The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 7 · 11 months ago

Ep. 7 - Fibs, Farms and Films

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This really is the 7th episode of your most favourite podcast, The 33% Majority.

In this week’s episode, your 3 summer boys (Ash, Alex and Tom), will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing the lies we tell ourselves (and each other), why no job is too difficult for Alex (another bold claim), and a new podcast pitch - we’d love to know if you like the idea (respectively).

P.S - When Alex said one of his favourite films was the 2013 blockbuster ‘Now You See Me’ (starring Jesse Eisenberg as the world's most uncharismatic magician), he actually meant the wildly popular 2002 Crama (Crime Drama) ‘Catch Me If You Can’ - please absolve him of his sins.

Disliking culture on milestones is not a personality traits. Hello and welcome to a normal afternoon recording session of the thirty three percent majority. This is a talk show where you'll find three friends each fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame, and I'm your resident normal human man, Tom Hutchinson. I'm your host, Ashley Whole. No, I'll be at host Alex Spring thought. Let's just jump in. How we doing? Good Week so far? Yeah, stressful. Yeah, stressful, Tommy Boy. What? Why stressful, honey? Let let's take some of that weight off your shoulders. What's going on, Tommy? Just tough week at work, because we all do have actual jobs and technical difficulties to something noon with this podcast that we do have been painful, very painful. So yeah, struggling it up capacity, but happy to be podcasting now. Brilliant. I mean it's bloody hot in the recording studio today, isn't it? Yes, in my can need have my metaphorical window open, so I've getting a nice breeze. The window on your side of the podcast recording studios wide open. You're getting the lovely breeze on my side of the podcast recording studio. You know our neighbor next door, Dave. You've ha ha Hahah. He started mowing his lawn just as a fresh record. So I've got to have my window shut on my side of the the podcast recording is about climbing through your window and making a noise like a banshee. Just I can't send put it off. Yeah, I'd stop mowing my lawn if you climbed over my fence and was like a whole time. Well, I think you cut out slightly there, and you're right just to do that full volume for me. I also have neighbors on my end of the podcast office, but sure, Oh God, yeah, Shunky, that's a hunky sound wave on the recording software. They're lucky, lucky. You do amplify sixzero percent. Lovely M are we ready to podcast? Let's podcast, let's do it. It's that time again. I'm going to throw my hat in for first segment. So I'd like to talk to you both about the small lies that we tell, especially when we're younger. They're often like you look back on as an adult and you just think, Jesus fucking Christ, why that? I do that? Because I used to travel on the trains a lot. I used to go all around the country because I was bored and I didn't have any friends where I was living, so I used to just go around like sitting coffee shops and try and make friends of people. Oh that's quite sweet. Actually, Oh, thank you. It gets less sweet the further this story goes on. So I'm on the I'm on I'm on the train and like every time I meet a person, I realized I'm never going to see that person again, so it doesn't matter who I am. So I used to just make people up. Oh, okay, yeah, and I was really good at it for like a long time. Like I just invent characters, like I'd be reading a book and it like at like yeah, like a like like a proper psychopath would do. Yeah, yeah, and real that fully fledged danger to society. Kind of psychopath might do. That's kind of behaviors owners. Yeah, just create people who just beat them for an hour on the train. And I'm going to give you my favorite example. That's never left me because the person that I said this to saw me a year later and I didn't remember any of it. Okay, so I'm on the train and I'm going from Grimsby to cleethorpes it's like a twenty it's like a fifteen minute train, if that. But then I was sat at the station because they were changing to a different, different thing, and I just sat and talk to them for like an hour and I was reading a book called deep which is about freediving. So I knew a fair bit about freediving. So when they're asked me what I did for a living, I was sixteen, I just went, Oh, yeah, I'm a freediver. I am not. No, I can know that's where. Not Bad. Yeah, did I I can donkey paddle at a stretch and I can hold my breath for like twelve seconds because I'm a smoker. So yeah, I tie us, said talk to this person. They were like Oh wow, that's amazing. I was like yeah, it's pretty cool, you know, we cool guy. Yeah, the way that the psychopath would. And then a year passes and I get on the bus in Nottingham to go to my sister's house and this girl walks up to me and she's like, Oh my God, you're you're that free diver and I was like no, no, I'm not. They're like no, no, we met on the on the train at last year and I was like, I have no recollection and I don't know who you are. Described this person to me and they were like maybe a foot at a fire, for quench is shorter than me, blue hair, like three years older than me. I think that she said that she was like nineteen the time I was like sixteen going on seventeen. I love really cool individual. It's what's sixteen going on seventeen? Yeah, great, great movie, not to be confused with thirteen going on...

...thirty. Mark Ruffalo's in one of them. I know that much. Mark Ruffalo is the most handsome man in the UK. So actually, this segment is essentially is here's the time I did a lie to a person. What Times did you do a lie to yeah, tell me, tell me what time she did lie. And but in that I'll be honest, you went in pretty fucking strong with I make people up. Would have done make a person on the sparlic? No, note bullshit. Me and you have been out drinking and we've just made people up together. So don't don't find out the but I've put on an accent, but you've still been all. That's not reimagining myself as a free diver. My friend's sixteen as well, like it's believable. This listeners, I've changed. I don't do this anymore. I'm a nice person now. I've learned. Don't from now. Actually, no, no, fuck that. I want to know if you still got it in yeah, what to just make up a person. Do it now, are you? Are you up for a role play? Yeah, do I have to do an accent or could I just do my voice? Don't do if you please, you make the person. Don't do. Actually, this is your thing. You're that. You're the expert of this. I set the scene. Where are we currently? This is a lot of pressure. Now I'm fucking so we are in a supermarket, you know, the cafe at the back of some some of those supermarkets. Oh yeah, we're in one of those. Actually, you've just ordered a drink and a light meal that you sat down and Tom Approaches you. Now, Tom, you're an old woman, okay, cool, and and Ashley on his table. He's got a copy of today's paper and you'd like to read it and action. No, dear, I'm gonna borrow the news. Of course you can, my love, of course she can. I'm just going to take the sports section out. I'm actually just looking to see if they're if I'm in there. It's all too kind, too kind young man. What's your name? James, James James. You're a lovely young man. A CRIMP to your mother, a credit thanks for living. What do you do? I'm actually professional tennis player. Oh, dear, like you wimbled in. Yeah, of course, yeah, it's me, fed a and all the others whose names I totally know. And then I approached the table and I'm a a, I'm a Brunette lady in my early T S, and I've got a tray and I've got a cup of coffee on a saucer. It's a buttered toast nup. Put it down on your table, Ashley, and give a little smile to the old woman there. And Beer. I turned background. Hang on a minute, oh, no, you know that free diver. Yeah, I've actually stopped free diving and I've got onto playing tennis now with with Roger Federuver. Oh, dear dear, what a what a rich, what a rich and she usoned working life you've had. Dear, I feel like we've lost Tom to the bit now and he's now just an old woman. Excuse me, WHO's Tom? I'm dear drink. Tom'son really gets lost in his parts. What's up part? We've been planning this bit for the sorry, Dus, you'll have to get forgive my broncs when I do laugh. I laughed like a young twenty three year old man. Ha Ha, ha ha. It's a terrible can you imagine, though, if you're NAN laughed like that? We are really touching on Tom's a star. Whatever it was in the performing arts that we mentioned last episode. I hope it's showing anyway. So on to me now. I'll talk about me now. I managed to convince a woman who is like sort of late s in the pub that I myself was in my early s and that I had three children. And the two of you have seen me in person, you understand that the way I look is or a thirteen year La. Yes, it's no ano forty or old one. Not just a young twenty three year old. You are a young nineteen year old, which makes I mean you might actually be three five year old and a trench coat. Exactly exactly, I feel like. Basically, I turned sixteen and then just stopped getting older. Tom Grows a beard and Allie all he can grow as a goatee and he looks like guy for yeah, yeah, it's true. So, yeah, I mean that was an interesting one and she bought the whole thing. To manage that. I think I sort of played the offended card. So, like when I mentioned it, I think she was like no, you're not, and I was like how very fucking gay you. I'm in a loving marriage, I've three children. Did you have a wedding ring on? Because I would have called you out on Tom does wear rings. To be fair, I won't be surprised if you had one available to just jump and change.

Actually, that's he just keeps it on a necklace to just like flip off every now and then. Exactly. Yeah, I don't. Yeah that when you're lying about something, British people, generally speaking, even if they think you're lying, they won't call you out at it because they're afraid that you're going to be like like no, fuck you. That would be very rude. It'd be rude, couldn't it? We are super people. I don't lie about many things really. That's so untrue. Dn't Lie about and what would you? Wow, you know about it. Maybe I'm lying about everything. Maybe. Yeah, that was like one thing. It was a yeah, that was a bit of an accent in a nightclub to get drinks. That's not like that was a whole day out where every three minutes you just heard Alex go get a fuck every three minutes. So that would be very bad bit. Really, it was a larious one time I did go to a moped dealership and convinced them I was in the market. I pulled up on my heavy made of pig eye and motorcycle and said, yes, I'm in the Moo, I'm in the market for a threewheeled moped. You know, the ones that have got two wheels at the front and one at the back. Oh yeah, the weird leany ones. Yet don't like them. Yeah, convince them. I was in the market for one of those and then took it off roading for the day. I think you message me about that and you were like surprised by how like good it was. May It was mint. Yeah, I mean there's a picture of it on my instagram in the middle of a field. So remember when we went off roading and I had an off road bike and you had a Suzuki bandit with street bike tires and you had to rescue them. I still had that nightmares about that. I was getting air off jumps and stuff because I was running a motor cycle I didn't care about whereas I was on a bike that done approximately eighteen miles and was like I love this thing so much, guys, it's so shany. I totally understand how like lying about yourself and motor and moving on to motorcycles is like one hundred percent a lateral move. But apart from your stories about Alex, we yet to hear one from you, Alex. so tell us your best year. That he was when you worked at call centers and you've probably worked in sales. You've definitely lied about having kids if you've worked at a call center. MMMM, that's the thing. I haven't. I mean, I did tell you a story about my liar to a lot, about the time I was in the market for a moped. was that just not good enough for you? No, it was. Boy, that's like that's almost just a petty life. It's just being like hey, maybe it's like when you're go into TESCO's and you're looking at like or the deserts, you're like, Oh, maybe I love that. It's not a lie, because you might one day have that. Sure, yeah, lying right workwise, I mean typically my approach to work, and this is boring, is I get shit done because I'm brutally honest about shit. So that's not as I'm really playing. Yeah, and little game we're playing in here. I'm the opposite. I'm just I just bullshit, so I can not do stuff. They're like, I have you done this? I'm like, Yep, check, the fire escapes locked. Yep, ore, we've been robbed. That sounds like a great way to just lose all of your jobs. I've been fired a lot. I got fired from that John Fair forgiving Alex like thirty quids worth of free food when he came through the drive. He wants yeah, makes sense, make sense. Oh know, that was a lie. I told you I felt bad about that. I didn't. I didn't feel bad about that. Actually, I told you I did. I got lots of it. Mean to ask you, did you manage to put together that like three minute long teaser and that we asked you to do for the for the instagram? Yeah, I did that. MMM, it's or you get to post it. I can't post it. Because my phone is broken. Amazing. Okay, well, you've just been fired as so we're looking for a third, new third host. If anybody's available, apply now at I've just mule as he is talking in the background. It's just me and you, the two and fifty one fifteen jority. Yeah, that's how it way. It's yeah that we didn't gain a person, we lost one. Exactly unfortunate. Tom Just got twenty five percent and you're firing me. Oh, he's still here. I actually just said some stuff, but the audience didn't hear it. Okay, it's gone. Cool, right, right, right, got. You will leave him to spin his wheels in the background. So, anyway, mate, vibe, check, how you doing? You're right without actually in here. Good. I'm struck. Yeah, I mean I'm all right with it. Really, I'm struggling with the segment. I don't tell any FIBS. Really, I'm a very honest young man. You. I do be honest. I do know you as an honest boy. I mean whilst we were in school sort of pulling our general hijinks. Few of them were lie. If you confronted about it, I would I would straight up accept it. Did you do this heinous act. Yes, I did. Yeah, fucking it was hell, it was brilliant. You should have seen it. All people involve in a great time, apart from you. How about you get off my back. Oh, I have done some stealing. I've done some stealing before, which I feel like it's lying. I did steal some sausage rolls. I love TESTCO stealing when you're...

...younger. Right, here's the CAN. Here's as an adult in the background. But I'm not too I'm going to Piss all in your face. Is it a third host or know where? We're just two people now. I'm going to kick the door down for the last two minutes of my segment and tell you that when I was fifty, hang up right and in school, and no pause the time, because the time at Tom I need to just invite you into the back office of the podcast recording studio. Agnibum, okay, me, just a quick, yeah, quick meeting. Okay, quick, sidelos. So right, I've just come to write the end of years dividence checks and unfortunately there's not enough room in the box to account for all of the Trillo Bucks that we'd have each if we were going to split it two ways we do realistic. You need a third person, Ashley, he knows the audience. Yeah, I just think, is it worth a second chance if we put them on probation? I have a dog it could probably. I mean, I'm just spoted that you have actually just paused the timer, which I think it's brilliant. So, yeah, that's it. All to that. Lots. WHO's that? Actually, get away from the window. Get away from the window, the at the office door. Get Away, Ashley. You're back, but it's on a trial basis. And that's it, buddy. One final warning, final King Dude. Okay, I'm back and you can unpause the timer because for the last three minutes I'm going to tell you about getting caught shoplifting. You've only got one minute, so it's been right. Okay, here's where I'm at. Fifteen, go to school, didn't have any lunch money, wanted lunch. Listeners, if you see someone stealing food from a large corporation, you didn't see Jack Shit. Moving on from that, I put a roll, like a sausage roll, in my pocket and then was walking around the shop from those like school blazer pockets are quite deep pocket and wandering around the shop and the woman from the tail comes up and she's like hey and I'm like hi. They're trying to play it off call and then she goes, you've got a sausage roll in your pocket, and I looked her dead in the face and when? Now I don't happy to see you. I'm just fifteen. I'm not even happy to see you. I was fifteen. I just had it for the generally. Is that a tube of meat wrapped in pastry or a you just happy to see me here? It's hot bow. Second One, I've got a big fat meat each Chub. It's a fear. It's a spear election, because I just got caught stealing a sausage roll from my local test Goos, sleep and TESCO's. If anyone hoisting works there. It was actually, yeah, what the Frick, Shanery? Yes, do we want one psychic? I'd love one. Feed me with Alex, yes, please. Amazing. The first what the Frick? Today vomit toes, and so that's the Om it oe s vomitoes. I mean, what do we think? First thing that springs to mind is vimtos, like okaynte. Or is it when you when it devolved cereal because you hung over. May. What way did you go, Tommy? See, I went sort of towards Dorito's sick flavored doritos. But how are you going to get those? I don't know. That was just like my initie. Just walk in and you say hello, can I have the cool ranch doritos please? It is everybody, the vomit flavored one, the vomit ones, the vomit nasty ones. Yeah, that's okay, he's delicious. That I can imagine. Vomit. Or is it? Is it when you're licking someone's toes and you really go in for it and then you just a bit sick? York? Why is that? Yeo, you could Lick People's you can leake people's toesn't it not be gross? Not if you're throwing up on them? Ashure, you can't throw up on it not be gross? I could throw up on so you can be into it. It can still be gross, though. Yeah, I mean it can be grossed, I suppose other people, but I thought this was a Nafe's notice and now I feel judged so that I guess there's that. We very accepting here at the thirty three percent majority. I'm not want to kink shame anybody. However, sick on toes doesn't really do it for me. Should we find out what the answer is? Yes, I think it's going to be something along the lines of throwing up on some food. That sounds like it. It cheering. Some has gotten out on the end of it. cheery. Oh we tost Rito's, but with a vomit on it. Okay, well, we were. We were right to be, on the line along the lines of toes and vomit. Vomit hoes pronounced like coma toes. So vomitoes Vermtos is when you step in vomit whilst wearing flip flops. Oh yeah, I don't like doing this podcast sometimes that mean. Sorry about that, guys, but yeah, anyway, sicky flip blocks. Whose turn is it now? Claps, I think it might be someone else's. Think it's me? Is it me? Our congratulations, Alex, it's you. Yeah, I give you permission to go for it. Thanks, Bud. Thank you, Tommy. I'm not going to be a fucking I'm not going to be an asshole like you are last session. No, Gracious, graciously accept your kind contribution. I understand that I'm eating into your fifteen minutes. I...

...would just like to actually preface by saying I was in a bad head space last episode. I'm not a morning boy, so I do want to apologize. You will not it. It's too I want to apologize that to you guys. I want to apologize to my family, I want to apologize to my friends, but, more importantly, I'm actually sort of forgiving myself. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Oh, that's I love that for you. You deserve to forgive yourself time. Thank Tom you deserve happiness. He's baby. Thank you, you do. Thank you. So my segment is I've had today off because it's best birthday tomorrow. So we've just had had a lovely chill day and it's been congrats. What we've what we've done with the day as of recording day, the eleventh of June. HMM. Jeremy Clarkson has released a program on Amazon prime about farming. Yeah, the premises. He's owned a farm for a while. The guy that farmed it for him retired and he took it on because that old top gear grant taught a doge. How hard can it be? HMM. And I was watching this program and it's driving up and down in straight lines. It's operating machinery and stuff that Jeremy Clarkson's not very good at. But I look at and go that doesn't look fuck it hard. Reach into a lamb and fish out a baby. That seems all right. Got Me thinking about jobs that are made out to be really, really difficult that just aren't. They don't look like it is. I'm not a mechanic, I've got no training, I'm not a professional mechanic. Tell me why I can take a part an engine and reassembling, reassemble it again. Why can't? Yeah, I can just do that. You don't need a qualification to do that. Get me a youtube video explaining how to do it. I will do open heart surgery. Yeah, if it can be done, I can do it. Okay, okay. So just to just to clarify, you want to? Yeah, want to. I got quite heated. Yeah, you did. You did. It's okay, though, it's all right. You know, we've all got sort of trigger topics. I was with you right up until heart surgery, like I was a completely with you. I was like, you know what, yeah, maybe you could be a farmer, and then you're like get me a youtube video, and I was like, hang the fuck on, but why can't you, like as you've as you've seen it happen though. We've been working on something and then we've watched a youtube video together and then you go are, that bolt goes there, and then you've got to open that up a little bit and then you pop that in there, tighten that down, and then you're on to a winner. Why, if you're a youtube video going right, cut here, break this bit, open a little bit this bone, just pop that out the way over there. Heart Fone, cut this tube and half pop this thing in there and then so it'll back up by doing it like this. You couldn't follow that and bang out a quick heart surgery? Okay, you know what, let's just lose the heart surgery analogy, because I'm so with you, sort of like in regards to other jobs, I feel like I really wouldn't want you operating on my heart. So as where I'll I'd like to start off with a leg first, ideally, but if needs be I could do a heart. But yeah, go on, fair, I don't think you could. But onto your original premise, things like jobs that people make out to be hard that aren't. I'll sort of go along what you said. tooths. Like dental work, I actually dentistry sounds really very easy. I know of a bloke who bought himself the dental kit that a dentist use uses and he lays on his kitchen counter and does his own dental work. Fair play, CHAP LAP's terrifying, yeah, but he does it and he's got lovely teeth. So I mean cause and effact. Oh enough, yeah, I mean like the profession of gardener exists, but people still do their own garden exact. You just got to know how to do it. MMM. Yeah, the job soldier exists, but I've been going out and shooting people myself. Now that's crime. That it's a crime, but he can do it profession. My own policeman. So I'm really good at it. I'm my own policeman as well, so I can't be arrested because I'm I'm a fed. Okay, okay, see, actually we've come back to your segment now, because you're just doing a fraud to you could do it, doesn't there's nothing in the way of you in terms of skill set. Yeah, it's just unfortunately, you probably need some qualifications for that. I'm not saying I'm going to go and become a surgeon. I'm just in a pinch. In a pinch you, I could fix a heart or two. Yeah, yeah, probably a lung. Lungs are just bags, really, aren't they? HMM. Well, interestingly enough, guys, I actually have two qualifications in sales, one in principles of sales and one in something else. And I can guarantee you anybody that could just hold a conversation with a stranger can be a salesperson. Like you. Don't need a qualification for that shit. Trust ash to do it. I've sold double glazing or a door. And let me tell you, if you can, if you can say good afternoon to somebody without without grilling like a lunatic, you're probably fine. Yeah, you'll probably the okay. And you know, daughter doors got to be the hardest one. Say.

Yeah, qualific Asian in the GIN. It is just wholly irrelevant. Any any old idiot could do it. So that's another what's the hardest job you've had to do? You don't have to divulge company details or anything, or anything too specific. What's like the hardest thing you've had to do egg collector at a chicken firm. I'll because the delicacy, or it was hard because it was early in the morning and because chickens, as I've said before, our assholes. They chickens are our velociraptors, but just smaller, like dinosaurs, close to birds. You can see it when you work with lots of chickens. They are pack hunters and they're just rabid assholes. Yeah, but not to like bag on it or any or anything like that. Anybody could do it. There's no like. Yeah, skills you don't need. That being said that, we did have a remarkable amount of teenage girls that would start the job and then quit two days later when they realize that the cockerels in the sheds will attack you. Yeah, as they are want to do. HMM, they'll just wreck you shit for no reason. Yep, Yep, I'd say actually hardest job I've ever done, weirdly enough, because I've had lots of jobs in without sucking myself off, you know, big blue chip companies, but hardest job I ever had was being a sush chef at a restaurant, and that was with no training, which might have been why, but it does also go to show again. Like you said, Alex, you know it's a tough job. I wasn't a trained sous chef, but I did it. No, I've been the manager of a company. I had no training for that. I managed to team of people. You've just got to know where to put stuff. Is such as all management, all management is, is no know in where stuff needs to be and so in what all the stuff needs to be done. That's all it is. Basically, if you can do Tetris, you can be a manager. There you go. Yeah, you perfect. Yes, yeah, yes, yes, actually, your yeah, with us now, tetris scales to life. If you can play Tetris, you can pretty much be successful. Jeff Bez US, world record tetris player. Little know, in fact. Sometimes you get the ones that look like an l and those are your bad days because where, why am I going to put that? And on other days you get the little dart ones that just finish everything off. Everything's brilliant now because of them, those long you get. You get like a four line. You know the perfect line and you've been saving a gap line and then you get the line. You're like, Oh that's right, four lines down in a row. Baby, no fucking stress, no traffic on the way into work, and that's it. You get your fall liner right there. You don't get pulled into HR for making a shit joke and you're like, you know what, yeah, don't. Don't get fold into hr because you hired somebody to be the manager of this branch based on the fact that they were very good at tets. I've been taken into HRF for some ungodly reasons. When I started, I worked at a paid a loan company, which was pretty terrible by wake up, paid acapt and I like I had like I was like a had a shaven head, I wore braces and Duck Martin's and I looked like what so would call in Neo Nazi, but what we're going to call punkers. Fuck Skin Ed would be fine. But yeah, so I've skinned. I was into the scar music car I like hated racism, which, if you're a skinned and you're racist, you're not a skin edg or a count and moving away from that, they pulled me into hr to talk about the fact that they thought I was racist based on how I dressed, and I was like, Oh, can I bring a witness with me? And then like yeah, of course you can, and I was like, Oh, cool. So I bought my friend Mohammad to be my witness, and the look on their faces when I sat down and mowalked in and sat down next to me, fist bump me, and I was like what's all this about? Then that's like yeah, that's right. Where is your racism? Then? Hmm, it's me and my dislike of anyone that's a minority. She's not true, by the way. No, Alex, don't edit that. Whatever happen. Sorry, I was running lean on times. I had to make some cuts there and it was the I had to cut the bit that redeemed you. Oh No, this is this, I'm canceled. I'm not now. I put it on a colorful background as well and added in like poppy, enticing subtitles. I've just uploaded it to tick Tock Shit. If this week's teaser is anything to do with that, I'm going to have to hibernate and like hide for a couple weeks. I don't like that. I regret this immensely. Can we go back in time to before I told you about hr thinking I was racist. I feel like you are HR's biggest nightmare because you always look like you're doing something suspicious whatever, as she's doing. I need to tell him off for it, but I'm just not sure I'll attest to that. Yeah, you do look like a see, you do look very us a lot of the time, Ash, but I know you. Yeah, love you, but it's just good. I just have I have kindness in my heart, but hatred in my eyes. Yes, yes, a sheep in wolves clothing. Alex wants described me as a crackhead with prettier eyes, which is one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to like a poem. is like a poem or something. That's nice. Thank well. Yeah, I should clarify. Alex did that anonymously. He sent me that via one of those anonymous APPS. What were they called? What was that one called? Ask FM? Yes, because,...

...like, it was public. It was like a public forum and like for people I didn't know we're talking about me on this fucking this is how unpopular I was where we lived. I was like a real asshole. They were like people like that as guy is a real piece of shit, and then people were like, yeah, I don't like his face. It was it was a magical test. Only ever had people telling me how, just like handsome, charming and very, very strong and powerful, I was. Shut the fuck really like how it was, was and not is your beautiful, powerful and hands and you still our baby born. No, because, like, if you, if you plotted the the chart of strength and power, it's like it is linear growth expendation. Every day I grow twice as powerful. OCK UP, Alex, make me Tom you can't. I don't fear anybody. I'm gonna Fight God, I'm gonna win, I'm gonna shoot the moon. Fuck off with be. My answer to that. Alex is my dad. He's so powerful that you actually fathered all everybody's Dad. You are all my children, we're all Alex's children. Everyone is Alex's child. And go to fight myself that. You know, that classic story of Father, Son, Holy Alex. Oh, hang on, guys, just gotta go get struck by lightning, real fucking quing. WHOA, I've been smited. I feel like as a result of this, this sort of three minute section here, I've actually developed an oedipiss complex, and not from the perspective of fucking my mum, but more so from the perspect and killing my father. I want to kill you. I have a nice mom. I've not seen Tomas Mum. I mean, I'm let's just not talk about that acually. You know we talk about that. Is your listener actually know you? To Be Fair? Hey, Helen Tomes, mom, if you're listening, my hype Jack High Tom is my full name. It always seems to come to my mother, my dad or my mum. It's always my dad on my mom. It's weird that way. You you brought your dad intead Alex. she know I'm talking about Alex and wanting to kill Alex? Not, I don't care. Wait, hang up, money, I missed that. Sorry, I've got distracted, but you mean you mentioned your mom or something and I got very distracted. Why do you want to kill me? Sorry, so I felt I said as a result if you holding sort of piss consort of yeah, being in Terry Right now. Hang on, we need to SIRC circle. No, no, sorry, till, yeah, cycle about. Yeah, I caught it too. I got it to circle back round to Ashley being unable to say a thing. Take another run at that one, please for me. But no, look, I saw the words spell o edip. I assume O us, but it's probably us, just fuck with me. And I said, Oh, the purse, and I meant eat a purse and I hate you, both of you. Actually said Puss, and it's oedipus. I'm going to eat a purse. How about? No, yeah, that word on the podcast right back. No, what are you that fucking the word puss got its own teaser. No, yeah, and he we gave that word thirty seconds as you're saying it again, though, and that's the problem. said it more and more time. We get away from it. Tom Quick, fire up the frictionator. Let's get out of this bit. Yeah, let's jump into the frictionator. Ready, big frictionary time. It's time for what? The fruit? Okay, so the one that I've got here is called, Oh, I had it p belly. Sorry, give read me that one one more time. Belly, Pete Double Space, belly, B E lll. Why P belly? I'm more upset that there's a space in that than anything else. MMM MMM, because if there wasn't a space, you could have been like, oh, it's somebody that needs a ways. They've got a little big, a little peebelly. But now that there's a space there, I feel like it's pissing on someone's stomach, which, like I'm not yeah, could very well still be just the distension yours you get from any the incredible bloating of a supreme opiss. But, as we all know, P is stored in the balls, so he is from the balls. Yet yeah, peers from the balls. That's why, when you get a vasectomy and they chop off your balls, you can't piss anymore. Is that what a for sex to me? Is they taking my testicles? Probably, I thought they were just cutting the bit that supplies the baby batter. I'm not a doctor. Don't say baby batter. Well, you're not a doctor, Alex. You you can do any job. You could be a doctor. Guys, can you just join me in this scrum, getting this scrum for a second. Can we just huddle up, puddler, I'm here. You both hear. Are we gonna talk about you know how sometimes when you really need to wait and it kind of gives you a semi are we kind of talk about that on the pot.

You know what? Medically, I actually found out why that happens the other day, but I feel like I don't actually want to talk about it on the podcast. So now you have to talk about it. Now you've said it. Yeah, you can't leave the listeners way. Okay, so actually, medic medically talking. Now, funny's aside. Let's just deactivate comedy thrusters. If the new woo easy, your bladder, when it's full, presses on your prostate. That's simply it. It's very biological. and Oh this is it's the same reason that a lot of not not the prostate thing, but if your partner, if you have a female partner and ever full bladder, they have more intense orgasms. That's a whole thing. Oh cool, well, interesting pop price states anyway. So, guys, you need to be full of Piss all the time, is what I'm saying. Okay, well, let's find out. Ladies, get your pros states checked. Yes, ladies, everyone check your husband's prostates. Don't tell them about it. Everybody check everybody's prostates. Everybody just check each other's prostates. That's how we can get past all this, says the terrible. Yeah, I mean like I'm on board with checking prostate, but not like everybody checking everyone's. No, no, I've got the cure for all the hate in the finger or a friend. Finger. Three percent majority says finger a friend. Okay, Anyway, I've got the definition here for you. P Belly, AKA pissing early, having an urgent need to pee and it feels like your whole belly is full of your in so, Alex, you'd bloody nailed it, didn't you? With the most logical one. God, is that the first one we've actually got right, apart from probably the one I got right the first time around? Probably, probably. So. Yeah, good work, guys. To Charl's something you knew about, you knew about Chara's arding, and I know about Piss. Those are our core competencies here, though, is yeah, those are the things we are experts. Yeah, good work, guys, good work. And Anyway, now I'm boss. I'm boss and now, and in my Secu today, what I wanted to do was pitch the two of you a new podcast idea as a terrible idea. We shouldn't have a podcast. Yeah, no, you messaged about that the other day and I was like going, maybe, joke, just hold it, hold it back. WHO's gonna listen to a podcast in this economy, in this who could afford to listen to podcast at this agree? Agree, we're all too busy figuring our friends. Yeah, Oh God. Anyway, my podcast idea. So listen. Yes, if you're out there, which I hope you are, if you like the like the sound of this on the next sort of instagram post or anything like that that we make as a you know, as a result of talking about this episode. Did somebody just beep in the background of your recording time? Yeah, I think they did, Alex, yeah, Uber's here. Yeah, it was somebody beating at me, evidently. And Yeah, but let us know if you like the idea of this one. The idea behind this podcast was actually born from one of the segments that I did very early on in this the thirty three percent majority podcast, where we made fun of Alex for not knowing any movies, and so I thought a fun idea for a podcast would be a basically, we force Alex to what movies and then we get a brand new, fresh review of twenty year old films through the Lens of today, and we would call it pop culturalists. Yeah, I like the name this does. I like the idea of it and I would I would probably listen to him. The thing I don't like about it is the bit where you make me watch a movie. I don't think I'd like that. That is the general because what then happen is I would then I would then be the recipient of the raw media bear, the video files that the audio waves, and then I'd have to re suffer edit them down into something palatable for our no, no time. We say, Alex, have you seen this movie? He'll have to go yeah, four times, because I have to watch I was practically in it. Well, yeah, and I say sorry. Let me, let me reclarify. We don't have to record you watching it, but you do have to watch it. You would come to the recording session having watched it, but obviously you probably can't hide it. So you've got to have watched it. And then we're going to review it and obviously you can bounce your ideas off me as seasoned movie watcher as can be there as well. I'm sure Ashley has seen movies, as I'm certain so I have seen some movies. Yeah, exactly. So it can be essentially, you know, a podcast where you actually culture yourself. And Yeah, so I just wanted to sort of bounce some more ideas. If you guys, what are we going it like what movie are we going to start with? What's The intro? So I'm going to be conversation, Alex. you actually I could. I...

...can't know. Usually what happens is, though, we both start talking at the same time and then one of us to size that the others just going to carry on. We don't both decide at the same time. Well, odd coincidence. Okay, I mean, this is weird. I don't know what to do here. What's the what's the what's the protocol here? I okay, so I'm the decide I'm the I'm the deciding vote, Alex, because you squandered your moment as you sort of take away what you were going to say. Baby boy, few cool sweet, I'm I forgot what I was going to say. Now. That's not true. So I know Alex hasn't watched asn't watched the load of movies. How many, like, if you watch any carts, like I'm thinking, because an hour and twenty minutes of Alex's days a lot. It's a lot. And if you watch a movies, you got's how much you're going to have to watch. How many cartoons have you seen? Because, like spongebob, it's basically artwork. It's basically avant garde artwork. No, to be fed that. I worked perfectly. My commute is about an hour and a half every day, so I'll just want it. Well, take a motorcycle, please start just that. Just watch a movie while I'm riding my motorcycle to and from safe. Yes, I if I like it, prototime. They're practical. So what I was going to say? I was going to I was going to prop the and I only think this would work if it was a a trade. Okay, so, Tom I will indulge your passion, your likes, okay, and I will watch the movies you crave. But you've got to do like, okay, Ashley's big into his woodworking. You've got you've got build some stuff. You got to make a bookcase. Okay, so maybe. So would it be that? Like? So season, season one, it's yeah, we're making you watch movies, right, and your come in your reviewing and yeah, Dadda dded A. Season Two we flip it up and either you or I are making wood stuffs, and then the third season somebody's doing motorbike stuff. Oh No, I am my complex, diverse creature. I don't only to Motif like stuff. Guys. Okay, well, gone, tell us then we're going to have to learn to edit a spot edit a podcast really angrily. You've got to edit a spotify. Now I think episode two is yeah, Tommy's going to be making a bookcase. So episode one we open up and he's going to be in q and he's spending thousands of pounds on tools equipment. Hmm, funny that you think I've spent any money on my fucking tools. All of this shit stole, all and homade stolen. I wouldn't have. It's all gifts on me by people that know me. It's all gifted to me by people that don't know yeah, it gifted me by people that don't know. It's missing. This is the episode we've really learned some stuff about. I'm a criminal, by the way. You guys don't have I told you. I know who's not a favorite anymore and his name rhymes with smashe. I don't do crimes anymore. Guys, it's been it. What's the statute of limitations on being an Asshole, because I feel the last time you did a crime? Yeah, I do crimes every single day. Okay, he is I can say. I can tell you what day it was to if you like. If we're doing like pet petty crime, it's like no, any crime, all right, in which case, like twenty minutes before the podcast. Yeah, right, I know which one it was as well that anybody that's listened to an episode probably knows which one, Notas nobody's out here raw dogging life. Okay, don't fucking anyway. The podcast, the podcast that I wanted your help. Yeah, the PODCAST. Yeah, so, yeah, Tom Cast. Yeah, what sort of movies are you trying to get me to watch? I mean, I was thinking that, like the IMDB top one hundred list does have a lot of bangers on it, and I think that like that is sort of pot I think, to be honest with you, though, although there are some very profound films that I wish you'd seen, if anything, the film's where you've absorbed a lot of sort of plot points from as part of like just Ozm Osmosis, like pop culture, you know, absorbing it from other. Yeah, I would love for you to see those two understand the things that you already know but sort of don't know how well why you know them so, like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. Those kind of movies, just to make you know where you know the things you know them from, would be pretty cool. Yeah, I think the real difficulty is, like, I know these movies exists and I know a lot of people like them. Yeah, but I've looked at them and I've seen them on the streaming services or I've seen the descriptions online as I've been drawing for movies, and I've looked at it and Gone Nah, that sounds lame. I wouldn't like watching that. So it really is a tortuous endeavor to make me watch star wars because I don't care about the space boys. Ri Didn't think you've chosen...

...not to like it because it sounds lame. I think you've chosen not to like it because you know it upsets people. You just like saying, I've seen that, Alex Dn, you like the look of shot. No, I'm telling you now, Actley, and I I'm telling you now, and this sentence I'm saying and I'm not even going to acknowledge the fact that it's going to upset anybody. That's not why I'm saying it, I promise. Lord of the Rings looks like it fuck in s right. Okay, I'm going to just stop, be right here and I'm just going to say to you a lame wizard's okay, I'm not going to get cross at you, lame harbor, not going to get cross you played dd yeah, you like, yeah, yeah, he'll dragons. Fucking hell, dude, I'm not going to go out a gross ORC. Alex. yeah, okay, I'm not going to get cross at you, and once I've said this thing, we can move on. You will still be friends. Disliking AH culture on milestones is not a personality traits anyway. So what movie we're going to start with? What movie do you think you could actually sit through then, Alex, no, shall we show? We deep dive? Shall we get fucking serious on this, bitch? Okay, I've watched Lord of the Rings. Oh, I've seen it. I wasn't being a great deal of attention, because it did. I did find it boring. I'm up for doing this. I just don't think I'm going to have a very insightful opinion to these films that people hold very close and dear to their hearts, because my attention spun sucks for this sort of stuff in terms of movies I like. Shall I rank my top movies for go for and just to kind of give you that that spectrum of film I like and it's very tellis. Before you do, though, just a quick question from me. Yes, the back to the future movies. We both like those quite a lot. Can you just rank them back to the future movies for yes, just quickly. Three, one two. Fucking yes, that is the correct order. Good work, Alex. Anyway, on with what you were saying. Yes, was that three, one two? Yeah, three, M Tis, Ashley, I think. I think it's one, three two. Is that? Am I bad? No, you're not bad and I understand like one is. You're not bad, you just like on. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, these opinions. I'm really glad they can be right all right day, if fact of the matter is is that the back to the future trilogy does remain, to this day, the greatest trilogy to ever have existed. So ranking them in order of like one, like one, three two, or three one two, or whatever, however you like them, at the end of the day we can all still admit that those three movies are still the best three movies ever. So it doesn't matter which way you order them because it has a trilogy. They create the best trilogy. That's fine. Yes, so in terms of my like top five movies back to the future, just as a trilogy, it's number one. Number two, I'm gonna put Harry Potter there just because I do like them all. Now, I like that really was it? Just like I don't just pick our I don't pick and Harry Potter Film. I just watched them all, if I'm gonna do it, although three is the best one. Only. Yeah, serious black in it and he's the hottest man in the planet. Well, I just like looping. I like me at Werewolf. I like a werewolfee. So listen, loop in and serious a fucking and you can't tell me otherwise. Probably are. Probably did at some point. So yeah, but I just think, yeah, I think very good, competent film series, Alex. well, good work on your second choice. Move Onwards now. You see me right, okay, that's gross, but yeah, go on. Yeah, fair, I mean fair enough, like you know, it's subjective. Is a fair enough? Yeah, I mean subjectly, yes, fair enough. Of You know, chronicle chronicles, very chronicle, very good film, very as far it like the found footage sort of conceit of movies is tired and disgusting and I hate it. But in chronicle it's wonderful, very well used. We like that one. I was chronicle, the one with a spoiler. By the way, guys, Mute your head phones if you don't want to hear chronicle theme. Boiler. Is that the Superhero one where it's like gritty? Yeah, yeah, it's real, real, Dat cool. Yeah, no, I have, I have seen that and I now, I now have distinct memory of it. MMM, anyway, continue LEX, or was that it? I think that was for and the number five. It's, like I said, rain man initially, but like it's a couple of different ones. Take the number five spot. It's kind of rain man, that forest, Gum, breakfast club, all kind of s to early nineties weird films that I have no reason to like, and those are the films that I enjoy. Films that I've watched that I didn't like. Lord of the Rings. Fuck you, okay, I think I've I've seen a star wars and I didn't like that. Fuck you. Sorry. Well, the films are there. What films should I like? Pulp Fiction. I don't like that. You didn't like pulp fiction. Yeah, you're anything about it, big man, you know at the start of my so what I'm actually going to do is I'm going to put together a list of just real good movies that I think you'll like and, given that we are at the end...

...of my fifteen it we can end with that and cap off the show. Have One, I over, one movie suggestion before we go. Sorry, this has this goes for you too. You need to all both of you need to watch promising young woman. And I'm not a film guy. I'm not a serious film guy. Like I don't like to be made to feel things than a negative I like to feel happy when I watch a film. However, I watch promising young women with my partner the other night and, Oh my God, what a what a triumph, what a great fucking film. I've heard good things, but I'm yet to watch it. But on your request, I would have watched it by the tree. Really should, Alex. it's got Bo burn a minute. You should watches it. Oh God, prodding, it's but his most recent things. So No, Oh my God, wasn't. Wasn't it wasn't your thing because it wasn't happy. I think that's why Alex didn't like. That's the thing, I think, that's my thing with movies. I think that that I genuine. I think that's why I don't like movies. I've just clocked it is because movies that has to be struggle for it to be entertaining. It's like why, hot good Shit, just where is, I think in life. You've had it. We've had enough struggle. It's time for the good times. There's been enough Strang's just really enough struggling real life. The here he is. He's a red race car. His name is lightning mcquech. Here he goes for a race and he's won it. Thanks for a good race car. Here's a good race car. He's the greatest race car could chat. Yeah, watch promising go with my friend, my friend Zadie, has the similar attitude to you on that, Alex. in the they only watch positive media, and I I can't fault it. Like I think it's really it's admirable. But also you have to expose yourself to sadness to experience joy. Suppose being sad pretty cool too. But Yeah, Oh, there's a thing. Did you guys see the squidward painting? It's in my in my studio. We did. Yeah, yes, Oh my God, I'm gonna get it tattooed on me. I can't stop looking at it. It's a problem. Is there a is there a picture on the on the ground? There isn't yet. I've told them to post they're going to post it this evening. I'm going to post it on as I think. Just pop a picture on our ground so our listeners can check it out and, if you're interested, follow the directions in the description. Yeah, to round off your segment, Tommy, I am totally up for doing this. I will watch a film and I will review it for you in depth. I just need clear direction for what that is, because they're a way for us to put a poll up anywhere for our listeners. We will do that on our story. Yeah, we'll do a pole. We'll see if people like that and then we can do a trial episode drop it on. The thirty three percent majority of people like it, we could start it as another show. But anyway, as I said, that's probably a good place to wrap off the show. So I just like to thank all of you guys for listening. We really appreciate you. Hit US up on the INSTAGRAM, give us a share, give us a like, give us a followed let your friends know. We'd really appreciate it. Yes, please do, please, absolutely, please, please do, please, and, as always, be safe. Love you all lots. See you next week. Good, love you all lots. By by.

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