The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 8 · 10 months ago

Ep. 8 - Reddit, Righteousness, and Really Good Games

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This happens to be the 8th episode of a podcast called The 33% Majority - we think… 

In this week’s episode, your 2 healthy boys (Ash and Tom), and a poorly boy (Alex), will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing the strangest quandaries that Reddit has to offer, some of our favourite things ever, and a new game called ‘These Three Things’ (respectively).

I do apologize to God, to Jesus. Yes, this is not going to forgive you for getting rear ended. Hello and welcome to the thirty throueperceb majority, a talk show. We you'll find three friends fighting for their fifty minutes of fame. I'm your host, pauly boy, Alex Springthorpe. For a second there, I thought Alex was introducing himself as poorly. I'm actually host Ashley Hall. No, guys, I think you'll find I'm the host late boy, Tom Hutchinson, and I do just want to apologize. I understand that the listeners won't have experienced this, but I was significantly late this afternoon. Time is it now, Tommy? It is two hundred and forty one in the PM. What time are we supposed to start recording? To in the PM? What happened? MMM, I went out for a spot of lunch with my with my partner and upon leaving the calf we realized that a lovely brand new range rover had just decided to rear end my partner's car. Yeah, okay, what maliciously did? Do you have some offensive bumper stickers? No, no, the car's pretty mundane, but we sort of hung around to see if we could, you know, speak to the the owner of the the Obnoxious Range Rover. When when they exited MS and yeah, she yet she did, she did arrive. We just sort of stood and pointed at her car, kissing the back of my partner's car aggressively. And Well, little woman, and bearing in mind we had our ticket that showed you know how long we've been there. She said, Oh, well, your car wasn't there when I arrived. Well, we drove through your parking space to get into our parking space. So we call bull on that one. Well, love, yeah, and then little has sorted now. Well, I mean in terms of like we have her number plate and phone number, but there is damage to my partner's car and I assumed that insurance companies will be involved. But yeah, so it was stuff outside of my control and I do apologize again to God, to Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my family, and also I've already forgiven myself. So so ill, good, fair enough. Jesus is not going to forgive you for let it getting rear ended. Listen, he's not going to forgive you for that. He's so mad. I just throw out the intro first five minutes. You can't just do that. We've Pieud no facts. Boy Me, good work on the comedy, Ashley. Thank you. I've been trying so hard. And just what? While we're on the note of excuses, of suffering from a real bad headache today, boys. So I might not be as enthusiastic and upbeat as normal, but I'm here and I'm really I'm going to give it my best go. I'm going to give it everything. I've got, everything I've got in the tank. If we're doing excuses, I have a third. Thank yeah, I have a third excuse in the I'm going to be extra upbeat because I just got a free tool chest. Like we're talking big news here, kids. My neighbor called me. He was taking his dog for walk. He was like hey, somebody's left a red metal tool box outside their house. It's not nailed down, it doesn't appear to be locked. Do you want it? And so Ashley jumped inside of his transit van and sped over to the scrap metal. Now I carried it home on my shoulder like a anyone any older, the old eye and big beefy Ashley, that's me. Yeah, now, I was so ecstatic it's dude. Inside of it there was three pound forty eight in change and the key for the lock chest on it. I've never been so excited. A full package there, HMM, and the lady that owned and knocked on the door. I was like, Hey, this is outside your house. Can I have it? And she just laughed and when it was my husband's, yes, can hap he could still. He could like he could not know that it was outside the house. It was my husband's and I don't think his new...

...girlfriend would be interested in it. It was my husband's. He's still inside of it. His spirit lives within. You've got a haunted tool box. Actually, it's got it's got tools, but also big SPOOK. No, okay, just to write haunted tool box and right, yeah, okay. So hang on. So one of the symptoms of my nasty headache is I think of good sentences and then the mode doesn't agree with how to say them. Real good, cool, so I'm going to give you the ingredients. So I'm gonna give you the ingredients from my joke and then you guys could just cut a piece it together. He's IT haunted tool box. Ten Mile sockets always go missing. Thank that to the world that that pesky tool ghost loll he's stealing your ten men, be sneaking those Alan Wrench's. Yeah, Allen Wrench. What's an Allen Wren? Alan? That's the last stroke I'm gonna have. I'm going to be on on topest form now, a good work. Alex is actually a comedian. Queen. Can I ask question? Gentlemen, I'll gone. Can I be host? Yeah, just between friends. I let me check the schedule. Will check the another. Shut up the cause. I who are, but I just feel like shit with my stroke of luck. It was kind of you to ask. Yeah, good manners, actually, please. I was just going to I was just going to go into it because actually, listeners, don't be too shot by this, but we already knew this was going to happen, but you guys didn't, and that was all for you. Just think about how lucky you are to have such fucking Nice home. This was all plan and have to do that for you, listeners, but we do because we love you. They call it show business. Just me in a cane of monocle. Right, I'm going to do my segment on the Internet, but not not the whole Internet. I'm going to be specific. I'm going to do on, read it and I'm going to go on to ask creddit and I'm going to pick some questions that people of the Internet want to ask, Hmmm, and we're going to give them the answers. We're going to cure some problems, maybe break some hearts and maybe even make some dreams. Can put the world to rights, as middle class old white men would say, but as middle class young white men will. Just do this, do that thing, middle class, speak for yourselves. Mate, I'm porous, bold. Did you not hear me? Just going around stealing toolboxes? Yeah, WE'RE gonna sell like scrap metal. Yeah, enough, if you did, lay that one in front of us. And Right. So the questions more reflection of the people asking them, because the first one I don't think we're going to actually do. It's by user deleted, understandably. Say I can hear my house mate masturbating. Should I walk in on her? No, no, but let me just read out like some context for this. I reat in the partner with a friend at night. I sometimes hear her breathing heavily and masturbating, not through the room but the walls. For some reason, sound travels easily through these walls. I noticed it when I lay in bed one night. This is terrifying, nasty. I've been thinking about it's just kind of walking in on her with a our. It gets worse. I'm walking on her with a bulging boner, asking her if she needs help. Oh No, okay, so we can announ it. Says, I don't know, dot dot dot. So he's a dude, he's a he's a dude and this is a girl. Right. Yeah, I was just really hoping it was going to stay super innocent. Like how do I stop her from maybe being so loud, or how do we sort of come up with some kind of arrangement where? How do I let her know that what she's doing is okay, yeah, healthy. It's natural, safe space in our own home to jacket to her heart's contend without me prying and thinking any of it is for me knock on the door really politely go hey, I got you some water you're going to want to put replace the elector light. Isn't towel, it's some gatoraded NATOWEL. I love you as a friend and I'm here for you. Yeah, see, basically what he did was he started like how do I should I go in there and let her know and it turned into can I turn this into a porn? Can I do do a pawn for me? Hey, Reddit, do you think I could do some fuck on this lady? Now, Hey Internet, can you Internet full of people that clearly...

...go out into the world and talk to women? I can hear somebody masturbating. Do they want to fuck me specifically or just is the masturbate for me, yes or no? Oh, okay, anyway, yours truly an internet creep, soon to be serial killer, kind regards. Read it. Man. I'm going to pot I'm going to posit something just quickly. Okay, if you know you are, you live in a twobedroom flat and your flatmate is of the opposite gender and they are having their special happy, private time, which everybody is entitled to do. So I feel by definition, if they're doing that, they they don't want company, they don't want to be joined right. That's not that's not fine thing. Everybody should be allowed to clearly announce I'm I'm going to have to, I'm going to masturbate now and everybody in the vicinity must leave. You guys, don't do that. If you're already on some of this at this hide and namail notice. Oh, excellent news, just right, everybody, create a birth. It's me time. Come on, make some spakes. Back Up, back up, privacy time. It's time now, at thirty seven am, for me, Ashley Hall, to Jack My Wang off. Dear friends and family, I'd like to let you know that I'll be doing the five knuckles shuffle. You're welcome to watch. I will be in the Public Library at two PM this afternoon. Now, okay, now we're just with dipping a toe into your exhibitionism. Key. The premise of this was privacy. Yeah, yeah, it's private. You've got to be quiet a library. I'm not shouting, guys, and just just quickly. Sorry. So we are currently about twelve minutes in to the PODCAST and already we've spoken about Jack in it. Should we maybe have another ask credit now? Yeah, let's move away from that. I'd like to offer you both the next question, not related by user pineapple in the mist. What do you do in private? That would be weird, and public. So anyway, me and public libraries. Yeah, I mean, you got you go, you read books, but also, Oh yeah, I got it, you got to do the bits. You got to do the stuff to you bits. Yeah, answer it seriously. What are you doing private that you do in public? What's what are you doing public? That's that, you know, it'd be weird if you do in public. You know, I thought you've flipped it like three times now and I'm not keeping up, so sorry. What do I do in private that I shouldn't do in public? Now, what are you doing private? That would be weird in public. It doesn't they shouldn't do. Brush teeth. Brush teeth. Yeah, Dude, brushing your teeth on a bus would be yeah, already anywhere like we could. We could say at a High Street. I think you'd be pretty odd for me to just just in your local car in the queue at test goes. Yeah, yeah, that would be odd. Flow and flossing as well, having a good teeth wash, just washing the exposed part of your skeleton. Any of the fortnight dances? Really, they are a private is that to say that you are doing fortnight DADS as in private? Well, you gotta practice somen't you? The finals are coming up. So yes, but for when you for when you demolish eleven year old at a fist fight, you just floss over him. I can do a wii in front of any person like that's not a problem, but I must poop in private. I kind of can't do any sort of audience this one, I fear. I feel that the legs have come off it because of prior conversation. I'd like to offer you both my favorite one I've come across, and I spent hours scrolling through these. It's by user throwaway two, thirty one, two hundred and forty one, two hundred and forty three. Wonder if it's a throwaway count. It says. Why is it okay to kill a cow, but the second you have sex with it it's animal cruelty? Oh my God, it's also and then underneath it it says, please read this before you downvote it. I'm not a vegetarian or into peace lly, but I would a news article about a guy who had sex...

...with a cow and was sent to prison. I mean, yeah, an act that causes neither the animal nor human harm as a felony seems kind of hypocritical in my opinion. So is is what he's trying to so what he's trying to posit here is that putting cow in you is fine, but putting you in cow bad. That's a not you know. No, yeah, brave of men to think that their penises are going to make a difference on a cow. Very sex is of you. You don't know that. There aren't ladies going round getting getting a country. Girls Make do get. Well, so, sorry, I mean so, yeah, I maybe did just sort of jump to conclusions. I was thinking, Mike, so you can put cow in you, but it can only hang on us. Now, hang on you. If you can put cow in you in both senses of the word, but only one of them is okay, okay, cool, yeah, only you put cow in your mouth, but only if it's dead. Yeah, yeah, one end or the other. You've got to you got to choose and you got to choose right. The moral here is don't stuck on what horses for what? I Shay King, what Ashley I thought? What covered this? What sucking off dead? I'm sorry, I'm lost. He said you said a thing and you said it real wrong. Did say a thing? You did it, you did a bad job of it. Listen, that's poetry for you, isn't it? Not? Not really moving away from fucking cows, not when to do and it does that all by a comment. No, we can't just we can't just move away from the bad thing you did. Away, but what? Don't say Tom don't say did, don't say did top bad thing I said. Not a bad thing I did. You did a crime to our listeners, did an audio crime, Ashley, and you will pay for your sins. The Radio Naughty. It's your moral obligation to not say morals, you big dope. Listen and fill it with cyber bullying. Thirty three percent of the hosts of this show. Sorry, as it's okay, I'm going home. I'm leaving the studio. Fuck you, guys. Some of these questions are like fucking unusual. What is wrong with people? What we got? Goness, have another. I can't even read that because that's going to be a problem. Okay, crying, I'm not doing has anyone actually tried to sticking your penis through the bottom of a bucket during a date? If so, how did it work out? I think you need a popcorn book it. I'll so more pawn is ask credit, just pawn questions. It's just horny virgins talking on the Internet. Yeah, that is like a lot of what read. It is read. It is what, in get gave me my vote, my very good investment advice. And how much money have you made from investing in Stocks Now? stunkey boys all, let me let me check the old portfolio. It. Reddit advice has netted me negative eighteen dollars. Hell, yeah, what do you mean? You're balling? I like those odds. I was balling and then game stopped at a game stop. But now I'm a poor man again. It stopped gaming, Game Stop, game stopped. Yeah, I'd made upwards of and dollar and now I can't. I can't get much lower. I don't think you were boring, but now you're falling. Some of these questions we can't answer. If you got any am I the assholes for us? Actually, I want to make verdicts. I'd love to do an am I the asshole that she's basically am. That would be a nice recurring segment, as I because I'm enjoying this so far. Well, them I the Asshole, but people on the Internet as such, assholes. Right, starting off with one posted by USER AI TA. So, am I the asshole for six, seven, triple three? MM. Am I the asshole for kicking my mum out of my place after she kicked my boyfriend out. My twenty six year old mum and Stepdad got divorce. I'll sorry, the user is twenty six. My mom and that got the divorce six months ago. She doesn't work and couldn't afford rent, so we, the family, agreed to take turns and letting US stay with us. I owned apartment at love alone. She took the copy of the key to my apartment that I gave to my boyfriend, saying we haven't been together long to trust...

...him with my key. Oh Shit, and left him outside waiting several times until as late as seven PM. This is long and complex. Fuck this one. We're doing a different one. Well, no, okay, but we've got we got the general just there. The she kicked the boyfriend. Now is she the asshole for kicking them her mum out? Yeah, because their mum basically stole the key for the flat and wouldn't let a boyfriend back in. Imagine letting your mum do that and then imagine being the boyfriend in that situation, because what do you do? You can't like drop kicker, can you know? Probably not. That's a crime, I feel like. If you're letting somebody live with your stay with you. You have final say on whether or not that that arrangement continues to be so. Yeah, Alex, if I live with you again, yeah, when I was crashing on Your Sofa and living in your spare room, as I was, what if I kicked Beth out? And I don't think it would have happened really. It's a weird scenario because I can't see what would have happened for that to take place. Beth heard me talking about the difference between eating cows and eating cows guys. What if, though? What if the mum actually found out a really bad secret about the boyfriend? Maybe the boyfriend was having an affair, maybe he was, you know, stealing money, and she kicked the boyfriend out, but to protect her daughter, her only daughter, she didn't tell her daughter the really yeah, she didn't tell her the real reason. So then, is the door to the asshole for kicking out the mother who was protecting the daughter? Is the daughter an asshole for forming an opinion based on incomplete facts, based on knowledge not being presented in its entirety? Yeah, I think so, you piece of Shit, big bitch. Listen, we're all here to defend the woman's mum. Listen you, your boyfriend was probably a piece of shit anyway. Yeah, probably was. Yeah, plenty more fish in the sea, plenty. Yeah, plenty of fish. There's a hot website dedicated to that entire idea. So I think I'm as I reckon. You got time for one more before I start right, you know, running the the friction at say, spooling it up. MMM, am I the asshole for peeing whilst my friend's boyfriend was showering? I'm Twenty Four and Despinely to pee. I was driving past my friend's house when I definitely need a piss. I put Hey, I'm having a P emergency. Can I use the toilet quickly? He said yes and said don't look. So I ran into the bathroom while he was in the shower and had a piss. So with he's it's the the person asking if they're an ASS asshole. Are they male or female? Their female. The guy in the shower was male and it was her friend's boyfriend. I don't think she's the asshole. If you've got a Piss, you got a Piss. Yeah, it's about bodily function. Car elpit can yet not an asshole. This is piss okay, boyfriends an asshole. boyfriends an asshole for showering and a shower while I piss. You. Fuck, what a jerk. I don't know. Mutually, I feel like there is an asshole. He's only the asshole if she flushed, because if you flush on someone's in the shower you're automatically an asshole. or You just live in a house that doesn't suffer with that issue. You can't. You houses exist Ashley where you could. You can flush a toilet and it not affect the hot water. Heart will be wealthy, Alex. Alex's ideal is Paris Hill in in the just stop being poor shit. I mean, yeah, go on, poort. Someone in this story is an asshole and I can't figure out who it is, because I don't think it's anyone. I think it's the girlfriend over reacting to her friend pissing in the bathroom whilst the boyfriends in the shower. Almost had pissing in the boyfriend shower, which would have been an asshole move somewhat. Yeah, there's an asshole there. I don't know. This makes me feel away. I don't really know. I feel like that's whethern't if somebody's Nudy in close proxy. I guess nobody saw anything, though, and less and less this is all an elaborate cover up story for whilst they were showering together. What's the difference between if you've got the shower in one room and then directly next door there's a toilet? That one's made of like bricks and a wall, whereas in this scenario it's a thin shower curtain or fogged window. As long as nobody's...

...peeped any Jannite here, I guess we're all right, really, aren't we? I'm what if he was just stock puppeting his Dick through a gap in the shower curtains? Is that count? Then he would have been the Asshole, and this one would be pretty cut and dry. Unless that one was mentioned, I think we're probably okay. Guys, the frictionators really still sort of starting to overheat now, powered up big boy took full capacity. Takes away. This is yeah, this is what the frictionary the in. What was he the word for this segment that I do held. Hell, this is a this is a game called what the frictionary where I pull some some urban dictionary entries, the three of us try to sort of piece together what that entry might be, and then I'll I'll pull the actual definition and we'll see how disgusting it really is. Yeah, I think that sums up pretty well, Tommy. Good job. Cool. Well, here's the first one. Dirt piled, and the spelling is D I aret Pi double L ed. So is it dirt piled or dirt pilled? That's pilled. Dirt pilled, yes, dirt piled is something else. Piled made me think of if you run up behind somebody and grab them around the ankles and lift them up and then their face goes into the dirt. That's okay to me think of, but that's not the one. Dirt, dirt pilled, a bill of dirt. That's the one. I mean. All drugs are dirty, nasty, horrible things. MMM, Yung, all of them. Yes, sex. Yeah, I want to talk to you about drugs not being bad. Most of coffee. Good. There, you had a paracea. Will Voice started this. I know you've had antihistamies to day, you sniffy fuck. Yeah, okay, you win this round, Mr Escobarding Ding Ding right. So dirt pilled. MMM, is it believing that you should be living underground like a mold, you know, like people get red pilled or black pilled. I okay, yeah, I see where you going with I've been dirt pilled and now I think that I should love on the ground, I think personally. You know how there are horror stories about drugs that are filled with, you know, rat poison and flower all the best ones. Yeah, all the but is it that you've been, you know, given a dirty pill from a drug dealer? You've been dirt pilled. He you take it and nothing happens. That's just a dirt pill. That, yes, a dirt pilling. It lucky, Yucky dirt pill. I mean, if I know right, if I know anything about urban dictionary, and no, it's usually Yucky and it's usually so far. Bit about the body, HMM, because the the body is just a cesspit of Yucky things. It's a bad place. On the Internet, the eating of ASS is quite popular. Oh, you're talking about a dingle brain. Is Anything any of this? Anything? Okay, okay. Are we getting a little CLEGMA? Yeah, we're in are flaggy yuck listeners that don't pull their ass chicks apart in the shower. Poly as chicks apart. Wash your asshole. Come on now, stop pulling it. You're better than this. The fat three percent majority advocates for the pulling apart of ass cheeks. What else is there in life, really, if you can't have a clean asshole? What else is going on anyway? Yet? So I we are we ready for it? Yes, please, yeah, absolutely, when you eat dirt for the first time and leave your family to build a shack in the woods, and then the example is bro since I got dirt pilled on Tuesday, I have made so many worm friends and made them so many little houses to get married in. Me Lonely, know, you're the lonely one. I love this one. That one's Nice, tom is that is that just you admitting that you're findingly going to go and live in the woods? How did you know? Also, by the way, guys, can I just can I just ask you to do something real quick? Yep, can you go on urban dictionary, you know,...

...phone, yeah, wherever? Yeah, I want you to go. I want you to go in the search bar and I want you to type in Tom and then space, hitch, hi, Sh Tom, hitch. Yeah, he is am awesome guy with many women to suck him off and do him. Tom Hitch is awesome. Yeah, and then there's a gift of what sex feels like for a man, and it's just fireworks. What, Tom, did you do this? It was it was done in on April the four, two thousand and sixteen. So I either did it whilst I was in school or somebody has the name hitch, which is very close to Hutch insn, I mean Tom. What you've just made me look for on the Internet was something that sounds a little bit like a portion of your name. Yeah, well, I'm going to search my name now. I'm just going to have a look at Alex. Ashley is a good friend. If you're a sad she will you could have aid back, couldn't you? Fuck it? You can't. If you are sad, they will make you laugh, and if you you're mad, they will make you laugh too. Yeah, that's right. Are The on it? I'm going to be honest with you. Although yours one was Verte, your one was very sweet, the one for Alex is just the best. The definition for Alex is Dank kid and then the yea. Keep reading, because this is all. Example would be. The example would be I saw Alex and fucking killed me in fortnight. That's the actual sentence. What was it? You was the username on that one. Bot birdle, laugh, fucking Bob Birdle, I remember him. I quick scope of across the map, freaking one for you want him, while I was building a little house thing. Yeah, well, anyway, that was never played fortnight, did it? Does it show? For Alex has got a Fort Night Tattoo, but he can't tell you where or show you it because it's a crime. It's a gift. In the crease of my elbow. As I opened and close it, it's a young man flossing love that. WHO's hosting next? Is it me? You can do if you want. Yeah, I don't want to tread on any toes here. Trod on any toes or tread on any toes. I don't want to tread. You don't want to. I want to avoid the treading of the toes Yate, so so that in the future you did not trodd on toes. That's the one. So last episode I got shout at at quite a bit and I said some things that caused upset and vice versa, because we were talking about movies and it all got very heated did of it and and it was a little bit hostile at points. I will say. Okay, yeah, so I wanted to take a step back from that and then another step and then I wanted to get inside of this courser see, with a one point two little petrol engine with five doors. I just want to say, come on boys, we're going to reverse a mile up this road, now down this road, and we're just going to distance ourselves from that Yucky, Yucky episode we did where everybody got very cross and fell out a little bit. Yeah, okay, yeah, seat belts on, away we go. The thing I wanted to talk about little bit more wholesome. That's all just I want. I wanted wholesomeness. I think it's lovely and very cute that human beings have favorites, favorite things, just favorite things, favorite people, favorite experiences, smells and I want to have a chat about various favorite things that we have, because I just think it's lovely that we can just look at something and go, yeah, that's the best one of this category for me. Cool, that sounds lovely. It's there's something that's very human, isn't it's very lovely. I have feel that that's nice. It is lovely. Lovely is the word for it. Ye, take us away, Alex, got on them start us off. So my favorite thing, one of my favorite things, is youtube as a concept. I Love Youtube as a way of spending time. It just be pretty good. Just, yes, there's so much stuff on there. Yeah, I like a lot of things. There's so many, so many good things on there, and it holds many of my other favorite things within it. Yeah, I like drag racing. You can get that on each you. There's no you tube with that on. There is, I like one of my very right.

This is one of the things I wanted to talk about in a bit more detail, because that's very broad, okay, very granular things that you're allowed to like as a human and say, yeah, that's my favorite thing, even though it's niche and weird. I love watching people's speed run grand theft auto five. That's adorable, cool, that's really like. That's so much. Yeah, well, I didn't really know there was a huge culture around that, but it's nice to know there is and that you like it. People will fucking speed run anything. True. True. Yeah, what I love about it is, yeah, you can speed run Mario and it's like you got to memorize some inputs and, you know, jump over the same thing over a two minute period. The GTO five speed run is six hours long. Oh Shit. Yeah, not the quickest I've ever heard, but I mean, and that's the short version of it. Right, right, okay, but yeah, that that's that's one of my favorite things. What about you guys? I Love Library books more than I love now this is a genuine that. Yeah, I love gately owned books are a whole different thing. Privately own books usually only read once or twice and a couple of times, or if they're your favorite book, they're like they're the kind of book I like. But the reason I like library books is because every person that reads them, he's a little tiny thing with it. Like I've got a copy of Neil gamins. Never where that is from a library that's now closed. I bought it from a charity shop, but every day stamp say, yeah, I wonder why it's closed if you've still bloody got it. Yeah, I've stolen on the books. That's not true. Fuck it. That got me. But yeah, library books as a concept. That a date stamped on every arm, on the page at the front and it's in, out, in, out, in, out, and it's beautiful. It's a shared experience, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, something about knowing that other people have enjoyed it in the same way I'm enjoying it. And the dates on it really get me excited because it's like in I know that during that week this book was loved. I love the smell of a library book. Yesh, got that good, good send, and those plastic covers on the outside, like I do like the feeling of those. They're Nice. Yeah, I like I like it. I like a hard back, but when it comes to librrics, it's all about those sweet, sweet plastic covers. Yeah, yeah, well, that's a very sweet small things in life that are just lovely, aren't there? Yeah, what about you, Tommy me? Well, I mean I'm sure you guys know this and obviously I'm sure the listeners will have inferred this as well. I really like movies and I think that my bestest of the movies is actually the two thousand and nine blockbuster Avatar, directed by James Cameron. I just say I find it to be an incredibly magical movie and a lot of the messages are incredibly touching. And every time I watch it I just like I feel like I get lost in it all over again every time and I just think it's beautiful. I think it's a beautiful film and for a film that is about aliens and Sci Fi, it's all actually very sort of based around stopping, you know, sort of the end of the world hunters with aliens. So I mean, if you do reduce it, yeah, you can, you can, probably that's not a bad thing. I love poker hunters. Yeah, you can. And it does have an element of sort of white saviorism, which, yeah, but I just think the world has three white guys sat here. We all love to see that this and there's not enough, if you ask me. There's not enough white heroes. Shut up. But I just think that it's a very, very beautiful, beautiful film set in a beautiful fictional world. And what I love even more is that, although a lot of people aren't that fond of the film as time has gone on, even though it's like that one of the highest grossing films ever, people are that enchanted by the world of Pandora that exists within the movie that Disney bloody made a version of Pandora within one of their parts, just so that people could...

...go and walk around and see the bioluminescent plants and all that Shit, and I just think of cool things. Wonderful about James Cameron's Avatar is that everybody remembers the esthetic. Yeah, everybody remembers the plot. I couldn't tell you one fucking name from that film, and that was the film that was playing in the background when I first received had, the first time I ever got had, that film was in the background. Jake selly in a TII suite, Parker quarrich. All right, it's your favorite film. This is like asking. This is like asking somebody that knows everything something, as by the sounds of it, you were otherwise engaged when you watched overtire. So no wonder you don't know any of the names. Then I remember exactly when it started. So we watched most of the film. It got the fight scene where that guy in the met has the knife. Oh yeah, mm or any kind of knife playing. That's it gives ash the the mega bonona raging, stonky raging. It couldn't have been that much. We're raging harden, because I was a young man, I didn't know what was going on. I was confused. What are you? What are you doing with that? No, okay, all right, the lovely things are there. What other loved things? You know what you know? I think that I've always thought that I would never do it, but I've always thought that it shows a level of love that maybe I just haven't felt before. But it's when people make an instagram account for their dogs. Now I would. I would. I don't think I would ever do it, but I think it's not fine, it's I would follow Joey on instagram. Yeah, without hesitation. Tommy, if you want to get on that immediately, maybe I will, but I suppose the point that I'm making is that I've never been particularly sort of like drawn to doing that, but I think that it's just lovely that somebody's gotten a dog that's this whole other species and they care about it that much that they want to make an account for that animal and sort of make believe that what the dog is saying, and I think that's very sweet and innocent. It's just nice, isn't it? Not Hurting anyone, you know, have to follow? Yeah, just definitely not hurting anybody. No, I think that's nice. Let's yeah, I think smells is one of my favorite things just in general. My favorite thing about a lot of things is the smell of it. Youtube smells fantastic. Okay, maybe not that one, but the library books, that's got a good smell. I love the smell of petrol. A drag race smells like burnt rubber. Okay, I love the smell of perch and I've got a massive headache, so maybe those two are linked. Anyway. Alex just sits in his share, but it's fuel tank open. I do just have like some petrol just in in the shed that I use for things, just for cleaning things. Yeah, just start a barbecue, you know. Yeah, no, it's very good for that. I was at the shower. After a while, right the shower our in our house started to get like a white, almost like chalky kind of substance on the wall of it. It was I don't know it. We should have been cleaning it more regularly than we were. It wasn't like gross or anything lime scale. Yeah, like the likely petrol cleaned up a tree and then you had lovely petrol shower smell time. Great. Yeah, smell great for a week. Yeah, I was good. Other smell of like pavement after it's not rained for a while and then big downpour. That's that's a good yeah, that's a good one. Yet No, I do love any of you got nieces or nephews? Yeah, or tiny baby brothers. Newborn child is a yeah, I don't care who says what. I hold my niece on my nephew and I could cry it like it's so, so good. I like they smell. That's a good just, it's just. It's a smell that can't it's not. It's not comparable. You know when you eat something like an exotic meat and he sat tastes like chicken, but different. Baby not only doesn't taste like chicken, but it you can't compare the smell. The smell doesn't smell like it's incomparable, Tommy says, before immediately going on to compare it to some I like how the thing could beditive...

...chicken to yeah, babies have got many bad sniff and also lots of good sniff. MMM MMM, when was the last time either of you ate a rusk? I don't know what one of them's is Farley's rusks. Yeah, what is that? Dude? Like a little crunchy baby biscuits, a delicious treat for all ages. Oh, they're for babies and they is over really easily. But listen, they're not for babies, all right, for all the babies won't ever appreciate them like we do. They'll never understand the joy of a Farley's rusk. Dude, I used it when I was like fucking eleven. I used to look after my baby brother and I eat his Foley's rust. Mama put play out for Farley risk. They'd be like twelve on the plate he'd eat. Like to rest for ashy boy. Moment really got to be and more love, like you fucking know you did question it beach. Okay, that's very sweet. o. Other things people enjoy. I personally you know when you've made a good meal for your friends. That's a nice that's one of my favorite things. Like, I may I made Chili for fair. You guys were Alex once. Yeah, I had a barbecue last Saturday and just cooking for everybody, haven't we had like twelve people in total, hmm, from two households, Boris, if you're listening. HMM, and we had twelve, twelve people, and I made food for everybody and it was one of the nicest experiences of my year. Yes, like seeing everyone showing down and being like, yeah, I'm glad you guys are happy. I love that. That's very job, actually good job. Thanks man. I had what I had. One more that just popped into my head. Houses. They're very necessary things and I understand why there are a lot of new build houses popping up, but I think it's very, very wholesome to see somebody buy an old house that's not necessarily decrepid but it's needed some love for many years, and to see somebody flip it and turn it round into something that's now beautifully like anybody, I like seeing anybody giving a new lease of life. Yes, I know the house is good one. An old car, I'm infinitely I'm something of a carboy. I enjoy the automotive world so and any kind of car being brought back to life is just lovely. A loss on that wholesome old things being given new life is is like a whole thing, and I've got like a lot of tools at my vice. That that Vice I use my woodwork and was beaten the fuck. I paid five pound for that for a car boot. Seal. It was knackered. I replaced the thread on it and it's beautiful. It's one of my favorite thing. Yeah, there you go. I love that. I think really tools in general and Nice especially like old worksman's tools because like, yeah, if they were owned by somebody in a trade that those tools were how that person live, made, made. Yeah, that hammer put food on the table, like I think that's cool. And then you've just got it. Then you can like put pictures up or whatever. I like second and tools and should I like single I like tools that have one purpose. I like a tool for thing. Yeah, very niche that she gets out going. Like a good example is either a drill that has a really weird chuck. It's a certain amount of teeth, Huh, and it's really what. It was my grandfather's and it's really worn and he's owned it from new since like the ninety one thousand nine hundred and six seventy nine hundred sixty. But the chuck on it is worn and it's exactly where his hands have gone, you know what I mean, like it's only him that would have used you one as hell. Yeah, yeah, no, that's cute. I've got a similar thing my my granddad for years has had a cigar cabinet in his house and he had this this wooden lighter in it and obviously, when I was younger I've never understood what it was or even how it works. As I've grown older, I realized that the internal workings were identical to a Zippo, but it just must have been much older. Think it turns out it was his dad's before him. Wow, I took it away, pulled...

...it apart, re waxed all of the wood and everything and got the lighter working again and now I have this beautiful, like sort of ornate wooden Zippo and it's weird and beautiful and lovely and it's got history and it's great, beautiful love. Things like love and a nice segment. This has been what thank you, everybody for joining us for wholesome time on the thirty three percent of joining. We should do this again. It's been nice. Well, we'll have to bring back a lovely a lovely portion. Yeah, I think that's me out and I'm just going to grow graciously bow out. It's Tommy. I think it's your turn to fire up the frictionator just one last time. I'll get the fricky boy going. So this one I've got here is Murkin. So That's M E are K I N Murkin. I think I already know what American is, and that one like murdering to do to have a mole like some, but it's stabbing someone when you mark them. I don't know if that's within a will you, you breath. American, in actors terms, I think, is a wig for the vagina. Oh yeah, no, agnut, ignore everything I said about murder that. No, it's Ashley's one. It's gotta be. Now. I feel are like. I feel like I'Merican. Is What they call the little wig they put over the Mons. pubis. Okay, I I trust Ashley implicitly. Why that? Don't do that, because I don't know if I'm right. Should we find out my life? It's to do with the LAD DP. If I'm wrong now I've definitely fogged at you're a bastard. All right, let's let's find out. So are you nailed at ash yeah, hair piece, course he bloody did. But I actually right. So this is what it says. It's a two pay for the pubic area. Forward slash genitals in the seventeen hundreds, when mercury was used to treat sexually transmitted diseases, gonorrhea or syphilis, one of the side effects was the loss of pubic hair. To disguise this condition, that was not cured by Mercury, a Murkin was employed. The thirty three percent majority does not advocate the use of Mercury for pubic hair removal. Want to make that blatantly clear. Do not apply mercury to your bits. Sixty six point six, six recurring percent vouchers for the safety of mercus. It's just me encouraging people in the background. Do Not slather mercury all up on your bits, nor your pieces, please. Don't matter how shiny you think you're junk's going to look, don't do it. Yeah, be nice, chrome, chrome genitals not as cool as you think they're gonna be. It's nice to know that after whole sometime we can be straight back on topic. Yeah, we can decribe back on bits and bits and bobs. Yeah, bits and BOB's. Yeah, HMM, the Beepus, yeah, the poop, the peep, the peny. That the yeah, can I can? I host it, course you can. Cool, cool, thanks and basically I've got a new game for us to play and I think it might be quite fun. So, okay, the title of the game is these three things, or maybe some spin on thirty three. I don't know. We could work in thirty three somewhere, but anyway, the game is these three things. I'm going to say a thing and then the three of us are going to say a thing. So I will start you off with the first one just to get us going, and then we'll all sort of discuss our our choices for the answers. So, for example, the first one would be animals that shouldn't exist, and we're each going to say rapid fire and animal we think shouldn't exist, and then, once we've all said our our decision, will discuss why. How about that? Okay, yeah, so animals that shouldn't exist go giraffe, panders ostrich. Who wants to explain those? First, I'd like to offer you the most easy justification for pander extinction. Oh God, right, okay, no, that's...

...quite dark. They don't fuck unless we make them. We make pan the pawn for them to fuck. They're stupidly over priced, they don't really do much, they're not particularly cute, they're not great predators, they sleep more than they do anything else, and when they fuck they have like a couple babies and they're going extinct because they don't like having sex. Listen, that's fine if you're overpopulated panders. I've got a couple of points. What do you mean they're not q and what do you mean they're expensive? WHO's buying all the zoos a shore? Where have you been declaring to buy a pounder? I've any pie exclusively. Have a diet of panda and it's costing me an arm a leg. Oh you NOTT. Calm. Forward, slash pander for sale, pander for me, okay, all worst forward slash pander for hire. Okay. I think duraffe shouldn't exist because that's a horse with a neck that is just too long. Why is it? Why is it the long that it is? Okay, okay, what? Why is it? It can okay. What you do, it what you're doing. A little giraffe boy looking good full over. What about if August comes through, please? What about if I want a buck? There's a washing line and you're running. Just just a challenging species for me to wrap my head round. Maybe I need a longer neck every days, a struggle. You know, I think ostriches doesn't need a great deal. But yeah, what are your points? I ostriches look like abominations. Yeah, so, I think for me, the the the scary. I don't like birds particularly, and I think it's like the it's the biggest heeds, the big bird, it's the big scary one that can't flyers angers. She would fuck you up. Yeah, probably, but yeah, I just I hate the way. I don't like the way they look. They intimidate me. The too big. Why are they? Why are they such a big bird that can't fly? I just hate them. So, yeah, that's my one. I really like how innest you were when you were like they intimidate me. You were like, Oh fuck, they intimidate. You see it, you see it a street, you just immediately you know what's going down. Fuck, yeah, get all, get me away from this location. Yes, anyway. So we do we want another one? What do we think? Oh, yeah, yeah, please. Yeah, okay, so the next one toppings that shouldn't go on pizza's go fingers. I couldn't think of anything. Mercury. I was just thinking like actually ingredients, like I don't even Pinot. I think, Tom that mercury shouldn't go on pizza because it will get rid of all of the pubes, all of your pub this is right. Okay, Ashley. Why do you think fingers shouldn't go on pizza? Because if you, I don't know, you know what, they probably should actually because they're delicious and meaty. But now, don't put fingers on the pizza, because somebody needs those. Okay, and now to the crux of the matter, Tommy, pineapple, I don't know, it's a bit sweet and I thought Pizza Savory. You know, that seeks like a pretty simple round right there, because I'm with you. I'm actually how it. What's your stance on and Apple? I look, I don't hate it. Well, all right, fair play each to each to the act. I actively avoid it. I don't say I think it's I think it's a not good mouth feel all the way around, from flavor all the way to texture all the way for how how it damages in me emotionally with it's hurtful words. I think the words mouth feels sound weird, but everyone knows what you mean. Yeah, it's like texture, isn't it? You know, if I said to you. Hey, man, I'm going to come around and give you a little mouth feel. Oh No, that's the other way to go with it, which isn't Nice. Thank you, Dr Ashley. My teeth have been in need of a good examination. Finally we can get this feeling done, a good rubbing. Right, I dentistry, baby. Let's get it. Next one, a body part you could live without. Go one leg, one testicle. I'M gonna go with like one of my toes. I forgot. All the other ones were a not so between the three of us we've created...

...a beautiful monster of one testicle, one toe, one like guys. I forgot about other body components, and I said a very important one. Yeah, he went straight for a leg. That's pretty hectic. Should we go again? You want to go John a rich want to Redo that one? We can all go again. Yeah, gone. Yeah, go again. Okay, body body parts that you could live without. Go leg, for Fuck's sake. I was gonna say leg as well, but I was going to say Ashley's leg. Ha Ha ha, ha ha ha ha. So, fucking assholes, that the moral of the story. fucking here the moral moral, Astley, it's the moral of the story for say a Shitty Pronunciation, I'll say our fuck, it was not shitty pronunciation, it's just the correct pronunciation. Listen, as we all know, facts are subjective. Okay, okay, you could make a good run of living without legs. Well, no, that was insensitive. was good, but good, you can make a good go of living with that. I'd be able to hang out in a wheelchair, because all I that if, if at any point I'm in a wheelchair and you guys, for whatever reason, the are in charge of driving me about somewhere, all I ask is that you chuck me in the canal, because it will be funny. You'll think it won't be, but I'm trusting you. But it only be funny if it was you. Anybody else in a wheelchair yet dead Nice, I bet I've just yes a human being, but if it was you, you'd be getting in the sea. Yeah, you know, of course exactly, which is why, when the three of us go for our post recording session walk around the block, if I'm ever in a wheelchair and we see a group of people and they look over and this smile and their way over that, I'll look at that disabled man over the Hallo, I wouldn't immediately just tip the fucking thing over, so I hit the deck. I'm gonna just challenge these views of disability, because they have alex crawl after the old lady like an angry, angry zomble. Yes, exactly like that. I want to be the butt of every joke. Yeah, okay, you know, I've always thought as well, though, like that would be interesting. would be to lose a hand or an arm and have like a cutting edge bionic hand like that would be pretty Rad, right. Do you guys remember by ICLES? I've always thought I should get a hook. I love by ICLES. By uncle's a dope. How could you not like them? I like about buy on cale's. I just I just remembered them. That was all. Now that they exist, was the other one? These used to bay blades. Bay Blades, pretty cool. Let a rip tach deck. Oh, I used to love me a tech deck. Are So cool. I did actual skateboarding, so you know. Yeah, I did that too. I think we all did. I think all three of us here used to do that. We all Skateboy, we were all pretty cool. Don't mean to alarm yeah, I once saw Alex kick flip a Penny Board. With longboard wheels on it. I think it was actually probably just a real skateboard with with pennyboard wheels on it and normal skateboard. Oh Shit. Yeah, and he's that for anybody that's not a skater like I at the time, definitely wasn't. Apparently those things shouldn't go together. No, they're very you got so much shit for that, but you know what kind doesn't? Means of conveyance. Everybody did stunts on their skateboard. Look at how good I can do a kick flip, triple hundred and eighty superman, and I was like, yeah, but I can go to TESCO and back we quickly and it comfort and style. Yeah, because, you see, that was the think. Those big squishy wheels meant that stones and rocks did not slow you. Also, the bigger surface area meant that you would roll for longer. Yeah, okay, pretty much skateboard off road exactly. Wonderful. I don't blame you for doing so. And you know there's no right way to use a skateboard. Alex lives his life one quarter mile at a time. Online board bills. If you got any more games for another round? Yeah, I've got another one, because up, baby boy. Something that makes you feel awkward that shouldn't ash...

...you go first, legs. Okay, Alex, legs again. It's supposed to be quick fire. It's okay. If you need a second, yeah, I can give it a second. I do need a second. Can I? Can I get rid of legs and give a different answer everyone. You do a different one and I'll go after you ash and then we'll go back to Alex whist. Alex thinks. Can You repeat the question? Okay. Something that makes you feel awkward that shouldn't pissing in public. Okay, fair enough. My one would be when somebody is clearly in the wrong, like they're in your way at a supermarket, but you say sorry to them, like it makes me feel awkward when somebody else is clearly in the wrong, to the point where I'm a national lessons. This is the most British thing in the world. Yeah, just being like as you squeeze past somebody, they're blocking the path and you're like sorry, sorry, yeah, it's all sorry. I Apologize Anyway. Alex. what's yours? The only thing I can think of is over the last year, needing to cough around people pully. Yeah, it fuck it. Yeah, just get out of the way. Makes everybody on edge that does sneezing even worse. Probably. Yeah, I hate on your point, Tommy. I hate watching people that can't drive. I yea, yeah, get out of get out of the car. If if you're listening to this podcast now and you're driving, put your phone down, make sure you see is properly adjusted. Check your mirrors. Blow right now, check and what's there and keep an eye on it. Don't move into that lane without having a look around. You will see. Can just just try not to hurt anybody else car. Yeah, they're tything. Now swerve wildly just to piss Alex, but hazards on. Send US your sender. Then you go prod, put your hazards on and park wherever you want. Pretend you a white van. Yeah, do it, do it, have fun, cosplay an ambulance and just go. We will out of the window as you run around. Live. You live your life the way you wish to live it. Anyway. Should we go for another one? Hucks up, baby boy, a thing. You're scared of. Alex, go, awkward silences, Ash, go. I just did mine. Okay, let's go. Oh, but Tommy, I'm not frightened of much. Well, I frightened all. Oh, you're such a big strong man, aren't you? God. I'm frightened of becoming too powerful for my own good. I like spears only himself and his future children, because they'll be the only things powerful to stop him. I'm frightened that I'll become omnipotent. I'm so powerful. Right once, okay, last summer me and bath bought bicycles in the vain hope of getting fit and healthy, and both times that we used and were great. The second time I went on a solo ride for myself around the village we live in and I went into a field. It's like on Google maps that yet just walk across this field and then go to these path and then you'll get to a pub at the end. Lovely. So I walk across this field. Two horses appeared to he's can we use the correct plural? He's yes, of course. One, he's went in front of me, the second behind me and blocked me in, and I would just we were locked in stalemate and they had me pinned. And that one was frightening because what they don't tell you about horses? They are massive, if they are fucking scary. I'm just going to counter story to that or continuation of that story. I used all the time when I was a horse. No, yeah, and I used to have a springer Spaniel and and beautiful dog, Wonderful Bend was his name, and he lived until he was fourteen, which is, as far as I'm aware, is like a pretty that's living further than his shell is expected along. Yeah, I think so. For Springer Spaniels that's pretty good. Going fourteen. When he was like a he squarely got kicked by a Horse in the head and just walked off, just walked it off. Yeah, I want to update. I want to update what I'm frightened of and it's that guy. What my...

...old dog, my dead dog, still frightened of him. I've seen pet savage. Okay, I I knew been quite well while when he was with us and from what I know about Ben he was probably just too thick to realize he'd been kicked. Maybe, maybe he was a don'tee dog, wasn't he? But he was very dope and calm and beautiful and wonderful and a gay young man. Yes, yes, he was, but he did get kicked by a horse, and that's another one wouldy. My other Labrador got hit by a car and just ran home and he was fine, just run over. His owners were in the car. He just left. Yeah, it was just like, I'm going enough for this very odd. Yeah, this whole hitting by Carlok, it's not for me, not fun. Is it not nice? Anyway, I've got one more if you want it. Yeah, go on, always round US off. It's leading on from your segment this week, Alex, and it's a thing you love. It's a thing you love, Alex, you go first, buddy. I love sitting down every week and recording this podcast with you too, fucking idiots. MMM, good one. Ash So fucking annoyed, Alex stoll mine. So I can't say anymore anymore. That will Chan. He's fucking ruined it look okay. I'd like to say different way things that I love. I love my two close friends, Alex and Tom, and I love all of our listeners individually, if you're listening to this. No, aim them all now. Name every listen, Sandra, Jeremy, Keith, David Stevens, Simon. If I get any of your listeners, a listeners, if I get your name you have to email, you have to like, send us an instagram. Just say I said your name. Keith, Jeremy, Stephen, David, Sandra, Josh. If you could say the names of some of the people you know actively listen, Josh Oh Shaw. Sean, if you're listening to this, I definitely in love with you. Sure, Joan Shure, you up on Instagram? Me, Sean Dmi Hun. HMM, yeah, that's what I love. I Love Sean. Forget where everything else I said. I just love Sean. Cool. What about you, Tommy? I love the smell of freshly cut grass on a summer's morning. I made that one off. It's off my head because mine was going to be about this podcast. To say it's time we love to hear some positivity. Baby boy. Yeah, I mean I do. I do in really enjoy doing this stupid, dumb thing that we do, and I couldn't think of two better people to do it with. Say, wow, this has been a wholesome episode. Right, what a wholesome episode. Shout out again to all of our listeners. Thank you, guys, for listening. We'd be making this show if nobody listened. We'd be making this show if the millions of people that are listening to it continue to listen. So just a thank you for tuning in every week. We we appreciate you, we really do. It's phenomenal. If you fancied chucking this throat, this show in front of, you know, your friends or even enemies, that would be great. It only serves to help us if you fancy sharing it on instagram or even every day. Alex grows more powerful through this, through this thing that we do. So if you guys want to help Alex, like destroy the world eventually, and the we're all praying for death right now, feed Alex. essentially, grow my muscles and I will take down the system, the oligarchy and will destroy capitalism. Do what you can to kind of spread the word about the podcast. Either send people links, print out our spotify share code and sellotape it up around your office, pay for adverts that go on the side of buses and other means of public conveyance. M download the download the audio files, put it on a USB stick and then just just fucking jam that USB stick into public laptops. Go to the library, put on the computers, burn it onto a CD. Oh God, yeah, you know what. Go to apple shops. Play it on every single laptop, ipod, I phone. That's they're also just email blast it to every single employee at your workplace. That will or, if you work it like a like a shop, put it over the TUNNELI system. Yeah, that would be great.

Listen to the thirty three percent majority shoppers. Also, there's ten percent off mints today and this has been a podcast that we do and thank you will very much for listening. I've been your host, Tom I've been your host Alex. I've also been your host as. See you next week. I have a great weed later. Bye, bye, bye, by.

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