands, exactly exactly, okay, and then she gives you what is invariably just disappointment, because to angel, yeah, exactly, yeah, Feuti really useless. Exactly. We, we as Penis have as have really mastered that. So it's very, very difficult for a non penis have it to compete. Yeah, it's difficult to actually accept it when it arrives because you always want to be really appreciate the effort, yeah, goes into it, but you just know they'll never be good enough. No, exactly how sounded to me. But yeah, okay, so sorry, I sort of initially I went down a similar route, but then you just your definition that you came up with was just wonderful. I was thinking, is it something like really awful that like, is it a nickname that you give to somebody that's like in a club? And it's actually it's like it's a derogatory nickname for somebody that's like in a club or at a party that gets too handsy. You know, those kind of awful people. Like derogatory in a good way, in the sense that, yeah, it's a it's a dickhead that's being far too handsy. WATCH OUT FOR MR hands over there. Yeah, absolutely are, you've invited him. He's Mr Hands. Yeah, look over there, Mr Hans. Blah, BLA, BLA, blah, blast one so forth. It's Donald Trump's nickname because he likes to grab people with his hands on their pussy. Yeah, understandable. Okay, well, okay, there's two definitions. And solid efforts role play with your significant other or a nickname for a really bad bloke that doesn't understand sort of social distancing. Okay, well, so we both got it totally wrong. Really, yeah, yeah, nobo thought I generally thought I was closely. We both couldn't have been further away. Okay, so Mr Hans is apparently a man who got fucked up the ASS by a horse literally and died, and now they're making a documentary about it. Well, it's a bit of a shame that this podcast isn't face shared like so you can't actually see my face. My jaw dropped when you just said that. I'm not exacting that in the slightest. Wonderful. Wonderful, if you have to say I think I've seen that video when I was in secondary school. Oh, you know, like those things that go around. Yeah, and you click on it and you're like, you know, I really shouldn't watch this. And Yeah, you watch it and you kind of say to people, yeah, don't watch it. Yeah, and it's yeah, it's bad. Yeah, I remember there was one that went went around our school called Tubgirl, which was no, non good. I think there was a guy that sat on a glass jar as well. Anyway, we're getting into the sort of proverb your weeds here. That one was fucking awful. Yep, cool, that was a thing, wasn't it? Let's let's do our our our brotherly segment this week, now, shall we? Yeah, that's cool. So Josh and I were a bit stuck on what to do. We were wondering whether or not we were going to play a game. We were wondering whether or not we would both have a segment or we would both just sort of make fun of Alex and ash for sucking this week, although realistically it isn't actually either of their faults. But you know, but what we...

...thought we'd actually do was talk about an idea that the two of us had to actually do another podcast underneath the thirty three percent majority banner. Exciting Times, HMM. So we we think, we think we'd like to do a podcast to do with sort of like ridiculous door key sort of movie, Video Game News for the lads, you know. Yeah, just like nerdy stuff, like kind of like a bit for everyone, like, yeah, as you said, like comics, video games, just kind of like grabbing it all really absolutely just a bit of a culmination. So how about I say the name of what we've kept come up with, Josh, and you try and verbally describe what the cover art that we've mocked up looks like. Right, this is going to be awful. So for it. Okay. So the title that we've come up with tentatively so far is Nerd Almanac, so you know, like Nerd, like DORC, and ALMANAC, like a kind of a book that's filled with information from a specific time period. Yeah, so if you kind of take nerd ALMANAC and or, to be fair, you said Olmannock ton or Almanack, what, how do you say ALMANAC ALMANAC? You know what? I might be saying it quite like Americanly because of back to the future. So maybe it is ALMANAC, but I'd sort of probably like I just I just say it as it is. ALMANAC ALMANAC. Cool, but you might be right. You might be right, to be fair. But take that title, Nerd ALMANAC, ALMANAC, whatever you want to, go for it, and the kind of cast your mind back. If you ever have watched back to the future, similar to how it looks on there. However, do you remember the name? Do you remember the name? Is it like a person's name, like a no, no, it's it's since. Oh Hmm, I see why you went with that. But it's gray's sports ALMANAC. Okay, from back to future. Would the next time from back to the future too. Yeah, it. Din't know. Does he not have it in one that night? Will? So the problem is the just the problem, why you're proably misremembering it is because he gets it in number two, but then he has to go so biff then steals it and takes it to his younger self in one thousand nine hundred and fifty five, and then Marty has to go back in time once again to the events of the first film to try and get the ALMANAC back, which is then what causes doctor get with the the delirian to get struck by lightning, and then dot gets sent back one thousand eight hundred and fifty five, and then that's back to the future three. So it is sort of one, but it's like the end of two where they go back to one. Okay, well, at least now the audience knows who is actually providing the Nerdy, dorky facts that our podcast when it maybe arrives. Yeah, but anyway, sorry, carry up, carry on with your with your descriptions. So on the I believe, on the ALMANAC from backs of the future too, as you just nicely elaborated on. It has like a load of sports figures, figures whatever you'd call it. So like you've got horse racing. I think you've got some American football players, some soccer players, as it would be in America, maybe some B Bar, some some basketball, maybe some baseball. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And they're all lined up across the front. So what we've done is we've taken that a lot, because no one needs that, and what we've replaced it with is a very poor...

...quality, very pixelated, censored, very pg image of naked Laura Croft. Yep, Yep, but yeah, as I said, censored. So is PG. Not Seeing any polygonal boobies? Yes, polgical boobies up. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. And she also is holding a weapon, yes, which is a hand pistol, that's you. Yeah, and unfortunately not my wet knife. And but yeah, so what what we're thinking is that we want to sort of use the format to talk about the kind of Shit that Josh and I just absolutely love to talk about all the time, which is to say, you know, upcoming marvel movies, DC movies that are invariably going to be really Super Bad, new VIGIA game consoles, new VIGIG Games, and also just like sort of Tech News as well, like stuff to do with apple or android windows that kind of thing, and just really have an excuse to sort of put our thoughts down about topics and, you know, it might be a maybe sort of a news source, but also we're going to spend time just talking about shit we like as well. Also, our idea was that maybe in a tester or episode that we do, we might do some news for the week sort of about any upcoming movies, any leaks, that kind of stuff, but then also just to have some fun with it as well, talk about like maybe our theories on whether we think all the spider men are going to be inspider man, no way home or something like that, just to yeah, shoot the shit. or who would win in a fight a thousand lions or the sun, like stuff like that. It I think thousand lions would definitely lose, but if you increase the number of lions, and is it our son or is it any son? I'm going to say our son to start with, because once they conquered it, then they can kind of form like an empire of sons, just put out sons. Who would win in a fight the sun or Alex? It depends if Alex has had breakfast. I don't think he's really usually a breakfast kind of person. We always are. Actually, I remember when Alex can create a natural amount of spit. I just honestly like when, obviously is I've known Alex for a long timeously. I've known Tom for my whole life, M but I've known Alex for probably what going on like twelve years now. Yeah, twelve years, and I remember when we used to play out when I was obviously nine years old. Let's just used to spit a lot and like you just like get a mouthful of spit and just just just drop it, just drop load, like loads and loads and loads. Just fucking got it. I reckon. Yeah, I reckon honestly, if you just kind of like maybe a couple of months just sits creating spit, I reckon, just get up on the space station, pour it over it, extinguish it, right. Okay, yeah, exactly. See, I was wondering. Think the space station goes close to the sun enough enough to pour on like poor spit on it? Okay, so on the viscosity of spit is quite different to water. True, I think. I go I think in the first episode of Nerd ALMANAC. We should probably have some kind of like astronomy lesson where I teach you about the solar system, just because that's the ISS doesn't go fucking anywhere near the Sun. But their play. You drive it over there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it just move it for a second, drop it down a gear, fuck off over to the sun. I think that. Yeah, Alex has a penchant for eating like nuclear wasteing nuclear reactors. So if we just up the Diet for...

...nuclear materials, he will be he will eventually get hotter than the sun. And just by yeah, I suppose some kind of celestial as Moses, he can just absorb the sun and that's it. Alex is the son now and he's the center of our solar system. Okay, I yeah, I think. I think that would work Alice actually, like if you just walks towards it, I reckon just spacewalk. Just walk straight towards it, straight into it head first as well. No, like funny and about just get straight into it, gets stuck in. Really Cool. I like it. I like any worse. Worse is going to come from it is you're going to die, but I mean eventually we all are. Anyways, I mean have a good time doing it. I mean we're all set to expire at some point, so why not go out doing something noble like trying to attack the sun? Yeah, because son is bad. Yeah, like L no, we don't like it. Photosynthesis, fuck that. Yeah, HMM, okay. Well, and no, you can't say since this, because you guys are sponsored, aren't you? Your you help the world by podcasting. So well, you love photosynces. No, no, photo synces. I'm I'm gonna be honestly. I don't like paying sinces very much, but we don't like global warming. So if photosynthsis helps stop global warming, then yeah, I guess I don't. I don't know if about biology. So I really Hurpe Natalie, that my partner doesn't listen to this episode, because you're fucking hate me. Do you want another? And what the frictionary before we finish? Yeah, yeah, absolutely, idea. Okay, welcome back everybody, to a segment that will end the segments urban. What the Frick Shnary? That was like a loud stank. Yeah, like a stunk stunky s yeah, and so the next one that I have today is socks off right. So, as guessed, I'M gonna go in with a another guess again. Socks off, just a ritual, I mean before bed. Does anyone want socks on before performing the act of love making? Right, I don't think so. That's that's why I can really get from it. You know what I was wondering if it was something close to that. You know, you get MMM, we're not. I don't want to, I don't want to kink shame anyone, but you know how there are people that are really into the idea of like used socks and that sort of like that does something. I was wondering if it might be really not a male used sock in that kind of sense. Oh yeah, it could be that though somehow. Yeah, like a crusty old boy. Yeah, that's that's not all. You want to sue boys, tissue, tissue you suck. Just just do it into the toilet, boys, all right, exactly, or just deposit it in an outside draining or something. Yeah, do it straight up. Do it out the window. Yeah, just clear the space, make sure you free no obstacles. Shooting straight out. You could do it. Do it straight up your chest and then collect it in your belt. Know, should we just fucking boat that says it, though. No, no, save it. Put it in a jar, get loads of loads of jars and will send it up with Alex and his Spit Ryan. It works as well, so he can put that in his mouth as well as the spit and use that to extinguish the sun. Yeah, exactly. Just kind of make a big old Nice commy speak mix. Cool, all right, I like it snobby. Okay, stoby kits. Know the actual definition again? We...

...fucked it. It's an Australian idiom. It's used to signify the feeling one experiences at the pinnacle of relaxation. And, to be fair, there is nothing better than not yourself but another person taking off your socks. I can't say it's never better what we has your partner taken off your socks before? Majority of the time my socks are taken off by my partner. Okay, well, only the feeling as it runs up the first tickles the toes. Fuck Josh, come on, this is this is a this is not. This is not supposed to be a sexual podcast and I really don't want to hear about it. Liberal shills. Speaking of your partner, and I would imagine that, whilst I say what I'm currently saying, you are going to have to like not say a word, given that you're recording this at your house. Yeah, it's currently Thursday, the thirty of September, right, we regularly record on a Thursday. Now this weekend, which will be the well, Saturday will be the seirst tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, so Saturday will be the second, Sunday will be the third. Yeah, this weekend Josh and his partner will be celebrating their tenth anniversary, and so by Tuesday next week, when this episode airs on the fifth of October, Josh and Becca, his partner, will have celebrated their ten year anniversary, that they'll have been together for ten years. And as a result of that, Josh, on the Sunday of this weekend, so on the third, is actually going to propose to his partner. Yep, now it's very, very exciting. We're all we're are all hoping that it goes well. But, Josh, I just like to get like two reactions from you now, dependent on the outcome. So let's say you get down on one knee, she says yes, hey, how does it feel to be engaged? Oh my God, I'm buzzing. I can't believe that been a long time coming really, I think. But yeah, very, happy, good. And now if you do it and you get utterly humiliated and she says no, cool, cool, I'll be my reaction. Yeah, cool, great, great, cool, but I mean I'm it's obviously easier for me to, you know, speculate from the outside, but I think I'm pretty sure of what the outcome will be and I can't wait for this episode to air and for me to be proven right and also for me to have in the past, have already congratulated you for it, and so it's sort of like solidifies that on the thirty I already congratulated you and told you that it was going to work, and then when I release this on Tuesday, it will have become true. I will have spoken it into existence. Yeah, sounds magical really, doesn't it? Put it like that exactly. But to wrap off the show, I told all of the listeners lack last week that a spoiler for this episode old would be Alex's laugh, because we work we were both all of us were very much aware that Alex wouldn't be here this week, although as was supposed to be, and then he chewed on a fucking wrench. Anyway, before I do the thing that I'm going to do, I just wanted to say, Josh, thank you for coming today, for picking up the...

...slack. It's meant that we actually had the ability to record an episode. So thank you. For the sake of consistency, thank you. No, no, it's been my pleasure to have my little brother, who already owns a house and is soon to be engaged on my stupid podcast. No, honestly, it has. It's been my absolute pleasure cool well, hopefully and come and do more and do our own as well. I would like both of those things to happen. So, guys, thank you very much for listening. I know that this episode is obviously been a big departure from what we usually do, just on account of Alex and ash being basically in corporeal. But if you do like the usual show, if you like what we usually do, if you could leave us a rating on itunes or on Apple podcasts, it's hugely helpful. If you can share it with a friend, post it on your story, post on twitter, let family, let friends know about it, it really seriously does help and we appreciate all of the support that we've had already. So thank you so, so much already, and thank you in advance for anything that you'll continue to do for us and now enjoy an extended laugh track. And so fucking also, this is a public service announcement. This is a public service announcement. Please listen to the following message from your guest host and youngest brother, Josh Hutchinson, recorded on Sunday, the third of October. Okay, so good news is I said yes.

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