The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 24 · 7 months ago

Ep. 24 - Unfriendly Felines (or, The 50% Bud-Jority)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

You might have been expecting a return to normality for The 33% Majority. Well a bunch of nasty germs had other ideas for episode 24, so it's The 50% Bud-jority.

Alex is once again absent this week. Although HR were not made aware of his absence in advance, statutory sick pay had him covered whilst he couldn't hold any kind of nutrient inside his fragile body.

To both the listeners and Alex:

We hope you don't miss the final 33% of the hosts too badly, and we hope you can get through this episode of The 50% Bud-jority.

We'll actually genuinely will be back to our regular schedule next week.

The good news is I can come. The bad news is I've killed your husband. Hello and welcome to yet another episode of the fifty percent majority, a talk show where two friends amicably share their fifteen minutes of fame, and I'm your host, routing in the end, Tom Hutchinson. If you listen to that backwards, it's actually a horrifying poem. Actually, I think you'll find I'm your host, the man with the least teeth in his room, Ashley Hall. Congratulations on that one. Thank you. Alex isn't here and, based on him not being here, I've actually realized I can do like the best Alex impression ever, so we might actually be able to change this to the thirty three percent majority again and I can just fill in for Alex. no will notice, right. Are you ready for my impression? I'm so ready. Yeah, what kind of art? Beautiful One more. Yeah, perfect. Tom's going to be famous for providing auditoring nightmares to people. Yeah, I just it's audio crimes each week. Just sounds I love it. Yeah, Alex isn't well, he's excreeting fluids from both ends, which is not that I haven't mastered this week. So you know that where I think I I'm doing pretty well. How, Tom How are you? How's your life, given that I'm not pissing, like shitting out piss and sticking up shit, I think all in all, yeah, pretty pretty gravy, to be honest with you, mate. Yeah, how, yeah, you'll, you good. You know what, apart from the gap in my face where a tooth should be, I'm all right. So, actually I had a tooth pulled. I know that you told the listeners already, but listener isn't good. I had a spanner in my mouth. The robot I operate at work judded for a second the way that like only machines could do, and I did big poohs and bit down on the spanner and just cracked a tooth and it was agony. So I won't got it removed. The dentist removed most of it, but thought, well, I'm not going to take all of it because that just seems spiteful. You just got to leave a little Scooch Chare just this is for you. You can kill yes, and then my gums were like no, fuck you, I don't want your present. So now not only are they holding on to it, they're actively trying to kill it inside of my face. Yeah, she's fake for the week, so I'm on pain killers, both herbal and pharmaceutical. Well, congratulations to you for making it this week, though it was totally understandable that you couldn't come last week. But I will just say maybe for future reference, you know, the mouth is probably not a good spanner storage facility. Just the mouth is the third hand, Tom as we are, as we all know, when you need third hand, you have me for that. That's my third hand. Is definitely not near my mouth. If you can hold a spanner with that. And that's just yeah, just I just rap. That's an impressive I think it around a few times. You know, souls, a rube, excute, blindfolded hands. It's DEXTRESS DEXTEREOTID. Yeah, dexterity time. Yes, I've got a dexterous Johnson. Anecdotes. Tom dexters Johnson, our dexters Johnson sounds like a fucking wicked street name. What do they call you are dexterous John Sounds like my like rock ninege's punk band, whatever your thing is that it's my old punk rock band. I'll rock punk bang, I'll right. Yeah, I'll rock. I'll turn it rock punk band. Yes, not in because I have no musical talent whatsoever. That's good to know. Yeah, so you've you jumped on a spanner. Well, it idea jump. What did Tom Do? M edited a podcast in like one evening, which I think was pretty fucking cool of me to do. And I want you actually I wanted to mention your last episode, you and Josh, by the way. I love that. I listened back to...

...that and it was it was delightful, it was goodness thing. Well, thank you, lanky. If you haven't listened to last week's episode, you really should. Josh's very funny, Tom's very handsome and they go together well as a pair. And I think their new podcast that they are. Is it where you still workshopping it? What's the deal? I think that what we're going to do is we both really like the idea of doing it. Josh really enjoyed being on the show and we'll bring him back on where, you know, as soon as is humanly possible. Absolutely. Maybe next episode we can have to make up for the for the gap of having two and then, too, we can do it for exactly just multiply it. Yeah, have a a nice foursome, but one no, because he's my brother. We're related. It's not you can watch. That's friendship. But Anyway, I think that we'll probably, will probably record a couple of test or episodes that we might keep sort of in our back pocket for funnies. Obviously you'll share them with me and Alex, right, course, of course, course. And then, yeah, I think that we might drop the initial episode, maybe as like a midweek one here, dependent on what you and Alex think to that, and then I don't object that at all. Dependent on what the reception is to that episode, then we'll sort of migrate that over to a separate channel. But what we've learned the hard way is that it will not be a replacement for an actual episode. So nobody needs to worry about that. No, I think I think the thing is is as is very much a three way thing, isn't it? It's very much somebody sets the joke up, one person is giving the bounce off point for the joke and the other person is laughing. It fills you, feels, all the gaps, but I think with a too I think you two would smash it if you went into it not worrying about it being something already exists, you know. MMM, either way, I think it's a phenomenal idea. I think you're both very talented. So cool. Well, thank you very much much. I really appreciate that, and I mean just to suck myself off just a little bit longer. YEA, yeah, we're we've we we tend to Evan flow on the on the itunes, on on the apple podcast charts at the moment. So you know, a few days after release we drop off a little bit and then release date comes and we climb back up again. The episode that I did with Josh it had no effect on the way we appear on the charts in like a good way. So we still climbed back up, we still hit that forty five number. So happy days. And you guys can all help with that. If you leave us reviews, tell your friends, you know, tell me your social media. So if you don't tell your friends about it, I'm going to tell my friends about you. And is that what you want me and my friends talking about? You? Listener behind your back as well and just, yeah, that's kind of gonna be saying Nice things. I'd be like, Hey, Jacob re smugs, who I assumed listens. Naughty boy. Yeah, okay, I'm sure Jacob Rees Mug does not listen, along with any of the rest of the Tory party. No, no, they're all listening for hints and tips on how to be better insects. Oh, I see, how to sort of like blending with like Modern Day society. I see, how do I hide my antenna? I took them in behind the carapace and off I scuttle to work. Now I'm going to move away from it, because we're not allowed, not allowed out. It's naughty, unless we shouldn't politics. Shouldn't politics, and moving away from also, nothing we say is is literal. Everything is allegedly slash comedy. So, yes, I was roaming twitter earlier and a lovely, a lovely twitter user whose handle is Eva Stephca, which I'm going to spell his EWA s zed Tfka, so I've probably butchered the pronunciation. Got It. Just said that they bought a really cute cat calendar, like a really cute cat calendar, and I've seen it's pretty cute...

...with some poems on it, but they didn't check the poems when they took the calendar home. And they've sent me some translations of these lovely Polish poems on this cat calendar and they're really homophobic. Oh, I wasn't expecting that. Me Neither that. It's like a picture of a really cute kitten. It says two thousand and twenty two, and then the month and then it says cats bring people together. The most beautiful poems about cats by franchise EC CLINEC they've put a Jay gonight. The Middle Book Gone. Sorry. Yet I just want to say that whoever French is a chaire J J Clement, wait till you hear the bad poetry before he starts lating them, because it's probably okay, cookay, sorry, sorry, sorry, go ahead, gay. Oh, yeah, good, straight in there, tell a homophone. No, brilliant love. that. The most beautiful poems about cats by franchise EC J clinic. I've put the Jay back in. I was going to leave it out spite. We've known for a long time, and it's not in question, that cats bring people together, though they don't always become couples. Already. The first verse is letting you know we're not. It rhymes, apparently in in Poash, but I can't readly in Polish. So okay, cool, but already you can tell that cats bring people together love, that they don't become couples all the time. That's the people, not the cats. I shoom right, but sometimes they do, and I advise. And then in brackets it says, though I'll be scolded, that women be with with with men, and men with women. The motive here is clear, so let it last forever, so that the cat is happy, though the man not so much, the implication being that men should be with women and we should be with men, nothing else, and that the man won't be happy because he's with a woman, which sounds mighty gay to me. MMM. Is the thing that confuses me. Imagine if I decided to write a very like. It's a fit, it's a photo and I will post it somewhere because people have to see this, not in like. I appreciate this man's art or appreciate this man's poetry. I listen, I love the fact that you wrote some poetry. Mr I don't love the way that you did it, but don't don't love the sow. A non fiction novel. If I wrote a non fiction novel and through a dragon in there people would be confused. So why has he made a cat calendar with poems and sprinkled homophobia on it? HMM, it's not even right. Imagine it. Imagine it wasn't homophobia. Imagine it was just like a message you want to get out to the world. Is a cat calendar the way you'd go about it? Acknowledge the subject, you think you I have got a political message I want to share. I want to let the word know how I feel about this thing. Here's a calendar with some pictures of cats. It just it just confuses me that this guy feels so strongly about about, you know, not being gay that in his calendar about cute cats, which is just pretty. She was going to even said she was going to throw it away and I've begged her to keep it because I think it's modern. I think it's the duality of man. Here's a poem, a format in which we present information in a beautiful and moving way, but it's about me not liking people that like people at the same gender like that's bows really not liking way men put their penises. Weird. It's my business what a man does were a man or a woman does with a woman or anybody does with anybody of any variety in any room. It's my busines. I must about it on my calendar. I must release a cat calendar. There's a second one. I'm going to really good read it and then we'll move away from it. The one called the natural order of things, and already it's it starts off strong. It's will for the wind inspired those shoe, because the first line is someone might get offended by what I'm about to say. Right, if you start a poem with I'm not a homophone Robic, but that's just it gets...

...to me. So or will some might be offended by what I'm about to say or will deny it. And then colon, which is, I assume, is where this man is storing. Is still those a home, a wife, children and cats. That's the natural order of things. It sounds Nice. It sounds Nice like if that they're like, oh, it's you and your wife or or you and your partner, as some children, a cat. Yeah, that sounds okay. I wouldn't say it's the natural order, though. If someone keeps snagging and then in brackets, like certain communities close brackets, then I won't be stubborn. Cats can be the top of sorry, can be moved to the top of the order. What right? The last bit's probably lost in translation, but I love that it says like certain communities. Now I can see the Polish one it translating next to it, and that's in brackets too. So the brackets aren't new. I've not added them. It says like certain communities in brackets in a poem on an. So the other thing that confuses me is that middle class white men really like to say, now, I know somebody's going to get offended by this. If you if, if you think that, why is it? I see it like did that? Like if you think it's the same thing as when people go this smells off? Or do you want to smell it? No, it's all like obviously don't like. No, keep that to you. That's a bad experience. And then do you want it, like if you're going to be a bigger much like a bad smell, just keep away from people. Yes, like, Hey, listen, there's this bad smell, I'm gonna I'm going to shut the door, open the window and hope the bad smell leaves. Yeah, which is my it's exactly my response to racists at dinner parties. I just lock them in a room with a window over and listen. How much like window, much like all Americans like to site. Like about like freedom of speech. Everybody has a right to say and think whatever they please. However, my feelings on the matter would be why would you want to make somebody feel bad? So maybe I'm with you, and with you to an extent, on the freedom of speech. Freedom of speech just not mean freedom of consequence. Yes, exactly. Have the right to say whatever you like and I will never ever shut you up. I'll never say hey, don't say that, but when you point something at somebody, somebody's going to point something back. So if you're going to be outwardly bigoted towards somebody, you can expect somebody to outwardly shut you down. Back there you go. HMM. But removal of like, I don't agree with with removal of those, those people's right to speak. I mean, like as far as like private companies and Shit, give people the knowledge that, hey, this guy's a fucking racist. HMM, like, if you're going to be if you're going to say RAC is shit, yeah, I want to know. I want to know you're a racist. So I don't invite you to my dinner party again. You know I should be consequences. Yes, consequent. Freedom of speech is not freedom of consequence. You can say that, but I reserve the right to dure you for it. Hey, yes, sir, not all this reminds me of. What does it remind you of? The sweet Boyban Dictionary Hook me up. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to your favorite, usually segment between segments, but again this week segment before segments. Urban. What the Frick Shinary? Urban, but that this stink on that was was low. It was a low sting, but not like a like a mound, like a volume, like a what's the word tone? So do we take it again? Yeah, I wanted to go it again little bit. This is a head of designacy segments and the urban what the Frank Shannary? That was beautiful. That could to anybody that hasn't heard it before. Urban what the frictionary is a segment, usually between segments, where we take random urban dictionary entries and just try and...

...figure out what the frick they mean before we actually dive into the entry. For this week I actually want to commend urban dictionary ash and I before the show today. We're just sort of planning on format and how we were going to do it, and I was actually initially going to do a segment about spooky stories. I was going to do some more spooky richards. Was that the name of my things, speaky dicks, and maybe it's a it's penis with a, which is hat and a wart. Who told you? And, surprisingly enough, we were. We were discussing racial slurs. Is Our is the only way to put it, and one that actually ash wasn't aware of that it now existed. And surprisingly enough, the place where I got the definition from was urban dictionary. It was not like distasteful in any way. It was actually just this is a word, it's distasteful and it's it's it said the world this words a distasteful word, for it was great, like I love that. I love that. It was like hey, this is a bad word, and it was. It was informative and we all learned something from it and I think that's really really cool of urban dictionary. So good job that dirty website. We use much job urban what the frictionary for solving racism now and we mustn't would be nice if they could. Can you imagine if urban dictionary just just went out there and cured all the problems. Hey, world hunger, here's a word, char as arding. How are you still hungry? Just fixed it, I think so. Ah, don't worry, guys, through the power of these words, did you like Charl throwback reference, guys? Yeah, was that the first one? Was that the first? What the frictionary? I think it was. You know, I think it was. The ones I've got today they're a little bit Nas so I'm just good. We're just going to Reil off a few of them, Borba Sawing. It's not that. Well, I think that the the definitions are pretty obvious by like when you say them. So, Paul, work to the listener who sent them. But still funny nonetheless. The first one pant comer. Pant Comer, that's somebody that brings you underwear when you call them. Bring here, Pant come, bring the pants. Yes, please, bring the breakups. Bring Yours come out is let me more. That's from how do WHO's bit? That is? I just stole that completely. That's I don't think it's a bit as well. But you know what, stolen comedy is still comedy nonetheless. Well done, Ashley. Like a Xerox of a badly photoshop picture of me on a comedian's head. It's me. Yes, well done, I you are. You are the tick tock of Comedians. That's the most hurtful thing anybody's ever said to me. But I still like Tick Tock. I still still still easy to say thousands of children the world over. Now it's not as to cut that one about. What's this week's open? What the frictionary? Tommy Sweetboy, know that what? That was one of them the net. Are you what you want to know? Well, pink come out. I got so side tracked by the Fucky set of jokes you just got. You just got lost in it, but it was a just sort nice. Yeah, you want to know what it means? I do absolutely paint cover, although I feel like I know. It's someone that I feel, I feel like we all might know. Pant comer is one who comes in their own pants during a handy Jay, more often an early ejaculator, and then the example given says, Hey, you hear about the Pant Comer at the High School Dance? Came too early from a handy j well, maybe it's complimentary really good handy j despite...

...the fact that, as we all know, a hand job is just a disappointing blow job. Yeah, we said this last episode. Me, we say, I recall that wise words from my two friends tell and Josh. Yeah, well, I mean, I think just to repeat exactly what I said last week, as penis have, as we have, we have like master that it can't like like we know it so well that we could. We can pinch one off in like three minutes Max. I'm on medication that prevents me from coming, so I can't right now, but I know what you mean. But you yeah, like on a normal day, like on an I like a good day, back on the day when I could come, on a non medicated day. We're in after I've ludging someone to death. Yes Day. The good news is I can come. The bad news is I've killed your husband. People have died, people have died as a result of my Ashley Ashley's the come that Ashley produces comes out such a velocity that it does actually and volume and viscosity. This gost it. That's a great word. Not It is on that sect. It's not a good word in this context, which a great night. HMM. Well, we're going to move away from me coming buckets and we're going to talk about what's the other word that you had, because you said these words. Oh yeah, so that so the that there were. There were two more. So the next one was just nine and eleven. Inside job, question mark. Who sent you that? I don't understand. I love it. Inside job, question mark, question mark. Oh, they actually not discussed that. Is that? It's a topic request. How is they mixed it up that? That? That's just like. That's a this is not reddit, this is not yahoo answers, this is on a what? There a dictionary? Yes, that's the point. Maybe they're just trying to spend information. They're just letting you know. No, I love it. Or Miss Information or miss it. Who did it? Knows? Bush did nine, D and eleven, Reagan, Bush, Reagan and Bush. These are the words the grammy, the Cush I love that so much. Don't know what it's from. I'm not very cool. So there's that. Me Neither. I don't really know. That really head isn't isn't it weird? From so everyone's personality is just an assembly of all the things they've seen. Yeah, I don't know where I've seen that, but I've seen it. But I've seen it, I've seen I've heard it, I've seen my house, the last one. Yes, again, the answer is incredibly obvious, but I really like it, like I know what the answer is going to be. I haven't read it, but I know what the answer is by reading the words bow zone layer. Sorry, the bow zone layer. Yeah, so like ozone, but with a with a, not a bow is, with the Bro Zone Layer, which is what we had before we started putting holes in it and it fell out with us. It's not a friend anymore. It's letting you more and more of those dangerous of rays. Yeah, yeah, Bozo, is it? Yeah, I don't know. I haven't got fucking bow zone layer. Is it? I don't know. Is it? Is it the bones zone? We go into that? We go to the bone zone? Are we going to poundtown? So I'm thinking of it more like like Bozo I said, I didn't even think about that. Bow Zone layers. It's the all is. It's the when you get to a really busy weatherspoons, or a pub for you Americans, and there's that layer of people around the bar that have been served, that aren't fucking off it. But yeah, yeah, I see you thinking. I saw just went in the direction of you know, when you're arguing with somebody who isn't very intelligent, it's actually every week. Yeah, it's actually difficult for you to win the argument because...

...they're surrounded with this this layer ryasma of stipidity. Yeah, I feel that. So it's like when you're had to go correct about something, that's like it's not an opinion, it's a fact. Like it's nice, this isn't like, Oh, I like the taste of mushrooms, this is like, oh, oranges, it's a fruit. Yeah, exactly, like it's like fact and people are just like well, you don't know that. I had an argument with somebody o the day where I played devil's advocate and tried to convince them that birds weren't real. Okay, you know the whole meme that's like birds are a government drone. Yep, yeah, yeah, there's a guy that comes in like once a month to repair my robot and he's a bigger and I hate him, but I do like winding him up. Yeah, so I drove me into a conversation where I was like, yeah, when bird stand on power lines, they're all CCTV units for the year, for the government. You know, because it's sound on power lines. That's when they're charging. But tell you why? An able it dude. To his credit, he did try and like fight back against the might of my knowledge. But are real, by the way, guys, I'm letting you know. Birds. They are, their actual things exist. Are I've seen a canarian person and I'm common. They're descended to stunsourced. Oh, absolutely no, little dinosaurs. If you've ever dealt with chickens in large numbers, you know that the little fucking velociraptors aren't to be trusted. Yes, yeah, basically tried to convince the guy that birds aren't real because he and he was just he's thick as pig puss. So I was just loving it. It was great. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself the dirt. The actual definition for bow zone layer is the socalled bows own layer is a thick, impenetrable shroud of bow zone that surrounds an intellectually challenged person. When a bow zone layer appears, it's hard to get rid of and, on the contrary, it grows, blocking out all intelligent thoughts from the from reaching the victim. Though many tests have been performed. We have yet to discover a substance which creates bow zone holes. I know what produces bow zone holes, videos showing that the earth isn't flat. Gunshot wounds. It's effective in removing the bows on layer and it's producer love that. Yes, they go. What you're promoting there is murdering idiots and we'd be down quite a few people of the UK. We probably might be. We'd also actually, in a way, maybe be up some people by doing it, though, so we don't know. We could only try. You know what, you can't prove a negative. It's very difficult to prove a negative. Yeah, like our if we don't do it, will never know. But if we do it, that will see how well it works. Thirty percent is not an anti idiot podcast. We're also just not like a murder squad. Alex that I can't say that. The fifty percent majority, yes, is not an anti idiot podcast. The thirty three percent one definitely isn't, because that's when we've got our biggest it it with us. But we but the fifty percent majority and I you know, by extension, the thirty three percent majority is definitely an anti anti queer podcast. Oh yeah, no, if you're, if you're am a phobic in any way, shape or form, either stars or send us an email and justify your existence to me. Ay, I'll listen. Say a Yo, a Yo. I don't follow me on Holt, word, Essay. Don't be a HORMO formald. He'll listen. What Amal Chatchell, I don't worry. It's it's it's a work in progress. It sounds like it sounds like it's still got the scaffolding up. Yeah, it does. I've been there's a button on my new keyboard. I got a new computer. Listeners, listeners, I have a computer now. I'm not recording, but done to up. Thank you. I plugged it all in myself. My friend bought me so. Well, my friend, who is a landlord, I know, right, boo here's brought me the components around because he built himself a new computer and I had great fun trying to assemble it with...

...just a manual and the will to do what's right. HMM, and you want didn't know you did. I've managed it. It all works, apart from the it's got no sound. It can't produce sound. That's the sound. Are you falling down some stairs really slowly. The slow clap loses all the fact when I can't see. For the listeners it just sounds like we're having really aggressive sex, really fucking proudly, actually really Fu Pretty. Thank you so much. That was that was a whole fucking thirty five second clap Solo. That was like watching that guy do the sausage roll dance, you know, where you're like fucking beat the shit out of yourself getting the crumbs off. Yeah, MMM, pretty aggressive. What's what's interesting, though, is that like people will have listened to that, some people will have turned off, some people actually just listened to me clap, and that's radio kids. I can't imagine being you know, when you're in a car and you're a kid and your mum's listening to the radio, your dazz this to the radio, or you just somebody you life is listening to a radio and you're not that kind off because you're a fucking kid and you just had to listen to it. Do you know how much radio play I listened to as a kid? That sucks for you. Oh, Mr Darcy, your must up the kettle on and then, because it's radio for they put the kettle on and they make the whistle sound and it's like a full forty five seconds of listening to a kettle heat up. Yet that that like forty five seconds. It's not great radio. Now I just got Chris Moyles. That was just like my entire child. That shouldn't really one B see. The thing is, though, is that like in my lazy is like I've discovered that, like, yeah, sound guy, like he's a great Dj, but when I was younger it was just our do we fucking have to can I have another second of Chris Moil in my ear? I used to like morning television in England for Keith Cheg Win. I don't eat the actual shoe, old, you're so old. Did. No, I don't mean that young Chegars, I mean like this morning chegars. Like let's that. I'm not a vintage chegers Fan, I'm a I'm a neo chegger Fan. I'm bringing him back. I'm bringing me. It's making the comeback. He's not dead, asy, I'm bringing the change. I don't need checking dead. Yes, Google the savage. Rest in peace, Keith check when you are the voice of my childhood. F in the chat for keys, five in the chat. That's that. You know what, like stop talking, though. Google just gave me like a full breakdown of what happened as well, like that was horrific. It's listen, as if you had to hear that. Old Jokes aside, Keith Chegwin, you were a cool guy in my child rest in peace. I didn't know. Love to your prayers to you and yours. Yeah, absolutely, that's that's terrible. Still, but yeah, still here, Yehs, yeah, Keith check when Chris Chris more's the hero, I don't know anything about adult Chris Chris Moyles. Is. Is he still around in the modern time? What does he do now? Is he still doing you do you think we have done? Is this podcast? I'm having been great fun just hanging out talking to you in the listeners. This is not oh no, I don't. I don't mean in terms of like I'm sure the really audio quality's pretty good. We've got a format, but do you do you think this is podcast? Because didn't we just didn't we have we have we? Have we done anything, Keith check win? Well, yeah, we talked about beloved Keith. We talked about Chris Miles, we talked about, yeah, some other stuff. I talked about here. You did. I've enjoyed this listeners. I did. I did do my Alex...

...impression. I'm still proud of it. Yeah, you're Alex impression impeccable. Or there it is again, Alex poorly today. Oh any, oh, it's a mess game. Just roll. He's just shitted everywhere and seek. He did pissed and faded. Do you think any point today that Alex has shitted and and chundered at the same time? I think he's performed the triple many a time. So really, today wouldn't be that special. Okay, Ali, bear in you're listening to this. I hope by the time this episode releases on Tuesday that you feel a little bit better. Let you're not doing six and shits. Don't. Don't do six or shits. If you can help it. Well, do shit, but like regular ones, you know. Yeah, normal consistency and also at that IBM, try and be like sick and radical in like a cool way, but not in a be like metaphorically sick, but don't be, but not in a bile way. No, yeah, I'll bile's a nice word as well. I don't know. I for thought the word by all coming out. There was beautiful. You're welcome for that word. I can't really think of any other sort of words for for sick, really puke. I said Chunder already. Vomit. Fucking Yak Yah. You know, have you ever heard the Word Yam? Be Users in like I'm going to eat something, I'm Yam. That only like in America when they eat yams, but not like that. No, I believe you that it's real. My partner came home from work and so me about a cereal. Walked in the way. If yeah, that down, haven't you and I will partner one hundred percent. Is this is not to disparage or make fun of your partner in any way. Your partner one hundred and fifty percent. Heard somebody say that at work today and she was like, I'm desperate to say that. I can't wait my life now. I have made this a part of my personality and I need to use it as soon as he is okasible, don't you came in. I was it the serious? Give Youah that I don't fully spat like half a bowl of cereal, laughing like you could. You've jammed that down, Ye Ashley. I haven't. Yeah, you yacking are Yam need. So that was like yeah, but absolutely correct. It was just such a suitable word. I don't know why it got me, but my my love, sweetheart, yeah, my eye, yes, I did yam down the yummy cereal. But yeah, definitely young. You definitely did not come up with that word yourself. We're sweet love of Whit. Pray. Tell who said this to you. WHO said the lad dust protest too much that? Tell me where you got the yams. Okay, I am what I am. That wasn't really I'm very sorry. That was like a really bad I tried really hard. Oh It's good. Is this a botcast? Still? I think it just qualifies, Hiding River of just being you change shit together and I've loved it. I listened to this all day, all year long. I don't I think river is probably giving it a little too much. Sorry, sound, gentle stream of piss down the trouser leg of audio history. Yes, precisely, the stained on the streaked boxes of life. HMM. Okay. Well, and just before we go, what did you think of the laugh track from last episode? Oh, I cried. It was beautiful. I want it as my finger tone. He's got such an infectious laugh. Has An experuse. It's great, this deep Baritone Giggle, and the best lag is he means it like. That's what's so good is you can tell you fucking...

...it doesn't he doesn't pity laugh. No, no, it's for people that pick you laugh me, because I'm just like, listen, I want to I want to become funnier. I'm only going to do that if I get genuine laughs. Don't, don't, don't baby me. I need car rehaccting growth here. Fucks yeah, okay, I need like I need. What I need to do is like it takes both great positive events in your life and also like deep shame to mold a person into a comedic genius and by have that tragedy having you like I don't know exactly. It isn't fucked like. I don't know anybody really gets me laughing that hasn't had some kind of huge traumatic event in their life. Agreed. Agreed, you can't. You can't be funny if you've lived an insular life, can you? This is just just comedy doesn't come. If you are funny and you've had an initial life, it's because you're like accidentally. It's like it's like you're being laughed act. HMM, it's like selfdepreciating Shit, but it isn't in the same way. The shame for me those that I can't really tell you anything bad that's happened in my life. So really, you're very funny, though. Tom I amachin. Bad thing is you having to be friends with me and Alex. it is the trials could be later happened to me. Yeah, the monkey on your back is Alex Shitting, pissing and farting into your mind. He just do be shitting, he do be pissing, he does when he all do be sick in Oh man, I'm so you. Do you know me and you? I think Alex introduced as it was like a year ago, right, like a year. Yeah, yeah, I think we got along like a house on fire, if that's a good thing. Yeah, yeah, there's usually victims. It's a tragedy for everyone involved. Now, and I don't mean that at all, but like it's so cool that podcasting and funniness and comedy and I love people that made me laugh. I surround myself people that made me laugh. You're funny as fuck, like you are objectively funny. Thank you. The same with Alex. it's the same with my partner. It's the same with your brother, Josh. He he does made me laugh. I am mad at him for that fucking phone call thing he did, though, which I definitely teasin's about already, like you, Corby, before the podcast and went is this actually all? And I was like yeah, he was like Cha did it. God, did a sneaky double o seven phone job. I'm also really upset that you invited him to a I text chat. So He's got my number now, because I asked his partner on twitter for his number last week, completely off the record. She hasn't told him. I don't think I messed it was like Hey, can I get just's number? I want to fuck with him, and she was like yeah, sure, I'll send you the screen shot. Good, oh, that's really is so. Yeah, just as fiance, if you're out there, homie. Thank you, sir, a real lossistance. You're real. You're a real one. And wouldn't imagine the one hundred emojiu. I'm doing it with my hands. One Hannah, one Hannah balch. The what do you tells? I get the one hundred Emogi because I touched type him. Yeah, just on Hund zero. I'm testing this right now because I tried to do earlier and I don't know. I typed in the word a hundred fifty percent. Majority listeners. You join us on mythbusters, you jot. You Join US on emoji movie. The emoji movie, the emoji movie, the this is thing that happened to this culture. Ever, movie podcast this. What better is the is the emoji movie of podcasts, I think, to be fair. Oh, that's really hurtful. I like to think we're more like a nice Herman Hess poem of podcasts. I'd like to think that we are like a AH fucking Adams, like an Adam sand look an Adams and the movie, but not uncut gems, which is really good. That's fucking. It's a fucking brilliant movie. As you want to see what Adams and the can actually do, like as an actor, because he is good. When he puts the F in, it feels like he's like just catchin checks with a of this. No, no, no, no, no, no. But here's the thing about Adam Sandler. When...

...he makes a film it's mostly because the studio financing the film wants to make some money. Now they know that Adam Sandler movies sell, and so Adam Sandler just gets together with his buddies and they just make a dumb fucking film. Right. There's very little substance, but they're just having fun, and really that's what that's what this podcast is, apart from the fact that no big studios paying the millions to do it. Not yet, not yet, soon, come speak it into existence. Listen, anyone out there. There's another lesson as well, by the way, the fucking the amount of we need to do a Tom cut now, because we've had my listen remix and Alex's laugh remakes. Mine would be this. You write. You do make a little kiss noise every now and then. I quite like it, though. It makes me for like a cat. I feel like I should be walking towards you. Thank you. That's very sweet. Yeah, well, you're like like the thing. Yeah, come here, come here, little kitty, but I'm keep yeah, my bulls at the door like a cunt. No, that's not a word that we like absolutely as a word. I'll call my cat okay. Yeah, the best thing about having a cat toime is how absolutely violent I can. So I like I threatened him all the time. I'm like hold my fist up to him like I'm gonna have a fight with him, and he just looks at me like I'm an idiot, because he knows you can get me. Yeah, you see, dogs are different because they'll try, but like I've met, I've mastered the art of Dog Food. My dog could never be unified and the dog is the best. He cannot beat me. I am a meat bumbs. You could just throw a little wall like that's how do people get killed by dogs? I seen the size of them. Yeah, I couldn't throw my son at a wall, though, blessing. Think I've never had to clarify listeners. I've never hurt my cat and nor would. I love him, even precious baby boy. But that doesn't mean I don't think the idea of him flying over a fence isn't hilarious. It probably would be funny purely because of the fact that cats are cocks, yes, but yeah, much. You spent a lot of time with cats, so I used to have to when I was younger, when they me and my partner got one. Those two were just like average cats, but I saw them very little. They were always outside, and then my partner and I got a cat when we moved to London, whenever it was last year. Yeah, and she was beautiful. Her name is beans. She was fantastic beans, but my partner couldn't. She's been around cats like all our life. She loves cats and she couldn't bear to have an indoor cat on the fifth floor. And I understand it. So Super Fair. That's yeah, so hum her mum has beans now because she has a garden and is on ground floor where you and when you and NA come up this way to visit me and Alex, you're both welcome to come and meet Winston, my cat. He'd love you. Winston's a soft, squashy boy. We're both Natalie isn't even aware that we're going to that we're coming to see you, but she's already excited about meeting Winston, which is good. This is brilliant. You guys. Yeah, are you guys should come up as Slee Wee our SOFA sometime soon. We absolutely in fact, there you got. That's probably better than the SOFA. It's probably better than the SOFA. HMM, I'll set up the floor with mattress and stuff. Anyway, this has been this is not been your standard episode of fifty percent majority, a lot less structure. Yeah, no structure, basically, but I've I've just enjoyed having a nice natter with you in the listeners. I think it's a good time for everyone involved. I think it's been wonderful. Guys, I know that I say this every episode, but your support really does make a huge, huge difference. If you listen on spotify, if you could subscribe to us, that would be great. If you watch on Youtube, are like would be awesome. If you listen on Apple podcast, if you could rate the show, if you with you rate the show and leave a review, I will read it and I'll do voices again. You can wear me like a puppet listener. You can have me saying...

...things. In fact, just type out the whole of the script of the B movie and I'll just I'll just sit and read. It's here, one on one. HMM, facetime. And here's something else that you can do for us. We're actually on Tick Tock. You can be funds on Tick Tock. So were going to take really hell baby, we are. Something that would really help us is just tapping loads of buttons. You could. You can find our videos. Just tap and share it, send it to people, appress the grains, do the things. Send it to your Nan, your Nan. I'd love it, shy, would it? Nan? I already do Love Your Nan and I would love her even more, if that's even possible. This is she listen to my podcast, this podcast. There you go, got a permanent help right here. But yeah, and if you've already done all of these things, if you've already subscribed, you've letter review, you've done this, you've done that, just tell a friend. That'd be great. Just tell somebody. Tell you, Collie, tell somebody you work. That be awesome. We'd really really appreciate it. And now, begging over, thank you ever so much for joining us for the fifty percent majority. I've been your host Nieth in the year at Tom Hutchinson, and I've also been your host, the man with still the same amount of teeth, but one more friend, Ashley Hall Gay. We love you lots, guys. Goodbye, bye. And then I said you can't do that to a dog. Burning didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't done, and then it didn't, didn't, didn'tn'T. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the thirty three percent majority, a podcast where you'll find three friends fighting for their fifty minutes of fame. I'm your host, time off, have he offerer? Alex Spring thought. No, I think you'll find I'm your host. Bungalow Builder, opera now, Alex Spring thought. No, I'm your host, but Shitter offerer, Alex Spring thought. How podcast. Hi Listeners, this is just a little bit for the end of the show because I edited it this week because Tom was too busy or weekend playing fortnight and forgot to do it, so I offered graciously to edit the podcast for him, a podcast I wasn't even on until this point. Here. I'm sorry that it's been fifty percent majority episodes. If you preferred fifty percent majority episodes in my absence, get last you friggin Nerd, because I'm coming that. It's my it's part mine. Shut eats my show and if you don't like it, stab another one to listen to instead. I did a Bob. I'm not editing this, this is just going in as it is. Tom Asked a question during their recording around the thirty minute mark, about whether or not I had shitted and Chunder at the same time, and I just thought I'd take the time. Just St answer that for anybody that was curious. Yes, yeah, yeah, I did do that. I blasted my cheeks clean off and some came out the front to hey, you know, we're human. It happens from time to time. anecdotally, I built a house to put my son in, because my son comes out in where. It's next year. I wouldn't worry about it. Died, I moved house and I had to paint and decorate it. Paint and decorate it, that's right. I do carpets and say it was a lot. Right, it was a lot. So I didn't record the first week and that's why. And then I caught a grievous illness and that's why I wasn't here for this week, for this one. Well, I'm here now. Shall Ready Miss One sick a podcasting. I I think you just lost me for like thirty...

...seconds there, because I'm following the Ashley Hall School of Podcasting and I've just got it in my hand and accidentally unplugged it. I didn't prepare a segment, I'll be honest, because it's just me and I don't like being stuck with just me. I don't have much interesting words to say. I don't have much interesting words to say. HMM, so I didn't prepare any comedy goof skits. I just thought I'd pop in say hello, hi, everyone, here I am. I am coming back. Don't get comfortable. Get Out of my seat. Josh, you fucking Dick, take your coat. Can with you clear up my area of the PODCAST recording studio. Recline my seat to how I like it to be, reclined completely horizontal so I don't have to look at the other two and get get out of a get your own studio. I did another but I'll be back next week. I can say it this time. Thank you all so much for listening. Will see you next week. Bye, bye, bye,.

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