The 33% Majority
The 33% Majority

Episode 9 · 10 months ago

Ep. 9 - Football Mania, Flatmates and Fond Memories

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

This is almost the 10th episode of a podcast called The 33% Majority, except it’s not, because it’s episode 9…

In this week’s episode, your 3 hosts with the most-s (Alex, Tom and Ash), will each spend their 15 minutes of fame discussing how to navigate the Euros (with absolutely no knowledge on Football), whether or not flatmates and neighbours are assholes (another lazy Reddit segment), and the things we hold dear from the past, with a little bit of bullying Ash sprinkled in there too (respectively).

Can we have? Can we have run Ron Wei's look, we're on Ruoney. Next, Rooney, Ron, Rooney, Rong, Rooney, we've got him on the line. Jovi, Ron, then John, Josie. Hey, and welcome to the thirty percent of Jerry, a talk show where you find three friends fighting for their fifteen minutes of fame. I'm your host, the one and only Ashley Hall. No, I'm your real host, Alex Springthorpe. That's where you're wrong. I'm the actual host, Tom Hutchinson, and listeners, Co hosts, you will join us on a very somber day to day. Oh No, a fellow soldier has he's lost his balls. Joey the dog has lost his testicles. Oh Oh no, did you get to keep them? At least that all them. And every time he misbehaves, keep them in a chart. Shake you his general direction on think about the last time. Boy, you could pull them out and God no, this is the dog's bollocks. Anytime thing happened. That's what that was probably nice, sir. That's probably nice, sir. But, and I liked both. Is He okay? He's very sad. He's a bit groggy, but the the lovely part is that the vets offered me two different options for making sure that he doesn't, you know, lick at the incision near his penis. Does he get a kind of shame? See, this is the thing. So they offered me the cone of shame or they said that he could have a body suit, and I said, Oh, mad do you mean baby grow? Yeah, that's exactly I said. What is it? They said it's basically a baby grow. There's just no opening for his his junk. And so I'm just sending you guys to jpegs and top what my domm like see and you don't describe it. You guys can describe it to the audience. There you go, there's some images for you. Oh, he looks like he's going scuba diving. Yeah, it looks like a sportsman, Joseph Dog, he looks like he looks a bit like Sean, you know, run a Shawan, what handsome man Sean handled Amory Sean. Yeah, he's got that kind of that skin tight shirt on. Sorry, guys, I don't know. I'm just a naive listener and I don't know who Sean is. Listeners, if you want to go on our instagram and I will post this picture of darling boy on a sweet, sweet instagram, which is the thirty percent Ma charity, with percent as a word, not as a symbol, because Jesus hates us and those that we much. Ashley, it was a thing about how people that listen to this are obviously into doing podcasts and Shawn does a podcast. Leabe Sean, we could plug that. deeping the deeping Harriers deep imping. Yeah, a podcast of some man doing a sports and then a chat, which is actually an excellent segue into my segment. So I don't know if you guys will have heard, but apparently the euros are happening. What, Oh Lord, it's a foot sport, football thing, kicking a pig skin, right, got Ya, got, yeah, just a couple of millionaires playing with their balls. Everybody in the office is really, really happy about it that it's all they talk about is the good, the good sports that are happening, beautiful game, and I don't know anything about what's going on. I've never watched a football game in my life. I don't know what the offside rule is. I don't know if it's like Quidditch, where you got to catch a magical snitch the they win. So I was just hoping you guys could just give me some football advice. What I'm really glad you've come to us, because the right place. We're both Avid Sports Boll fans. MMM, few, that is that is a relief. The sum total of my knowledge on football. I would imagine this is probably only embarrassing for men with sort of fragile, very fragile feelings of masculinity. I'll cover my ears. MMM. The some total of my knowledge on football has come from my partner. She's a referee and she's very good at the football and also the stopping people doing football bad. So that's the only reason I know anything about the sport. So I'll give you what I can. Yeah, please. I mean, I know that they kick the ball, but also they're not allowed to put their hands on a ball unless they're wearing gloves, which I assume is for safety. That's because the ball is poisonous. I think I've heard that somewhere. The ball is covered in a sticky ivy of ancre of death and destruction. So they must be protected, otherwise they will perish. Yeah, yeah, definitely that. That's yeah, she tells me that all the time. There's my partner. Yeah, she's just always talking about the nasty poison ball, the nasty poison pig skin. I mean, what I was hoping for is just kind of like some some buzz words I can throw in so when they're they're like, God, bloody England doing a bad, bad sports against Germany yesterday. Huh,...

I can just have like some throwaway one line is to kind of chuck in so they know that I I know what I'm talking about here, guys. I I too on the sports. But okay, have we, I've got, I've any. I got two brilliant ones for you that you can have in your back pocket at all times. Cool. So the first one. Any time somebody does a trip or a stumble and the game pauses right as they trip and stumble, just shout ref right now. Okay, when you're shouting that, whether or not you agree with the Stumbul or that somebody you know made the stumble, happen to the player that did stumble, you shall be trick to them. Yeah, you shouting ref sort of has connotations of either ref. Look, come on, they got fouled, or reff. Come on, that wasn't a real stumble. And the people all around you just assume. Yeah, either way, I look like I know my shit. Yes, yeah, and if there's a conversation going on about how much you'll work colleagues like a certain player, just say, you know what, I've always quite liked him as a player, but I don't like the way he handles himself off the pitch. This is this last thing I've heard that said. Yeah, because you want, you want like footballers to be People's champions, not just ball playing champions, you know, and you can follow up with that. Didn't run WEASLEY? No, Ron Rooney, Wesley Rooney. What's Rooney's first name? Wayne, Wayne, run. I prefer Ron, Ron Rooney have a phase where he did did bonking too old lady prostitutes. MMM, so like that is that? Is that bad behavior off the pitch, or do you get extra points for bonking Old Lady Prot that carries on that. That's like new game plus. You go in with it with a whole extra point you start. You start the game with a goal because you did a bang into an old lady. Yeah, double points if they're over ninety. HM, listeners, over ninety. I'm going to start playing football next year and I need your help. That's why the Games already nineteen minutes, because there's something there. I'm sure symbols are sure there's something. There's comedy somewhere in that. Not here, but all of the ingredients for comedy there. All is full of comedy and joy, and you can tell by all the riots that happen after the matches. MMM, like, I loved that's my that's my favorite thing about football, as you can get so passionate about twenty two people who are never going to know about your existence and never going to care about your existence, and get really excited about the match to the point where you decide to set fire to your local pub. Yeah, it's cool. That's what cool. Hot they do that? Yeah, it's super cool and I think they should do that with more sports. Imagine you go and see Darts and afterwards you get to have a riot, the pub on fire. Yeah, one hundred and eighty, and then there's just hell fire. MMM, Alex, I've got another buzzword for you to use if you want. Yeah, please. Within the first five to ten minutes of the game, you'll probably begin to get a good idea of who the majority of the people are. Supporting right and because of the the the jazz tshirts that they were. Yes, exactly so. Anyway, and once one of the players on the team that majority of the people are supporting has the ball and is there. They're dribbling the ball, they're running with the with the pig skin. Why do they call it dribling just out of curiosity? It's a I don't fucking know, because of the job of bloody footballers. Always, I'd see, I like I've always liked them as a player. It's behavior off the pitch its plorable. Alex has already got this there. Listen, I've heard all Alex does is talk about football. It's pretty embarrassed and actually it's all I know really. I just about my life to seven, eight, May, maybe nine, people running around that nine people eat. It's eleven, eleven people. How many people are on a football pitch at once? You know what I feel like I'm probably one of the worst people to actually explain anything about football, of giving you guys the some total of my knowledge. But how about we have we need an expert? Yeah, how about we have a very special surprise guest on the podcast to tell us some rules? This is my partner here today, Natalie Hudson. Oh my God, hi, no, I got his here. I don't know how to podcast. Neither do we. Don't worry now. You belong here. Okay, you're you're one of the guys. You're the guy. In fact, see Jents in the in the background. I had I had a thought. So it came up today and I just had no idea what it was. There was mention of the offside rule. MMM, way is it, and I thought you two fucos aren't gonna know about it. It doesn't exact called in. I did a sneaky and I contacted local expert. Nah that. Can you please explain for us what the offside rule is, please? What? There's quite a lot to it, but in simple terms. If you could maybe put it like a comedy spin on it as well,...

...because it, you know, for the podcast. Just do humor and describe the offside rule, please. What's the offside? So pressure just you. You have got to do it quickly, though. My time is running out. We have lots of listeners, so, you know, don't embarrass yourself either. There's at least four people listening that. It's an so when you've got you've got a football. Are you got a goal? You got some Uh Huh, some guys trying to score in the goal. Yeah, and some guys trying to start your stick scoring in the goal. And it's you got out at least two of those Defendi boys between the Attacki boys and the goalie boy and the ball. I'm going to need a diagram, but it was a good go. So just to clarify. So are you saying that they're so on the opposing to Scotty defending? I'm is, I'm attacking, I'm going towards the goal with my pig skin. There's to be two defenders in between, in between the ball and the goal, right, and so if there aren't two people in between it, then you're offside. Then you're off side right. And can all of the defenders be a goalkeep the one with the gloves? Yes, yes, yes, that the one that wears those things. Now, why of it? Why does? Why does that one guy? Yeah, why is he allowed to wear gloves and no one else's? I don't know. My actually say. That's the real question. She's only a referee. I didn't make the rules. That you can you can confirm that the ball is poisonous? Right? Probably, I don't know. I don't touch them, they don't let me. That's probably why Natalie doesn't touch other men's balls, only mine, and that's rare to well, thank you very much that. You're the best. Thanks that. Thank you very much, dear. Well, look at that. Another guests. Well, I a football expert. Now we have can we have run Ron Wei's lot? We're on Rooney. Next, Rooney, Ron Rooney, Rong Rooney. We've got him online. Wrong. Then John Jody, Jim, Jim, balls cymbals and he's got the ball and he's making a run for it and it's wrong. Bin Bomber. It's bing, bing, Bang the man. This is the molded and nothing. So it sounds like the intro to crazy frog. You mean it's not? It's interview for the job of crazy frog. You remember when crazy frog had a penis? Yeah, that was don't forget about that. Keep that in your mind, because that's going to come back. No, don't let it get away with this, not again, never again. Never forget the crazy frogs, never forget hey frog to k twenty one. He's he's Hog, the crazy frogs, hog, crazy, crazy hug and he was cranking it to me he was cranking his hog. Well, really, that's all any of us are trying to do in life, isn't it? It's just play some football. Crank the frog, yeah, get our hog. Rank the frog. Are there any? Are there any frogs in football, because I think that we could do that to make it more exciting. It's just play. Sounds like a football name, doesn't it? Like a team named crazy hog. That what the crop the frogs. Cranked Hog. Let's rank the cranked frog. Is the name of my meth themed pub, the Grand Friends, is shady nightclub. weirdly enough, that was my nickname in school. To what the crank, to rock the cranked frog. Will look, he's coming, he's coming. I used to get a lot of animal nicknames when I was in school, but it's nothing to do with football, so I'm going to leave it. I can't tell you what about how many times I got called Nasher because I bet a guy when I was like in year six. Nasha, I think. I feel like that's a cartoon character. Anyway, Alex Dennison, this is Doug. Are you feeling any more confident about football now? That's all. Yes, I think so. I think the euros is pretty easy because if anybody asks you what team you support, if you say as an English one in England, if you say anything other than England, that's not all right, really, is it? I always just say gem and. Is that weird? I've a very good yeah, they've had a rough Friede, that one player. I like him as a player, yeah, but but his behavior of field, I don't actually, I just don't like the way he handles himself off the pitch. Yeah, that's perfect, that one, that one German player. You know the guy. So there is there is sports ball all round the or all the time. They kicking. I think. Maybe not over winter because of the snow. But people ask you what team you support, I don't think I could name many teams. So which one is the one I should pick? I've got what I've got an easy one for you to say and you can instantly come up with a retort to make it sound like you support, you know, football. Okay, so one same man chester city. And then, before they react, say and no, I supported them before they had money. I think I'm not at I'm not just a glorious okay, Tom, you know lot. MMM. So I take it from that time. Are you have inside a knowledge that maybe...

...once upon a time Manchester City wants a good and now they've had a cash injection and they've bought very good shoes? Maybe, yeah, maybe, lots of good studs and better, like when Slytherin got numbers two thousand and ones. Precisely. Yeah, exactly, that must be it that you've got. You've got malfoy senior. I love mouth fire as a players behavior on the creditch pitch. One looking. Yeah. Also, Alex, if you're ever watching an England game, Yep, and England seem to be doing relatively well. Just say so, tidy. So never then, yeah, but gotten fucking burn on England. And just say to somebody nearby you in like a really sort of disbelieving way, just say it really is coming home, isn't it? I say the same thing when I'm looking at the UBER EATS APP. It's coming home, it's going. No, it's go. You know, Michaels coming one of listen, Alex, I need you to not edit that into anything good. I needed to lead it absolutely as it was. But whenever we sing together, because we record over the Internet, there is a delay, so I always have to sink up when we sing. I wanted to sound discordant and chaos it. Alex, I'll pay you to sink it up, because I feel like that will end up being something quite nice. So, okay, pick, pick the thirty three percent of this podcast that you prefer. Well, if are we paying people, I well, I pick the one that's going to pay me money. I'm not any money. All right, let's let's be brutally honest. Yeah, I've got a couple quids. Right, I think that's all of the football that we could possibly learn about Tommy. We've exhausted it. Is The frictionator ready to roll? She's been rare in for the last fifteen minutes. Mate, I'm ready to pump one out. Are you guys ready? Oh Fuck Yeah, I've never been ready for Horney for it. Yeah, okay, first one today, boys on what the frictionary is, Alabama? No, no, no, I will not participate unless you do it right. Yeah, you got to put some stink on it. It needs it needs that Tommy Stank. Okay, coming coming up again with the stank. So, gents, the first entry on today's game of Urburn. What the Freak Shinnary. There she is. I did it, nailed it that time. It's Alabama hot TUB. That's Alabama, like the state in America. Okay, and I'll hot TUB, which sure you guys are familiar with. Alabama hot TUB. I'm getting kind of isn't right. I don't know if it's a racist. Is it a racist to say Alabama's got red next in it. It's bread next. Racist? I don't know. Maybe class it might be. It's probably that is probably classist. I don't really think you can be too racist towards white people. Now, I suppose not Alabama hot TUB. Yeah, what do we know about Alabama? I'm soo here picturing Rusty Chevy trucks. I'm picturing brother sister love. I feel God and I feel like you're picturing your image of sort of Alabama based off of the sort of desert he area in grand theft, also five Alex. no, no, I'm picturing it based up, you know, Cleit us from the simpsons. Oh Yeah, Uh Huh. That that to me screams Alabama. What I'm imagining an Alabama hot TUB is a modified Cheve Schev lay it truck with a top hauling in the bed filled up, flopped of water, with with maybe the radiator for the running engine heating the water, okay, as in the coolert hoses go into the bed and right, heating. Okay, I sat final answer. Unless actually says something horrible, I'd like to like the counter. And Yeah, I'd like to offer something to do with Pooh. That's yeah, you see, that's what I was thinking, because of Alabama hot pot, Alabama steamer, MMM, Cleveland Steam, I shit on your chair. Maybe it's a about Pooh, then fuck me. Yes, I'm going to. I'd like to give mine a go. I like the sound of my own. Hope Alex's is right, but I feel like it's something to do with it. Poo. Alex, I back you very regularly, like I you know. I feel like you're also pretty good, but I'm probably leaning more towards poo this time. It's probably Pooh this time. Okay, till you. Let's find out, shall we please? So an Alabama hot tub. It's when a person or a group of people line the bed of a pickup truck with a top, fill up with water and relax in it. They also may suck each other's dicks. Alex, you are right, guys, apart from...

...the yeah, listen, Felacio, you didn't, you don't need to include it's implied, like Alex is there. There's going to be some mild fallacio. Tommy, I don't lose the point for not explicitly mentioning Sucking Front. Okay, the with yeah, doing a Sucky sucky I feel like, because the the urban frictionary section and it's pretty much, you know, my my brain child, my baby. And Yeah, what I will say is that in most scenarios, I feel as though Felacio is always a possibility. In any scenario. So I fellow show is always a possibility and is perpetually implied. Yes, exactly, so in any scenario, any human scenario, Felacio could be involved. So yeah, I'll be one Alex, you nail. I got the point. And you're, as it may, well, keeping track of points, by the way, because I yeah, he's winning. Can Demolish at this game. You guys are going to get like a score breakdown once we hit episode one. Hundred listeners. Who are you back? What Tommy means by that is we haven't been tracking, which means Tommy's going to listen to all the episodes again, I'm going to really listen to every episode and every other and what the frictionary and find all of the points scored. Yes, I'm over the moon with that. Still work out yet. It's a good guess, Alex. he smashed. I'm so proud of you I might I'm gonna host now. I think I'll. CONGRATS. Thanks, appreciate it. I've been working hard and I'm actually just it's a very lazy one for me today, guys, and there was a lot of good feedback off the back of last episode and the Ami the asshole segment. And you are the ASSHOLE, Tom Yeah. Yeah, cool segment over. Then fifteen minutes I'll be the host. So the segment idea that I floated in our group chat that was stolen by Ashley has now been stolen by Tommy. Great, can't wait. Yet go myself. Cool, never little cool, Tom I the ASS I'll go ahead now. I don't want to know if I'm the ASSHOLE. There's a bunch of that these sort of questions on Reddit. If you guys, so fancy it, and I listen. Is apparently do. So what I've done is I found a couple and I'm going to read you the titles and we'll decide which one we're going to go with first. How about that? Yeah, cool. First One, am I the asshole for not housing a homeless friend in case I get pregnant. The second one, am I the asshole for not cooking dinner for my roommates, and am I the Asshole for canceling a housewarming party I was unaware was happening. Last One, am I the asshole for showering in the middle of the night. So you boys, tell me which one you want. Let let's speed run all of them. I want the prey at once to begin with, definitely, but I want to touch on all of them. Okay, I'll read you a bit, a bit of a bit of the word each here. A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend and, with that, lost her apartment. She can't afford anything in our in our area on her own and doesn't want roommates, so if I don't let her move in with me, she's probably going to have to quit her job and head back home to her mom's place. My husband and I like company, so we'd usually be happy to have her, but we only have the one spare room and I want to save that as a nursery. We're not pregnant yet, but we are trying. She's understandably upset as she feels that I'm prioritizing a hypothetical situation over a friend in need. But I don't want to get pregnant and then not be able to make her leave. Am I the asshole? I got lame. I really thought she was hosting a very handsome friend less and I can't let I can't let this guy live with me in case we fuck and his spam is so potent I immediately have a child in case I can't get off him and I just pull out a baby. I've been that homeless friend day that like can't leave him with some one because I definitely have sex with them. Alex had to get rid of me in case me and him ever decided we're going to fuck. It was pretty bump hugly. He's yeah, I could end this pretty intense like we're playing card. Our hands met over some Derio's. Some man. Alex looks me in the eye and says, Hey, what's your favorite drink? And I look him in the Eyeo, it's mountain deer, and then Alex said, I'm going to amount and do you, Alex. Good Lie Alex, I've been writing fan thick about me and you for the last time five years. I hope that's cool with you. Look, I don't think she's the asshole. I'm not laying her friends stay with her. And because it's all about situations. If you're trying for a baby, man like I don't know, I would prioritize. Yeah, if me and Beth were just trying for a baby and one of you were in desperate need, the alternative was moving away and kind of pressing the reset button on any life progress. Yeah, like I am at a part of that. And by the asshole was, you know, quitting her job and moving home. Like you don't just start a job and stay in it, you try and progress. So, like if she's only steps up and he runs up the corporate ladder, you kind of do reset that somewhat if...

...you do after return home. Yeah, if you could, I would. I would prioritize my friends act of current life as opposed to the hypothetical maybe a minute life. Also, the implication is that if she gets pregnant she's not gonna be able to kick a friend out. Your friends did, like surely your friends the asshole? Yeah, you've got like nine months to figure that shit out. That's nine months that haven't yet begun as well. So these are the change. My answer. I'm with Alex. it's nine months and a day, absolute minimum. All. Yeah, end of tenancy notice, which you know. I think for us here it's like a month and we've got like twenty eight days. If they want to kick us out, she gets nine months and one day. And also, there's no guarantee they're going to replace you with something cute. They might replace you with like an Asshole, be in this play. In this case, you know you're being replaced by an adorable little baby. It's like I think I'll say as well. Is like, you know, I can understand what the girl is saying in the in the sense that sometimes having somebody up in your personal space can be difficult and you know navigating that can be tough. However, you know, as long as boundaries are set, everything will be fine. It's very rare for a for new parents to put a baby in another room from the very get go. Right you want to have it set up as a nursery, but it's very ready want that privacy. I think. Yeah, but I think that, like you said, Alex, if one of the one of you two or any any other of my friends were in die and need of a place to stay and my partner and I were planning on having a child, at worst I could one hundred percent have a crib in my bed dream. You know you're going to have to get up in the night anyway, so to help the FRI could make do to help a friend. I think absolutely. That's where you're both wrong, because I'd evict the child absolute. Yeah, I know you're only two months old, but like I've got I've got bills to pay, and also I've I'm already funny, like I already have word. You're not even told. You kind of can fucking talk, walk. You can't even a cheeseburger, mate, you don't even know how good a pickle is. All they can do is gargle and make noises and shit themselves, which I can do all those things anyway, and I think the more right. I've got an AMMO the asshole here from reddit. It's by user being be host, and it says am I the asshole because I've got a very sexy homeless friend and he wants to move in, but I'm frightened I might fucking till it comes off. Am I the Asshole, and I mean not really like you know, if you don't want to sleep with the dude, then fair play, or anyone, sorry, for that matter, any gender. If you don't want to say no, that's the problem. They do. They super duper. Do they want? They want to bone the sexy homeless man. Okay, we've all seen one. Did I ever show you guys, the photo I took up a stranger in Amsterdam who I think was homeless? No, that's very vague. Me and my partner, my partner and I, as would be grammatically correct, because the feeling one of you might correct me on that. Yeah, I would have done. Actually, we were walking through Amsterdam and there was a very handsome homeless dude, so handsome was here that I walked up was like hey, man, I think you're beautiful. Can I take a photo of you? And he laughed and went yeah, and he said Yeah, dunker. Now I think he was interested, but he was beautiful. He was one of the best looking men I ever seen. If he was like hey, could I stay in his spare bedroom. I'm worried I'd get broken by him. So, yeah, I can see where that comes from. Okay, okay, where else? The homeless man where I used to live was known as kp because he was fucking nuts. Hey, wow, that's great. Band of that good joke. It wasn't a joke. If that that. It was the guy's name, right, always legit real. Okay, cool, cool, yeah, well, of Stamford. Oh, Oh, right, okay, I wasn't aware of that. Such a bloke, but I believe you anyway. Shall we have another? Am I the asshole? Yes, please, yeah, carry on fire. Yeah, which one do we want? I like casting judgment on strangers. It's what the other ones we've got. Am I the ASSHOLE for not cooking dinner for my roommate? Am I the Asshole for canceling a housewarming party? I wasn't aware was happening that one. or Am I the asshole for showering in the middle of the night? Oh, I forgot about that one. Oh, deciding vote, but I'm so easy. I like sharing one shower. Okay, and this the at the Askar. Here, the Ami the asshole asker is called Shank. Dear and then they say throw away for privacy reasons. I, a twenty four year old female, work overnight in a warehouse. I've certain shifts where I come home at a m I'm always careful the noise volume I make, as I live in an apartment with a roommate. I don't make food or use the microwave, just eat cold leftovers or basic foods that require no prep when I get home. Roommate knows I work nights and when we rented together, although she does complain that the shower wakes her up sometimes, she understands why I'm showering so late. Warehouse Work is physical labor and I'm often dusty and sweaty at the end, so I must shower before I get into bed.

However, next door neighbor is always mad at me, leaves notes, complains to management, says that noise is too loud and excessive. But I feel because he always complains he's woken up and works early. Am I the asshole? That end of the sentence didn't make too much sense, but anyway, really, but we've got them got the just up to that. So person works manual job, gets home and sweaty, gets dirty, gets Yucky, arrived home late. Yeah, early, that late. It's early, and then needs a good scrubbing and the next door neighbor doesn't like it. Yes, is she the is she the twenty four year old female? The asshole? I think all neighbors are assholes. Pretty much cool. Yet the the last house we lived in, we had a letter sent to our like the company that managed the property, a hundwritten letter that was then forwarded to us from our next door neighbor. Her name was Kate and her son was called Tate, so that's just weird in its own right. Imagine naming your fucking kid. You with the different fucking letter, complaining that we could be heard talking and laughing as late as seven PM. Oh my God, Mess Alex, all the Asshole rageing cunts, I'm discussed. How could you man being hot? How could you possibly have a nice fucking evening with your part? Imagine having seven. I am Jesus Christ, you ass if. I don't even think I can continue recording today. I feel sick. Let's quit. I quit. Alex. Alex is the asshole. That's the answer. Let's Ye, it's been great, but now we have to find another third if you'd like to been a good run of addresses, but sober bullied one too many times, I'll calls just quit. So did Alex leave the call? Is that what that silence was, where Alex just wasn't here? Yeah, I've got sober bullied to not run off. Tom Alex left the core because he said he was sick of big cyber bullied. Oh right, so that's why. Hey, dude, hi, you prick. Hi Alex. You guys done sober bullying me. Now you're a crick. You're even more of a prick now for canceling the call. I'll meet. I was midwords. I'll leave again. Tom was saying some shit and I don't know. Don't leave, don't leave. Leave again. No, don't do it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and it takes is six years old, like what the sorry? Can we get that back? No, no, not right now. You know, like when you're a little cunt at your mum's House and she was like I'll call you, I'll call you a Nana, and then you're not. I would arrive and it just be great you, but I can't love a cup of tears. Kiss. I'm a forehead. All right then. Yeah, so, anyway, sorry, Alex, for bullying. Where's Nana? Listen, Tom Fuck you. Where's Nana Nat? Where's nanny neck, NA, NA, oh, no, no, no, Oh my damn, this is just please don't put that in. This is audio hell right to you. Am I the ASS holding? You were talking about neighbors. It was about the house. Yeah, I was just going to say, like, is that is the you know, is the water system in that flat building really bad and loud? And then, actually, I can understand the neighbor for being like pissed off, but I would complain to the building management. I wouldn't say it's actually the girl's fault. So who's The asshole? The building bloody landlord's not fixing the pipes. Fuck it. Yeah, don't talk to me about fucking landlords. No, let's not get we're not doing that again because I hate that topic. I got so cross I've we got time to squeeze in one more asshole check. Yeah, I'd love to check your asshole one last time. Okay, you can check check my booty one more time. Am I the ASSHOLE for not cooking dinner for my roommates? How about that? Yeah, let's take that one for a spin and see how she feels. Okay, well, she said, the woman here says. I A twenty one year old female, live with my boyfriend, twenty two years old male, and three of the roommates. Maybe not the most ideal living situation, but we're all friends and spend lots of time together. We've never had any arguments or issues. Everyone's happy. I moved in last October. I typically buy groceries just for my boyfriend and I, but we all pick up things for one another if necessary. I tried to Cook Dinner Most nights for he and I. I love cooking. It's truly my little escape from reality, and everyone always enjoys my food, which makes it even more fun for me. I have a tendency to cook too much food, since I come from a big family and I don't mind eating leftovers for a day or two. I always offer them to the roomy too, but it's becoming a regular occurrence where they'll eat the dinners I'm making before I've even had enough or without asking to help themselves. It's becoming frustrating, as I'm the one paying my personal grocery bill and it messes with my meal plans for the week. I've explained it to them and I'd be more than happy to cook for them as well, so long as they buy their own ingredients. Am I the asshole? No, no, not even a little bit. So this this person is buying things as part of their food shop, cooking lots with the intentions of eating it later,...

...but the roommates are yummying it all down before they count. Yes, yes, can neighbors again, isn't it? It's nigh what is it? Very roommates sent centric episode to me is house guests and fish both go off after three days. Mate out and about in your house and more than three days now. I know that she's not. She's she's not an asshole for saying look, putting your for it down, because fucking people see, setting boundaries is this big, huge deal, like, oh my God, that's set a boundary. I'm so upset, Homeie, just fucking deal with it. HMM, yeah, like they didn't want you to do that thing. Don't do that thing. It's that sample. It's fair. Like Ash, you've lived in shared houses before. I've lived in shirt houses before. Tommy, you've got a flatmate currently. I do. It's all just yeah, it's communication, isn't it? But I think I can look back on old house shares that I've been a part of and go yeah, no, on that reddit post I was the asshole there. It's maturity and growth, isn't it? Understanding that other people have feelings and money is worth something. Yes, it is. Do It, not doing Nikkin? Yeah, can't. Yeah, Nikin, and I think as well, like my my dad, one of the best bits of advice that he always gave to me when I was younger, but I suppose retrospectively it was probably poorly phrase. He always used to say assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. So assuming something always causes problems. Don't assume it makes an ass out of you and me. Thanks, Timmy. Another golden nugget of Tim Vice, a good timmy nugget. But yeah, so I say. I do think that by assuming that they can just help themselves to the food that's been cooked, of course that's going to create problems because they may have had plans for it. And you know what, if they'd have asked the individual cooking that, they could have made plans around not having that yeah, food. So I think she is not the asshole for the cooking hearty big meals and expecting that she would have them to eat at a later date. So need cool. Yeah, I think in summary, people suck. Yeah, people something, beings are all. She's right to be pissed off, though, because I could mold the love of my life to death when she eats my leftover food. Like I have my workshops next to my kitchen. I go into the kitchen, I'm like, I'm gonna have this slice of pizza, I say, for yesterday, and then she's like, Oh, I had it for lunch, and I'm like look, I love you, but I will bludge in you to death. Yeah, I think the real issue here actually is that you couldn't finish one slice of pizza. I ate the rest of them. Alex, didn't know. It's not like I cooked one and it, looked at it and just thought now I come back to a big pussy. Yet know, how do you not squeeze in that last slice? I'M gonna squeeze my foot into your ass eyes. Can You? Can you hear the timer going off now? I'd notice my phone time you because we recorded podcasts. Yeah, well, I was wouldn't want it to interfere. Sorry, not our not our professional tim out, I mean the timer on the frictionator. Oh Oh, you mean that sound effect I can hear in the background just to scramble. It sounds like for me, Tommy. So yeah, it go, it goes. Chip Chap, chup, CHAP, chip CHAP, Chip Chap, chip CHAP, Chip Chap. Why is it saying Chub Chub, CHUP CHAP? Am I being picked on? Let me just turn that off, like the frick the frictionator. I thought it was saying Chub Chub, like it was calling me fat. The frictionator is a dirty, dirty girl. So anyway, are we ready for the next one? Yes, please up. So this one is snapping the radish. Snapping the radish. Oh Hmm, I think it's penis based. It's can't be penis. Yes, although radishes don't look like anything to do with penises. M D. I mean, you know, seen Mynash, kind of a ready pinkish current. They suppose beautiful, enticing, crunchy, nice and Zingy. HMM, HMM, HMM. Every picnics best friend, tasty, good with a bit of balsamic vinegar. You know, you know, when you hear these these horror stories of blokes that have had sexual mishaps involving maybe sort of the movement of their they're junk in the wrong direction and it causes a lot of pain and NASTIES. Tommy, you're going to need to maybe drop some euphemisms there, because that whole sentence was nothing. Okay, I'll try once more. Okay, go again, but you know, we'll vulgar for me. You know, when guys are like shagging and they snap their cock, snap the little connecting bit of skin between the headier Paenis in the shack. Oh No, a she's talking from experience. Or you can tell from the ton of his voice. Yet yeah, you can tell of my voice. You want to hear up, you want to hear about a bad time and a steing sensation. You look down, there's loads of blood, your partners like. I didn't think I was on yet, and then all of a sudden, just clutching my Wang so it doesn't fall off. I'm here to tell you that it's dangerous ash. Yes, mate, just off topic quickly. Just wanted to let you know that pretty much ninety five percent of the time when you talk, I'm always listening honestly. From now on wards. Feel no need to...

...preface that. We should listen. I'm always listening, buddy, because I said the words listening along. Yeah, it's a listen, listen, listen, all right, homies, listen. All Right, I'm here to tell you, honies, but you should listen to your homies. Literally, mom is cosplaying is ash right now. Yeah, where's my beanie? Give me some tools. I find it really upsetting that I'm actually not wearing a beanie right now. Do you said that? Well, fuck you, not not adhering to your own manufactured, stereotized listen, I'm the host now and you've got to tell us what this fucking Turnip Red Dick Bullshit is based on. I think it's snapping your Banjo, which is what we used to call it. was another kid all the Banjo's right. Oh good, don't Google that, listeners, it's bad for you. Do you have you got any ideas? Alex? I think. Yeah, I mean first place my mind went, as it's so typically does, was to the penis. So, okay, it's a penis. I think it's I think it's yucked up whanger. Okay, did a nasty to your to your peen Yucky hog humor. Okay, we've actually got two definitions here. which is which is rare and oh that's good. So it can be used in multiple context yes, exactly so. The first definition is just simply to pleasure oneself, so to masturbate. You can say that Jones late to the party because he was just snapping the radish real quick, which is different. The like that. The second definition, which is much more urban dictionary, I'd say masturbating with unusually dirty or unclean hands. And then the exact that any other way will was snapping the radish after playing in the mud. The mechanics whank. That's how you get thrush kids, wash you go. Damn hands. I always feel really dirty after we've done these segments it. I feel unclean. Are you're going to snap the raddish with your uncleanness? Asking for a friend? No, sir, with that sweet snapped raddish. Two things. Okay, by Ash. So I message as saying ash you are quiet, and he immediately hung up. You just went. You just said goodbye, boys, I don't want to do this shit no more. Here we go. Are we back together again, as the band back together? Yet? I think we. I think we're all back in the room now, aren't we? So yeah, anyway, I just message actually to say that he was very quiet, and there's any immediate reaction, was to just to hang up the call. So that's the later. Well, like it that way. Look, I thought to myself, Hey, alex as Tolby, I was quiet. You know what's better than quiet? fucking silent by, it's better than ry gone. On that note, you are actually hosting, right, litch, I'm the hostess with the most ass. Right before I start my segment, I they pause the time of Dad. I want to read some Fan Mail. No, this is part of your segment, bitch, you know I'll take it. Fuck you, clay, fine, fuck you this. This mail is from Josh Hutchinson. Yeah, I know, a sweetheart. Dear thirty three percent, thank you for mentioning my name in the last podcast. I listened to a third every night as I'm a sleepy boy, and I've only just heard the last part of the podcast and I'm overjoyed to him mention of Josh mentioned. Yeah, your brother's literary genius. Please shout me out in the next podcast and I will return with nothing. Or maybe I'll get thirty three percent tattooed on my already tattooed Scorpion, which is either either he's gonna get a tattoo on his pet scorpion, which is already got tattoos. Uh Huh. It's a pretty cool Scorpion. Yeah, it's fuck it spokes to you know, I've seen it. Yeah, he rides BMX to you just sawy snapping off three S, like fuck it. He's got a gyro. I like the Scorpions leather jacket the most. Yeah, custom job as well, because you can't buy them off the shelf. I like his flick knife comb that he's got, despite the fact he doesn't have hair. To all to all of the listeners and no, Josh doesn't have a Greaser Scorpion pet. He has just got a tattoo of a Scorpion on him. Well, if I do know and that, I wouldn't have read the fucking fan mail out. It got late. So yeah, we'll shout him out. High Lame Josh, High Lame US Josh, and I'll see. I'll see this weekend at Dad's if you could bring that cage with you and love you, love you, not tom this goes out on Tuesday. So if you're asking about like so, it's Friday, we're recording now, past tense. Mate, this is going to go out Tuesday. Do you mean next weekend or do you mean the weekend coming? I do mean this way. We can come in. So now that does lead into Josh. How, Josh, you idiot, you forgot the cave. Wait, go on now, I've got the solution. I've got the solution. I'll just send him a video of me saying it now, and this is that fact, Josh. I mean the put way. It's a take it a face where good work on the tech, old man Ashley, figuring out technology way stuff that way time. Listeners, just think, this could be you. Listeners, you could get involved with this. You could, you have you can endeo of me sent...

...to you. Live on it. For what ever reason any of you would ever want. Listeners, you want to see me. I've got a nice face. Listen, listeners, listen, this is homies friends. Have we got any more shoutouts to do? Yeah, one or two. Mando from my workplace, listen to all the episode. Says he likes them very much and I'd invite him on to be a guest, but I find some of his jokes truly truly horrendous. Okay, so many cheers for him. Thanks, Mandalorian. Alex, I'd like to apologize to you in advance. I know we're eating into ashes segment here, but he didn't really plan very much anyway. Well, I was going to do a really good one that was politically charge. Love that hate. Yeah, yeah, awesome. And Alex, I'd like to just apologize to you in advance. It's just a dog just fucking going for it outside of my window. I don't know what's that within? He's just fuck on your end of the podcast recording studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my my corner, there's just a dog up. Yeah, I can I think I can see it as I glance over the boardroom table that we set out to record. Just out do, get the fuck away from my mic. Don't touch my fucking light. Alex is licking it. If you got a line gums, fuck off, Thomas. This a secret drawer, tom is this cocaine, guys, not as my secret coke. Picture of my Hancock. Fuck, is this with his cock in his hand? Yeah, I like, yeah, just lose Nice. It's a picture of this is a picture of pull a politician handcock fucking somebody else. Matt, if you're listening, I'm not a fan, but yeah, Tom you can't have photos. You want to come in POCA. Yeah, actually, that's a very fair point. You'd like to just come and get ripped a new one, mat if you'd like to join us. I can't believe that one person wanted to have sex with that dude. Never mind too. It's fucking blows my mind. Anyway, you said you had one more shout out to the written in letter. Yeah, this one's also from Josh Uchincent, and he says we should call Tom Tommy Lommy from now on, which I think it's really sweet. I think Tommy Tommy. What do you think? Now? I feel like this is embarrassing shit you can say about Josh. I knew Josh for a while. I'm know Tom for a while, so I know Josh for a while. He also said that I should argue about time travel with Tom, but I don't. I don't want to, so I'm not going to the I mean, if I'm honest with you, I feel like both Alex and I will probably have your pants down about time travel. So it's probably not worth it. Listen, maybe that's what I ask listen, listen and listen, listen, listen, listen, here I listen. We'll have you not thinking for dimensionally. Alex, that was a really good impressions. Now that we're thirty three percent of the way through your segment, do you want to begin your segment? Yeah, I would. Actually, I want to talk to you about things that make you feel all I've forgotten the word. Comey, come me, things that make you feel a bit coming. I just get a bit. I get a bit coming now, nostalgic. I want to talk about things that give you that nostalgia, that that good good are remember bering of the days, you know, like remember thirties. I think about furbies twice a day at least. Sometimes I close my eyes and it's the furbies I can see. So is are you wanting like toy based suggestions? I'll take anything, but I think we'll start. Will start on toys because I had, I had a furb because what's going to become immediately apparent here, Actley, is that we grew up in different generations. Yeah, I'm younger than both of you are and I it's a question. What's the Furby? What the fuck do you mean? What's a Furby? Alex? You are joking, Alex. I think, and I'm this is only speculation, I think they were weird little robot pets that you could get that looked like a cross between like a Gremlin and a penguin with fir linked. Real Weird. That's all I've got, though. That was immaculate. Yeah, that's exactly that was it. That's exactly what I feel. Actually, you liked these things. Yes, dude, every shut up, don't fucking judge me. Everybody likes furbies. And I was a kid. Cool. I also had do you guys remember Stretch Armstrong? Come on now, as you do, you remember, as you look outside the window of the podcast recording studio, when all this land used to be feeling, all the listeners are throwing fucking rocks, that you know general direction, because they're like, I'm remember, stretch arm strong, of course I fucking do. How could I forget? Because they're not toddler's like you, you fucking children, Alex. just on the on the DL. I got your I got your your back to the future reference. They're about this. Thanks acting another one fun. Far as the I can see, the only movie we had line can reference good one. I've watched it a million times. I've got it on the mind from when I said the fourth dimensionally thing. Yeah, just for reference for our listeners that what is the age gup, me and Tommy are the same age where we're twenty three? I'm twenty six. I'm twenty seven and a month. Fuck, you're old.

Wow, thanks this dude. My sex to this podcast has just been me getting fucking cold old. This is bullshit. The younger then sometimes one person per show. Thirty three percent of this sort of hosting group here does get ripped a new one. It's usually you, tom so. I don't feel that he is mostly me. Yes, I just, I'm just, I'm just capitalizing on the fact that sort of most hatreds Bein to. What are you, buddy? Well, you know, I s look to my birthday next month. I'm going to record the next episode. I'm going to be on lst the whole time. So guys better get ready for me to describe to you what other universes look like. Ash, it's much stronger now than it was back in your youth, because they check. They reformulated. You people are real fucking assholes. Yeah, anyway, Nostalgia. No, fuck you. We don't have the same memories, obviously. Okay, how about I'm I'll throw this one out. TAMAGOTCHI's Tamagotchi. I didn't have a Tamaguchi. That's witchcraft. Fuck. Okay. Something that we all had? What did we all have? Depression? Did we all watch Ben Ten? Yes, no, Oh my God, Alex. what similarity? What childhood similarities do we have? The Thomas The tank engine movie? Is that the one way he they bricked in that guy because he misbehaved the naughty train. They brick to know. That's the Thomas the tank engine TV show. James got locked in train jail for train crimes and they never let him out, did they? He's still there to this day. But the what about the magic railroad? I watched that one. I watched that Thomas of the Magic and Thomas Tank engine in the magic railroad with what was it? Lady? And Yeah, lady, these at your naughty diesel ten. Josh, Josh, if you listen in naughty diesel ten, and will explain your reference then, because Josh is a much a vast minority of our broad and vast listeners. Yeah, so my brother Joshua Hutchinson, when my grandparents used to make him watch thomas the tank engine, when diesel ten came on the screen, Josh would would screw his face up and grimace and he would put a finger up and he would wag his finger and he would go naughty, diesel ten, naughty. That's it there, that's how I'm going to start. I'm I'm going to stop saying listen and start saying naughty diesel ten before I speak. Naught's a tenders, not a diesel ten. Listeners, can we talk about how you the fat controller. Everybody, everybody called him the fat controller and he never punched anyone. If somebody called me fat like Hundred Times a day, eventually I'd snap batter them. Yeah, why is that not been an episode of Thomas The tank engine? Yet we're like the fact control of just loses his shit because he's tired. Facts the fat controller. I don't know if it is actually hire, but the gift Gaff voicemail man the person this hello, welcome to get. It sounds just like the fat controller and if I can find it I'll cut it in here because it is identical. It all from the future. I couldn't find it. What you'll have to do here, guys. It's just laugh, just kind of can just do some laugh. It sounds guys. It sounds just the same, doesn't it? Well, that's his Ericle or God, that doesn't sound anything like him, does it? Yeah, yeah, that doesn't sound at all like him. fucking this is is this radio anymore? Our listeners, by the way, now I think that we are the flippiest, floppiest people and all of our opinions are just like edited, impost which they are, by the way. All we do. Fuck is are we have? We have these talks the two hours long, we boil them back down to an hour and we just remove all the the bigger tree that we talked about. One day I'm gonna release, you know, an episode of this live and Uncut, and then the cracks will quickly show listeners at this point exactly. We've been recording for an hour at this yeah, an hour at this point. He just by the end of this sentence, an hour. You have a look at the time stamp and just see how much of this nonsense I've cut out. Yeah, probably a lot of shit anyway, when we talking about nostalgia. Yeah, and we were. Do you guys remember chasing the hope with the stick? Now, I never had that going at that was a Janke. Did you guys have scalelectricks? Yeah, I dies you have scaled a true. Yes, that was the that was the shit. Mine was. Mine was steam powered. There is bad, not rank. We'd switched to cold by that point. Dude, there's this place in Ye Hankin should town spolding, that I know. I know only as the scale electrix place, and it was a massive like building and inside it was scale models of race tracks. Yeah, yeah, you can. You can take your scale electric car and you could race it. Donoh, you could do spa that. That place was incredible and we are going there. The three of us are going there. Should we do it? We do a live episode, we should do our first actual youtube video of us going to place GE electrics together. Yeah, I'm so down electric mint. I still love taking those fucking things apart...

...and never being able to reassemble them. A gun. Yeah, and the smell. The smell weirdly sort of burnty nostrils all the time. Didn't then. Yeah, MMM, so we like scale electricks. Did either of you have? I can't be if you don't know what fucking stretch Armstrong is. I feel so alone. Is that just the stretchy? Boy? It was just a stretchy, like figurine, but like it was the most fun thing to chew. You probably shouldn't buy it, though. It's full of Corn Syrup. Explains a lot about the man you are today. Actually, yeah, just chewing on a toy. What look, you never joys. Good boy, Actually Gore, boy, boy, walkies, come on them. This is racism. I didn't come here for this. I feel the tag should do, but this is all been Ashley based Puns. For the last half an hour now it's been ridicule and bullying. Yeah, this is do what, Alex doesn't? Just hang up on the fucking care your pussy. Boy, that was kind of rude, warrantedly. You know what I feel really, I feel like I've a tacked Alex and it was just because I'm feeling insecure. I'm sorry, Alex Dot Stop Virtue Signaling. All right, we know a yeah, it's true. I'm just saying it to advertise my company. Right. Anyway, we've balanced the books now, because last episode we were really wholesome and lovely to each other, and now it being knobs again. So there we've just been horrible, horrible, but reset. The balance, equilibrium has been restored. Can I very quickly, just while I've got it in my head? I yeah, I want you to know that companies that verrsue signal like companies are doing all this ship for pride, companies that are doing this shit for fucking black lives matter. Those companies aren't your friend, they don't care about you. They're just using it as a tool to sell things to you. Yeah, companies out, your friends, listeners come apart. Most we are your friends and companies listening to this. We are your friends if you pay us. We're truth. We are the truth, where that you are the one sept, nothing else except no imitation. We are anonymous, we are and we are many. We Are Legion and we are men. We Are Legion. IS THAT RED DWARF? Do you guys remember to read what were dwarf? Do An I do did it? Did what Dodd? We do it? Do it? Do A DWARF AND DWARF? Remember the movies of Charlie Chaplain? Do you remember the wall. I remember the first Winston Churchill speech I ever heard on the radio. I was thirteen. It's me as seventy year old man. And you know what, we've time this perfectly. We've ripped as a lot, we've bounced the hooks, we've set the world to rights, as it were, and we've just come to the end of his segment. Wonderful. And would you look at that, we did a podcast as well. Wow, wow, work to the the three of us, actually, to you and you and you and me, Alex. I was just a ride. Fuck off, listen. I'm not going to be here next episode. I'm going to instead, I'm going to get my partner to come and do a podcast with you. Guys. Does you know about football? Okay, no, sorry, that's that's my one. I can't wait for the ladies of the thirty three percent majority podcast international wodnesday. I'm telling you, I think that's what we should do. Is just it's just hand the MIC's over. It does just rely on them actually wanting to do it. You know Beth, Beth, no, she wouldn't want to do it, but but she would. She will do anything for love, but she won't do that. Cool. Well, right, guys. As always, thank you very much for listening's been it's been beautiful. Get on to our socials. Let us know if you want us to talk about anything and another thing, and we want you to email us audio clips if you asking questions, and maybe you'll get to hear your voice on this podcast. It would be wonderful. We'd love it and if you've got anything to shout out, anything to plug, plug it in that audio clip. Thanks, guys. Thank you very much to everyone for listening. We appreciate you very lots. See you next week. Bye, byey. It's you know, it's kind of one. Listen by.

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