The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode · 11 months ago

Ep. 4 - The Future, Freaky Theories and Fears

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Welcome to episode 4, here at The 33% Majority.

In this week’s episode, your trio of happy boys (Alex, Tom and Ash) will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing how to navigate a pandemic-less world, the strangest conspiracy theories in existence, and why being a scaredy cat is rather beneficial (respectively).

Just at people thought Queen Elizabeth. Ironically, Queen Liz is a lizard who put in past tense. She's fine, I assume. I don't know. There is time between now and release date. Oh Fuck, Alex. hello and welcome to the thirty three Se Magarity, a talk show where you'll find three friends fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame. I'm your host, the one and only Ashley Hall. No, I think you'll find I'm the host, Tim Hutchinson, Tom's Dad. Tim, it's nice to have you on. I'm actually the real host, though, Alex Springthel, surprise guest host. It's Tim totally, not Tom, tim top I. Yeah, I am Tom's dad and I'm just here to give you guys a daddy's perspective. Oh Tim, well, it's been a while since we last spoke. Have you been well, Doing General Dad Stuff? Lots of CIDER, lots of not much else. Okay, okay, fair enough, West Tom. I'll Tom Thomson. He was going to clear this with you. He just had better things to do and didn't want to podcast tonight. Say It's it's usually tom that looks after our emails, so maybe that one's gone to spam. And we didn't see it. Okay, well, no, thank thanks very much for joining, Tim. Well, that's fine. Will Tim. You can join us then in thanking, thanking all of our listeness so far. It's been phenomenal. I think we've had some some has real good field feedback. We had some some lovely people share instagram, which is the thirty few percent majority. That's with the the scent, not the symbol, because instagram wouldn't, let's have it, those selfish fucks want the symbols for themselves and I'm not here. So that's at the thirty three percent majority. All one word. No symbols. Yes, no, no symbols, which is a bloody outrage. No, it has been on a real Ziz. It has been real nice kind of watching, watching the growth. You guys are obviously really liking this weird thing we do, so that's lovely. Thank you all so much for listening. We've had some guys. It's Tom's back. Hey, Tom, your dad was here and it was really weird for a bit, really weird, and I was frightened and I missed you. I realized I hadn't told you guys that he was picking up so yet. No, I don't want to side it. No, Nice, No side once I'm recording. No, you know what he gets like him. No, Dada. I mean you know what he gets like after a CIDER. Dad. I write. Thank you, as they're they're having trying to record. They're having a dad fight over there. You've been looking after the INSTAGRAM. How's it all going? Have you? Have you heard from a listening? No, I have. We have. We have some feedback from some lovely people saying it was really good, and then we had a really cool artist called Megan Tomkins, who's instagram handle you should all look at. She gave us a share and message to say that she was enjoying it at work, which was Super Nice, like the feedback that people just making. So it's Megan Tompkins underscore creative. She did some like tiger prints that I think I'm going to buy for the for they were office. You know, I think I'm right. Also just to point out that we're actually really happily surprised by sort of the spread of the listenership as well. Yeah, but God, people in the US. We've got some people in Germany, some love some fins. I was going to say something in finish. But what I didn't do at this point, gentleman, was prepare. If, if you want to give me a few minutes, I can practice some finish, if you want to know, I mean if you really desperate, to say, in the background, in the background of life, maybe towards the end it comes out, you know, naturally did it. I'm going to do the whole outro in Finnish. Cold couple the impressive. I was about to ask what language did the people of Finland speak? But it's probably finish, isn't it? And that's enough. And Anyway. Shall We do Podcast, gentlemen? We should. Let's do podcast. I'm going to kick off then. I'm the host to begin with. It's going to kick off. Go on them, guys, I've had to tell you I've got some bad news. You're pregnant.

Know that. I mean, actually, that would be excellent news. No, I I don't know. I've been so wrapped up in podcast land I haven't turned on the television in what feels like a year. Okay, apparently there is. There is this strange new illness ripping its way across the globe. There's lockdowns everywhere. It's not sounding like excellent thing. Really. It's been sad and not good. Yes, yeah, in hectic, but at least over here in the UK we are, by the looks of things, preparing to exit this period of lockdown and darkness and sorrow. So I wanted to know if you guys had any tips and tricks for the ladies and gentlemen at home for when we do emerge from this, this murky point in history. Yeah, I've got one right off the bat. Oh yeah, so what you need, right is a sign that says don't hug me, because I hug like four people in my life. I'm a Hugger, like for those four people, I'm real touchy Feeley. Two of those before here now, bloody honors, yeah, and the other is my misses. That's three, and then the fourth is probably like one of my nieces or nephews, depending on which one's not crying. Hmmm about that. Fights five. But that's five then. Well, you know, it's one of them at a time. I can't hug them both because they're different size. So it doesn't make sen mean by that logic you've hugged all five of us at the same time. Yeah, so you own you exclusively hug everyone at one time. Yeah, of course you guys don't do that. Is that? Well, I mean I live it, I live in London. I live in London. You guys are both very much further away from me, so that makes hugging the two of you at the same time as I'm also hugging my partner maybe my mum and Dad as well, pretty pretty. It's like a whole dads here. But MMM, MMM, you've got you've got to like book a train ticket to organize that sort of a yeah, I hate trains. Sorry. Actually, a big sign that says don't hug me. Perfect big signs. Yeah, because ivery want to see me. You're distancing and then everyone's talking about now. Actually, this is the like were. This is for when we have emerged and everything's okay again. Everything's all right now, and if you wanted to, you could hug is the sign. Yeah, but I just play. Somebody wants to hug you don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to be touchy fee lead, but I suppose, like, obviously, as we're sort of leaving coronavirus restrictions, I actually think it's a good thing to maybe hang on to some of the things that we've learned after being in a lockdown and having a sort of global pandemic. Because for me, one thing that's disappeared that I'm super happy about and I would love to continue into normal life is handshakes, because I would say probably twenty percent of the handshakes you actually get a good the other eighty percent that they're wet, they're limp. You sort of connect how wet aggressively enough. Hurls get no, no exactly. So I mean for me, for me, I'll be going into sort of like olive be emerging from this hovel that is my house. M You know, the beginning of June, telling people that know, I'm okay without handshaking. Thank you. Okay, now, I I got the wrong end of that stick because I'm all for a handshake. I like a handshake. That's that's that's fair. It's like actually Ashley's Anti Hug. It's for me. It's a business hug. It says hello, it's time for a business and I trust you to not break this. It's a hand hug. It's a hand right, a little hug for your hands. I'm sold the hand shaking out at the start of this. I was. I was like those when be hand shake guys, you know, like where you just tickle the parm like coll though. Yeah, you've been practice in every night in the mirror. I've got one of those grip ma shines...

...and it's coming in quick with that sweet handshake. Other good etiquette things being kinder be nice. Oh, it will be so nice. Imagine you. Imagine you walking down the street and old person is coming towards you and you want to show them you're not a threat, so you give them a smile. In a maskless society, imagine the old person smile. That would be lovely. Look, I'm not threatening. These are all of my teeth. None of them are sharp. I'm you. This is as if that's the reason people don't trust people. You know, have any more. We might have shop. See, everyone's terrified of Vampires. For the last year all I've done is we're like tracksuit bottoms and when I go out and walk the dog I'm in a big old coat, right, and so that plus mask and an old person, I look I would imagine I look terrifying. Yeah, you're you're a muggle boy, you look like a Muggar. Yeah, but I just want it. I can't wait to just be able to grin at somebody and say good evening, how's your day? Beer? I really despise that. Actually, yeah, yeah, when you say hello without the smile, that comes across as weird, doesn't it? Hello when you've when you got your teeth out, you can be like hello with a smile and they can see it like from up, especially my face. I've got a dead grid. Oh, that's yeah, with a mask on as well. That's not good. Does not good. Let's get a real place. Through my mask, I can smell you, perfume, hume, Margaret, you smell phenomenal. Oh my God, this is just getting so creepy. Please, no more. Okay, I'll put the mask. I'm taking the mask off and I'm smiling and all of a sudden it's all Margaret, I like you, perfume, you smell great. That will be lovely. Once we can go back to making old people not feel threatened. Oh absolutely, yeah, Alex. obviously this was your suggestion, but do you have anything that you want to sort of like remind people of or make anybody aware of whilst we're sort of prepared? I did my bit. I thought that I thought of it. I thought the section. So then I asked you, guys, and that's where then you do it for me. That's how it's gone. I've got I've got one really good idea. Oh, okay, here's the thing. Yeah, at the minute you can't eat on buses or anything. I'll have a drink on buses because, yes, your mask off will do it, and then everyone I can't go out on a lovely dinner day on a bus like how I like to wow. Well, yeah, I'm looking forward. It's not a masks on and sharing my food with strangers on the bus. Hello, hello, finish you work. Would you like some chips? I've got some chip Steve. Come on over, Steve, come and enjoy this vegelt Dory dish. I've prepared forget this, forget this to me as joby comes it here. I've got some candles, someone did, Jeff, and some snails that I've fought a whole case of dia with me. Come on, Oh, I'll start this end, you start the other and we'll see where we meet. Well, French putty in the now, that's not the thing. Meet in the middle. Oh, that will meet in the middle, as it that's a song, tile. That is that is the sight and black eyed heas do that. We'll meet you have way. Right after the red peppers and the Cheddar Cheese crangunch, will be riding this bus to town and we'll claunch on this snack, just me and my friend Steve. That's perfect. I love that Chee. That's my I can't bite down any further than this as beautiful. And then Steve's going to look you in the eye and sing the next life. No, steep, no, I think Steve got off the bus quite quickly. Go and I bought prefer roles for dessert. Steve didn't really want the romantic stagecoat dinner, stage coach dinner, did he? I'm out raged by that. Up at the emphasis in the wrong SYS there. I didn't want you prefer to. I...

...was actually you bought your microwave and everything, just real plan bays and a blowtorch. Yeah, I'M gonna fire to a dish to cook it. Flombay, okay, Flynn, flat, listen, I'm sick of my pronunciation being terrible. Okay, what can we do to fix it? It's a it's an absolute sham. My La Mumblum it's or down. Nothing. No, laughs. That was about I'm not laughing at that because it will remind me of the trauma of not being able to say I'm night Shamlan. I googled it and that's how you say. His email was very, very harshly worded. It was just him misspelling my name anytimes in the real a spike, asshole. Sorry, sorry, what was that, dad? Sorry, that'll timmy. No, no, so sorry. Basically, that was a joke from an yes, Dad, I understand he didn't pronounce the Director's name Right. It was a joke from another episode, Timmy. You should go back and listen to it him. It's available on spotify Timmy for context. Go back and listen. What if Tom's just sat in an empty flat just talking to himself like, what if, Tom, do you ever worry that we're not here? I'm not just staring at a door and talking. I said, what if your dad just kick that door down? Now we're Dadel here. And on that note, we've done this for a year. What are we doing to not lock down anymore? HOW ARE WE UNLOCK UPPING? I'm having dinner with people on the bus and then also I'm going to invite everybody, one person from every household in the UK to my house. God, I mean, how many people's that likely to be? Got? At least five. I'M gonna have to buy quite a few bags of derito's. Other brands of crystals are well, I think they'll all fit. I think they'll. Because you'd like. You can start slacking, can't you? What if we get a blender installed just underneath the door? You could fit every person in. Then this is becoming crime. I don't know. I feel like volumetrically, there's going to be some issues. There's so few problems a blender can't solve, though. Yes, but what? What's difficult when it's juice? Really, but from a legal perspective, I really wouldn't blend humans just to get them to come to your end of coronavirus. And what are they going to do tom what are they going to do? Yeah, fucking come on in and arrest me. I'll no, officer, you've become juiced. I've had a court letter come through. I've been summoned. I'm going to go to jail for twelve years because I murdered that man. I'll know. My letter is juice. Everything really deep down, everything's already juice, isn't it? Let's let's all just accept the reality that life, it's juice. We have spiraled so hard. I think that there is only one there is only ever one outcome in life, and it's everything is just on its way to become juice and sometimes, if you've got a blender, you can just help it along its way. You cannot destroy juice, you could only transferred juice. Well, I said the pose and beings never dies. Human beings and most creatures are basically in a perpetual state of decay, just on their way to becoming juice. So, yeah, I subscribe to that theory. To any living organism is just juice waiting to happen. You want to seize the opportunity. When life gives you, people make juice and life gifts. When life gives you lemons, that's that's the deepest metaphor for life. And like gives you lemons, you make some lemon juice, don't you? Okay, and if that doesn't speak to you as a person and we can't be friends, welcome to the spiritual episode of the thirty three percent majority. Were we really bed in and get to the room enteral bevil in in what in the world? Yeah, we really solve the human condition here. Any problem is just juice waiting to happen. Sometimes you got to grab your lender and set it to pulse. Grab that, grab blender. Grab the blender, blood the blades. That's hard to say. Don't grab blend, but don't do that blades. Don't even try and say the sentence. Actually, what another plug? Now the whole blender is spinning round. This is Colt.

This is the worst juice I've ever had. You're aiding you're aiding the whole room and your hands to becoming juice. If it's that, if you're able to choose everything but the juice, are the best way of doing that's hold by the blades. Huh, try. You can trust me, I'm smart. Once you've solved all of your problems, the only problems remaining at the blenders. So then you gotta blend the blunders. I get where you coming from. A I don't think this is superfound. I think this is a really rational train of thought. I like I like hold. So anyway, my stocks in mop companies have gone right up. Mob companies we have gotten so we have me and we have meandered so far from the original topic. We have meandered so far from coronavirus. It's good that you say the word meander, Tom, because what is that word so commonly associated with? A river juicy roots. I'm done solving all the world's problems. It'll be a the world will be a river of juice, and that's why you should vote for me. I vote Alex, for juice. Commander Two thousand and twenty one. I've I vote to leave this podcast. Alex's Middle Neighbors is juicy? No, not allowed. You'll get je Jeffreys. That that's pretty fucking close to juicy. We'll get your dads are replace you, Tom. Don't. Don't think you're a replaceable. Your Dad's right there. No, Dad, no, not know, no, won'ts around, not right now. It's if I leave. Get on Mike, Timmy. I missed timmy. I missed timmy. Hello Boys, hi, Tim I've got a question. Why did you name your son you, but with a different vowel, and I had the birth certificate was in front of me that I was on wasn't available on that episode of counter I was taught, I was told by the Mrs. I couldn't duplicate. So I thought, well, just change it to an another vowel. Why not? You know, easier for me to write, easifferently. Till one. Rachel Riley didn't do you good that day. Now, nature Riley refused to pull a pull another eye. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, it was. Yeah, does that mean? If if ti him, if Tom are Goto so confused? If Tom has a kid, can you call it tum or? What's the Tam, Tam, Tam, Tam, tag yet him with a Whi, depending on who you ask, call yet by Dad and I. Basically, you know how we. I describe to you how this, this podcast works. Every time you swep over, I imagine the possession scene from like every film over, you know, like Tom's just shuddering and the news dad takes. I'm really sorry, I just need to tell my dad. Yet Dad. We all get fifteen minutes each to be the host. I'm now the host. You can't do it, guys. I'm the host now. I'm the host. Now. Sorry, it's my turn. Tom. Hello, it's me, by Dad. He's the caps dad yet captain Phillips, and basically what I wanted to talk about this week was. You know, when you're late in the evening you're on a bit of like a youtube like deep dive, you going down the rabbit hole. You start on a tech video and you end up watching some crazy inventive ethiopium blow building a swimming pool out of mud or something like that, and you don't realize how you but you did. Okay. Well, now that you're both on board and you know what I'm talking about, I'm just stalling just to make sure I've got the guy's name right. I ended up that's what he fights his dad off the MIC. Yes, Dad, and I ended up watching a bunch of clips and snippets of a guy called Alex Jones, who hosts sort of like a web series called INFO wars. I'm not sure if you've heard of it, but he's a he's a cross American man, a big crossing chemicals of the one that's turn the fucking frogs gay. Yes, well, Guy, that actually was what sort of springboarded my idea for this week because, yeah, he's a noted wild and insane conspiracy theorist and he believes that there are chemeras right about the frog gay thing, though. That's a truth. That's true. Okay, right. Well, he was right about you know, if you do, have you heard about this, that there's chemicals in the win the pesticides they're...

...using in the fields near all these frogs, and it alters the the way that they produce S. I think it's estrogen. Estrogen is he's right, like he's correct. It fucks with the way that they produce babies. But gone, just to fill the audience and Alex in. Yet he believes that there is a chemical that you that's, you know, sort of been put into water and also pesticides that turns not only humans gay but also frogs gay. And that really got me thinking about just absolutely batshit crazy conspiracy theories that have really no legs but a funny nonetheless. So I've got one to start off with, to tell you guys about, and maybe we can talk about other one. Yeah, I mean I don't know a great deal about conspiracy theories. I don't. I don't subsist bribe to many, if you're part of the Youtube Pun no, please, please, tell me, educate me, give me a conspiracy theory to dedicate my every where. King Out Aboue one of them, the most common ones that a lot of a lot of people are aware of is the fact that the the upper class, the upper echelons of society, are actually just lizard people inside of human skin clothes and there are real, actual human beings that believe that in the way. And I just I can't wrap my head as Morgan liquors own eyeball. He's a lizard, you know, like Geckos do, because their eyes dry out. I've seen him corner of a room just liqu his own eyeball. But do we class him just do do we class him is upper class, or do we do we actually think that he is just some sort of weird feral being that the news shows just got on to Chat Shit and get people riled up? Because I don't subscribe to him actually being a human is lizard, people thought Queen Elizabeth. Ironically, Queen Liz is a lizard. Were put in past tense. She's fine, I assume. I don't know. There is time between now and release date. Fine, Alex, good display, say disclaim and nothing. Think no, I've got a surplus of blenders and too many blenders not enough lizards. So with this lizard there. You know, I've heard of this one. Just help me kind of define it a little bit. Shall we run through some popular people and see if we think they might be, if they are lizard or not. Yeah, good. Is Simon cow a lizard? I mean looking at the guy's face, oh my God, no, he has to be a lizard. Yes, yeah, that one's a lizard. He's definitely a lizard. Sure, James May from topgear UK, not a lizard? Now, everybody's favorite dad. We Love James Mat nicels it. Okay, okay, okay, likes Lego. How could he be a lizard? Is that a metric? Lizards don't like Lego. Famously, famously lizards. Okay, okay, Elon Musk, definite not a lizard. Definitely an alien. No, I not, I I will now. I think Lizard. I think this is we haven't defined where these lizard people have come from. They maybe extra terrestrials. It may be South Africa, South, Oh, is it? Boy, so what? So, what's the what's the conspiracy that? where? Where do Lizardman come from? Were? What? Where does the actual sort of thought that there are Lizard people inhabiting the Upper Chelands of society? No, no, no, I am fully on board with the idea that everybody's a lizard. I don't need the history of the ideology, I need to know where do the lizard come from? Okay, what a shame. People think it's like an alternate branch of of evolution like in that film. I want to say I don't know the film. I don't know it. I'm a bad person, but...

...yeah, there was a film too. So, Dude, there was a film where there was like a humans evolved along the dinosaur line rather than the ape line or the the reptile line rather than the mammal line, because obviously also posedly somewhere. Yeah, somebody will never listeners. If you know what that film is, please let me know. Well, I've yeah, unfortunately, Alex I didn't come up with the theory. So I don't know where the Reptilians came from, but I would imagine, having just sort of restless sure on the history, I mean researching it like extensively, and by extensively I mean, you know, fifteen to twenty minutes of Idal googling earlier today, I believe it comes from sort of like antisemitism back in back in said today, not that there isn't any antiset Semitism now, but I think that sort of that those that but just that old fashioned, that horrible, disgusting. Yeah, that racist feeling of aliens among us, which I do not think is please Don''t misconstrue what I'm saying, but people believe in exact editors. Right, you sound really bad. I'm good. I'm going to sound like such a Biggot, oh my God, but that's where it comes from. I believe. Me and my lizard friends were going to really goof you up now, Tommy, Alex is a lizard. Now Alex is too warm to be a lizard. That's, you know, that's what we like people to think. I mean we walk among you, me and my lizard friends. We subscribe to very unique ie ideologies. We do some weird stuff and you know, but ultimately it's all we all worked towards one unified goal, and slaving human has to rid the world, rid the world of all flies. You got it, you got it. Funny, we're going to eat them all. It's they're actually, they're actually. All the anti mosquito companies are actually run by Lizard People. That's that's control companies that get the seas Croaches, Lizard People. That makes the most sense if you're going to be a lizard and you're going to eat insects, if, let's say, that's what their diet is, and not like the souls of small children. So, like, I feel like that is one of the weirder conspiracy theories. HMM, but I feel like there are weirder. There are weirder. Megan Markle is a robot. How about that one? I've literally just finished watching suits and Megan markle gets railed by Mike Ross like like no robot could. Well, okay, let's sexy robots now, man like. Let's not discount sexy robots from anything. Also, they can do anything with CGI mate. You know the Moon landings. Yeah, CGI mate, that's a jake. Have you seen set? Have you seen CGI from that error? It looks like a Saga Genesis being skull fucked by a Nintendo switch. Is Embarrassing. Well, I mean, I think, though, it's understandable that people, after watching two thousand and one a space honestly actually thought that the moon landings were faked, because the quality of the footage that was obviously transmitted back from the moon was that poor. The really two thousand and one a space odyssey looked better, and so I can understand why less informed people would imagine that it would be easy for the government to fake that. But I don't subscribe. I can just I can rationalize the thought process. How do we like the hollow Earth Theory, the theory that the earth is hollow and that dinosaurs and shit still live inside of it? That was the plot to a movie that there are people that I've seen people do digging. I've seen I've seen digging out of the whole water in my time. I mean I would like the idea that the planet that I live on is exactly the same as the one from Ice Age dawn of the dinosaurs. However, you know I mean tectonic plate movement and volcanoes. I feel like would have less chance of existing if, you know, we were just a really tiny, thin crust rap about the earth is actually the earth is flat. The Earth is flower, say back of a turtle. It's on the back. Now Circle Tom. You can't preeve me wrong. I think the earth is on a certain it's...

...not how scientific debate works. Yeah, you have to prove yourself right, but I'm willing to hear you out. Actually, how is this so? Well, every time there's an earthquake, you guessed it. Your boy taught boys having a bad day's teching, a bill. All step forward, but then it's like cloudy stock under a leaf in space, big space leaf that we can't see. Okay, don't really that. You know what is it really interesting conspiracy theory that I actually do buy into. The go on, it's big foot, big for Scott me real well, I love a based on the idea of him. Like yeah, I like to be a link. But what go on? Why? Why? Why is it that massive, massive apes? Massive apes did exist. That's that's a fact. Like, okay, I can't remember what they're called. Massive Apes, though, huge monkeys exist. Like if you had never seen a gorilla in your life and you saw a gorilla and nobody described a realiity, you'd like our look at that fucking crazy hairy man. There's no reason to think that a large, intelligent homonid could not live inside of the forests of America. America has huge forests. Also, there is there is also the idea, though, that like, in poor enough lighting, somebody could see me and I'm quite big and quite hairy. Yeah, I want to. Yeah, Okay's the problem, and I try and avoid a try and avoid like suck conspiracy theories that you want to believe in, because it's quite compromotion bias. You want yesses, so you look for yeses. Alex would make a good big foot, though. Maybe that's why I like Alex as a friend so much. Alex fills the gap that big foot left in my heart. I think I'd make quite a good big foot, so sure you as a big foot I would be. I'd be playing jovial pranks on people. Shoe size. It's always been weird. Whenever I go to Clarks they always have to get two machines and sellutate them together, and I think the closest we've ever got is like a Sar i's twenty eight UK. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you deal with shaving? Oh No, I don't do it. Whenever I get a razor to my face that the blades always blunt instantly because I've got very coarse hair made it almost like steel. Right, okay, we're on weekends. To you just trapes about the woods or what's the deal? I like to hike. Yeah, I do like to hike. I don't like to wear clothes when I do it, though, so I always do it alone and I always do it very late at night. Nudist hiker has to be. Yeah, it's the best way, best way I feel the leaves brushing against your buttocks. By the way, are you always very conscious of the fact that, like, people are looking at you whilst you're hiking? Are you always sort of like hunched over and like looking away you and looking back? I'm I like to hike naked for my sake. I don't do it for anybody else. So if anybody else is there, they don't get they don't get to come to the show without buying tickets. So yeah, I'm always somewhat hunched over. If I see somebody, I do run very quickly and I'm quite good, gotten quite good over the years, of not being photographed, or if I do, it's always just this weird blur, something to do with the way the moonlight reflects off my steel wall fur. I mean, yeah, beird. I mean beard Alex is a bad ghostbusters movie, that episode of Spooky. What's underneath the mask? It's it's Alex and I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you, I Yi, schoolboy. Let's get out of here, reggy. Yeah, we would. Your hair, you could be scooby or you could be a mountain gorilla man and if you take the mask off, I'm just Mr Carruthers. It was the Janet that the whole man smithers. By the way, guys, just just just before the end of my segment, because I'm conscious that I'm about to run out of host powers, I did have an idea for a little bit, a little Youtube series where we...

...force Alex to watch movies that he hasn't seen. Okay, you know, potentially cultural, culturally significant ones. You know, we could sort of cut that together with, you know, sort of he's never going to watch cars. Three, there was he now, you see, I want. The actual movie that I want him to watch is scooby DOOO, the Scooby Doo move which one? Which one is? I have done one. I have done wooby Doo vy. You Reference One. I think done the first Scooby Dooo. Moving on the same reference one last episode about dressing up Joseph as a puppy to get on a plane. I've done that one. Yes, you've done the one that where they go to spooky I yes, I did that one. Yeah, that one. Spoiler alert. scrappy doos the bad guy and we do is just bad guy. Actually, you can't say that. What if someone hasn't watched it yet? I did. That film came out in like two thousand and four could somebody bleep over I say somebody, Alex, you can. You can bleep over me, saying he shall I'll not be named. Voldemort. Voldemort was in the Scooby dooo movie. I remember it was my favorite movie ever. Voldemort was in it and it turned in the back of Quill's head and it was Tom Riddle toddrid decide crossover episode. On the subject of He who shall not be named, I am now the host. It wasn't on the subject. It was a shit segue, but you can't stop me because I'm the host. Now I'd like to talk to you both about something that will instill in you the terror, the cold drip of horror, as you realize. I want to talk to you about where I think fears so fucking cool as like a okay, okay, do you work? Do you work for monsters incorporated? I do, and I've been powering my lack of motorcycle and other transport by screams my house as sell electricity. Then suy doing a great job. He's my favor personal he's Bay Mike Kasowski, not so much little Green Oga boy do one. But yeah, I want to talk to you about how I think fear is something that human beings don't deal with enough. Now, right, when was the last time you two as adult, as adult human beings, you know, apart from Alex, he was an adult big foot. When was the last time you felt true easy, freezisy, care easy. So the other day I woke up, my wife got ready, she went out for the day and it was just me in the house and I was enjoying some me time and there are was, I was vibing it, I was I was doing podcast things, and then I reached the end of my energy. Just Jack in it, just absolutely just just Jack in it, and then I went and I started Jack in it and I heard the terrifying noise of a key being put into the lock and I felt fear and I felt terror. Okay, cool, you've ruined the punch line by joking about me jacking it. Would of course I was jacking it. I mean I can't really remember the last time I was like, oh no, no, I do. I watched a movie called hereditary and it's like it's not a conventional horror film in the sense that like it make you you do jump, you make make you go huh, and it's just like a there's a slow buildup to just extremely worrying and horrifying images that are displayed to you that you can't look away from, but they do be scared in the shout. That's the thing. I don't think anybody's been frightened of a horror movie. I don't think it's possible, because it's just watch hereditary. Then it's just watching. It's just a movie. Is pixels. Yeah, Alex, I, Alex, I understand. How medium. It's just a little and it's raised. Agree, like can turn where. That's all it is. There's nothing to nothing can get you. Yeah, I L I understand. That is the kind of Guy Punch agast of the face, like every it couldn't do a hard house because he...

...just bomb the person, the fucking the job badly be like Oh, and intrude or not, de exels, but this isn't real, is it? Well, this isn't. This is you just know you're an actual human. HMM, I'm a big foot. Know, I get that. It's a fucking movie. I just don't understand how you can be frightened of it. I I think the point Ashley was going to make at the start is way back in day, when we were out hunter gathering, it was frightening when suddenly you turn around and there's a big tiger. They're like that's frightening. In Modern Society we don't have that. If you are looking to be frightened by something and you go, Oh, yeah, I know, I'm going to watch some pixels move about, that's not fear. We need more fear in the world, but it is is what that Tom Liking horror movies? Is that because we enjoy that part of our head being stimulated for once? You know what? I know? I know the roller coasters on a chase risk and a lot of Anim mean don't chase risks. We're so far removed from being hunter gatherers that there's no need for us to, you know, look over our backs anymore or be scared. So I believe that, yeah, you're right, as in the sense that, like activating that part of your brain does make you feel alive. It's like when you go on a roller coaster. The simulation is getting so close to death but knowing you're going to be okay. And the same thing with horror. You see a spooky demon, but you know that the demon isn't haunting you, you know it's not real, but it does still give you the Feori is in that same class of emotions as rage. So there are. They're obviously good emotions, like happiness is the best emotion for me and I like to feel happy. But in terms of really fucking productive emotions, fear is one of them because you get that fight or flight. But I think rage is very much on par rate anger in terms of getting shit done. You can do things when you're angry that you cannot achieve when you're not angry, and I'll give you an example. When I have an argument with my partner, I did a dishes, did I get the vacuum cleaner out? I reorganize? The word sounds like passive aggression. Terrible. It's terrible because I yeah, but I haven't got any actual direct aggression in me. Have you met me? And I've got it I I had an incident where my motorcycle was blocked in and my old place of employment by some heavy materials, and it wound me up so much over the course of half an hour to the point where I was able to pick the fucking thing up. I just harnessed rage and used it for fuel. Good on you, that well done. Thank you. It was just a brag about how how strong I am, just big strong than well done, Alex. he's so strong, which is why he is also big for and has no fear. But now I think fear is cool and it's underrated because it is the reason we are here. Fear a of the shadow in the night or the moving thing in the woods. You know, interesting thought, half asleep. Look in the corner, there's a dressing gown. You look at it and I'll fuck, it's an intruder, and then you look again you are it's it's my nice fluffy, warm dress and cut of your brain is the reason that you're here. An interesting byproduct of that, though, is that you know how we as like humans, we see faces in everything. So you look at House that has two windows, on the field train to see fronds or yeah, we see faces in everything. I think that that's a byproduct of being so fearful of seeing things when it's dark or we're out at night, that we we make faces out of things because it's part of that fear and that evolutionary sort of drive to be as safe as vessible. That instinct over the course of many hundreds of years has obviously saved something, saved people, and those people have gone on to survive because they've looked between the bushes and seen the face of the thing, and I've had the opportunity to run away, whereas, yeah, whereas other people looked at the bushes and said, Oh, look a primrose and then were eaten two bits. Yeah, I'm glad that we live in a world where...

...we don't get eaten very often. Don't worry, Darling, I'm going out hunting and gathering. I will bring forth a feast fit for you, my queen. And off I pumped test goes and I got some minced meat and lovely Chili for us all. God, that was like you're quoting me. Chili is my dish, baby boy, but it's also Tommy's dish. Yeah, it is my dish to so well, we've discovered something here. Who would win? This is my fear that I'm going to get out Chiliad who would win in a Chili contest? I would win the Chili eating contest. Yeah, because you would eat both the Chili's, youahly, both the Chilis, and I would be I'd be a full up boy. All right, we do in some some are we going to make Chili for Alex? We can make Chili for Alex and listen, I'm not a saw competitor, so I don't want to sit here on this here podcast and give it big licks that I make the Best Chili. However, I do make a mean Chili and if I make one thing well, it is a Chili Con Carne. So we'll see. That part of my brain that sees frightening things, it's flashing now. Bear power, danger, danger, there's I look at my slow cooker, I'm panicking, my hands sweating, my heart is beating. Johnny, to make you even more frightened, my secret ingredient, oh, dark chocolate. I always say I used. I also use dark chocolate and she I use beer to Oh shit, I like the sound of Ashley's one, the one what's got beer in it. We'll get your pissed. Sadly, no, you don't know what Chili I'm gonna fucking eat. You don't know me need to eat. I'm frightened of Alex as Chili in competition. I'm going to eat so much of your Chili that I've unable to drive. I'll be above the limit we're fought with. Full Circle now, because I'm actually fearful of what kind of stay Alex will be in after eating all of the Alcohol Chili. So No, Oh my God, we really have come full circle. We've gone no, no, Tom the circle's bigger than you think, because I like all of the Chili and I am pissed out of my mind. I'm unable to drive home, so I've got to get the bus, but I'm my kind of still got left over Chili. Hey, Steve, how are you doing? Do you no, I've got it, I've got it. Step, further, step, further, step further, step further. I'm we on. You're on the bus. You have in your Chili with Steve. You're obviously absolutely whan kid, and Steve, step, Steve, is sharing your Chili. The bus driver infuriated by your your decorum, your behavior. Kicks you off the bus. Yes, he's now got to stumble through the forest to get home to Beth. Unfortunately, your clothes are gotten really far all the brambles and now you're stumbling about and some hikers try and take a picture of fun over the yeah, and big foot. There you go, do that and the photographer, the photographer taking a picture of you stumbling drunkly through the woods, covered in hair with half a bowl of eaten Chili. It takes a photo and he's so frightened that the part of his brain that controls patterns makes him run off. Yes, there we gone. It's a circle within a circle, within a circle. PODCASTS are a flat circle. Honestly, I think in terms of continuity, this is the best podcast we done did so far. Well done, guys. I'm really proud of us. Full loop. Can I get a fear is the mind killer? Is that the last I'm from? What's that from? Fear as the mine killer, you've just said words, unfortunately, as Oh, hang on, some's at the door. Yeah, come in, Oh my God, it's Oh damn, you're right. How did my dad get there? Was Hello, Dad, I died, took the train. Says Hello Sir, shared hallucination. Hello, mate, hello, how are you? I am tired because I ran here. I thought you said you can guys live like a long way away from each other. I run. I...

...told the train. I've pushed it, Tim, you're so I'm a very serious man. My name is Tim and I'm your dad and I'm here on the podcast now. Alex, what have you done with my dad, because we both know that he's not a very serious man and that he just likes his side or any likes to make dumb jokes. He's actually been taken over by a lizard. Sorry, Tom, your dad's a lizard now and we're going to have to we're gonna have to blend him. That's all the jokes. We've got, all of them. See it. We've done him. That's it. We've done it out this one. This is a excasted well done, guys, for as far as value for money goes, we really maximized. We pushed them all out. You know what they say. If, yeah, if you have to force it, it's probably shit, and we didn't have to force it. No, and you know what, I'm very much looking forward to getting my podcasting certificate through. I'm really excited. I had your Scott. I'm just upset that we hit a greatest episode just so early on. It's only down from reals. This is outrageous, until we get to some kind of funny number like sixty nine. You know. Yeah, Oh no, I'm talking about throwing in the towel now. I don't know. There's any point. Well, that's okay, Tim can replace you. Yeah, Tim will take your place. All my boys, I can get him into serious timmy, no jokes here. Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex. don't say anything, don't move. My Dad has just come through the podcast studio door. I don't know who's in your house, but you need to get out. Wow, this is a skin walker horror story. Do you guys know about skip? It's I'm still hose for the next three minutes, so you best loob up. You guys know what Skim Walkers are? Did you ever read, like any of the Internet horror stories about Skim Walkers? No, was it a creepy past it? If it was a creepy pastor, I probably read it. It was super creepy pastor and Alex. okay, let me set the scene. This the one that I read at least, was written in go ahead, dungeon master, in Green Text. But it isn't in green text. I'm going to tell you it as I remember it. It's probably shit, but you know. But we were out be out here, wepping. So this guy's camping with his dad and then in the middle of the night his dad gets something, gets out of the tent for a second ago for a Piss. The guy goes back to a roll of perception check. You failed so five, I'm afraid. You see rolling it. Dad has left the tent and you know that he's telling back has gone for a pisser. Shore did a for that time, I'm afraid not. Me Aford as well, then, for doesn't sorry a listening to tell the story. Ready for your story, story, I say. I've run out of all jokes. Now I'm ready to listen. Fantastic. You wake up in the morning with your dad. He's didn't come back to the tent last night and you wake up in the morning and he stood outside the tent and he turns around and your Dad's voice it goes pack up the tents on and you puck up the tent and you get in the car and he's dead, awkward and there's this weird smell of copper and rotten flesh and you get home and you go to bed and then in the morning you wake up your dad's outside the door. He's just stood there looking at you and you can smell that smell again. And then two days later Your Dad, wink, wink, nude nudge, is in the bathroom staring in the mirror and you go into the garden and your real dad comes running down the garden. Who is that man in your home? Skim on to horror stories. I'm to jovial. That was a good horror. WAS IT super horrible? Where you guys frightened? Did you have the hair? Definitely horrible. It was horrible and that's all that was happening. I've achieved Stephen King Alive, your fucking face, mate, and that's that's the opening line. Stephen King, I want to eat your face. Steven I'm not a fair lace. That the first line. It's just Stephen King, I'm going to eat your face. That's there. You know the thank you page at the start. I'd like to thank my wife, I'd like to thank my cat, but also Stephen King I'm going to eat your face and I think to sort of like round things off with a nice bow,...

...that would be a good place for us to end the dumb, stupid podcast that we do do right here. You said do do. No one else going to call about on that. Okay, don't worry, guys, I will now. I think. I think, I think we nailed it. I think this is the best podcast ever made, ever in the history of man. Well, before we close off, I did just want to say again, for the people that have listened all the way through to this mostly inaudible piece of media, thank you for sticking around, thank you for the support. If you guys could head over to the INSTAGRAM, you know, chuck us a DM, give us you thoughts, give us any suggestions, we'd love it. That's at the thirty three percent majority, and that's going to be percent the word, not the logo, because the Zuckerberg wouldn't let us have that. But yeah, just thank you guys for sitting with us for an hour or so and key toss, countella MIS sister. Wow, you did it, ironically, that's finish. And now this is finished like that, and he finished. Listens out there. Can I get a sliden to my DM. Tell me how good that was. Gone. You know you want to. It's the thirty percent gang. Well, thank you very much, guys, for listening. I've been your host Tom Hutchinson. I've also been your host Ashley Whole, and I've been your host Alex Springthorpe, and I've been your host to eats, me, timmy. Thanks Dad. So you next week. See You bye, goodbye, bye,.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (34)