The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 26 · 6 months ago

Ep. 26 - Sponsored by Rust-eze

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to the world's most popular Lightning McQueen fancast. Or in lamens terms, episode 26 of The 33% Majority. 

In this week's episode, your 3 favourite speed-demons will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing our ability to definitively decide what's cool, how to convince our significant others of how to acquire new automobile, and some classic Reddit submissions. 

And hey, if you're reading this, and you like listening to our podcast, maybe let someone know about it? We don't have use any kind of advertising, so the words that come from your mouth are powerful, much like that dragon guy from Todd's magnum opus (Skyrim),

Happy racing to all, and to all, a good-chow.

Very, very good, hair low. Thirty three percent majority. Welcome to it. It's a podcast. There's three of us with friends, and we fight for our fifteen minutes of fame. I'm your dad's brother, Uncle Tommy. That's the one we're keeping the way. That's you're happy with that piece of work. Yeah, go for that one. MMM okay, okay, no, I think you'll find Um, I'll be your host, billionaire philanthropist Alix. Actually, I think you'll find I might be your host, local tree stump historian, Ashley Hall. Oh wait, I'm uncle Tommy, but I'm host. To think I am uncle Tommy. How are you good, son hew, you doing dumb shit. I like that. That's just like a thing that comes gone for we just keeping that, I think. Are we keeping it like a stray cat? Are we keeping it? I think we just wrong with that one. Start as you mean to go on with mediocrity. Yeah, they're awful audio, and I have that in Latin for the motto underneath a Family Crest. Please can we have that? I'd like to start. How are we? ANNICK gender don't care about fun. That how everybody is. Okay, guys, I've had an intense week yeah, and I'm sick of keeping this secret in all right, okay, because it's about time we spoke about it. And before I continue, I need to remind you that I'm your friend, Alex Springthorpe, and I don't want to be thought of differently. Okay, you will be bit fine, I'm already judging. It's about time we spoke about this plan demic. Alex. now, Alex, you mustn't. I've uncovered some dark truths. gents, wake up, sheep all, Alex, have you evolved into an anti vaxxer? Please say no. No, yeas it's part of his identity. Now, how could you even jake it? Definitely, definitely is a plan demmit. I've uncovered. Like I said, I don't covered the dark truths. It's uncovered a big pharmaceutical create I, like are, you can't even get fucking through it. Sutical created, created this vibe. Big Pharmaceutical created this virus. Okay, and the virus means you've got to wash your hands an awful lot. Yeah, I think the people behind this pandemic is the people that make my hand cream, because I've never used so much of it. I'll wash my hands and then my hands gill dry and I have to use lots, lots of moisturized or otherwise I get nasty little dirty dry hands. I think you've stumbled onto a massive truth here, Alex, because here's the thing, here's my dynamic get to call when we went into this. I moisturize my hands. I moisturize my hands, but then my hands are too oily, so I'm going to wash my hands, but then they get dry much quicker, so I have to moisturize my hands again, but then, and only then, I've got to wash him again, the two greasy guys. Wait till you hear about the cure for this. It's just not washing your hands, it's listen, I'm like my hands now in seven years and I've killed everything. I've tell as wears gloves every day, but really that's just what scaped. I haven't seen much. Yeah, that's true story. I haven't seen my hands in three or four years now. I don't take with gloves. Are Ashley's built like a crab? I bet that's good for yours and your partner's sexual health. I just don't use my hands. Please, don't talk about our host sexual liked. I know I can unwrap a snickers bar with my tongue. Wow. Okay, Alex, do you say you don't want to talk about any of the hosts? Sexual like escapade, practice it. You're having a child, which is the ultimate flex. That you had sex. Yeah, you did do a shaw. Actually, that's kind of cringe. Having a child. Cringe. How choogie very to you indeed, just walking around flexing now. That's right, I don't pull out. I've got an anecdote. Take US away please. So my partner and I, we went pumpkin picking this weekend just gone. We went to go get some Pumpkins, to carve those pumpkins. Now's a pumpkin fields in London's there are there so many, so many to choose. Rooms off and described as green. It is, but it isn't. Now my partner and I we we have two dogs and one of them is three. The other is a...

Mongrel import from Ukraine and we don't know how old he is and he's my partner's dog. That the other dog is my dog. There's two dogs and we looked, well, I say we, my partner looked specifically for dog friendly pumpkin picking sessions. And what do you know she found one, but it was an hour and a half away. They can pick their very old they can get their own. They have the surgery to get thumbs before they go in and really costly, but at the end of it your dog could like Prune Roses afterwards. It's great, absolutely so. Anyway, my lovely partner, she managed to find a pumpkin patch to pick from, which was great, but it was, yeah, as I said, an hour and a half away. Now, my my dog that I have, that's my one. He's always been fantastic in the car. He likes to stick his head out the window, which is wonderful, and the other one doesn't like being in the car so much, in the sense that his stomach doesn't like it. Yeah, so he likes to do big sick when he's in the car hold and Alex, as we call it in the trade. Yes, pulled an Alex. now it was only an hour and a half away and you typically it's on about like a twohour drive when we're going from London to like Lincoln. Sheer that he might be sick, so we starved the poor boy so that he had nothing to chuck up in the hopes that that would get him used to being in the car and he would be fine in future. My lovely, sweet boy dog decided to not only throw up once on the way though, throw up twice on the way. They're getting it all over the other dog that I own, but we then had to spend time cleaning up the dogs before we could go and pick pumpkins. And then, to top it all off, he did it again on the way home. This time it was entirely pumpkin seeds. No, it actually just was entirely entirely on the other dog this time, and he got that sad about it that he climbed up onto the parcel shelf. I thought this was going to be a story about how one of your precious PAPPA's pissed on a pretty pumpkin. Well, there's the illiteration for the episode. That the title right. There's actually who done it. We've now it, guys, and this has been your favorite podcast, the thirty three percent majority I've been you host, Uncle Tommy, I think maybe we should put some more meat on these boasts before we send that out into the great wide world. I I maybe think we should just chuck a little, just a few, if you just a scooch. More on there. At the moment we've got an alder rack of ribs and I want a TESCO finest lamb. Shit. Disrespect all the ribs. Bang, by the way, not in comparison. If they do, fillow yes into a TESTCO finest lamb. Shank, gentleman, this call some rib night. I'M gonna host, but I'm going to do it through Tommy and I'm now Alex in Tommy's body. It's weird here. Where's his tit gone? WHOA, Alex, what a massive todding you've got. I'm still Ashley. What an average size penis you have me. That's what bodies Lenny one. That's the weak. That's just how I observe the world through the eyes of Mediocraty, okay, well, I will host. I just need to play play with the Times. D Tail Time. Yeah, Oh, there is, somebody else did it for me. Okay, guys, so you know how, typically, the thirty three percent majority, despite the name of the show, we usually make all of our decisions like unanimously. If we're ever going to do anything right. Yes, absolutely. Okay, a little peek behind the veil, yeah, but yes, yeah, only for like business decisions and other only for every decision in our lives. Guys, we don't do anything on our own accord. Everything we've ever done has been signed off by the three of us. Hey, Tomma, Nasham, were right to have a baby. No, I actually sign that one. Maybe put it back. You know well, despite the way that we usually function as a business, for my new game, cool or drool, we're going to definitively determine what's cool and what is drool, using the word droll the describe something is not cool. Is drooled. Yes, the conceit of the game is, though, is that if two of US decide something is cool and one person decides it's not, fuck that person. The majority wins in this game. Cool or the fool rules. I was trying to do another room. I couldn't do it. Was In there, so do it, that? We can just as I'm moistened by we positioned ourselves to decide on...

...what is cool and what's not. I mean, you know, we'd like charting so hard we are like the best podcast in the UK and probably in other areas of the world. We're making millions of pounds doing this. We are definitely the the guys who decide what is called trend setters. You know. Hey, you go. We are influences now, so let's use that. NASA's number one podcast. Thanks space. There you go. I'd like to thank space. So the first one, MMM, woodworking. I definitely think that was not cool. Just fucking caught, just straight in there. Hey, Ash, fuck you, fuck everything you stand for. Wood working is is cool. Sorry, just put up. I need to put a pause on the on the game. Time out. Time out, just for a moment. Yeah, okay, time or are we allowed to upset other hosts? Yeah, that's like. I guess part of it is that. Is that the aim of the game? No, it's not the aim of the game. That jo I just thought I do a funny one to begin with. Okay, okay, because I think would working rules as well. What. Okay, Hey, guys, do you do we know of? You own a table in your house? There a table. Yeah, okay, so definitively then, woodworking not cool. That's aggressives. I'm sat next to b the furniture I have made and the lamp I made in my woodworking room. Will people do like how you? I'm fucking listen. I've been described as cooled by at least two people. Yeah, like at least a solid maybe two and a half on a push. I can't what the fuck. Okay, mean ones, mean ones a side? Know that one was a mean one. Just to get the ball rolling, to whet our metaphorical Willie's, consider my consider my willie were and my Jimmy's rustled fucking Russell, my crazy basted. Okay, the first, the real, first one. Now swords cool immediately? Not Cool? Very cool? Owning swords not cool. Back in the Day Samurai had saw warm and had sword. Now it is thirty year old man who lives at home with sword on on wall. Sword does a concept. Cool swords, like to own more than one. Not Cool. In fact, that's not true. Is there? What's what I think I should of owning swords before it becomes like because if you own thirty swords you're a collector. That's cool any more than zero. That's a fair point. That's a fair point, but I've always thought that actually it's weird because there's like a really really low end that makes it cool and a really, really high end, which is to say that if you don't own any swords but wish to own swords, very fucking cool. And if you own like, fucking yeah, three hundred, you're a mad collector. That's cool anything. I clatan. It's the Nazi memorabilia line, isn't it? The thing we're looking for, like owning one Nazi thing not fucking cool. Owning a thousand Nazi things. I was a historian. Yeah, the sword is just the sniper rifle of the stabbing world. You can cut bread from a distance, across the man. That's all I want to sword by lessen. I want to maintain to me, is distance. What's sick is when you turn around really quickly and accidentally cut like two loaves of bread with one's try and everyone's like wow, that's incredible, this is the best thing since and then they look down there it is slice bread. Alex, love that fucking the build up for that was fucking pain. Who Got Myself and Alex, you actually touched on you actually touched on the the second, real one. Third Overall, Uh Huh. No, scoping on fortnight not cool, but I enjoyed to do it. But it is cool because you have such fun time. Cool. Is Fortnight Cool? Something doesn't have to be cool for you to enjoy it. It's not cool, but I do enjoy yeah, literally, like I enjoy woodworking. It's been proven to be lame. When you do fortnight unironically to a point where no, no, sorry that those were words that I said wrongly. When you do fortnight ironically for a length of time until it becomes like UNIRONIC, then it's cool and will will keep telling ourselves that that's that's the goal. We Will Alex when we sayshon fortnight, the session ever ends. Boys, I just like me a Chug Jug. Let's just give me those Jug chugs, please. Jug Jug, and birds, the avian variety, government spies, not cool, not cool at all. Unpredictable. Unpredictable. How can you trust a bird? I went on a walk just before recording this podcast with a borrowed dog and I encountered a swan and I was frightened of him, rightfully so. I don't know if you guys have ever heard this, but apparently a swan can break...

...your arm. WHOA sat like a joke or that's like everybody's heard that right. Surely a swan can break a man's arms like a yeah, no, if you do a royalty crime, Elizabeth will set off her swan's and they will do you an arm crunch and they'll buy all the way through it. Yeah, they can only do arms, though, not like fingers, legs, just just arms. Okay, so we've all decided not cool. Then bird's not cool. Okay, so I chat. I checked it. Apparently no swan has ever broken a man's arm. There's no recorded history of it. They what's the source of this information? Have they asked every swan? And if they were asking this one's you'd lie. If I had had my arm broken by a swan and somebody asked me about it, I would lie because that's not cool. Like now, I man, I've never even seen this one in real life. What's the swamp? So birds not cool? Having arm broken by bird super not cool, super uncool, super, unless it's like, unless it's like a fucking EMU or something, because he means a metal as fuck. What you need those sort of encounters of the sort so you can cut twice the amount of distract and predators as they close in to see. Okay, O, your extremities bread. It's not in small enough chunks. They don't recognize it. This one's only ever seen bits and pieces, don't they? They wouldn't know what to do with a whole loaf. Alex, I included this next one. I included this next one because I knew that we could make this one work for us in our favors. Okay, so now you can edit that bit out and as she can forget I said it big at tree. Hey, guys, what do we think of circumcisions? So fucking cool? Oh my God, narly. I have my turtleneck on right now and I plan on keeping on, but I've got nothing again to not wearing a settle neck. You know, some people just have a flare for the dramatis concision is the sniper rifle of the pissing world. Yeah, this is my acogscope helps me short exactly. It just equals Max Range and precision. That master key shotgun. That's what it is. You guys have got like range and I'm like Avon calling you know. I mean, oh, it's so good. Is a full at the same time it's the difference between, yeah, a sniper rifle in the butt shot. It's me. I'm like Kip glides bread versus lazy beeat circumcisions. Super Cool. MMM, Tommy, could I interject? Can I throw one out to the crowd please? Yes, he's vaping. Cool, is very cool. Yeah, no, a objectively no. No. You either not man enough to die from smoking or you just like those fruity play we succulent cloud I just chucked. I do, I do vape low, I can't. I think that the thing with vaping. Right when it becomes a hobby, like a passion, that's when it stops being cool. You know, you know I mean like when that's your personality trait. Let when like at like as if you were to introduce yourself to somebody, you would say hi, I'm Ashley and the thing I'm most passionate about is woodworking. And I might say hi, my name's Tom and I'm passionate about and then, like every white dude ever, you might say podcasting, and then I bump into people and I go Hallo, my name's Alex and I'm super passionate about my thick owns, my six S, I m juicy cotton. Let's rip it, brother, Chuck a cloud and then we kiss, grip it, rip it. And fucking something else. You can ride the cloud around. They're like Goku. Can't you say? It's just completely but trans listened to our dungeons and dragon specialist. Up for a right surprise when they're when that concludes. Wait, somebody summoned him. I don't know the keys here. My boy numbers Alto. That's why don't you do his voice? I'll well, I know, I know, I know, I know the cooling card. I know how to get him here a stiff breeze. Wait, wait, guys, guys. Oh No, some shits, pop it off. Oh No, it's dungeons and dragons cool. Oh and hi, guys, it's me Nimble. Is Dungeons and dragons cool? Yeah, objectively, no, no, actually it's. What do you mean? It's so? No, subjectively with the boys and makeup funny fucking bullshit. I want to run around, to be a wizard with my friends and roll around with that. I want to pretend to be an ORC. I want to play imaginary friends. I just...

...want is what dungeons and dragons is. I really want to play games, but I can't afford a playstation. Yes, I want to do video games without the video aspect. I want to do video games, but all my eyes I want to hallucinate while someone talks to me. My eyes got to avoid that blue light. Fam Ashley Tom Do you think the packed lunches are cool? Yes, why would I know? Now there's a there's a there's a wrinkle to this one. Packed lunches made by yourself versus packed lunches that have been made for you. I prefer lunch made by myself. I do too, because I like my sandwich is cuss into triangles. Yeah, like a triangle and tringles and Bethany doesn't do them for me. In triangles. I think a pack lunch is cool because what that screams out to the world is I don't give a shit what you think about me, I need a snack and this is what I made from home. You can go out and you can spend a five or on lunch, whereas I'll my fither and still enjoyed my lunch. Now, I I think I agree. I think a packed lunch very cool. It's also a great way to save money and also cuts down on, you know, any plastic waste or anything like that. So also good, you know, good for the environment, plastic. So I just buy, Oh yeah, plastic cups and just use them instead. So I just got my sandwich a plastic cup up my yoga. I'll emptied that into two plastic cups, one for the crispy bits and one for the actual yogurt, and then for my drink I do is I just get for those, you know, the beer pole tab things, like their things are always kill see. Oh yeah, the one the turtle truck. Yeah, I buy loads of beer and then I just give the cans tale at my friends and exchange for Ham, and then I just put the poll tabs in the ocean and then take the hand to work with me in my pockets. Okay, now you said that. I've just got a really quick one and none of the US listeners will know what the fuck we're talking about. Billy Bear Ham, not call right drill bad. It's cool, tastes bad. Taste like asshole. That's my favorite. Hands like somebody got ham and sprinkled bad on it. Yes, you got. Well, that's how you know. I asked on the first date, like give me that pretty bear me, you really did kill a pig for this. Wow, it's what you fucking get. Okay, guys, we're I'm almost at the end of my segment. I have one last one for you. Okay, it's whack tennis, or, as the layman will call it, badminton. Think either especially cool? Tennis was never cool. Yeah, but badminton is the Drool version of tennis. Well, tennis isn't cool, is it? And and tennis is the Drool version of we sports tennis, which is the actual drool version of Ping Pong when you're two stoned. Okay, good segment, Tommy. Thank you. Maybe I'll bring that one back. Was this game cool? No, no, it wasn't. Shall we move on from one game and go to a game that we do in between segment? Is this where we get fist deep in a game that you've created? Yeah, WE'RE gonna go get bulls deep into the dirtiest dictionary on this planet's third knuckled deep. Yes, absolutely, up to my nuts in the internet website, up to my nuts in the guts of this segment music. Now, hello everyone, and welcome back to your favorite segment between segments. Burn before snary. Lovely cool tends across the board. Loved that. You loved it. Happy to be here, Tommy. Thanks for prepping another wonderful segment between segments for us. You're most welcome. Forever in your debt, I will be yeah, as per fucking usual, I'm just happy to be here. Great Mates, the three of us. What what good friends we are. HMM, what homies, three great mates, one of them with an excellent trait, and it's that he puts together this segment in between segments. I was waiting for that last word to rhyme and it didn't and it fucking destroyed me. Poet, I don't think I'll every emotionally recover from that. By as space or ASS BASS, Chass base or ASS Bass. Now isn't the isn't a space. The guys that Sung. All that she wants is another baby. That's ace of base. Is No. No, a space is what happens when you're riding around in the state of the art Missan Micra and the fat Dang sub...

...willfoot kicks in and it just rumbles you cheeks clean apart. M I see, I was going down the root of you know, when you're out camping or fishing with you buddies and you catch you say of fish, anything. Ah, I got this nice fish, and you know what? I'm not weird. I'm only actually catching this fish so that I can eat it and nourish myself and know where my food came from. And you fry the fish off real nice and you portion it all out and everybody takes a buy and it tastes like ass. That's an ass bass. I really wanted that to end with. And then you put it up your bottom. I wanted that and I don't know what. No, I don't know why. I wanted to take it, the filet of fish you've made, and you just fucking drive it into the asshole of your tent. Mate. All right, Ronald mcgun of the drop that sponsorship, give me that, give me that sweet fest money, give me that, give me those bees, chugger cash. Peep the books, Trillo, but looks this is our MC podcast. I'm mcashley McCall. Welcome back to the book. Thirty two percent majority. I'm your book. Coast majority likes arity. Look, podcast, a podcast where. Look, I'm three, mccrack, you're MK host, mcdom, MC Cutchen, Mixon, look, Hutchinson, sounds great. Mc Hutchinson makes you sound like a model. Tom mccutter, goods taking sound and now I'm going to talk it to my book phone. That was very did you come up with one, buddy, come up with what did you that? Did you do it? Suggest now, I didn't take about Bo guns time, so I got distracted. You did a good it was a good joke. I got is a good joke. I'm really sorry. What was there? What we were going was? It was the word Muk, something around my last was it. Was it ham chugger. Wasn't be's chigger. It's that it. What was it? Was it chicken, Nuggie, chicken nuggie. ASP ASS BASS is the fish you put in your ass. That's what it is. Okay, you think it's a fish in your butt. I think it's a putting your butt. I think it's a fish that tastes like butt. And Alex thinks it's big, stinky, ugly base. That's but shaking specifically in the state of the artist. I'm Yes, absolutely, okay, ass bass or ass base, dependent on I don't know, location. Yeah, if you say it's somewhere else, it sounds different. So further away it sound a bit like this. It's a Oh, Alex, you with a. You were the closest and it's a fart that makes a deep booming noise like a subwafer. The following is an example of an ass assume base, then person, one, person, one, damn the subwar for for on. This sound system is absolutely busting. person to Nah, that was just me. I did we write that? That was submitted by us. I might have like what's the opposite of paraphrasing? Where you like, you change it maybe, or like you make it? There was a terrible joking in paraphrasing, where it's just phrasing, phrasing, phraseology, lexic, lexical word, using a choose or phrasing is where you do phrasing but you jump off a mountain. B Fuck's right. That's it. I'm stealing decepter of host ship back now from you, Thomas. It's for me now and I'm going to do a segment and I'm going to be really nice about it the entire time. We're going to pretend like we've not just cut five minutes of arguing at the book. I'll tell you what. Why don't you? Why don't you give them a snippet of it? Like now, wait, pause, I paused the timer. My pause, the time I paused on the time over. The time has been paused. The time has been paused. Alex, Alex, I want lex. What this is? These? No, no, no, no, I'm trying to do a good thing here. Alex, take him. I'm trying to do a nice thing here. Are you able to just listen to me for a second please, whilst I try and convince you of why the thing I'm trying to do is quite nice. I stepped out of that about thirty sects. That was poor radio. Can we include the bit where, Alex, Do you record your screen? Because like, no AH, we are they're just they've just enjoyed that. We got rid of that. will go again. So I, gentleman, just did my motorcycle test. I've upgraded it and now I could ride basically a spaceship. Congratulations, muck. Congratulations. I also have a driving license. I bought a lovely red car that was disguised as a it was a scam...

...disguised as a lovely red car, and now I don't have it anymore. So what I've got is the ability to drive and ride whatever I want, but the option to drive a two thousand and two Nissan Micra. I think the Micros the best kind in the world. It's for sale if you want it. Trouble is I no, I don't bind new vehicles. Is Our I need to be able to justify it to the old, the old ball and chain. Yeah, so I thought maybe we could, maybe we could brainstorm and try and come up of with some new, exciting ways of using vehicles so I can try and and justify how practical different vehicles could be. So the question is, then, do you have a short list of vehicles? Just actually, I would accept anything slightly more modern. I'd love something that's got air bags in it. But I think I'm worth you a few because the mic could not have air bags. Know, when you ride it, the micro, you die like you mean, you have life insurance? Can I be on it? A car? My goal is I would like, I would love to have a lovely red car and a lovely motorcycle at the same time, but the motorcycles just a toy and apparently I can't justify just having a toy. So are there any even just around the home? Are there any any uses for a motorcycle around the house? Yeah, well, of course there are. You can use it as a blender, because all you got to do is just put a belt round the wheel and it can power anything that's got a rotation. So you could have a chop saw, a blender, a treadmill for your cat. I I think actually you're not thinking fourth dimensionally here. I'll no, because it's not just household appliances you could nullify. You could get rid of the whole utility bill. You could generate. Yeah, rope to way to a motorcycle in the the back garden that's just bashing off its limiter, keeping all your electros run in and then just have a pipe coming in off the exhaust for you central heating. I'm sure that wouldn't get really frustrating after a couple of hours, whether you're heating on. I'm sure you could deal with that. Do you remember where at one point time, Alex has exhaust wasn't on his his bandit and he came and pick me up and then drove me to I think maybe his fiance's GRANDPA's house. Maybe was it? All I know is I came to pick you up and then we had to go immediately home to get us. Only loudest thing you've ever experienced. It was like the noise. It was like God was standing next to you when he was very cross about something. Understood, right. Okay, do we need to do? We need to pause again, Tommy, you okay. Now I lead. So what's going on right now is my partner is cooking me dinner. MMM, she's wonderful. It's cooking me dinner right now as we speak. She likes to have music on while she's cooking, cooking the old in didn't you know? I just got some there, some some Chunky, some Chunky Bass, bass lines popping up on my scream probably. So what I was trying to do was do the least amount of talk possible so that it would be easy to cut out the Chunky Bass lines. Oh the aspace, as it were. Gotcha, Gotcha. It's just just watching this. Imagine if you had headphones and it couldn't hear that she had music on and you just thought that was a ghost in the room. So the problem is is that, because I've got like, I've got a monitor, I can I can hear what my microphone can hear and I couldn't hit. I can hear the Basse in my earphones. Wa the Thumping Bass, the what the yeah, the wipperty Wobity Wob can you think of any any ways of disguising the use of a car? Are there any more practical uses of the I'm we haven't thought. Well, I'm very sorry for getting. Distracted from my partner and I. We're a family of audio miscreants and I'm sorry about it. I think that if you were to buy yourself like a like a Ford Bronco or something like that, and turn the back seats into a bed, you'd probably be to convince her that, like, you've bought it so that you can go and do nice, cool things together in it, like go on camping trips and that, you know, that'd be my Christmas, my Halloween outfit sorted. Turn up as a truck driver. Just turn episode of truck, a man who own truck. No, that's what you do, Tom you've Tome you've cracked it. You've got a pickup truck. Now that's your Halloween costume. You are a pickup truck. And then you're inside it, you're wearing it. You beat outside the door, you say, can you open a garage door? I want to come in and Theo a drink of you guys should like my outfit up my costume. Sweetheart, you know how there's not many movies that I like to watch, being the person that is Alex Springthorpe, the one movie that I really do like. I think what I want to do is by myself like a collector's item from the movie. It means a lot to me,...

...very personal. So I'm going to buy myself a red race car. Yeah, could chow, could chow bitch. I don't think the bitch is gonna sell it. No, I think that's a certain dominant Beth, Beth Cat Chow, could chow bitch that I really do need a new car and I need a new car. I want to buy a piece of TV memorabilia. This is long, Beth lab wow, wow, wow, wow, it's me, Walter, so nice to meet you. Wow, it's walty here. Say My name. Say it. You think when something knocks at the door, you're in danger. No, bad, no, here's the danger, Bessy, you bitch, I'm the one that knocks. This thing doesn't have seat belts. I am the danger. It's got no air bags. I am in danger. Bethany, Bethany, listen. Okay, I'm faster than fast, I'm quicker than quick. I am speed. Bitch out, we've turned into Jesse. I can't help it. Yeah, no, Mr McQueen. Hey, somebody got on Google. Your bets, Jesse Pinkman. What's what's the car's name from cars? Lightning, McQueen, lightning, Mr Carween, rule forty two. Now, Jesse Pigman, like McQueen, doesn't bring anything up. We can have that, is it not? The Bit Sad, really? Is it an available website? Jesse Pickman, light the McQueen DOT com. He left to go right. Yes, science bitch gotta Win The Piston Cup. Bitch. God, lightning McQueen is should not be as much. Did you know it was Owen awesome that voiced him, and I didn't know that until yesterday. Yeah, I was just like. I was just like wow, you dumb shit doctor of chemistry, more like Doctor Hudson. Anyway, we're justifying sports cars. That was it. That's the justification. You just play that recording to its look how much joy the idea of owning a red sports car brought us. Now, imagine if lightning mcqueenie in the driveway. Bitch, I think. I think this is a really nice I don't do it. My segment on, even if it is prepature. You did include the two minutes of US renting and arguing, didn't you? Maybe a few seconds of it. I have laughed so hard that my glasses have steamed up. You got you what did you laugh out of your eyes thinking about lightning a quick I cried, Jesse Peyman, I cried tears after we fought Thomas because I thought we'd never make friends again. I thought that was the end of our friendship. But then you said the lightning McQueen things and called my wife a bitch a few times. That gave me some chuckle energy. I forgave you. Realize now it's the friends you made along the way. Is the race cars you meet along the way that really care. Could Chot bitch laughs like a roll. That you, trevor? Do you next in it? I wish I knew more cars, more so I can really get is it. Could read the duck toes of like me, McQueen, I have scoured the dusty libraries of time. Only one thing stands ket chow, do not cite the old words to me. I was there when they were written. Fuck yeah, NAI's shit, as lands are done. By the way, cool and we're on to Narnia and I don't have anything for money train, so maybe another I wanted to discuss something because I think we may have forgotten. Yeah, well, we're going to the money train. Then Hitch Shit. Who Guys? I think, I think, I think we forgot to do a giveaway. Oh, we did. We supposed to give something away and then didn't and not do it. We didn't know. I did not do it either. Wait, hang on, it wasn't not done. I'll give you something, Alex, I'll give you something. Yeah, you know, that was what was it? That's my middle finger up against the MIC. Bitch. Why did it sound like really musical? Sound like your finger was on the springs, like because he's just a talented are you powered by a small amount of hinges and Pistons like your...

...car? Yeah, I be honest. Tell I think maybe we need to just kind of discuss the giveaway thing after the figure out what we said we do. Yeah, the recall. Do it, otherwise will be called liars by the press. Damn you British media. Yeah, okay, may make this be a really, really quick money trained segment. You can put music in somewhere. You're the audio wizard, Alex, but I believe in you. Do you want a really quick and what the dictionary to you know, live in the mood of bit urban. What the dictionary? Urban? What the fuck? You know, Tom you must. It's got to be an urban. What the dictionary now? Just an urban urban. What the dictionaries? Then it's just urban. And the word today is philanthropy. I know that one, though. I said it in my intro. Yeah, exactly. That's why it was on my mind. Now the real urban. What the frictionary, Alex, you ought to be a looking ass. Is Zuck Kuk? That's just how we describe Mark Zuckerberg, isn't it? Is that not already? This podcast is not going to be chart topping? I can tell you that. Already brought the algorithm. Damn it, he's listening right now. Mark, I said planned demic, and then we've also said Zuck Cook. Lucky exclusively blocks out the words Zuck or just the Word Cook, in assumption that it's about him. Marky, Marky, Marque player, are sorry, mark apply, because Marcus Suckman, very sorry. A Pudu Pie, I'm sorry, we did it. Hey, we're going to be doing an apology video for this. A Duck Cook, a Zuck, a zuck cart, luck Kirk. That is where you look over the shoulder of our good friend Marcus. MMM, and you see Mont Tumbler. MMMM yeah, that's part. That's hot. Shall we just find out what it is, Tim Mord it is? It's got the Alexs. Think it's someone who still uses facebook. Despike privacy con confirms concerns or may also be applied to anyone unconcerned with digital privacy. So basically it's just if you still use facebook. This would be the smoothest intro into a VPN advert. We VPN fucking privacy. We VPN spons I wish smash that, mutilate that like button everyone. Okay, that's a crate that like, but kidnap that like buttons children and tell it that they're never going to see their father again. I hate crime to a like, but find your nearest like button and just fucking set fire too. We are shooting fordred fifty quadrillion likes this week, Guy, so come on, let's hit that number. I know we can do it. You guys can do it, we can all do it right as you want to host now. I'd love to host. I'm taking away hosting privileges, boys, not just from you or you. That was Tom and Alex listeners, not you. You can you can't host anyway, you fucking idiot. I'm do am I the assholes, the hit, the classic, the all time favorite that everybody loves and nobody thinks he's a cop out or lazy. I'm doing it, Dad, and you can't stop me our am I the assholes cool, or are they drawl? Both? Somehow, both cool and rule look much like me. I think cool, as I'm muck drooling for it in a good way. MAKSMOK sponsored, by the way, I look drawling for this one, but yeah, I'm going to Muk spooge. Sorry, I just for a second there. I could just catch how in the back of my mind. Am I the asshole for making my friend think about like McQueen far too often now? A might the asshole for buying my son a Halloween costume. Can you say that one one month time? Am I the asshole for buying my son a Halloween costume? And then this is a really short little bit of context, but we'll wait for that. Okay, okay, a m I the ASS off of buy my son Halloween costume face val. You know, I guess depends. Is it? Is it made to November? I might have some of my much on the Halloween costume. It's August, by the way. There's no context. It was two hours ago by Cool Resolve, one thousand four hundred and ninety six on Reddit. I'm glad about the way that it ended and that it wasn't some kind of my son's white yeah, it wasn't going to go and that kind of crazy. Yeah, sorry, but now that we're there, let's get real, Levi didn't getting real quick. We've arrived on the scene. Is it? Is it appropriation? If I dress up as like mcquinn, I'm not a car I've never been a car. Nobody in my family not come. They just aren't appropriating automobile culture. Every time I get in my partner's car I feel guilty, and this woman who's asking them, I askhole question, is appropriating autumn and she's stolen Halloween from us all. I think, being proactive.

Nothing wrong with that right, unless, no, I can't think it like she actually is the sun wearing it every day. Otherwise, if that is the sun, Thirty Five, how old is the child that that's a big thing is because if your kids like anything below twenty, it's fine. Yeah, but yeah, I'll read some context. I, thirty four female, and my husband, thirty five male, have a five year old son together. My husband was raised in a family where boys play with cars and girl, I know where this is going, where boys play with cars, could chow and go chow, because I with dolls. Bitch. Son Has a yes science food, a huge obsession with UNICORNS and asked if we could go as a Unicorn for Halloween. My husband told him no because he's a fragile little bought now told him no and he would take him shop boy costume. Feel like I they were Ashley, as you know, where I'm leaning here home, I found one in his size, wrap the costume and surprised him with it. I gave him to about it, give it to after school and he put it on. My husband looks at me and tells me that I'm trying to change our son to be gaily and should have bought it was spider man or superman costume. This isn't happened over the weekend and my husband is still feeling over it. Who Okay, deep breaths. I just think that, like I don't want to. I personally I don't want to wade into this one too far, but my only thoughts on it are that I think, as a man, if you can't stomach your girlfriend wanting to be like Elsa from frozen or anything like that, your masculinity is probably the fragile one, not your son's. As a man, what is what is going to have a son in a minute. I've kind of thought about this sort of just in a moment, any second now, in a moment, I shall soon one of those sons and I think if, as a dad's you're ever concerned about shit like that. Oh, I've a word. There's so much more important stuff to figure out, as bigger things going on on. Man, just up inspected. Inspect The Sun. You must, you must dress the sun up as the Unicorn, walk over to the sun, crouch down in front of the Sun, get real close to his little frigging child head and just see if it's got a smile on it. If there's a smile on it, fucking shut up. It's fine. Move On. Yeah, go and wash something. It's going to fix something. Put at the end. But I have a little lie. Doubt we'd about the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Be Happy as an adult. You exist right to be there for your kids to basically help them grow into good people, but also make sure that they have a happy life. Right. You're not there to like push your outdated thoughts onto them. Shouldn't do that. So, even if it does maybe make you slightly uncomfortable, and there's probably a reason for that, maybe that does actually come from somewhere, but you shouldn't. You shouldn't push that on your kid. Do Your Thirty Five Year Old Dad. You did stuff what made your parents uncomfortable, and that was listening to rock music and, yeah, spikey hair and tucking your willie between your legs and fucking men. Next thing you know, your balls deeping a cousin. I don't know what that was, where that came from. Some repressed emotions. We have another one. Yeah, am I the ass hole, but just to clarify though, guys, let you fucking kids pay whatever times they want. If it's not dangerous, it doesn't matter, even even if it is. Let your children play with guns, guns fun. Yeah, I played with dolls and guns and I turned out just fine. And Yeah, I see he's got a podcast and everything. Chat to, which is the mark of mental health success. By the way, it could shall it's could show copyright. Can we say could chow as often as we are because I like it. I'M gonna make that my catch phrase. Could. It's gonna whisper it. Every now and then I might asshole a talking much to my boss after a CO worker picklock the bathroom door while I was inside. Oh golly Gee, well, know, so many things are wrong with that. So many things wrong with it. Am I the asshole because somebody wanted to see my shitting ass? Okay, I'm not the asshole because, whilst I was performing bodily functions, I didn't want anybody else to share them with me. That was a my Alex. you you did. You did this one, didn't you? You posted this. Somebody listened to the previous episode that you work with and then decided that they wanted to get get a little peak, yet, a sneak peak version, like real time action your bomble, and just have a quick pull around. Yeah, as to how you wipe your yeah, that's it. They're crazy. In to make sure they're not pulling an out. Should have just watched my youtube tutorial video available now. It is like it's registered hyper can three on the bottom right. Bandy care don't worry about blowing up my face. It's in seven can actually, is their context of this one that makes it maybe be a bit...

...more. Is there a bone of contention to be had, or is it as face about you as it here? Alex, kind of can, I guess. Is it that it's like some kind of joke, like between two co workers and one person took it too far, so they feel like an asshole for reporting them? But at the same time, you know, the the the pranks that the other the guy that got perved on and were like very minor, and that one probably went too far. Maybe Tommy, someone took it too fart. I'm here to shit all over Tommy's theory. Ket Chow and put out chow. And so it's at a restaurant. Yes, mate, could Chow Chow, could Chou to you, to myself, Alex, yes, Thomas, could chow, blessed be K Chow Chow. So Chow to all and to all into all good chow, good, yeah, fucking God, Damn it. Every word. I look out on this God damn screen looks like it's cat chows so as he's caught dyslexia of Coda to all a good show. Hi. Yeah, can I order some food for delivery please? Yeah, awesome. Yeah, can I just have like some egg fried rice? I want it here, faster than first, quicker than quick. I can I have a beef coutchall me. God Damn it. I see you later, by Chow. Anyway, you're not getting any contexts because I've scrolled past it laughing. So Chow, why is cars such a good fucking he's got no right being that good listeners. If you have watch cars, you need to go back. Alex is fucked. Hey, they're got he hello yet? Yes, yes, this is could jigger takeaways, where we deliver faster than fast, quicker than quick. Such a poor John. You see the lightning? We love you. Is that little bit where the MX FIVES FLASH THEIR CAR TIDDY's? Yeah, they're flash their hood lights here. You know one more. Is it anyone else that thinks that's hot? Is it just me? Sorry, the the MEA mxfive kids. Fuck, never mind, delete that sexy car. Kids cars. There's underage. It's fucking. It's weird. They sexual lies and it's so weird. Actually, for goodness sake, those cars were still under warranty. You can't say that, ha ha. Not Ready for an oil change, your deep steak. They've not even been serviced yet. Ashley, I want to go home, look at that milage. One previous lady owner and to all a good chow. We still do in the podcast. Or is that just sure? I'll any better than no, I think I've had enough. We've probably done yet enough. I'm tired, though. Please can you bleep? Can you please bleep me saying me our kids, please. It's comedy gold. Oh, thank you for listening to another wonderful episode of the thirty three pisode charity could chow. Thank you very much for listening to this fucking nightmare. I've been your host, Ashley, whole could chicken Cood, chicken Cood Chow, and I've been your host. I. Oh, okay, and we were in your host Tom Alex Hutch Thorpson and Thorpe Cat Chow and to all our good chow. See you all next week. Catch Ou. Wow, this...

...was a weird episode. We did dud don't fucking dietary. So you know how usually I just you know how I just say at the end, a quick thing. Yeah, how do you guys think I would look in Dynako blue? Goodbye, guys, Dumb Shit, goodbye. Hi, thanks for making it pass the end of the episode. You joined me now on laptop microphone because I have compiled a short story for you to enjoy. It includes highs, love's triumph, victory and last and a villain character. I hope that. I hope that you enjoy the listen to it. Goodbye, down what.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (34)