The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 30 · 8 months ago

Ep. 30 - Bad Work, Brill words, and Bask Beddit

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This is a podcast. You've heard of one before right? It's like radio, but like, whenever you want it. This is one called 'The 33% Majority', and it's the 40th episode we've ever made (minus 10).

In this week’s episode, your 3 favourite illiterate gentlemen will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing the things we think we'd be really bloody awful at, some of the strangest Ted Talks that have graced that hallowed stage, and a lazy Ask Reddit (Alex came up with the idea to do it originally, so we'll give him a pass) respectlively.

Also, y'know the things that make some 'puter algorithm think we're popular and bussing? If you could do those, that'd be just swell. Ok thanks love you bye.

Congratulations. This is episode thirty listeners, you knew what you fucking sign up. Welcome to the thirty three percent majority, a podcast where you'll find three buddies, chums, pals, if you will, battling for their fifteen minutes of fame. I'm your host with the most of the verbose and handsome Ashley Hall. Okay, I guess I'm your host vengeance and darkness, Batman or Tom I guess. No, I'm your host, Ash's Real Dad, Alex springflee. I just made reconnection with my real dad. He messaged me that they ask me for coffee. I know it's been so I love coffee. I don't know what to tell you us. I'm a thirsty young man. I need caffee. Turned up to mine in my strange father's just rock up like, Hey, I'm Alex's other dad. I'll Ashley's other dad. Hang on, I wouldn't forgot my name. Yeah, did you just yeah, day, smart guys. Okay, okay, Ashley, did you put chance right down, recite and then practice the intro this episode? Why did it feel a bit? Did it feel a bit less stunted than usual? Yeah, they soundly like you knew what the fuck you were talking about. You remember when we first started the call and there was like three to seven minutes of me furiously typing silently. HMM, yeah, I wrote the word for boast six times to get the spelling right. Yeah, because, you see, as usually usually, what happens is you have you have an acute case of Dyslexia, only related to the the intro of this podcast. Yeah, like people that know me are like, Oh, you're so you're so good at speaking, no wonder you do a podcast, and then they listen to the intro like, Oh, you're a fucking idiot, you've never spoken before. Have you insert clips of Ashley fucking up the Intro here? Hi and welcome to the thirty three percent, sorry, a talks, where you'll find three friends each fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame. I'll be your host, Ashley Hall. Hi and welcome to the thirty three percent of Joey, a podcast where free three friends fight for their slice of the podcast. By that was much harder than it was written out to be. Welcome to the thirty three percent of joy, a podcast where free for our wow, I can't do it. Hi, they're and welcome to a. Now I fucked it. I can't do it. Whoever's editing it by me in time this week. Don't do that. Oh yeah, it's you two and I've got all the files, all the masterclips. He's got a was all fucking. Yeah. How's everyone's weeks been? I know we asked off. Are About my week? My Week's been great. New Job. It's pain. You enjoying it? Yeah, I'm really loving it, man. It's super chill. My segment is going to be about my job. So we'll, we'll come, but we'll come back that. So I can't. I don't milk it for all it's worth. Too early, but it's decidedly busting. As long as we get to clock in, that's not a problem. Yeah, I don't want to premilk my segment. You know, that was a great sentence. Yeah, not proud that. Yes, yeah, no, my week's been pretty good. I've enjoyed my week, but just getting a load just practical stuff. I've got a couple of idiots coming over this weekend so I've just been sorting out some final things with the house. Are they handsome idiots? Pretty one of them. It's Tom isn't it? Tom's the fucking hand someone every time. And the worst thing is is like I accept that anyway. And just practical week. Nothing, nothing funny really. Just up built some baby furniture, which is quite nice. My son's got a bed, Jom now and that's week. What is this? A cut for ants? I'm glad tom laughed at it. They do make him little babies, notoriously smaller than the average adult. Typically. Yes, and boy. So you know how I told you off air that I might my that my friend, a friend of mine. MMM, that isn't me. Promise, and was going through a depressive episode and felt like you couldn't do the dishes. Yeah, I'd heard about the friend. Yep, guess, guess, get guess who did the dishes? Is it your friend Tom, my friend Tom did the dishes. Yeah, your friend Tom, Tom, I need you to tell your friend Tom that I'm so proud of him. Me, Ashley's Dad. I'm very proud of it. My Dad and I are very proud of you, Tom, your father my actually listen to this, Nigel, if you're yes, and there it, Alex, don't placed you as patriarchal figure in my life. Tom, can come true. Yeah, no, and yeah, the Alex and Alex and Esh say, well done for doing the doing the washing up. Well, well, I'm for doing the dishes. You hand some devil, and I assume you've got tom called him a miserable get. Oh, thank you. And he they did call. They did. They did say you're a miserable get though. Oh, that's not really nice, is it's not very nice yet, Tom, you can, you can go now. No, wonder he's depressed if you just dismiss a ham like that. FUCKING A, Tom, you can fuck off down it.

We've got a jokes out of you. I got a dissociative personality disorder. Know as well. It's just slamming the door on yourself. Pretty embarrassing. Really, fuck off, Tom, no, don't. I love you. Walk aways. The door slams. No, not doing anymore sing songs, no more goths it please. We did some of that fair. No more. No more. No, you know here. No fears where I am not now. So, yeah, that's the manic dates. Well, I'm glad you did the dish. What your friend did the dishes? Tom's friend, Tom. HMM, I'm really proud of you. I know it. Things are tough all the time. But you know, they can't be tough forever. That's true. That's true. If if you were at your best all the time, mate, your best would just be called you. You know what I mean that your best is not the standard to work to all the time. It's your best for a reason. So don't worry about it. Get them when you get there. Thank you. Thank you very much. So that's a really lovely thing you just said on our our comedy podcast. Sorry, job, it makes some get fitting with the VIBE. No, no, no, no, it's already fitting with the VIBE, but it is just lovely. Just, Hey, let us going just being friends. I had a thought. Careful, this is episode thirty. This one is you know how when we're talking to people about the podcast and I like, where should I start, and the other sware is always episode anything, Buzz, episode one. Why don't we just do everything we can? This is the best one. Where do we start? Episode Thirty? It's episode thirty definitely, because that is our best work. This is out. This is a magnum opus, that I said that right. It's got quality, goofs, good friends, fame, fifteen minutes, some segments. It's got the recipe I've so phoned in my segment this week, but I'll do my head Tommy. Your phoned in segments are still better than my most planned seconds, so don't worry about it's not true. That's not it's me doing reddits. I'm just so ready, so fucking like energy. Don't think at the bit. I've jumped in at the bit right now. Welcome to episode thirty of the thirty three percent majority are never actually hang on. I've thought of a better episode to be our best episode. Hang on, so don't worry, just a little shit. Will try to get in three more episode. We'll come back to ignore everything I said. Sure, editing this one. Just highlight what I just said copy it into thirty three. I really just shot the whole time. If we just get your bit of me being nice to as well, take that and we'll just cut that. This episode may a fucking stinker, but thirty three is yeah, this episode sucks. It's just gonna be happy to take all the lapse out of it and put them into thirty three. It's going to be next time. Somebody asks with which episode should I start with? Will say episode one, three hundred and twenty nine, episode three it's the bad one, the one we did bad. It's the one where we phoned it in. Always phone it in. That's my rules, that's how I've been living my life. Yeah, one phone call at a time, baby. Before we two segments. And just so the audience is a where we are, we're having a boy's weekend this weekend. It's a weekend for boys. It's a weekend for boys to do guy stuff. What, we're going to have a real episode ten kind of weekend, wink. But yeah, don't listen to episode ten, because episode thirty three is gonna Shit all over it. Exactly. Any multiple of ten, don't listen to. Yeah, what was going to be? I like flagship episodes. Every ten episodes will do something great. Is actually spiraled into the opposite of that, where they're the only episode you shouldn't listen to. Never those. You've given me an idea I likes. We we are to have a meeting this weekend in regards to podcast things, because, contrary to what the audience might believe, we do actually put some amount of work into this, some considerable effort for yourself. I just turned upon the day as Lee Hall, who was never edited the show sweet boys, for an hours of your lives into it, you fucking suckers. MMM, would we? But one thing that I probably can spoil a little bit that's on the agenda is to discuss that thing that we spoke about in the last episode where we might actually try and break a world record. Yes, now, having said that, my face, my favorite three brothers, who also have a podcast called my brother, my brother and me, decided to skip episode four hundred and twenty for a long time because they felt as though they couldn't do good enough. We jokes for the episode that they were going to do. So...

I think that in the future you will get episode thirty two and then you'll get episode thirty four and you won't get episode thirty three, because the thirty three to resued will be the longest episode of any podcast that's ever existed. I'm so got that to look forward to. Yeah, how to clarify, I want episode thirty three. I love this. Episode thirty three is going to be a fully edited to the normal high, high standards, as in by that I mean I'll I'll fucking doex he's to those the craft, the Ikea flat pack furniture guys, I'll edit it all the way through to high, high levels. Don't get me wrong, I'll have to export it in a really shitty quality because hosting provide ready lets us up load up to three hundred meg so we should just mess them about that. With Tom's in with those guys, it's time just fucking DM those sweet boys demand. I was at I was actually thinking that if we are going to actually do a world record attempt and maybe do some raising money for charity and all that kind of Malarkey. By charity you mean the Stripper I want to hire for my thirty birthday, you're absolutely correct. Yeah, Oh, actually, we don't have time for that. We've only got something like a week away. Is and it I'm getting older by the second, which I assume is how time works, isn't it? Really? You are old, you are so very old and but yeah, that's something to look forward to, that we may try and break a world record and that will be the thirty three episode. Let's get some commitment behind your Tom Talk like you mean it. We won't try. We're going to fucking nail it for the thirty three of the thirty three episode. Now, I don't like that. Yes, like rhymes with beef, not the not the other nasty, when you were thinking of no, if you thought of that one, you start. Stop listening now, you naughty. But no, don't know. Don't stopped listening. Lee, you've got to leave us a good review. If you thought of the bad word that begins with a que, you naughty boy, naughty, silly boy. Oh, before we go into a hot ship, Tom you've just reminded me. On the subject of bad reviews, do you want to read the one we got this week, or shall i? Oh, you definitely should. Why don't we save it for money train? Okay, yeah, sure. Well, listeners, you need to hear it and the man or woman who had wise? She woman actually think we know it's got be a man, hasn't it? For the name, listeners, you'll see when we get there. Could just a person. I'll fuck. I forgot that people exist. I listec listener, I lived in it. I lived in the list high, the gendered Binary World. Just there. I regret the actions I've performed. Right, I'm going to rip away the BANDAID and become the host first, if that's cool with you two sweet boys, fine, I'm I'm up for it. So I've started working at an outdoor kind of play and at older outdoor sports specialty store that rhymes with mafathlon, a word, but nothing else matter. Lamb Ashley works at Math I don't work I'm not that posh. Well, I can tell you, as they make us wear bids in there, a French company. So there you go. And I've realized that, like, I thought I was really outdoors in because I like camping, I like a hike, you know, I like climbing, skateboarding, I like lots of outdoor things and I thought I was like really fucking cool. It turns out I'm actually the least cool person at my work. Now, okay, because, like my manager is a triathlon guy, so he does like the running, the swimming, and there what's the other one? Running, swimming, surfboarding. Yet, running, swimming, surfboarding, climbing. He just does all of it like but they're all incredible athletes and like bringing human being super healthy. I'm the only smoker like in the building. I went around, yeah, it's embarrassing. I was like Hey's anyone got a lighter and they all just looked at me like I just fuck their dog in front of them. Why? Actually, if you got a if you got a campfire to light, if you ignite you single gas burner for a kind of beats we got going on here. It was pretty mortifyed. So I spoke to them and they were like hey, we don't have lighters, none of a smoke. I was fuck you then and it got me thinking as to like how much better they are than me as people, mm, and how the things we all want to do. What stopping us from doing them? And I'll give you an example of what I mean. I work in this snowboarding section, despite the fact that I cannot and have not ever been able to wear snowboard like never. I'm not good at it. I can skate like relatively well, but I cannot snowboard. I've tried up into Scotland and Glen she and tried it. They're not good at it. I can't ski either. Pretty mortifying. Yeah, so, guys, I'm just going to have to pause for two seconds. I'm receiving a I've just had five messages in a row for my missrs up being summoned. I'm really sorry you guys. Just sign hold sidebar. I think it is, because I think it's because noos a slippy and make this looks to slippy snow. Now, as you're not here, you're having a Bergency, right, you can mean Talma. Just going to talk about snow and slee w well, we will...

...hold before the phone will continue to tell me. Watch. What do you think? They make this snow to slipping. We see. The thing is is that I don't actually think that. You know, it was intended to be like surfed upon. That's pretty tough. It's like wakeboarding. It's like that's water. Why don't you just bored on the land? That's for drinking off of this, this is this one's for drinking. Assist like this, not for you. Fuck you don't know what we said, as you're still have an emergency. Would go on, Governor Remo my little this way. Would you like to know what the emergency was? No, actually, please. No, no, no, no, actually, I really, I really don't wish to know. I'm not going to tell you. My beloved partner, the Bee's knees. Did you find the carrot five, last week's carrot? It was on the snow man in the garden this whole time. Sorry, Ash. Did you say that she couldn't open spaghetti. There was a a jar of spaghetti sauce and you're telling me she need cat an. She interrupted your podcast to get you to open one, two, three, if I got seven messages, Hey, hey, hey, need your help super, super super quick, Hey, please. And then I yeah, in like that's the messages, and I went here there and she stood there. Need to put the Bee's knees on fucking blast right now. I'm fucking gonna run alive, honestly, and then she passed me with the jar. I opened it and now she's making my dinner. So you know, Alan Ah, I know it. I know that we are mid your segment, but just so that you're aware, apple recently released a software update, IOS fifteen, and it brings with it a feature called focus modes. Now there's a bunch of presets like work, do not disturb sleep, hold off right now. Also, create your own focus modes. I have a focus mode podcast and what it specifically does stops people from contact me, contacting me whilst I record. So That's information. To with it. What you but then I wouldn't have received a delicious Spaghetti Dinner. I think what we're trying to say here as is that what you did do is a horrible podcast crime. was crying. Yeah, congratulations. This is episode thirty listeners. You knew what you fucking sign up to. Start Right, Ashley, that a lot has happened. Do you mind just resummarizing what your segment is, please? My segment is things we want to do and why we don't do them, and and snowboardings my example. I want to do. What I don't ever let happen is let somebody interrupt my podcast recording and never let that happen. You guys are just better podcasters than me. Again, I am just the cleaner that picked up the MIC. That's all I am. You guys, I love that. That's in the cabin. I was just in the background. You guys, we need a name. was like, yeah, it's me. So we there were talks of a family holiday to do a skiing but for my wife decided to make a boy yeah, don't. We were excluded from any future talks about a January two thousand and twenty two ski trip and I was looking at it and I think a lot of skiing is confidence, like, if you just know right, this is gonna hurt until I can get the head round how to do it right. That's fine, it's gonna hurt. Do it until it stops hurting. That's just an alley Ali top tip when it comes to snow based activity during to it stops her do it till it stops hurting or you die. Ye, me, fucking a snowman, just doing and it stops saying that's frostbite. Eventually, Yellow Road, a large enough hole, you'll have a smooth icy busting. But do see snow Bussy, snowsy, Sour snussy. SNUSSY's fucking cute. I'm I'm not right. I I do it because the DVLA said I was allowed to driving. I do it. I'm not very good at it yet and I find a lot of it quite frightening. Like that, if I get to a tricky junction, I just don't do it. If I've got turn right, out is recording this from the end of his driveway. Very mind we drive on the left hand side of the road. So if I come to the end of the road and I've got to turn right across traffic, sometimes I just turn left and then do a you turn somewhere. I think it's right and I'm not very good to see you. I think it's members the there joining us from home, and this is obviously like really great comedy that you're probably glad to be hearing, until you consider that me, Tom, who is in London, here in the coastal town of Lewish in, and Alex offered to do a to do six proper note like six hours worth of driving to come and scoop me up from London. I'm glad that I that that didn't go ahead. From honest with you. Is He picking you up from a train station? I was gonna go just pick him up from his house, but that's that's eat. That one's easy driving. You just got on a motorway and only goes one way. You don't have to turn across at wherever. If you have, then you've done something disastrously. Something's really...

...something else is amissed. HMM, I can imagine Tom's really good at driving. Tomer, you're a good driver. Alex, am I have no idea to I've you. You never been in the car with me, but you've you viewed me. Oh, I've seen some photographs of some things wrapped around things as a result of Thomas is Josey. He's so good at driving. He wraps Christmas presents. Oh so bad at driving that he makes the lamp post to Christmas. President in the car is like the wrapping paper. It's us at luckily, luckily, you're so close. But no, Cigar. I didn't wrap my car around a lamp post. I wrapped my car around a Mercedes. They call him bad job, tomat, bad job. Yeah, I can't drive at all, like I I literally am not allowed. I let you drive my car, just like off the drive and stuff. Sometimes a nice little Ashley Treat. I just let it move my car on the drive. He just passes with the keys. It's wonderful fun. I don't care about your car. That's the thing is that if I crash the MICRAT I'll probably get a thank you letter. Yes, you know nobody cares about the Mike. The mics got a new trick, by the way. Sorry, just a De Retell Evers is likely keep the running. I like this. Now when you put the when you operate the brakes to make the castlow down, all of the interior lights come on. No idea why. You know how I did it. That add up to the break paddal perfect Alex and further to your note. So you know, back when I used to be a motor ped man and I had a Mompe. Oh, yes, yes, he's lovely Honda that had great like Race Honda Racing Team Colors and I spray plate painted it black for some reason. For No, yeah, Big Full Bavia I my dad. My Dad then bought me in a prillers one, who five, and that got stolen. Wait for Ashley to come. Is it for stroke or two, because my com depends on it to Ashley did a Yucky come noise here. Yes, it was a it was one of the beefy that one of the that the ones that had the that was much beefier than it should have been. If you know I'm it looked bigger the the big tune. Yeah, it's a two stroke, but it does all the go in. Yeah, it had a lot of go to it. That one got stolen by some nasty men in Lincolnshire. And so then my dad bought me a Honda nsr one, two five was the Fox eye as she's going to just do another quick, quick come. Yes, it was. Ashley did another Yuggy come noise here. Now you've got laughter factoring here. You can the good bikes. Okay. Well, the good thing is is that it's my dad decided to wrap that motorbike round and Old Lady's car, so I never got that one. She still drives around with it in the bump of Theo, wasn't she? She doesn't noticed precisely. Yeah, and my dad still has the gear lever in his knee. And safety keeping, safety keeping. But the thing is is that after after I had I lost both of my motorcycles. I stole, no, okay, I borrowed, with consent, let's call it that, a motorcycle from my friend and drove it from deeping all the way to deep in St Nicholas, which is about Gore. Blimey, Tom that's that sounds like upwards of maybe four miles. Yeah, so the problem was was that I liked to think that I was better at motorcycling than I actually was. HMM, I had no idea how to or operate the gears, because it's very different to operating a car. So I spend the entire a journey almost throwing myself off of the motorcycle by down shifting too hard. I used to be a really good motorcyclist. I would like to say you've both been on my motorcycle and neither of you are killed two bits, even one time. I've never been killed on the back of a bike that Alex has me riding, which is as far as my testament goals. Now I've ridden behind Alex for like a fairer of fair distance with my little brother on the back of Alex's bike, and credit where credits. You, Jesus Christ. Can that man ride like I don't. I don't want a big Alex up to me. I used there was nothing on a motorcycle I wasn't afraid of, but now I don't. Turn right out of junction about like Alex will be on the back wheel and an Ikea car park destroying a Kre seed. Nothing of the game of that. CAN YOU BELIEVE I? I still talk about that because I work next door to it, so sometimes I have a cigarette and look across the car park wistfully. I did an accident to a parked car show enough to Ashley like I was. Okay, ignore the thing I said about being good. Most cycle as the bad. I did a bad motorcycle crime to a car that was part and the bike actually had an issue. It was only running on three of its four cylinders before the crash and when I picked up...

...it just suddenly fixed itself, whereas the key I was strewn across the card bits. Left a note. I called my insurance company. Allow I've done a fucked it and they'll like, no worries, we'll sort it out. We'll let you know if anything happens, and nothing ever did. So if you drive a key of seed, I'm really sorry about it. Please don't call the insured as people, because I'm sure the statute of limitations is not up on that yet and you could probably get a new car. He's. It was the reaction you had. So to put this into context, it was kind of midwinter and we were in an indoor car park with quite glossy floors and I just got a new motorcycle and I was very excited. So we went for a little bimball and then we're in an underground car park hanging out because it was cold and Wet, and Alex decided to open her up and do a wheel across the car park and he kind of jumped it up on the back whale and then I don't know how it happened, but the back end just slid out and then it's slid. Well, I thought, or no, that's that. I laid into it and expect in the front to come up, but it just hit the limitar. I wasn't going in a quicker I was like, what a fuck's sake, MC clutch is slipping. So I got off the power and rolled back onto it and I realized suddenly in that moment that it wasn't the clutch spinning, it was the real wheel just lighting the fuck will went one way, front wheel when the other way bike. I had to lay her down and it slid and I watched it in slow motion, spitting Fart. No, that's not how words go. Splitting sparks everywhere and I just watched it slide into the into the front of a Kia. It was glorious because that acts got up and was just like did you see him put out on me? Anyway, I don't think we spent a single minute talking about the thing actually wanted to took. I give a single fuck. I know about Tom's motorbike history and I know about you crashing yours beautiful. Well, I think is wonderful ashes that you've really adhered to your own statement at the beginning of the episode that this episode was going to be mediocre. We're on our way. Yeah, I'm committed to delivering what I say. I'm going to fucking deliver, guys. We are well on our way, Ladies and gentlemen, to Mediocre. Well on, if only there was something we could do to make it worse, but in a Yucky way. Let's go do that now, Joo that know, the music goes like this. Oh, that was bows. Fucking Hey, Tom, that was fucking slick. All right, all right, but what's really slick is that the music ends. Now there you go. Well, Shit, what about that? Welcome everybody to your favorite segment between the segments burn. What the Frick Shannary sounded like? frontened, old man, that's time, and I'm gonna like that fashion. Reado, we're going to hype you up. Come on, time. It's what the frictionary time? But you got to do it, Tom I was thinking. I was thinking that I would just go for like a pretty mediocretne. I thought mediocrity was the yeah for me, Tim you're a perfect specimen of man. Everybody. Welcome there to second between segments urban. What the Freak Shannary. So I have it. I have a Yuco one that I've seen the description for and I've got a normal entry that I haven't seen a description for. Which one joint? First do you want to do normal and then Yuko? I can do normal than Yoko. That's pretty much what we exclusively do here on this podcast. Normal for the first five minutes and then Jocko. HMM. Okay. So the word this one is dominic, Doug gemmadomes dig duminedic. Yes, yes, that's for for all the listeners at home. Demi, DIIC K Domid Dick. Is that just your friend Dominic, who's a bit of a cock? Yeah, is IT DOMINIC'S PENIS? Okay, don't either Dominic, who is a or dominic who has a yeah, dominic ahe s. The good news is British Polinessian politician Dominic Cummings could be domedic comings, and then he's like it's got a name comings is it's almost poet dmedic commings, Dick. That's a whole sentence. Is Yeah. Or if you were Richard domedic comings, you could be Dick, DUMB ADIC coming easy as opposed to a Subo Dick domodic. You know the ones. You know the ones. You know those ones that tell you what to do. You know, submissive Dick Right of a very commanding penis. Yeah, I like a Dick. The pets my hair afterwards and tell me what a good little boy I am. Ill, after care is so important. Alex, thank you. Practice what had kisses, what sweet young man I am. I did a good job to that Wanger. Thank you. What if it is, and forgive me for any appropriation here. You're in a search place. No, this is no,...

I a friends Tom you can say I don't I don't know. I okay, I did. I don't mean it that way. I was just reading the word again. Too late now and time cancelation says it you. Maybe. Is it? Is it do me Dick? Is it a question? Is it a requests? Is it an inquisite, an inquisitive Scotsman? Do Me Dick? Is it when you order pizza and you give somebody that good dicking down, which, by the way, dicking down legitimately fucking say in real life? I heard I had some teenagers at work. They walk past me and I'm like hiding behind the snowboard section and they're like it's been years since I've had a good dicking down. I'm like, you're like seven fucking teen. What do you mean? What do you mean? WHAT CHARLOTTE MEAN? So, yeah, is it when you order domino's and you get a good dicking down? Oh, is it? No, you get exactly, you know, one pawn when they put their penis through the the the the pizza box, a Domino's Dick. What do you mean? On Pawn? That's like my sex life all the time. I can't maintain a direction without a pizza box. Of sure we find out what it means. I don't know. I feel like we're just having so much fun just running through these I've I don't think we've ever had as many suggestions. Is it where your naked sunbathing on a little Caribbean island, the Dominican Republic? Oh, it's the DUMBA decan republic. Very good, very good, very good. Thank you. Is I've gone it? Is it where you knock over a bunch of ceramic tiles with your penis? It's a dummindic effect. Yeah, is it where you do it come so good that the noise make is really forceful but also beautiful to listen to an excellent song and it's almost like a dore me for so the last thing was is that was such a fucking reach. I suggestion that extra bits in it. That that one lady little urban. What the fruit and Rey with Pul MMM, it's got the bits in it, extra CD and should we? Should we find out the actual demon did the demolition, the demolitions, before we do any more. Yeah, okay, the demolition of this urban dictionary entry is when you love a guy who is only kind of friends with you, and lots of girls love him. But then he loved you and your your best friend, your other good friends called him dom a Dick because they are so jealous. And then it says Taylor told Kylee and Michelle that Michael was a domedic because secretly Taylor liked him too, but he liked Kaylee and Michelle. He like Kaylee and Michelle. You Go, dumb a Dick. So really it's not. Definition is more confusing than the Doa be far so day. Yeah, there a me far so dick, one thousand hundred addets. Shall we do the Yucky One? I think that one was pretty lucky. But yeah, go ahead, I'm going to have to I'm going to have to put I'm going to have to speed up. I'm just going to read the definition. Okay, after I've read the entry. I'm going to have to speed this up and I'm also going to have to put in so many bleeps, because I don't think I should actually be saying this on the radio, but toothbrush is the name of the entry. It's really hard for me to find any way for that to be fucking disgusting, because like I, Oh, rush, oh, just you wait, Ashley, I'm ready, buckle, going to need. I'm going to need no interruptions, unless they are giggles. Okay, are we ready? Yep, the range of eight inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Sexes usually found hung dangling, ready loosely for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other end. In use, it is inserted almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening, where it's thrust in and drawn out again and again in many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Any one found listening will most surely recognize the rhythmic pulsing sound resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind it a sticky, white, juicy, frothy substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of it from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready yet for another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or even three times a day, but often many times last okay, so no, not. November's really, really fucking with some people. Huh Hmm, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I see. I was so good up for urban dictionary that it took me about halfway through that to realize that that's just a definition of what a toothbrush actually yeah, yeah, precisely. Yeah, I legitimately thought it was a horrible, Yucky thing and it wasn't about about a vanguard. Yeah, that's yeah, that I think that was the aim of it. And a pomegranate a Volkswagen and a Porsche, if you will, HMM, and by the same group. Actually not for the IT's interesting. That's super into today, is it? On? On? Here's an extra, a little faults that. The the group is called the vague group, isn't it? Vadge group, folks, Waking Audi Group. That's fucking good. Love and being part of the vade group in the poor sham box one was got comedies fucking easy nowaday, isn't it? Is it? All the kids are laughing at my car based comedy. I'm gonna host now. I'M gonna do host, please. So Generous, young man, you are. As I was laid in bed last night, I was thinking about a bunch of different segments that I could do for our comedy podcast and I just thought to myself that maybe Ted talks. What was was something. Okay, so as you prepared a Ted talk, five minute long monolog you were he just takes away. Then you can start thanks go. In every man's life there comes a time where he must choose between the turtle neck and the non turtle neck. At the age of seven, two of my close friends had their total next cruelly stolen from them and I believe that I don't know where the fuck I'm going with this. What do you mean? I didn't prepare a five minute fucking Ted Talk? Circumcision, well done, and I know what. As always, I think that was very good and impromptu. But I what I thought I would do is actually just bring to you a list of the strangest Ted talks that have ever occurred, and I thought that, much in the way that we are usually want to do, we can just just riff on that a little bit. Best of my favorite. Yes, this one is there. This one is from how I met your mother. Look at him go. That's like kids. I could think of Hey, kids, this this one's your mom. This is how I know about an umbrella. I think this one does. was does a football team, a British football team, on Apple TV. His second name is Lasso. Thanks Ted, thanks thanks to glass. So that's Ted's we know. Those are the teds that we know. WHO's a Ted? And this one? No, there's the guy. No, sorry, sorry, Tom Sorry, just cut you off. There's the guy from line of duty. He's also a Ted. Of You watch so much television but no movies. It's very strange to me because typically a TV series is like twelve hours long, but a movie is too, but it's not enough. Ted's in the movies are there. There's more. Ted Does watching for the Ted Ted. Last Alex just goes with the Ted's are mate. Okay, fair play. Well, there's all there's going to be a lot of Ted Sare excellent. So right, the first one that I have is the a bloke by the name of Joe Smith, and I promise I haven't made this up. It's a real name. That's a real name of a real man of prophets officer. He really did a Ted talk in real life. He's from Oregon, America, and and what he done did was he was very concerned about the climate, and so he went on stage and demonstrated how to dry your hands with one paper towel. That's inspiring. So a man, a man, got up on stage and taught people how to dry their hands. I this reminds me vividly of a nightmare that I had when I I must have been like Ni. So this morning, before I had I was getting ready for school and I thought I'd reinvented the wheel, because it getting dressed instead of putting like pants trousers, shirt socks on. I'd put shirt the trousers on and then, in doing that, I didn't have to Tuck my shit in after dropped my pen in response. How all s wiring that is. I wow, as a man that tucks his shirt in pretty often. The nightmare that the head must have found out about this made me damonstrate it in front of school as a like getting ready for school was some kind of any person speech round, just round. The best time save that was a kids shure on first and then you trousers you could get is always been a stickler for efficiency. When's your talk about that? HMM, have you? Did you have any recurring nightmares as a...

...kid? I used that right so I'd know the last night that all my teeth fell and I couldn't walk. It's pretty fucking horrific actually. I woke up. Yeah, literally, I woke up sweating and there these knees. was like are you okay, and I was like do I still have all my teeth? No, I just dreamt that I was at lug one. Means that you're about to come into some money, Ashley. I fucking need broke a shit. So yeah, no, I used to have a recurring nightmare that my Nanna would turn into an octopus. Okay, I've no idea why, but like I couldn't. She was purple. She's as big as the room. She was in a very large room. To clarify, she wasn't like in a cupboard, because that wouldn't be very scary with it. But she's as big as the room. She's in in a shoe box. But I used to have a dream that my my Nan turned into a into a giant octopus and would chase me around the house. It's pretty fucking horrific actually. I still don't trust it. I haven't seen him in like two years now. Bath had one the other day. Pregnancy dreams are a whole thing. Apparently the hormones do a real number on you. Yeah, the dream that she was looking out of our front window of our house and Harry and Megan markable walking pass and she just open the window. Hi, Harry, hello, but she was I just chatting to hang dog. Just just pop down to the nature. Is that our lovely bath was? Like you mind if I just get like a an outfit of the day picture for Instagram and make them say yeah, sure, no, worries at all. Birth drop that she just had the mega marklar phone pos it a Jimmy's fucking literal royalty, and she's like hey, the ground, thanks so much. I wouldn't be shocked if the fucking royals walk passed your house, though, with where you live, you posh fuck. Yeah, you do live in a posh area now. Yeah, my count tell me about. Tell Time my council tax bill about it. fucking never gonna come from this. So I used to have a recurring nightmare where my dad, who is still alive, had passed away and it was his funeral and his funeral was taking place in a leisure center activity hall. So all of like having quick cry and then us done. Yes, all of my friends of a family were there and obviously my dad's fat every everyone was there and there was a train on the stage and everybody. When I said train, I mean like a full train. I could shoot. Don't mean train like the pornography term train. There weren't. There wasn't just a gang. No, at your father's not the bad train. And put what I mean is like the the front driving portion of like a steam engine, a steam locomotives on the stage. Yes, okay, and everybody that was there apart from me, was having a good old big celebrate and was really happy that my dad was dead. And I was really sad that my dad was dead, because my dad had died, but instead bctly universe. That yeah, in this fictional universe that I'd created in my little Tommy head, what happened when when a person died, is that their soul entered a locomotive and their face appeared on the front of the logo too, much like a Thomas the tank engine. Hey, that so timmis the Alex. that bad. I'm sorry to thinks to take away from this episode. I have heard the words my dad has died. At thirty seconds. I've just given myself cramp from what Tom This nightmare right were the point where your dad is timmis the tongue engine. Where we go? Okay, so, so toomis timis is on the stage and everybody's really happy that Timmy Timmis is dead. Is he under rails? Are off the rails? He's on the rails. Okay. And then, when the funeral is nearing its end, a train horn whistles like a chew chew and in Timis, the Tom Ke engine drives off trains, off into into into the afterlife, off of the stage and everybody cheers and celebrates for the death of my father. Did it? Did Dude, major key? It's got to be,...

Dude. What would what would ringo star have to say about that? But it's, I guess, narrators. So dead is here train. I didn't get a reaction from that. Is it because you didn't know it was the narrator? Was it just not good? I didn't know who was the narrator. I'll take it okay. On the subject narrators and people who voice things, do you guys remember when you told me that Owen Wilson voices lightning, McQueen Cachou, by the way, yeah, I spent today telling everybody at my new job, people that don't know me, that Owen Wilson Voice Lightning McQueen. I feel like that's pretty common knowledge. Could you come to US surprised by it? And I think we just knew that. Am I was blown away by it. Like what? It would be a quick it would be the equivalent ash of me telling you that Ringo Star narrated. Thomas well knows it all. Right, it's common knowledge. You look me in the eye in this judio and tell me that you knew and go start. Narrated Thomas that sorry, timis the tongue engine. That was a prank. There's cameras here, here and here. It's been got by the prank patrol. All right, the prank nint just got you. Yeah, you just got prank you. You know, I do think it is pretty common knowledge, Ash, that that Owen Wilson, the man who goes wow, did a so when, basically, yeah, now you do the wows and the newbes could Chow's and he narrated Thomas the tank Eng. Did you guys know that? So time we spoke about that first one for eleven minutes. We've got any other tattools? Yeah, so this next one here is had a lovely lady by the name of of Jay Rim Lee and Jay Rim Lee, she's an artist and she explains on stage why she's training mushrooms to eat her body. I don't think they need much training. Mushrooms naturally decomposing material. What do you mean? It's like sending how do they yeah, yeah, that's their whole purpose. Bro. Without mushrooms we'd be knee deep in fucking dead shit all the time. HMM. Her had her talk itself. was called my mushroom burial suit, and she explains how the human body is full of toxins that traditional burial methods poison at the environment with. So she's training mushrooms to recognize her bodies excess skin and hair cells so that when she's buried, those specific mushrooms will absorb her life force and become sentient. Now I made the last beout. Does she know that, like you, will just rot like naturally. You don't need to train a mushroom to eat a dead thing because that's their entire fucking existence. Yeah, I also really don't think you need to get up on stage and tell people you doing it either. To be honest, while I was away in a holiday in the coastal town of Lewisham, Norfolkshire, I was away with a lady what does veganism and another person that was there had had covid at some point. It was talking us through that kind of the the side effects experience as a result of his covid. He so for a while his sense of smell was just broken. So he was walking through actual actually actually the coastal town of Lewisham was in London and he walked past a smell and his mrs went fuck, absolutely reeks of sewage and he was like I've really enjoyed it, I've been enjoyed it for the last five minutes. Smell smells great. Yeah, and they just it smelt it. They had this weird sweet smell to him. And one of the other things was that all chicken just tasted like it was rotting and it was just a or it just just tasted of rotten chicken. There's vision was just like, well, that's all it is anyway. Everything is on its way to rotten, isn't it? Like where that's the universe's entry? Everything is in rope? When people are like Oh, we're all going to die, sometimes it's like yeah, way to point out the fucking obvious. What do you mean? Like it was just the reason for telling the thing was because it's just kind of like, well, Shit, yeah, I guess right, but fuck yes, take it off the chicken. It's not. It's got a shelf. Like we're all on our way to becoming trains and in the big train station, you know, when Harry, I'm gonna do another movie up. So two week tip. Well, movie reference, two weeks in a row. You know when Harry goes to kings cross, when Voldo doesn't murder at him? Yeah, yeah, but, yeah, that's what that's where Timmis went. Yeah, Tim is want but to be done by big kings cross in the sky. And he was like and he was like, I've got to go back and I'd done boat and then was like, Timis, do you want? Go on, it's actually right. So...

...you can stop it really set food nowich you want. And guys, I'm really sorry. I've got four. I've got forty seconds left and I just needed to tell you about this last one. Here, artist Neil Harbison explains to people on stage how he's made himself a CYBORG. Now, what are what he goes on to explain is that he was born with color blindness, essentially, but in the early s he worked with a bunch of scientists to acquire what he calls an electronic eye, and this I that he has fitted to the top of his head sense his color frequent season turns them into sounds. Right now, as cool as that is, because he can now sense color through sound, I don't think that that qualifies for cyborgs. And personally, what you've done there is you've basically like gone, okay, I can't see certain colors, but I can hear them. What happens when you're walking through like anywhere with a fucking rainbow? You're trying to listen to a conversation and all you can hear is, Oh, that's purple, I love that. Yeah, fucking what, pointless. They don't get me wrong, it's cool that he did it, but it is fucking pointless. And you'll say is they probably painted your bedding with lead paint when you're a kid. And also, what my friend Neil Harbison has done really essentially is, and he's this this thing that's on top of his head is like drilled into his skull. But what he's essentially done is like the really hard method of just carrying round a Bluetooth Speaker to speaker any percent hard mode completely make this is Bluetooth speaking with extra steps. Wait, oh, guys, speaker, I don't know whether it's my dad. Well, this is going to be able money train. Oh No, the corpse of the money train. Thanks timers. Let's jump on the money train, and not my dad. It's dead train locomotive body. Just Tim still listen to this? Does he know about this nightmare you've had? Because if not, he's got a fucking brilliant Halloween idea for next year. Some of your house in Ball Thomas, the tank ets and Regardia, only he's like red and dripping with blood. It's me and now, and now I have had seizure. And Good, shall we? Shall we bought? Shall we board the money train? Yes, on it, Choch, motherfucker. Welcome to the money train for having us on. But Hey, hey, from I'm speaking on behalf me and Ashley when I say thank you for having us on. It to tickets, please, tickets, please. Didn't bring my ticket and I'm going to go hide in the bathroom with my other teenage friends on our way to skegness skate park. Exite. No, you just told me that you've done that. So now what we have to do is we have to go to the very, the very, the rear most carriage of the train and I have to throw you off the rearmotion ones burns away from timis and I feel safer there. So that's fine. Train jail guys, welcome to the money train. I've got some excellent news. got a surprise for you. Huh? We've been nominate. Not The fuck. We've been nominated for a podcast award, have we? Yeah, we actually, yeah, but nominated for the people's choice podcast awards. That I don't I don't think choice, Alex just means like two or three people. He knows. Yeah, the two, the to frenzy has we've been nominated. We've been nominated for a podcast all. I don't. I feel this, though. This would have been rus that you'd have shared like this wouldn't be an on air thing. Yeah, I got bored in the last segments. I went on the website and it's just a form. They let anybody fell out. I don't. Let's see what okay, while other money trainer, let's let's all go and do that. Let's just vote for ourselves. However many times hearing this, which you obviously fucking are, you need to go and nominate us for awards, because imagine how cool it would be. Right, beautiful awards, so many loads of really actual, actual famous people, and then there's just has three fucking morons. Oh, I was very good, Joe. Hello, listen I'm a huge fan of the way you talk about elk and I want to I want to be a friend, I want to hang out. I'll look over there, that's that's Conan. Over there, that's America's Conan, and here we are. Hello, just it's got a well, should tell him that we're more popular than him in Lithuania. Albert, how do I find it? Just Google podcast...

...award nominations to just see what comes up. What just did you just sit there? Is Google it? You fucking that wasn't period. The last segment where I was quiet, and then I just came back and laugh for a bit and if you say anything, it was because I was really distracted for the connaction form. Anybody can tell they don't let award norminations. There's not even a pay any twenty two do it. Look at happen what I hartenate people, because we could, like what really fuck this up. A website. Can I just have us? Can I just have a site? Can you tell me where you went? Please? Attitude like that, it's not going to get us an award. Alex, please, people's choice. I can't find it. Me Neither. We'll get to it. Listeners, get us some awards or will quit. Yes, nominally, let's please get us some awards, or Timmy's coming for your soul. HMM, obviously if you're nearby tracks. Otherwise you can't. Now, you can't get to you. Then trains, grim reading. That would be the least frightening thing on the world, isn't it? Death could trimy train how to evade go left trains. That back Tim Grim Reaper. Trim Trim Rich, Trim reaper. He likes your cut. Gee, Trim, as in hair cut. Did you like? I got it. Yeah, no, I yep, yeah, I was with you. True. Thanks. Trim, Trim. must the tank. Do you remus that? It tounk and repair? Okay, that's nothing. We've got a review to reverat readers, well, to reverter revealed. Yeah, so it says good job, and good job is spelt Gu djaw be, so you can tell there a listener because they're also dyslexic. Good job never fails to make me laugh, all around feel good podcast, and that's by smelly Gooch via apple podcasts. You simply love to see smelly goose. Smelly Gooch, as thanks for you giving us a review. If you tell me who you really are. I will help clean your smelly gooch. You come to my house, I have a hose pipe and the will to do what's right. I'll put up a shelf for you. Smelly Gooch, you have earned one token for a shelf put up by Alex Springthorpe, host of the THY through percent majority podcast, and I'll just come and I'll do it. I'll just put it up for you wherever you'd like the House. You won't have any choice, like you're just it's gonna be a surprise. So you guys. So, Smelly Gooch, you have earned yourself and undercarriage clean a free shelf put up and from your third host, Tom Hutchinson. I know the Canami code off by heart, so I'll come to your house and I'll try that on any of your Vigi Games goods. Maybe. Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, okay, done for you. I can do it. I can do the canomic code smashed. Look, that's the offer of a lifetime. If you're hearing this, and we know you fucking are, leave us a review and you'll get a surprise shelf putting up, not where you think it's going to go. We much nudge and undercarriage clean from yours. Truly, and Tom will come to your house and try any amount of the Kone Army Cheek Code on any of your consoles. There we go, lovely, and with that I'm now the host of the show Hallo. Welcome to my segrement and you know, guys, to be how you know, many moons ago, with the group Chat, I suggested we do read it, and then I never actually did it and you guys used it as the cop out. Yeah, yeah, time, yeah, you would. You were doing it so fucking wrong. You really you were copying out but still making it hard work. You're on the wrong subreddit. You were on am I the asshole. Ask reddit is just a plethora of starter questions for your comedy podcast. Okay, can I do like where this is going, Alex. I know that a few weeks ago you said to me not to interrupt you, but you really have honestly nailed this episode as peak mediocrity. I simply love to see it. Love it really right, the thirty three percent majority right down the fucking middle, horrible. Do before I forget, I was wearing my day percent majority Hoodie trademark and one of the guys at work was following me, behind us. I want to the kitchen. was like thirty three percent majority. What's that? Then it was it's a podcast, that's my name on it. Look at those are the two other guys that do it with. It's just like a fun thing we do. I really enjoy doing it, though it's like, Oh, I thought it would be a bit more profound than that, and then you just fucked off. What the fuck though? It was going to be clever. Yeah, it's it's you should just turn around and be like it's a secret, and they just keep walking. It's the secret. Yeah, bad advertising, but it'll fuck with him, you know now actually, I think it's brilliant advertising. I think it's Brillian advertising because it will draw, it will drive him to go and Google it, Google it. Yeah, and then next thing you know, he's listened to episode not this one, because he knows not to listen to this one, episode two, and he's every great time. He's loving it. My bad audio quality, but still a better episode...

...than episode one. Your audio quality in episode one's flawless. I've no idea what you're talking about, Dad, to fucking lie, I think not even episode one Tom is using ahead, said that he used to use for calls, telephone calls for work. I am bought it to audacity. You just threw a Shitload of base on it to try and make it sound like a quality making headset. At that point and episode one, I was using the same headset I bought to play destiny with Alex with. What's that is I'd already got this microphone. So what you've got is one okay microphone, too awful ones, but the contrast between the necks and sends so much worse. weirdly enough, though, in retrospect, like when we had recorded that and you sent it to us to review, I thought my audio quality was, like, pretty good, given that it was coming from a headset and I hadn't planned on buying a microphone, and I didn't realize how how good my voice was actually capable of sounding until I bought a real mic. Tom, always thought you just sounded like that is natural tones. Because with that I'm going to take it away with the first ask Reddit, what is the creepiest thing that's happened to you at work? The reason I selected this one is it was a bit bit dry, but it happened to me today there is a lady in my office. Right when I'm at work, I have one of my Samson Galaxy buds pro in my ear, be a left or right, upside down or normal. I I'm not first, but I'm always cranky, like the fat tunes or a podcast, and people just kind of know. Now, just a kind of wave in my view, get my attention because say in my name, I don't listen to it. I'm enjoying quality of fat riffs. This lady came up behind me, stood directly behind my chair for I don't even know, and the only reason I knew that she was there is because I reached up with my arms. Oh good stretch, and I've folded my arms backwards behind me and punched her in both breasts. and wonderful, wonderful way. Happened at work. Because you grope a straight yeah, assaulted sexually a stranger. The same story on her podcast. I've got really angry with it because it's like, why the fuck would you do that? I've literally just assulted you with her me too, don't know. I feel like I CASS litter a bit. I don't the victim is there. I feel like it was me, but also as anything creepy happens to you at work, we can skip past this one. If not, I'm I just do that. It's now I've got a creepy story. I got one store. I'm do you want to go first, because I'm still trying to get over the fear of mine. Before I say I'll go, I'll be really quick to remember when the iphone ten came out and it was full screen iphone time. Finally, Yep, no home button. Remember that? Yeah, there was a bloke in an office that I used to work in that got that got the iphone and I don't want to kink shame anybody, but I do probably think the best thing to do when you got you get a new phone and you're going to pass it around the office to show people you call new phone, probably just close all your pawn tabs so that they can't see that you've been watching specifically BBC porn. Maybe be a good idea. Be All I watch because I just love the BBC broadcasting. I love what they did, I love their words. It's not British broadcasting, it's something very different and longer. Well, no, he's just he's just very proud of his habits. That's it. He's won it. Cry. You should fucking try it me. Was He the owner of BBC or was he watching BBC as not owner of BBC? He was not owner of one of them. I just feel like saying BWC doesn't sound nearly as good. Doesn't hurry to it. Does it sound right? I wouldn't have a WC around the office, but I definitely pass BBC around the office. You see good average WC. Shameful the thirty three percent majority of penises. Yes, right down the middle down there. Just to clarify, if you percent majority is not an anti white penis podcast cast. Great Pot. That's just just what white people needed. Thanks as anyway. Moving sweetly on, I feel like you will have an answer for this one. Just a I got several work I've worked a lot of places. I've been fired like at least four times when I was working a fast food chain. Rhymes with McDonald's, which is it Bogriky? Times from three separate McDonald's, by the way, moment of fame? Proud neither. If you're still listening, that's me. Your son not been fired three times from McDonald's. I was the cause of work of them. You were the cause of one of them. I gave you too much free food. That was a good time, but now. So I...

...used to work on the drive, the window, and then I'd occasionally helped kitchen out by going to the freezer and getting stuck. The freezers and McDonald's are walk in job, so they're like ten foot by ten fook cubes full of freezery stuff, chicken nouggies and all that Lark. And I used to work with a guy who I'm not going to use his name because he potentially does listen, because he does Stud it rhymes with manual myth. So manual, if you're listening, you'll remember this, you creepy fuck. So I walk in. The lights are off in this room right there's no windows. It's a fucking freezer, so it's pitch black. It is fucking seven degrees, which for you Yanks, I'm not going to translate it because I don't like you that much, but it's cold. And he sat there in a McDonald's uniform which is basically made of paper, in the dark and I'd been sent to look for him. He had been missing for three hours. I opened the freezer door, I pick the light on. He sat there humming. No headphones, no phone, no hands. He's just sat there quietly. was He locked in, or was he just there because that's where he wanted to be? He wasn't that, though. There's you could open them. He was just in there because that's where he wanted to be. Or I was waiting for his next victim. No, just like spending time with the nuggies. Just sits there pretending to be a chicken. That's it. Was fucking horrific. I'm scared for my life. I thought he was going to get up and snap my neck. No, just chicken nuggies is his friends. Chicken dougies is my friends. Yeah, so the thing I was actually speaking about when I said actually, you'll have one for this, I was referring to my next question, but you just jumped in there with a real Zinger. This one, I think, is another one that is right up your street. To put the pressure on you what's legal. But if you do it, you still look like a psychopath. Yeah, this one. He's got one and it's awful. Oh No, see, I like to sit in my car on lunch and I feel like that's bad people walk past my car and I'm just sat there here in the sandwich on my own and no one else does. Ating in your cars, leaking, and I used to do that as well, Alex. I used to do that. When I work for a company that runs with best and Bunion, that we do this bit so much, are you guys? Did you know that I also used to work for a company called that? Right, though it's not called it rhymes with Bocabola. Did you work for the devil themselves, Cocacola, I'm not afraid to say, is no, no, right, as he worked for a company that rhymed with the Papa Bola. So, guys, goes. I'm gotta tell you a story quickly. I'm sorry, this is about work again. One of my one of my really good friends, his name rhymes with boss B and I worked with him at Bajo Kabola and Ross, much like you, ash, very, very intelligent man, but just lost it when he got on the phones, which was dangerous because that was his jobs anymore. No, I don't actually really, really confident man, right up till he's got to introduce his own podcast. Yes, exactly. Now, typically what ty fucking more on typically when you work for a company and it's like the the easiest thing to say, like what company you work for, and especially so when it's like one of the most well known soft drink brands in the world, cocacola and Rolf. But sorry, HMM, boss boss be occasionally, when he was on the phone, would introduce himself and say that he worked for Mahoka Toola. Sometimes you got to let him know you. Yeah, but that's like the goal, isn't it? You got to fuck him up. You want to make sure they're sorry here, and then you have to repeat yourself and now you know they're listening. Hey, that boss Lee here from my Hooka Coola, my Hooktola. I work for Jeremy's good drinks. Is the Fuzzy Brown one, not that one, the other one, Fizzy Brown water. That's what you can have from me. It's hi, it's it's boss be here from is pepsio. Okay, actually, what was your legal psychopathy? Right, so it's not illegal to call anyone below the age of ten any name. Like you can shout fucking swear words anybody, especially young children, when working at and fast food chain. Rhyme with book Bonald's I had like but serve they do, sir, Bahola Bola Mi coatolas with its competitor beppy bepist there. But there was...

...this fun can kid that used to come in all the time with his mum's Mommy to get a happy meal, like every fucking day. So you can imagine the standard of human being. Yeah, LO, so this fucking low tier mouth breathing fuck with it was like nine years old, would come in scream when you didn't get the right toy, which like, cause you come in every fucking dare. You're not going to get a different toy every time you little scrout him. It's a lottery. Yeah, yeah, so, anyway, he'd come in and head scream and it was like my last shift. I I put my coat up, I'm leaving and he comes up. He goes, have you got another boy's joy and like, first of all, all toys a fucking boys toys. If you're not an insecure little fuck you, little shitty nine year old, and I just went fuck off mate. Like that. It's not illegal, but telling him know you're old to fuck off definitely not cool. questing a felt illegal. Oh yeah, best feeling of minds. I would do it again to if that nine year old. He's probably like fucking eighteen by now and would probably lay me out, but I just be like no, fuck you little shit. Maybe it was a good learning cab for him. Why did beppy get me so hard? You really tickled me and noble only calling beppy from now on. From henceforth, the second Tier Fizzy Brown juice will be done. It's bad beat when you go to the pub and you say you not have no, no, no, no, to the beer. I've got to drive, but I will have him a hook tone or a betty, please, the two drinks. I'll have nothing else. Pee One pine like a little betty. Thank you. Thank you, my beppy, please. I mean it's a perfect is a perfect seque into my next ask credit question. What's the fastest made up bunds name you could think of? Betty, guys, see, it's guys actual center of happy. I just call my band like hey google, just to fuck with people. But hey google, gat, hey google, eat one. I'm sorry, I can't do that right now. That I'm BA first Google, not Serri mate. fucking get lost. You APP will use in all. You're the minority here, so fuck off. Doesn't that make it a hate cry? Not, not, it does, maybe any don't. Compared to any kind of sales charts to Tom Are we go? Are we going by ANDROID or like manufacturers? Yet? Yes, I think just by variety. Yeah, of course androids do, because they make androids that cost six pounds, so of course they have been more android sold. But if we're going by manufacturer, no, I'm not certain that a single company is outshold apple in Tom. Device Repoman, with your love of Apple, it does sound like vaguely Torish. Just I know you're not sorry, but US Alex has got his dft cap. Yeah, it, apple sold almost eighteen million more smartphones than previous leader Samsung in the last quarter of two twenty. Yeah, say, Hey, hey, you win this round, Tom but I can still take a photograph of the Friggin Moon. Only with com only with literally no that feature right, for Fuck's sake, I was talking about this recently. That feature is that your phone can recognize that you zoomed in really far to the moon and then what they do is they paste on top of it the moon. Myth busted time I check that out with Alex in the days tidily lie I disproved that. You'd have seen this. You'd have seen it in my Ted talk and I did one of these bunt this myth. What I did was I got a letter. I wrote letter saying Hello, Alex, hope, having a good day, kind regards Alex. put six stamps on it, put it in the post box. But first of all, what I had done is over the moon on it, sent a letter to space. I took photograph of it. You see it on the we see that bombshell. It's been a podcast today. What actually barely did this week, my favorite episode. Quite a while I said this has been a PODK. It's not a full podcast. It rhymes with mob. It's been. It's been a bodbast. Thank you for listening to our bood beast. It's been a bad mass, a bad cast, a bad podcast. I've been your host, Ashley's Hole Dad, Alex Spring thought. I've also been your host, Ashley's Dad's hole, Ashley whole, and I in Ashley's whole haul, Tom Hutchinson. Perfect. Thank you all so very much for listing. We'll see you all next week. Bye. Bye. Let me get to like and subscriber. Came by. Do we want to...

...have a sing song before we begin? Yeah, because I trying to do with that, having people love. Goddamn, Don know what's better to face these guys anyway. Haven't you people ever heard of audible podcasting? That was that was the end of my stanza. Thank you. I love just stands. I like Tom Stands of the most.

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